#taeminstretto

So Jaejoong smiles.

"Is everything going to fit?" he asks.

Taemin is hesitant to break eye contact for a moment, maybe still suspicious, but eventually he nods, going back to packing in the last of his hats.

"Do you need anything else? We can go down and get you some more sweats if-"

"Hyung."

Jaejoong stops, because his little brother is pouting at him. He doesn’t like Jaejoong spending money on him, not more than necessary. Jaejoong knows this. He’s been told so many times, but still, it doesn’t get rid of the impulse to do so. 

"I have enough stuff," Taemin says with a small grunt, because its work trying to cram everything into two bags. Not that he has a lot of things, but fitting his life into a duffle and a suitcase, the most prized possessions in the backpack that won’t leave his person, its still kind of hard to do. 

Jaejoong nods this time, walking inside their room and sitting on the bed. He and Taemin have shared a bed for years now. As embarrassing as that might have been for a teenager, having to sleep with his big brother, Taemin never complained about it. Not even when his friends from school came over and said something, because the one bedroom apartment was all they could afford. 

The sound of a zipper being forced to close has Jaejoong lifting his eyes again, watching Taemin’s hands tug on the uncomplying bag until its firmly zipped up. Taemin sighs and gets up, his movements so easy and fluid, just like a dancer’s should be. It never fails to awe Jaejoong. 

"Well. That’s it then," he states, looking down at his life packed away, turning with his hands on his waist as he looks to his hyung. 

Jaejoong smiles again, a little teasing lit to it. “Its the first time you’re not scrambling at the last minute.”

A sheepish smile is given in reply, and Jaejoong can see how excited Taemin is. Jaejoong would be excited to, no, he is excited for Taemin, its just…

Apparently, Taemin sees the thought in his brother’s expression, because the next thing he says isn’t expected at that moment. 

"I’m gonna miss you hyung."

Jaejoong can’t say anything, he just reaches out his arms, pulling Taemin into a tight embrace. 

"You’ll be alright."

—————————

When Jaejoong gets back from the train station, there’s an uncomfortable feeling of quiet in the apartment. 

He walks back to the bedroom to stare at the half empty closet. 

Taemin’s hug and words come back to him then. 

"I know you can do it hyung. You can find what you wanna do too."

Jaejoong hadn’t been sure how to reply then, he’d simply hugged Taemin a little tighter, before having to let him go so he could board the train, the one that would take him to the dance company that was going to make him into a professional. 

He hadn’t been sure how to reply, because he hadn’t been sure how to tell Taemin that taking care of his little brother had been everything for him. Now that his little brother isn’t so little any more, he’s not sure what else there is for him. 

————————-

Jaejoong makes it to Taemin’s debut performance. He feels apart from the rest of the people in the audience, because that’s his little brother. But when Taemin starts dancing, he feels just like everyone else:

Awed and speechless and so enthralled in the dedication and passion that has produced the art taking place that stage.

———

"Hyung!"

Its nearly a screech, but Jaejoong is smiling brilliantly as Taemin launches himself at his brother. Jaejoong only has a glimpse of stage makeup and sweaty temples before he’s got an armful of little brother. He can feel that Taemin is stronger, just by the way he’s hugging him back so tight. 

After the hug Taemin drags Jaejoong backstage with him, introducing him to all the other company members. Jaejoong makes a lot of them laugh and smile, almost unbelieving in himself how outgoing and social he’s being with complete strangers, even if they’re friends of Taemin’s. Its just that seeing his brother again has him feeling so happy, in that moment he couldn’t care in the slightest if someone took the time to dislike him.

———————

Taemin isn’t able to make it back for new years. They have rehearsals and shows and specials and Jaejoong understands-

He just doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

He doesn’t know how to answer when Taemin calls him, and asks what’s new with him. 

He thinks he notices Taemin’s progressive worry each time he’s unable to say there is anything new.

———————-

Taemin makes a surprise visit, but its not just Taemin.

There’s Minhyuk too. 

But Jaejoong isn’t saddened by that, any part of little brother’s life is wonderful to him, and Minhyuk is funny and nice to him too, but mostly, he makes Taemin so happy.

Jaejoong isn’t upset about the visit at all, its wonderful seeing his brother’s smiles. He’s smiling almost as much, is happy too, until the two of them decide to go stay in a hotel for the night, instead of in the apartment. 

———————-

"Omigahd. You’re Taemin’s brother!? Ohmigod how did I not notice before!?"

"We have different fathers so-"

"You’re both so gorgeous! It makes total sense! Oh wow I can’t believe this. Can you get me an autograph or something!? Please?"

Its not the first request, and Jaejoong nods, glad to oblige, a sends of pride welling up in him to know that people love his brother so much. 

His coworker squeals in delight when he says he will.

"But hey. Its so weird. You’re just working here and he’s so famous-"

Jaejoong stops listening after that. 

——————

"Hyung. What’s wrong? Why- Why does it seem like you’re not trying to do anything anymore?"

Jaejoong shifts uncomfortably. Its not the sofa he’s sitting on, because Taemin’s new apartment has good furniture. 

"Hyung."

Its almost a whine, and Jaejoong nearly laughs at Taemin’s tone, gaining a frown from his younger brother. This is supposed to be a serious talk, because Taemin has his serious face on. Jaejoong bites at his tongue to keep from teasing his brother. 

"Hyung, I’m really worried about you."

Jaejoong smiles a little, not because he wants Taemin to worry, but, because its just nice to know that Taemin does worry, for him. Jaejoong rubs his toes together, and watches them as he answers. 

"I’m doing alright. I’ve just realized that… I never thought about what I wanted. When I was younger. I don’t know if there’s anything I do want Taemin."

When he looks up again, he understands why Taemin seems confused. Its something that Taemin can’t really grasp, the idea of not knowing what he wants to do. Or simply just not doing something. 

Taemin isn’t sure what else to ask, and Jaejoong is okay with that, so instead of focusing on him, they simply slip back into their ways of enjoying one another’s company.

They’d never been the type of siblings to really talk about those kinds of things anyways.

———————-

Taemin lives away from him, but Jaejoong makes a point of going to his shows when he can. They don’t hang out much, because Taemin is famous and can’t go to many public places, but Jaejoong cherishes the times when they do. Taemin had been fun when he was a kid, when he was a teenager too, but Taemin is also fun even when he’s more grown up. Their dynamic changes a little, as Jaejoong finds more of a friend in his brother, and that makes him smile all on its own. 

Taemin is his own person now. Not Jaejoong’s dongsaeng. 

Its different, but not bad. Just different, and Jaejoong realizes that things can’t ever go back to being how they were before. 

During the next show he goes to, he stops looking for the little brother in Taemin when he watches him on the stage. Instead, he sees an artist. 

Things can’t go back to how they were before. Taemin will never be his little brother to care for again. He doesn’t need someone to take care of him any more, just as Jaejoong doesn’t need anyone to take care of him either. 

They’re both adults. They can take care of themselves.

Jaejoong decides he should start on the job he’s been neglecting, the one he forgot about ever since he and Taemin had been left on their own.