#tafd

Chapter Thirteen

He slides the coffee across the table when I sit down. “It’s really hot.”

It’s coffee.

I don’t like Josh. Does that mean I do like…

We’ve been over this, Dora.

“I don’t know what my mother looks like anymore. I haven’t seen her since I was about eight (...) She’s a lunatic.”

Generic Bad Boy has a mentally ill absentee mother? Cliche check!

“My mom’s nuts, too.”

Because we can’t let GBB talk about something that clearly hurts him without Dora making it about herself somehow.

I look like Natalie Portman to him?

I thought Dora was supposed to be average.

I blink at the rapid subject volley, trying to keep up with him. “Do you have ADD or something?”

What kind of rude ass-

“Held back a few times,” he admits with no shame. “I’ll be eighteen in four months.”

If they’re juniors and he’s been held back at least twice, and he’ll be eighteen in January (this takes place in October), this doesn’t add up. I was also born in January, and I turned seventeen in eleventh grade. For him to be turning eighteen, he’s only been held back once. Or, he’s actually turning at least nineteen but the author didn’t want to have that big of an age gap and said to herself “math, whom?”

And this boy couldn’t possibly be more different from my positive, gregarious, universally adored brother.

Let me guess: this is foreshadowing her brother being involved in whatever cult or other bullshit is going on here?

Also, splooging over a dead guy. Cool.

Probation. Juvenile detention. Mental institutions. A paralyzed passenger in a stolen car. Jeez, this guy is trouble(...)

Honey, he wasn’t in the institution. And for the love of NCT Dream, stop writing mental institutions and illnesses as being trouble for anyone other than those with the illnesses.

“If you just want to… to… share coffee? Then…”

….. They’re still on every... page.

Whoa, he’s good. Electrical, magnetic, combustible. Levi is a human physics class full of energy.

I SWEAR THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE BOOK SO FAR WHAT IS THIS BILL NYE IS HAVING A FIT ASKFLDHALDJ

“It’s Kenzie. Or Mackenzie. Not Mack.”

“Really? Mack fits you. It’s unaffected and straightforward and not quite what you’d expect.”

Incorrect splooging is the worst. Someone who trails off half her sentences is not straightforward.

“Trust me, Levi, you have more than one superpower.”

Does he? Does he even have one?

The toe-curling, breath-stealing, tum-my-fluttering sensations of… attraction.

Good writing? She doesn’t go here.

I’m scared of this kid, and so, so drawn to him.

He’s not a kid, he’s older than you because if he wasn’t, how else would he have any authority over you?

Google Translate is mentally challenged.

I have never wanted to send an angry email to an author before. Not through all the racist, abusive, misogynistic shit I’ve read over the years. Not through all the demonizing of mental illnesses. But developmental disorders are where I draw the line. I completely dropped a series years ago because I personally witnessed an author using the R-word as casually as you’d ask someone what the weather was like. Using this as a joke is disgusting and this author should be ashamed of herself. Don’t ever let me meet her at a writing convention or book festival. She’s going to get dragged to the ends of the earth and left there to rot like she deserves.

I guess I liked Mack after all. It’s… unaffected and straightforward and not quite what you’d expect.

My eyes got stuck in the back of my head after rolling them so hard.

Chloe Batista is bragging about how she makes a cool fifty bucks for watering somebody’s houseplants while they’re on vacation, which is just a tacky thing to post to the world.

How? How is that tacky?

Person: I have a side gig :)

Dora: tacky preppy garbage I’M A NERD

Chapter Fourteen

But I still feel as if telling anyone about these bizarre, unrelated, possibly not even real events gives them credence they don’t deserve, so I stay quiet.

I thought Dora was supposed to be smart.

“I…” I see the truck, I think. “I get it.”

Missing: one editor. If found, please return to the seventh grade writing class she disappeared from.

“I want you to understand how much this new social status means to me. It doesn’t mean I’m using you or anything.”

Except… you are??

“Well, she wants you in her Sisters of the List club.” There might be a hair of jealousy in Molly’s voice, but I totally get that.

Um… where did Molly learn this awful name? Consistency nugu?

I should be preparing for State and winning the top prize. Instead, I’m flirting with bad boys and kissing rich ones.

Because it’s not like she’d be able to satisfy both wants with some good time management. But we can’t have that. Then we’d have to pretend women are capable of wanting academic success and romance!

“What’s wrong?”

“Another… one.”

“Another what?”

“Another… girl.”

I just blink at her, a slow, cold agony already clawing at my heart.

“Another girl what?”

“This…”

“This what?”

“This isn’t…”

“This isn’t what?”

“This isn’t how to write… ”

“This isn’t how to write what?”

The reader paused, growing increasingly annoyed with L’s antics.

“This isn’t how to write tension.”

The truck… the truck… the truck that made Levi Sterling run.

I think the editor was drunk while reading this book. I wish I could be the same way.

