#taking risks

i just turned 19 and, to be as vague as possible, got offered my dream job. i auditioned and was offered to be apart of a musical theatre-centric residency for 6 months in another state on the other side of the country from me. i would get a lot of pay as well as housing, and also get to be paid as a performer, which is what i'm leaning towards anyways.

THE ISSUE: i am currently a musical theatre major at my dream school right now. the residency is from april-october but i would have to take a leave of absence from my program at college, which would entail a LOT of flack from the faculty and might be stressful on getting my B.F.A. i would never be expelled, per say, i would just be very, very harshly graded for the rest of my 4 years based on absences ALONE.

on the other hand, we're being taught so we can literally take opportunities like this, and i feel so grateful and INCREDIBLY lucky to have this in reach!

should i take the job or stick in school?

okay, first of all, THANK you for even asking me this question. this question is not just a serious situation. this is a life-is-working with you kind of hard choice. and the fact that your asking me?! i feel sooo honored.

this reply will be a little messy, because this is such a big choice, and i want to make sure to prioritize my advice over aesthetics.

okay so basically whats going on is two of your dreams which are supposed to be aligned are actually kind of colliding. and please don't panic. it sounds worrisome. but i assure you YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

everything feels a lot more confusing because both of your dreams showed up sooner than expected. and let me tell you... the universe is working OVERTIME for you.

another thing to note getting offered this at the same time is NOT normal at 19 years old. you really have some luck on you and i can tell you put effort and hard work into your dreams, and they're paying off. this is a very big sign this is your life's work, your life's PURPOSE. so please keep that in mind, and don't ever dim down your ambition.

school is meant to prepare you for the real thing; NOT punish you for stepping into it. so, what you mentioned in your ask about your school acting harsher towards you doesn't sound so good. but, sometimes institutions get weird when students actually start succeeding OUTSIDE their walls without their degree/certificate they'd be granting you.

okay, so six months sounds huge right now, but in the grand scope of your life? that's a chapter, and along with the other benefits this job is offering you? (good pay, HOUSING?? doing what makes you the happiest, performing) it sounds amazing. SHCOOL WILL STILL EXSIST, your talent does NOT disappear. and your worth doesn't evaporate because you took a leap. what DOES matter is how alive you feel when you imagine yourself saying yes.

the purpose of a b.f.a: to get paid, perform, book real work. right?

so, if the program penalizes students for succeeding, what does that say?

it wouldn't make sense for a program to penalize a student based off of something the program is supposed to help you do once you complete it, the fact that you got it PRIOR to completing it just shows your effort, success, and talent. but your program penalizing you for it? doesn't sound like something that will support you.

i need you to know that my friend is a ballerina and she currently resides in new york right now, doing her dream. her, along with many successful performers she knows have took leaves, paused school or even never finished.

TIMING MATTERS, OKAY? you are not 29 with a mortgage, you're 19! with so many opportunities and more ahead of you.

residencies + paid housing + real credits are OFTEN, not always... OFTEN age and timing sensitive. school will likely still be there; this exact offer MIGHT not be.

faculty backlash does happen, i promise you, it's real, and i'm glad you noticed that and took that into consideration while deciding your choice. but please separate emotional discomfort (like awkward meetings, or judgment) from actual long-term damage.

being "harshly" graded for absences is VERY awful, but is it survivable? does it outweigh real-world credits, connections and income?

this question is very important and it's only here to guide you on your choice: do i want to be a good student or a working performer?

answer that, consider that, and add it next to your pros and cons list.

neither is wrong, but CLAIRTY matters. sometimes institutes reward compliance more than calling, okay?

this may be a little more intense, but the whole goal is to assist you with your choice: imagine yourself at 25. which regret stings more? "i delayed my career for safety" or "i took a scary leap and learned something huge"

even if it's super hard, it's information NOT failure.

okay so about your school/program, i want you to try and talk to program advisors and disability/leave offices. sometimes policies are more flexible than faculty attitudes. and please try to get advice from your advisor or counselor, GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING. SUPER IMPORTANT. and ask alumni quietly how they handled booked work if you feel comfortable. also, you may be able to frame this as PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT rather than "absence". really try to negotiate here with your school. i think the way you say it can reflect their judgment and attitude towards it.

please, please understand you are not betraying your school. you are NOT "ungrateful", you are allowed to choose momentum, fear does not mean wrong choices, it means GROWTH.

there is no perfect answer, but there is a BRAVE, ALGINED one, and it's only your choice to make. whichever you decide, you are not behind, reckless or ruining anything, you are making choices that define your future.

i'm not here to tell you what to choose. i just want you to notice where your body leans when you picture each option. one might feel scary but expanding. the other might feel safe but shrinking. YOU ARE A 19-year-old gifted artist being trusted by the universe with real work. that's not a problem, that's a gift.

i'm so soooo proud of you. no matter what you choose. please don't let my response decide your choice, just let it help guide you with YOUR OWN choice.

if you ever need any more personal advice, feel free to direct message me on here, all your info will be completely private <3 thank you so much for asking me this 🤍🤍

xoxo mindy 🤍

I’ve lived most of my adult life Like a vehicle headed straight into a busy intersection LIke a gasoline covered man who strikes the match LIke an anarchist losing purpose When you lost all fear of death Then you never will fear risk It’s a sad kind of freedom

I’ve made more mistakes then I’ve made rights I guess I could never be a Nascar driver To lying for fun, to hustling for drugs Even a junkie has a plan I never said it was a good one

There’s still consequences I’m paying Cause past me doesn’t really like future me And present me just doesn’t really care At least I’m genuine in my apathy One emotion that I can really feel Or is it the lack there of that makes me feel all floaty

I’m still a cynic with a bad mouth I can’t remember when my answers weren’t sarcastic And nobody wants to be around a person like that Thank the fucking heavens I’ve always been a bit of a loner I can’t imagine how bad the loneliness would be if I wasn’t