#taifu

Okay, apparently it's new battle armor. Still looks dumb.

And just in case people were wondering, Hawkeye confirms that his bad case of being partially roboticized has been cleared up by Hank Pym.

He's here to kick US Agent's ass and US Agent allows the use of battle armor because he gets to use his shield.

Sure!

The two start fighting.

See?

US Agent has super-soldier powers so he has the stat edge but Hawkeye's quiver of mystery keeps the Agent on his toes, trying to guess what each arrow will do.

But how did we get here? Well, the book cuts back and forth between two narratives. The Hawkeye vs US Agent fight, 'natch. And what led to it.

APPARENTLY, I guessed wrong when I theorized that it was only the East Coast Avengers who were cut loose by the government, leaving the West Coast team as the officially, government-recognized team.

Oh, no. The WCA just had to catch up. They're also part of the UN agreement.

So after the Ultron thing, Avengers West also has to choose a new seven member roster and seven reservists.

The Avengers (West) have decided to vote on who will be on the team.

Also, Mockingbird is here.

Hawkeye criticizes her for trying to sneak back onto the team but she very rightly points out that if she is, its the same thing he already did.

Anyway, unlike the Avengers East whose roster barely changed when they reorganized, I'm sure there will be big changes here with Avengers West. There's several people hanging around who may or may not be on the team. Where the fuck is the robot Human Torch, for example?

Joined the team to big fanfare and then basically did nothing. Quicksilver may as well be on the team since he's been hanging around since the Darker Than Scarlet thing. Is Hawkeye on the team? He quit in a huff and he wasn't technically reinstated because there was no team leader to extend the offer. And so on. The Avengers West Coast are a mess.

Although...

Look at this transmission from the New York team:

Scarlet Witch is both in New York and in California. And Nomad is with the Avengers East. Probably was supposed to be Quasar but that's definitely a Nomad. What's going on with you, the Avengers?

Anyway, US Agent hasn't heard that the government was dumping the Avengers. So he's smugly certain that his place on the roster is assured.

Until General Hayworth shows up on the video from the Avengers with a very special message for US Agent.

Basically 'thanks for everything, Agent -- and good luck!'

The Avengers are the UN's problem now so the US government is not going to exert any pressure on US Agent's behalf. Its up to the Avengers whether or not they want US Agent on the team.

US Agent: "I've been stabbed in the back!"

I mean.... The Avengers criticize him for this sentiment but, yeah, kinda. The government kinda hung Agent out to dry. He was on the Avengers as an assignment from the government. They're not reassigning him. They just fired him. Publicly. Over a pre-recorded message.

US Agent is a dick but still. That sucks.

But the Avengers aren't really sympathetic.

Wonder Man: "As of today, you'll be an Avenger -- or an ex-Avenger -- on your own merits, and nothing else. If that's not good enough for you, you can walk right now. Got it?" US Agent: "I... got it."

And the results of that vote? Each current regular had to vote for five people. The top seven becomes the new team. The next seven becomes the reservists.

Hawkeye got four votes. Mockingbird got one, which she assumes was from Hawkeye. Tigra got four votes. Scarlet Witch and Wonder Man each got five votes. Quicksilver got two votes. Iron Man got five votes. US Agent only got one. Hank Pym and Wasp each got five votes. Robot Human Torch got three votes. And, somehow, Machine Man got one vote.

Which makes the new roster: Iron Man, Wonder Man, Scarlet Witch, Tigra, Hawkeye, the Wasp, and Dr Pym.

The reservists are Mockingbird, Quicksilver, US Agent, robot Human Torch, and Machine Man. So they need to find two more reservists.

Hm, so the new roster is... basically the old roster. That's boring.

Oh, but Wasp and Dr Pym announce that they're going to resign as active Avengers! Good job shaking things up, you two!

They probably should have mentioned before the vote but... whoops!

Hawkeye also needles US Agent mercilessly here. Snarking that he knows who was the only person who voted for US Agent and mocking him that if Quicksilver, Human Torch, Mockingbird, and some random robot man all die, maybe US Agent has hope of getting back on the Avengers.

US Agent is not happy with this. He's not happy with Hawkeye, he's not happy with how the government screwed him, he's not happy that nobody likes him, and he's not happy that Iron Man tells him MAYBE if he cleans up his act, he can be an Avenger again.

US Agent: "'Alternate'? You can shove 'alternate'! I'm out of this gang of losers -- as of now! If you deadheads were too stupid to vote for a real patriot when you had the chance -- I'm sure not going to wait around for the phone to ring. Don't call me -- and I won't call you!"

And he storms out.

The meeting wraps up not long after that and everybody moves out into the courtyard to chit chat.

Apparently, Scarlet Witch was one of the votes Quicksilver got, even though he asked her not to. Wonder who the other vote came from?

And Mockingbird thanks Hawkeye for the one vote she got but he scoffs.

Hawkeye: "Last thing in the world I want is my estranged wife sitting across from me at every meeting! I mean, I still love you and all -- but get real!" Mockingbird: "And you can get stuffed! You've got my phone number in Detroit, right?" Hawkeye: "Yeah, sure..." Mockingbird: "Well, lose it!"