“I just got a call from Barbara Gains, whose daughter is married to a paramedic who was in the ambulance. She knows you go to Vienna and wanted to see if you knew her.”

I’ve seen some exposition dumps but this is… something else.

“Who? Who died, Mom?” I demand.

“Someone named Chloe.”

“Chloe Batista.” I croak her name.

“Do you know her?”

“Shes…” Oh, God. Second.

And I’m fifth.

I have no comments. I just wanted you all to read this mess.

The book is split into either two or three parts so instead of posting four chapters today, I’m stopping here at the end of part one. 

This is a really shitty book though. 

Chapter Nine

Levi certainly wasn’t grieving Olivia’s death…

Of course not. Why would he be grieving his ex-girlfriend? That would imply that he cares about anyone other than you and with this being a YA book, it’s unlikely that a romantic lead would be so complex. 

[...] his open varsity jacket making his shoulders look even broader.

A specific sport isn’t named. Does the author think all varsity athletes get the same jacket? There are emblems, symbols, and other things that are specific to certain sports. This is what happens when you base your YA book on your own nerdy high school experiences and don’t do basic research: you get things wrong.

“Why is everyone so certain Levi Sterling is going to jail?” I demand.

You can’t demand a question that has to be answered by multiple people when you’re only with one person. Also, didn’t you, like recently, say he might’ve been a murderer or rapist?

I nod sympathetically, supposing that’s a legit enough connection for a guy like Josh to shed a few tears.

Because for a masculine boy to cry, it has to be legitimized.

Was he kidding? Girls like Olivia and the rest of them on that list didn’t hang out with nerds like me. But guys don’t always know that.

Okay, even if we’re going with the ridiculous idea that people don’t have friends in different circles, the same would be true for boys. Geeky boys and jocks wouldn’t hang out. Why wouldn’t he know this?

“I missed you last night,” he says right into my ear, with a secret, sexy voice that should have every cell in my body jumping up and down.

You’ve spoken for a total of three minutes.

“I had…” Movie night with mom. “Something else to do.”

Why can’t she just tell him the truth? I get it’s geeky but it’s not like you were committing a crime.

A flicker of distaste crosses his expression as he conciders what could possibly have been more important than his game, and his gaze shifts in the direction where Levi had been. “Out with your parolee?”

Dora doesn’t tell him the truth about her whereabouts as a way for the author to throw in cheap tension. If she had a legit reason or given an explanation (like how I said spending time with her mom is ~geeky~), then it would’ve worked. Without that, this is just lazy writing.

“Good thing, ‘cause they're saying he was there and was having a deep and heated conversation with Olivia before she died.”

Did this book have an editor?

“Good thing you weren’t with him.”

He’s said good thing twice in the past quarter page. Either the author discovered a new phrase while writing this chapter, or someone stans NCT.

“Listen, I know it’s not going to be really fun under the circumstances and all, but a bunch of kids are getting together at my house tonight. Will you come?”

Y’all really about to have a party when someone just died. I get the popular kids are supposed to somewhat suck but there’s sucking then there’s being horrible people.

“We’re changing clothes, you freakazoid!”

Outdated reference is outdated. Most of this author’s demographic does not know that song. Has she ever spoken with an actual teenager? In this century?

“His parents passed away many years ago.”

Please be related to the cult I’m probably totally wrong about.

“I never got into the house but I’ve heard it’s amazing, with an indoor swimming pool and a ten-car garage adjacent to some of the prettiest parts of Nacht Woods.”

Good Lord. First, it annoys me when characters who are loaded go to public school with a bunch of people who are nowhere near as rich. School zoning doesn’t work like that, with only one megarich kid and everyone else being middle class. Second, why are we getting this awkward splooge from Generic BFF’s mom instead of having this description when Dora gets to the party later????? Why is this writing so bad? Where is the editor?

“The grandfather, who’s retired, of course, made a killing on Wall Street, as I understand it.”

What is this SENTENCE?! I suck at grammar and sentence structure and all those technical things but damn, I know I could do a better job at this editor who works for an actual publishing house.

“Really hit it huge in the go-go eighties.”

“Where’d they go-go?” Kayla asks, making everyone laugh.

Not me.

“It’s the idiots who can’t handle the peer pressure. But, okay, you girls use common sense.”

Fucking hell. If they’re pressured into drinking then they’re not idiots. That’s why it’s called PRESSURE. And why are we acting like people with common sense don’t drink? They’re not mutually exclusive.

“(...) I’d love to just sit around that table for house with a family that is so whole and happy. But I only have myself to blame for that.”

Shut your melodramatic ass up.

Chapter Ten

God save me.

(..) what feels like a half-mile-long driveway (...) At least fifty cars are in the drive and along the street.

Driveway. It’s called a driveway. You just used it in the last sentence.

She’s cute - and has to be freezing - but, really, nothing extraordinary to look at.

What a fucking bitch. Honestly, Dora, please die.

“We’re going into the woods.”

