#talking .

even though we're on neutral terms, I haven't felt like/have been able to say how i felt during all this.

to be honest. during this whole thing, it felt like my perspective didn't really matter. I mean- i was the main perpetrator. i hurt vanilla and his friends badly and i really do regret acting the way i did.

but imagine not knowing exactly what you did because you just weren't told. the reason for the person not telling you might be valid, but you aren't sure. you're only told what you've done way after.

i'll admit, i ignored it half the time, which is on me. but the tone of it, combined with hate messages and blunt explanations. it felt ridiculing, i felt stupid. like i definitely should've known.

truth is, people can do terrible things on accident. I'm not excusing the fact i hurt people, i apologise deeply. it just wasn't acknowledged.

but i would've liked it if i was spoken to about it. like actual communication.

if it were like that, this whole thing wouldn't have happened in the first place. i wouldn't have so much anger towards one person, and he wouldn't have that much towards me either.

i also can't help but feel like i'm not really being taken seriously either?

it's prolly just me, and im really hoping this isn't ableist or anything to say (PLEASE. Tell me if it is.) but using all those cute emoticons and whatnot when talking about what i did feels weird to me. like- if i were talking about the actions i done, i wouldn't be using emoticons and similar cutesy stuff. NO. I'd refrain from using stuff like that. i dunno, it felt really weird to me but it's probably just a non issue ig.

are so

FUCKING PEAK.

especially action movies and what not:

after all, a month is a LONG TIME.