You gotta feel sorry about Mockingbird. She's only in Detroit at all because Hawkeye had the idea to take over the Great Lakes Avengers. And then he got bored and ditched the team to go hang out with the Avengers West Coast until they let him back in.

She's basically left picking up the slack that he left. And his response to that is 'I can't stand to be in the same room as you.'

Speaking of defunct romances, Wonder Man tells Scarlet Witch that he's booked a table for the two of them at Spago's.

Scarlet Witch: "I'm sorry, Simon. I -- I've been meaning to tell you... I don't think we should -- well, date anymore."

She likes him as a friend and his friendship has helped her get through all the turmoil lately. But she just doesn't love him the same way.

Wonder Man tries to take the rejection gracefully. But there's only so graceful that you can take a rejection when your reaction is to fly away from the scene as quickly as possible.

Wanda sadly goes over to bask in Hank and Jan's functional relationship. Because, dangit, she wants to believe that superheroes can have those!

And, whoops, Hank and Jan clarify that they're not leaving the Avengers to spend more time together.

Wasp: "We took stock, and we decided we like each other as much as we ever did -- maybe more -- but that romance, let along re-marrying just isn't in the cards. So we're going our separate ways."

Jan is going to travel, maybe head back to New York eventually. Hank is going to do research. His first love, according to Hank.

... My god! It's a full on snap-back!

I thought the Thomases were going to Yes And the plot threads Byrne left. Just roll with them. And that seemed the case. Wonder Man and Scarlet Witch still seemed like they were headed into a romance. Hank and Jan were together again.

But the Thomases were just waiting to reverse a bunch of stuff! Wanda and Wonder have broken up. Hank and Jan have broken up! Wasp who just kinda joined the team over a time-skip is leaving the team! US Agent is getting kicked off the team and Hawkeye being put back on the team!

If only Vision was still on the Avengers West, maybe the Thomases would fix him, too!

I feel a bit of a hypocrite. Rampant snapback is one of my least favorite things in comics. But also the relationship things getting reversed... weren't my favorite developments.

I can take or leave US Agent and Hawkeye.

Although the funny thing there is that Byrne did not particularly want to write US Agent either. Gruenwald asked him to put US Agent on the West team and Quasar on the East. Which is probably why US Agent's early tenure on the team had him just not around a lot.

Anyway, speaking of the guy, US Agent shows up and challenges Hawkeye to a rousing round of beating the shit out of each other because they are manly men with a grudge and US Agent doesn't want to leave the Avengers with regrets.

The two agree to meet in half an hour near Portugese Bend.

And that's how we got to the two punching each other.

During the fight, Hawkeye has been trying to keep US Agent guessing which arrows he's using because his strategy for the fight is to get the Agent's shield away from him.

But US Agent manages to snatch it back from a grabber arrow and then tosses an explosive arrow back at Hawkeye, exploding the ground at his feet.

The explosion knocks Hawkeye on his ass but his new battle armor holds.

US Agent asks Hawkeye what they do now. As in, dude, do you really want more of this?

Hawkeye: "We -- keep at it -- til they bring a stretcher for one of us -- maybe both of us!"

Wow. Rare situation where US Agent is the reasonable person in the room. Or the outdoors area, anyway.

US Agent calls Hawkeye an idiot, that this fight isn't going to go well for Hawkeye. Agent has Actual Superpowers. He's not peak human like Captain America. He can bench press ten tons. If he actually punches Hawkeye in the face without holding back, Hawkeye won't have much of a face.

US Agent is also now realizing that this fight was a bad idea. He claims not to be a sadist, so he doesn't actually want to escalate things beyond this point. He tells Hawkeye to just let things end here.

Or, rather, to walk away. Which does move things from 'this is dumb, lets both stop' to 'YOU give up. You.'

Hawkeye: "You've said your piece? Okay, then I'll say mine. You keep yappin' about Cap... Well, maybe Steve Rogers can't juggle elephants, but he's still worth a hundred of you. I understand you -- because I used to be a lot like you. Who knows? Maybe, deep down, I still am. We both started out as bad seeds -- but at least I was honest about it. I didn't hire a bunch of 'Bold Urban Commandos' I could beat up on, just to make me look good. You've been a louse right from the start, Agent -- and I'm not wastin' another arrow on you!"

Which, no, doesn't mean he's agreeing to end the fight. Which is what US Agent initially interprets it as.

It means that he's throwing down his bow and his quiver and taking off the armored helmet and gloves and he's going to try to fisticuffs the man who can bench 10 tons.

Hawkeye has had better ideas.

US Agent goes looking in the shrubbery to find Hawkeye, who jumps out and jump kicks Captain Palette Swap. And then he starts punching the Agent in the head.

Hawkeye: "You think -- you're such hot spit -- 'cause you got a good deal -- at a super-powers sale -- and hired that Taskmaster creep -- to teach you how to fight -- Well -- some of us were fighting the bad guys -- while you were still running around barefoot -- all over Custer's Grove, Georgia!"

US Agent catches Hawkeye's fist and tosses him away.

US Agent: "In case nobody ever told you before, fella -- you've been fighting out of your league all these years -- and it's high time somebody straightened you out!"