Yes, now it’s the point in the book where a Native American burial ground is invaded by drunk suburban white teens who literally have no respect for the land. This includes our protagonist. And if you’re thinking she’s going to mention how wrong and disrespectful this is, bring your expectations of this author down. No, further. FURTHER. Yes, that low.

“We’re at Meesha mound.” She leans closer and lowers her voice. “Indian burial ground, you know. Cool, huh?”

“Very.”

To be fair, Dora says her “very” is sarcasm but like?? Nothing is done or said about how horrible it is that they’re doing this. Or even the improper and offensive usage of “Indian.”

She misses my sarcasm and takes me down a dark path.

Obviously bad metaphor is obviously bad.

“I like Sisters of the List,” Kylie Leff says, leaning into Amanda. “We’ve been blood sisters since kindergarten.”

Can I return this book and get cult lesbians instead? Side note, if you want to watch something about a cult lesbian, AHS: Cult was AMAZING and its best season since Coven.

She holds up a single knuckle and Amanda meets it with one of her own in the most feminine and lackluster knuckle tap in history.

We get it. Fem = bad, hot fem = bad, weak fem = bad.

Why was Dora expecting some epic knuckle punch when Kylie only used one knuckle? Does she think she has super-strength?

It’s Candace Yardley, number ten, who up to this point has been virtually silent. Once again, I take a second to admire her dark good looks; she is runway perfect.

Why is this book so racist?!! Having the Asian character be silent until Dora is ready to comment on her ~dark good looks~?? And she has to be at the bottom of the list? What IS THIS?!

She smiles at her best friend.

How many times must we be reminded that Kylie and Amanda are gal pals, heteros, and that this book has no room for lesbians? Petition to save Kylie and Amanda from this hetero dumpster fire.

I take the vodka bottle and let a few drops touch my lips, the flavor like bitter grape cough medicine.

One, you can’t taste much with your lips. Two, that’s not what vodka tastes like.

“You bitches cray.” She sings the last word on a laugh. “But I need to get fried.”

Let’s play “spot the Token black character.” I think the usage of the word cray is a testament to how old this book is. Back when white authors thought it was fun to use cringe aave. You gon finna catch me is SHAKING.

“Thank god that chapter is over” - me after every chapter.

Chapter Eleven

“YOLO, baby girl. Which translates into ‘have some fun.’

Petition to have white authors never write black characters again.

I can smell beer, and the sound of rap is barely drowned out by loud boys and girls laughing. Really? On the night after the girl they all planned to vote for class president next year has died? They either don’t care or… they don’t understand death.

You fucking asshole, Dora. Some people have different coping methods. And, how would you know they don’t care or understand death? Do you think you’re the only person in your whole school who has lost someone?

They don’t know how permanent death is. But I do.

Earlier, we learned that Generic Good Boy is a fucking orphan. He lost BOTH parents. You lost ONE brother. Shut up.

“Like I said… YOLO.”

Stop. I’m begging.

“You know what I remember about you in middle school?” (...) “You were hydrogen in our Dress Like an Element Day in science.”

Listen, I like the fact that Dora and GGB have natural chemistry as characters whereas Dora and GBB are forced like hell. But could the author not think of a more interesting element? Why would GGB remember this in particular? Even if he thought Dora was cute, it would make sense for the element to be something less common and therefore more easy for the reader to see why it was so memorable.

“You’re the Latin expert.”

She’s a junior in high school.

“(...) he lives to meet pretty girls.” The way he says it makes me feel like I really am one of those pretty girls.

Because he just told you his grandfather likes pretty girls? An old man? That makes you feel pretty? Really? That?

“Wait--I want to kill her, er, say hi.”

Ignoring this horrible attempt at humor, Dora is upset with her friend for drinking at a party. I’ll point you to Dora’s weird grape cough medicine vodka from her cult meeting in the woods.

“I play on two travel teams--hey, Ryan--and lots of these kids are from all over this side of the state.”

They came all the way out here for one party? Are there no parties in their own neighborhoods?

“Kenzie.” The older man nods in approval. “Of course.” Flashing an easy, wide smile, he looks down--way down--at me. Instantly, I can see where Josh gets his gifts--his height, the build, the sort of raw masculinity mixed with charm that rolls off him. That’s hereditary, I suppose.

I just threw up.

This man is at least sixty, given that his grandson is a high school junior. And Dora just spent a paragraph lowkey lusting after him. I haven’t witnessed something so grossly uncomfortable since Throne of Trash the series we don’t acknowledge.

“You were absolutely correct, Josh. She is a refreshing change.”

Get it? Because she’s not like those other girls.

“You’ve taught me everything, Josh says, a respectful note in his voice. “Including how to pick quality girls.”

Women aren’t avocados.

He pats my hand and shifts in his seat. “Let’s change the subject. I understand you’re on that list that does nothing but objectify lovely teenage girls.”

You can’t call out the list for objectifying them when 1) you’ve done that since you met Dora, 2) you act like a fucking pedophile while you’re touching her, and 3) you follow up the fact that the list is objectifying the girls by calling the girls “lovely.”

“But his legacy lives on, right back in Nacht Woods.” He angles his head toward the back of the house. “He’s buried there, too.”

So not only has this author disrespected Native Americans with using their burial ground for horror aesthetic reasons, but she’s also allowed a white character to be buried there.

“Not him, per se,(...) but the things that mattered to him. I made a place to honor him.”

I know we need exposition but it makes no sense here. They’ve spent half a page talking about this dead dude, rather than the scholarship Dora wants.

“How do I apply?”

“No application necessary, dear. You just have to finish the ropes course Jarvis built in Nacht Woods (...) You look fairly athletic.”

Oh my god. How many ways can this author metaphorically shit on this burial ground?

“Quit hittin’ on my chick, Rex.”

Dora’s next thought is her freaking out about Josh calling her his girl, which okay, I get. But… shouldn’t she be a tad bit concerned about this creepy pedo man who just offered her a scholarship as long as she completes The Hunger Games?

“She’s a total brainiac (...) I think that’s hot.”

“Quite,” his grandfather agrees.

I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP

Chapter Twelve

I haven’t had anything to drink since my one sip of grape vodka, but Molly’s borderline tipsy(.)

We’ve got clarification that her vodka was grape flavored (ew) but what the hell is “borderline tipsy”??? Either she’s tipsy or she’s sober. Tipsy is the full in between of sober and drunk.

“But the weirdest thing of all was the texts disappeared about ten minutes after I got it. I can’t find it in my deleted texts, nothing.”

SHE TRIED TO SEARCH DELETED TEXTS AND WAS SURPRISED WHEN SHE COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING ASHJLDFASHLJL

(...) ready for dark looks from my list sisters(...)

We’re really using this name?

But I won’t tell these girls that. They’re wack.

I love 2001 slang.

Also, you guys don’t know how hard it is for me to not make a Malibu’s Most Wanted reference right now.

Having to post all my notes/opinions means I’m having to read over some of the book again and if you can believe it, these are considered the good chapters compared to what comes later.

We’re so close... so, so close to being done. 

Chapter Twenty Seven

Levi slept in the basement and slipped out before Mom got up this morning (.)

Him sleeping over only served the purpose of ...??? Dora could’ve found all the information about Conner on her own. Had they slept together, there could’ve been a narrative reason for Levi needing to be in her house but given how this author hates women and vaginas and would have a stroke if anyone mentioned premarital sex, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. However, the author’s anti female sexuality makes this next bit even funnier: 

A few blocks from my house, Levi picks me up on his bike and rides me to school(.)

This is why you need an editor.

(...) Dena says, coming up to join us. She throws a dismissive look at Molly (...)

“No.” I grab Molly’s hand and cling to it. “She stays with me. We’re a package deal.”

Because now that the super hot popular girls are dead, we need more girls to make Dora seem better by comparison. Even girls who, up to now, have shown to be reasonable and likable people. 

I want to reassure her, but I can’t, swallowing hollow words.

I think I get what this is supposed to mean, but it would’ve made so much more sense from a reading standpoint to say “I want to reassure her, but I can’t. I’d be swallowing hollow words.” Swallowing hollow words would mean saying empty things/lies. But the author’s attempt to be deep and poetic fall flat because the editor slept through their job.

“I know that translates literally to ‘today to me, tomorrow to you,’ but what’s the figurative translation?”

It translates to “the author was watching Rent while writing this chapter.”

A secret society of assassins.

Yep. We’ve now reached the peak of this book’s trope wheel. All of this, the killings and stupid list and targeting innocent teenagers is the work of an ASSASSIN SOCIETY. I’m not being sarcastic. This isn’t a fake-out or red herring. This is actually happening. And if you’re thinking this is going to be a “this girl’s parents has illegal doings with Russia so they killed her” or “this town has been a secret ring for crime over the decades and each girl’s family is somehow a part of it,” or anything else that would make sense and be surprising and refreshing to see, bring your expectations lower. Again. Again.

Chapter Twenty Eight

(Levi) didn’t reply to my urgent message that I had news.

There are assassins after Dora and her solution is to text her boyfriend about it. Can’t tell if that’s a clever dig at teen logic, or just bad writing. Who am I kidding? I know the answer to that one.

(...) I hear Molly’s voice [rather than Levi’s] after Mom opens the door, a different kind of happiness rolls through me. I need her almost as much as I need Levi.

But... why? What has Molly ever done for you besides complain about you not using your new social status for good, then getting mad at you for using your new social status for good?

“But there might be...” An assassin. “I killer.”

Why not tell Molly about the fact that ASSASSINS ARE AFTER YOU?!!

I grunt. “You don’t know him.”

“I don’t have to know him. He’s got a reputation.”

“Like I said, you don’t know him. You know his reputation, which is based on hearsay and rumors (.)”