Problem: they were closer to the cliff edge than US Agent thought so he just threw Hawkeye off of the cliff.

Even though Hawkeye threw away his bow and arrows, he has a few spare arrowheads stored in the armor harness. He uses a grappling hook to grab a tree but the tree rips out of the cliff edge and Hawkeye hits the beach hard.

US Agent comes down in a panic to make sure Hawkeye is okay but Hawkeye just keeps throwing punches.

And an enraged US Agent is now no longer worried that Hawkeye may have gotten seriously hurt. So he starts swinging back.

US Agent, punching Hawkeye repeatedly: "You don't even know when you're licked! Why don't you just --" Hawkeye: "Why - why don't you -- g-go sit on it -- ?!" US Agent: "I've had it with you, archer -- you and all your holier-than-thou Avenger buddies! You've all been against me -- ever since day one -- and I'm good and sick of it, do you hear me? Good and sick!"

He at least pulls his punches so he doesn't break all of Hawkeye's bones. That's... almost like restraint. Real restraint would probably have been walking away at some point. But neither of these idiots is capable of it.

Case in point, US Agent pulls Hawkeye out of the ocean and Hawkeye throws another punch.

So US Agent kicks his ass some more.

And now that Hawkeye is well and truly unable to foolishly continue the fight, US Agent decides to drag him out of the water, leave him on the beach, and fuck off.

It's now - that the fight is already over - that the Avengers show up to interrupt the fight. Iron Man even blasts a warning shot at US Agent and tells him to take his hands off Hawkeye.

US Agent tells them to butt out of his grudge match because its none of their business. But Wasp declares it is Avengers business.

For one thing, Hawkeye is now on probation for being a prideful idiot. And US Agent can forget about ever being an Avenger again.

-looks ahead in time- Hah.

US Agent has already gotten his angst out over not making the cut so he's not growling or screaming or punching over being told he's preemptively unininvited.

But Iron Man, as clearly a new member of the Avengers who has an unbiased perspective of this, cough, has something he wants to say to the Agent.

(Yes, Iron Man is still pretending he's not Tony and everyone is still rolling their eyes whenever he does.)

Iron Man: "Since I rejoined after you came, I think I'm in a position to say they gave you every break. Hawkeye can be a hothead, sure -- but at least he earned his right to be an Avengers, years ago. What did you ever earn, Agent? Nobody here denies your courage, but you bought your super-powers -- then got yourself force-fed down their craw. This is a team -- and you've been a grandstander -- a troublemaker -- ever since you came aboard. Maybe, if we were convinced you could change -- that you'd ever become a real part of the team, instead of a loose cannon -- ! What do you say, Agent? Does anything of what I just said make any sense to you?"

Yeah, he's unmoved. Unrepentant. Unreflective.

And Hank Pym snarks that the Avengers West are now three short of a full reserve team.

Hawkeye is fine, by the way. Fine-ish. Able to get up on wobbly legs and try to re-start the fight again, like an idiot.

Hank has to tell him to simmer down and Hawkeye admits that, yeah, he's been acting like an idiot.

Scarlet Witch decides to close things out with one of those classic 'but what if x goes bad, could we ever hope to stop x?' fearmongering things that superheroes love to agonize over, for the dramas.

Scarlet Witch: "What worries me is U.S. Agent. I pray that being bounced doesn't turn him against more than just the Avengers West. Men like him live close to the edge -- and if he ever turned bad -- it would take every ounce of power we could muster to stop him!"

Uh... no? I think between Iron Man, Wonder Man, Scarlet Witch, and Hank 'shrinking things makes my problems smaller' Pym, you have a lot of ways to easily deal with a rogue US Agent.

Stop sensationalizing, Wanda.

There is an epilogue. Although, epilogues are usually meant to comment or close out whatever happened. This is more foreshadowing a future plot.

A cybernetic man called Jawbreaker jumps off a boat docked at Los Angeles harbor so customs won't search the chest he's carrying.

He's intercepted by a very Japanese man called Taifu, who wants the chest.

Jawbreaker refuses so Taifu shows him why they call him Taifu.

It's because Taifu means Typhoon. So Taifu blasts winds out of his big sleeves and slams Jawbreaker against a nearby warehouse wall.

But he's then cold-cocked by an invisible woman (note the lack of capitals) who calls herself Kuroko or the Black One.

Because she's dressed as one of those kabuki stagehands that maybe inspired the look of ninja.

Kind of a funny gag. She has invisibility powers so she dresses as a stagehand which are invisible to the audience.

She tells Jawbreaker that the doctor sent her and since Jawbreaker is also working for the doctor, that eases his suspicions.

He picks up the chest and Taifu and the two head off towards the next issue.

Kuroko: "All that matters is that what is within that trunk -- will soon make us masters first of the Pacific Rim -- and one day of all the world!"

All three of these characters are newly introduced, by the by. Jawbreaker, Taifu, and Kuroko.

The new arc is coming and we've already got enemy in-fighting. That's record speed.

But most importantly of all, this is issue 69 which is the funny sex number. Haha, Avengers West Coast 69.