You mean she’s judging him just like you did in the beginning and never apologized for or even acknowledged?

On the floor are Bree, Shannon, and Ashleigh.

I swear Bree hasn’t appeared once in this book. Did the author suddenly realize she didn’t have enough people on the list? 

“What about---”

“Molly!”

She shuts up and grabs Shannon (.)

Um... can she not talk and carry Shannon outside?

Chapter Twenty Nine

Quinte... Fifth

You don’t have to translate words everyone already knows.

Should I flash the brights? Honk? Signal for help? 

Yeah because the assassin won’t notice any of that from the backseat.

“Stop crying, Quinte. One of the reasons I chose you is that you aren’t a baby.”

Crying is bad now? Cool. While the villain says this, we all know it’s just a way for the author to splooge about how great Dora is. Even bad guys love her.

“That’s the thing about English. It changes too much. Not like Latin, right, my friend?”

THAT’S BECAUSE LATIN IS A DEAD LANGUAGE I’M DONE

“I invented the list because I needed a finite set of individuals who are easily controlled and can be victims of occasional accidents.”

So you chose able-bodied teenage girls who don’t often get into accidents rather than, I don’t know, powerless senior citizens who often get into accidents? Someone teach this guy the proper way to be a villain. 

“No proof, no evidence, no clues, no suggestion of foul play.”

“Then why do you leave those coins?”

“Proof that it wasn’t an accident,” he says. “Proof that only certain people in my society would understand and believe.”

BUT YOU JUST SAID YOU LEAVE BEHIND NO PROOF. EVEN IF IT’S PROOF FOR A CERTAIN GROUP OF PEOPLE, IT’S STILL PROOF. ANY COP WORTH A DAMN CAN FIGURE OUT IT’S NO COINCIDENCE IF THE DEAD GIRLS ARE ALL ON THE LIST AND ALL HAD THE COIN AT THEIR SITES OF DEATH. DAMN THIS AUTHOR IS AN IDIOT.

“If you’d done your research, you would have seen that many of the girls on the list fall into the category of not so hot, but so very... vulnerable.”

Potential lesson about beauty being in the eye of the beholder and standards of beauty being ridiculous? Not in my YA book. Instead, we shove everything aside for a stupid assassin plot line and some extra misogyny. 

Chapter Thirty

I don’t know what to expect, except that it can’t be good.

No shit, Dora. What gave that away? The assassin in your backseat?

“You kill people to get a promotion?”

Does she not understand how assassins operate? 

And then... Levi. I have to find him, too.

Fuck him, worry about getting away from this ASSASSIN IN YOUR BACKSEAT DORA COME ON GIRL, PRIORITIES!

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

She’s asking Jarvis this after like twenty minutes with him. Instead, she was busy asking him about the list she claims to not care about.

“Sure, there will be evidence of a murder [Molly’s],” he continues. “The one you committed. And then you’ll jump off the cliff in remorse.” He tapers his eyes to angry slits. “I’ll still prove my point to them.”

To who?

FUCKING HELL DORA, THE ASSASSINS HE’S SPENT THE LAST FIFTEEN MINUTES RANTING ABOUT WANTING A PROMOTION FROM. 

Come on, Molls!

You’re being beat to death, now’s not the time for nicknames.

The girls zipline to get away from the assassin.

Yeah. They do that, using the power of Latin!

The next four chapters are the LAST ONES and I’m celebrating. 

Chapter Nineteen

“Because I’m sexy and I know it?” he sings, giving his shoulders a playful shimmy.

I am… so uncomfortable.

(...) and listening to really annoying rap music.

Caucasians who listen to Mumford be like-

“Whatever. If anyone is capable of murder, it’s that kid.”

“Murder? Who said anything about murder?”

You did. When you met Levi.

“Maybe the list is cursed. Like there’s a price you have to pay for being so hot.”

I have to work to keep the disgust out of my voice. “That might be the stupidest thing I have ever heard. And not even funny, because I’m on that list.”

Does Dora… hear herself speak?

“Do you really know how the votes are tallied?” I ask again. “Do you know if it’s… legit?”

But you don’t CARE about popularity and hotness, Dora.

I can see that the needle is well clear of seventy. It feels like eighty. Ninety. Oh, God.

Where I live, in the middle of a dense urban metroplex, the speed limit is seventy in most places. Chill.

I suck in a breath at the name of the incoming caller, more in disbelief than anything.

Levi Sterling.

Time for GBB to come to the rescue after GGB did something douchey. Gag me.

Chapter Twenty

“Damn, this thing is heavy.”

“Real gold is,” I say. “I can’t believe Josh carries it around like pocket change. And then leaves it by accident.”

This girl is really so dumb. She actually thinks he carries it around like POCKET CHANGE and left this gold coin on the gas station counter by ACCIDENT. Dora has been demoted from clueless to brainless.

“There’s a source… of money.” He looks at the coin. “A place full of coins like this.”

Nope. Nope nope nope. We’re not about to exotic global adventure this book. I refuse.

The driver’s side is away from us, the windows tinted too black to see in, and I can’t see the plate.

First, she still remembers this plate number? Doubtful. Second, isn’t it illegal to have windows too dark?

I look, but all I can see is a guy in a hoodie walking briskly to the pickup truck, his face down, looking at a phone, no package in his hands.

‘Spicious. Looking at a phone? Felon in the making!

(Levi grabs the coin) “Don’t you see, Mackenzie? He’s tracking us with this thing!”

HAHAHAHAHAHA NO

“What’s your plan?”

“I have no idea. I’m making it up as I go along.”

Is this how the book was created?

He gives me a half smile. “But I’m sure (the plan will) be good.”

This is not the time for showboating and trying to make GBB seem “cool.” People are dying, Bethany.

Chapter Twenty-One

The plan, it so happens, is brilliant.

If you have to tell the reader that the plan is brilliant, it’s not brilliant. Let your plot speak for itself.

(...) Micky D’s doesn’t hire kids with probation officers.

One, you’re a kid. Two, you’re on probation, not a felon. Third, it’s McDonald’s - they’ll hire anyone.

“But someone invited you to go to both places where the girls were killed?” “Died,” he corrects, but I just look away. Did they die in horrible accidents or were they helped along?

But if someone told him to go to both of these “accident” locations then what are the odds that this isn’t the work of a serial killer? Why is everyone lacking common sense in this book? Even GBB is a fucking moron.

ARS EST CELARE ARTEM

“Meaning… ‘It is art to conceal art,’” I say. “What the heck does that mean?(...)”

It means a certain author couldn’t think of anything more cringe-y.

“C’mon, let’s just see where it goes.”

White people.

“I know that quote,” Levi says. “It’s from the Bible. Matthew.” It’s my turn to look skeptical. “Wouldn’t take you for a Bible reader, Levi.”

Have I mentioned how much of a bitch Dora is?

“A secret door, like in the movies?”

I feel like the author spun the genre wheel four times and ended up with this mashed up book that doesn’t flow through its genres well. I’d rather be reading a separate group of wheel spins about a horror dramedy starring ghosts.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Amanda Wilson,” (Molly) says out loud, reading over my shoulder. “Is she your new BFF now?”

End me.

“The Sisters of the List?” Molly almost gags on the phrase. “Who says that?”

Molly referenced this name several chapters ago and now is acting as if it’s her first time hearing it. If the book was heading in the direction of Molly being evil, I’d give it points for subtle foreshadowing but this book isn’t so clever.

“I suppose that includes your BFF.”

Stop saying BFF. If someone in this conflict was named Jill, I’d find it a nice, too-young-and-you’ll-miss-it pop culture reference. But since this book is the farthest thing from witty, I’m cringing instead.

“Please, Amanda. Let me look at it. It could have a tracking device and someone could be on his way right here this minute to kill us.”

Lol but really what did she say? This can’t be it.

“Oh my God, I don’t want to die!”

“Then don’t.”

Thanks for the wise advice, Dora.

“What if he’s a ghost?” Shannon asks.

I don’t bother with a response to her shocking stupidity.

???? Shannon’s not the first person to mention something supernatural might be going on?? Dora’s saying this like she didn’t just go secret cave adventuring with Generic Bad Boy after finding gold coins with tracking devices in them. Why is Dora such a dick??

“Are there knives in here, Shannon? Anything in the kitchen?”

“I’ll look,” Dena says, darting into the galley kitchen and whipping open drawers and cabinets. “Coffee mugs,” she hollers.”

“Give one to each of us,” I order. “We’ll throw them at him. No knives?”

Three lines and so much to unpack. I’ll start with Dora ordering people around as if she has some sort of skills when it comes to surviving danger. The “give one to each of us” is so racially undertoned and I know the author didn’t catch it. This is why sensitivity readers are a blessing. She really came out here and wrote the black character being ordered to give coffee mugs to the white characters (and Candace). Coffee mugs are just a step away from tea cups, so I’m sure you know where I’m heading with this.

Also, coffee mugs? That’s your weapon, Dora? You think you’re going to hurt someone enough with 12 oz ceramic mugs for all of you to get away safe? When is Boots gonna get here? At least the monkey has more sense than you.

“Yeah.” (Molly) sniffs. “I do. That list changed you, and I… I…” She looks around from one to the other. “I don’t like who you’ve become.”

She… hasn’t changed… at all?? She’s still the insufferable dumbass we met in the beginning of the book? But now that she’s ready to mug fight with other girls, she’s ~changed~?? Cheap tension could’ve been this book’s name.

“Good.” Candace gives her a little shove. “‘Cause we don’t like you. Adios, amiga.”

So literally the only person on the List we’re allowed to like is Dena. Cool.

Do you think the author forgot Candace is Asian? I mean, of course, it isn’t weird that she’s saying a basic Spanish term, but given that Candace’s race is mentioned only once, it wouldn’t surprise me if the author wrote her, realized she only had one PoC, then couldn’t remember her race as she revised the book. Y’all know how white authors be.

Chapter Fifteen

We gather around the computer like I imagine people flocked to CNN when news broke in the pre-social network days. Our news comes from Facebook and Twitter, which is far more informative than anything on TV.

This “joke” didn’t age well. At all.

Fortunately, my mother is content to let me give her highlights from my screen rather than read over my shoulder. Because forget about it if she saw the word second or the list, or God forbid, my name and fifth. If she realized how close to home these posts were hitting, she’d wither and cry.

I love how it’s implied her mom would be overreacting by seeing her daughter’s name associated with a hit list. I’m pretty sure that would terrify most parents.

I stare hard at the street and then remember the numbers I got of the truck’s license plate.

Lmao but really what the fuck? Most people can’t even remember their own plate numbers for very long and you expect me to believe Dora can remember ones for a random truck she’s seen the plates of ONE TIME?

Oh my God, I can solve this murder.

Yeah, it’s as easy as having one license plate number and saying backpack three times.

Me, with the over-the-top imagination.

We’ve seen literally no evidence of that through this entire book. All things stemming from her over-the-top imagination has been stuff that really happened.

CHLOE DIED OF ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK!!!

WOW AMAZING WHY WOULD THIS COMPLETELY LAME WAY OF DYING BE ON FACEBOOK IN ALL CAPS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS??!!!

AND DIDN’T SHE LIKE.. JUST DIE?? HAVE THEY ALREADY HAD THE CORONER AND OTHER DEATH PROFESSIONALS EXAMINE HER, TELL HER FAMILY WHAT HAPPENED, THEN HER FAMILY TOLD THE PUBLIC ALL WITHIN LIKE AN HOUR?? TIMING WHOMST?

Chapter Sixteen

Police are good. If there’s a crime, the police will solve it.

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

“Everyone’s affected,” he says gently.

Everyone on that list is what he means.

Yeah because it’s not like those girls had friends and family. The only people in their lives who matter are the people on the same misogynistic list as them.

(...) I see a posse of police leave the office (...)

God, I’d hate to see what this book would be written like in 2018. “I see a squad of police skrrr skrrring out of the hella lit office fam turn up!”

From the office door, the dean steps toward them.

High schools have deans? I think that may be common in private schools but this is a public school.

Want to skip 4th per and take a ride? Need to talk.

I will give the author one thing done well and that is avoiding the “teenagers text like serial killers” trope. I’ve complained about this in a book of mine (93% Chance) and it’s basically when someone types like this “want 2 skip 4th per & take a ride, need 2 talk.” So, kudos to this author for skipping that for the most part. Unfortunately, the sentence has to be read more than once because “per” is an actual word and upon the first read, it makes it seem like Josh is literally meaning “4th per” instead of “4th period.”

I whip around to look at her, taking in her heavily made-up amber eyes and bright-green slut-liner, as Molly calls the inside-the-eye pencil.

Eyeliner is SLUTTY! Just say you hate women and go.

Also, guess who just discovered hyphens!

Chapter Seventeen

“Doesn’t your ability to do a split and wear those inane ribbons in your hair prove your worth?”

Things that are bad according to this book: cult lesbians, eyeliner, ribbons, mainstream music.

“Friendship. Connection. Forever sisterhood.”

“Oh, please,” I say, disgusted with this waste of time and still longing to know what is going on with Levi. “That just makes you a conformist, a joiner, and a person who needs a full support system.”

This just in: having a social life based around feminine things is WRONG and CONFORMIST and makes you a MINDLESS PUDDLE OF SLUTTY MCSLUTNESS.

Dena’s in jeans and sneakers but Candace is in full-on designer wear, with a short black skirt and wedge heels that clack against the linoleum in an exaggerated beat.

Translation: Dena is good and Candace is bad. Also, I love how Dena gets reduced to jeans and sneakers but Candace gets a full outfit description. I can’t tell if this is racist for dismissing Dena as the “acceptable” female ally to Dora, or racist for reducing Candace to the pretty model-esque girl. Either way, gotta love racism in YA books.

“Levi’s a ladies’ man,” she explains. “And maybe a ladykiller.”

(...) “Do you have any idea how serious it is to say something like that?”

Has Dora forgotten her initial prejudiced thoughts of Levi, where she suggested he was a rapist and killer?

(...) Dena and I share a look of amusement. Like me, she’s not a girl I’d have pegged for the Hottie List. She’s got a ‘fro and isn’t bone skinny, but her smile is infectious and people really like her.

Ignoring the author’s improper use of the word ‘fro, why do all the other girls get to be thin but Dena is bigger? Obviously there’s nothing wrong with being thicker but when that’s added to her being the only black girl in the story, as well as being the only one who dresses casually and (as we find out later) does sports, it seems that not only did the author want the black character to be Dora’s only ally in this sexist mess of a book, but she wanted her to be so different from the ~other girls~ that she could be used as a way to say “hey, Dora’s not being unrealistic and there’s no special treatment that made her part of the list despite her being a Plain Jane!”

TL; DR: this is racist.

I look around and don’t see too many honors students in the group; Candace is in some of my classes and Ashleigh is pretty smart, but the rest? I might have to be the brains of the operation.

First, you’re a fucking idiot, Dora. Second, so a girl not being in honors classes means she’s not smart? Going by this author’s logic, that means the sole black character happens to be a dumbass. In the real world, we know that some of the girls may be too busy in sports and cheer and student council to handle honors classes on top of them. But this is fiction about one author’s shitty idea of what high school is like in the 2010’s, so we gotta let this one slide, right?

“She knows…” She drags out her dramatic pause long enough to irritate. “A lot.”

I just wanna have a five-minute conversation with the editor of this book to explain how ellipses are supposed to work. Having five per page renders them ineffective. Having them in dialogue then following up the dialogue by telling the reader that it’s a dramatic pause is pointless. We already know it’s a dramatic pause. That’s the whole point of using the ellipses there and having the sentence eventually finished. Oh my god.

No one had investigated his death; it was ruled an accident.

Investigations still happen for accidents. Given the way her brother died, there was enough doubt present for an investigation to be conducted, even a short one. In a suburban town with a low crime rate, there should’ve been no problem having a few cops working on the case for a bit. But hey, why should I expect any of the legal mumbo-jumbo to make sense in a book about murder? This is just a cheap way for the author to drill it home that Conner’s death was an accident - wink.

Kylie: we have to appease… the keeper of the curse.

~later~

Shannon: “Will someone please tell me what that effing word means?”

“Appease means…” Kylie hesitates. “‘To pay off.’”

“Not exactly,” I correct. “It means ‘to make peace.’ Pais is peace in Latin.”

JFC Dora, Kylie herself explained the word as she meant it. Why do you have to hop your happy ass into this? It’s even worse when just a few lines later, we have:

Shannon: “So is there, like, a war?”

Kylie: “It’s more like blackmail, Shannon. We have to pay so we don’t die.”

So Kylie was right the whole time about how the word was being used and its meaning, and Dora was wrong because she felt the need to give a direct translation that nobody asked for. The narrative never acknowledges this.

“What kind of sacrifice?”

*cries because I know I’ll never get the lesbian cult book I deserve*

“No!” I bark the order(.)

She would’ve gotten popped for that one. Who the fuck is this bitch supposed to be??

Chapter Eighteen

“We were too busy having a coven in an empty lab downstairs.”

AHS, sweetie, I’m so sorry.

“There’s no denying that the hand of something very powerful is on this list. Something insidious and unpredictable, something that thrives on the unexpected and never leaves a trace of crime in its wake, only the stink of a curse.”

In a rare bit of positivity for this book, I actually do like this part from Nurse Fedder. It’s tonally creepy and would work great for this book if the book was actually good and there wasn’t a glaring problem since we know this isn’t a paranormal book: everything in her speech could result from a skilled serial killer. Getting to the conclusion that this is a curse is a big logic leap.

“No one death has ever been anything but a freak accident. No crime, no evidence of murder, no other person involved. Believe me, we’ve investigated.”

But you’re not experienced detectives? How much investigating could you have done to lead you to “nobody’s been murdered”????

This marks halfway through the book, and don’t worry: it gets worse from here.

both stories okay here we go

4.  Which oc is most well known in their community?

Noire: Definitely Caspar, because this guy has managed to get into so much shit. First he was in the middle of a murder investigation in high school, then he was a missing person himself when he dropped off the face of the earth. And even before that literally everyone at school knew him so yeah definitely him

Tafd: Hale, because it’s pretty hard to be the quote on quote most dangerous superhuman in the government’s eyes without being well known. Also because he’s the first person to ever survive escaping Anther

6. Which ocs are good friends but always end up on opposing teams?

Noire: Elena and Jenny. They’re roommates, so they’re close, but their personalities are just so different that it’s impossible for them to agree on anything. That and they’re super competitive and always ready to beat the other at whatever they’re doing

Tafd: This one was hard but I’d have to say Arden and Kian probably. Not really on the whole which side do they take in an argument thing, but if it’s a competition they’re ready to kick the others ass (and mock whoever lost for a good two weeks)

7. Which ocs couldn’t cooperate if their lives depended on it?

Noire: Rafael and Caspar. Mostly because of the whole Rafael was hired by the guy who wants to kill Caspar. Also because they’re polar opposites and tend to disagree on literally everything. They would probably get into a ten minute argument over something as trivial as coke or pepsi

Tafd: Hale and Maddox. They used to work really well together, but then Hale fucked up and Maddox- with good reason- was furious at him for it. When Hale finally comes back from Anther they’re barely on speaking terms, which means working together is definitely not an option. Too bad it’s going to happen in the story anyways