#taecalikook

Seokjin is 33 years old this year, and you are 31. Years ago, you weren’t really interested in marriage. You were fully capable of living on your own, not really interested in love and that’s about it. Even so, your mother never stopped sending you lists of men she’s going to introduce you to—but you quickly shut her off by busying yourself with work and all. 

Yet no matter how heartless you might be, seeing your mother crying her heart out before bed for god to give you a good husband and family, you finally caved and agreed to one blind date. She couldn’t be happier to give you the name of your suitor. 

Kim Seokjin. A 31 years old, living in his own apartment, working in a local bank as a manager. 

When you first heard about him, there’s no outstanding or over the top qualities he possessed, and probably that’s how you prefer him to be. Yet when you saw him first, there’s literally nothing else you preferred him to be.

“I’m sorry for this, but… I actually have no interest in marriage.”

He thought you would be slapping him across the face after saying such a ridiculous statement on the first meeting, yet when your face lightened up, he was not less than confused. 

“Me too! I only did this because of my mother.” You squealed in delight of finding the person that shares your pain. “I never intend to get married myself.” 

“God, I was scared you’ll take this the wrong way.” He finally sighed in relief, was afraid of offending you. “My mother, she is.. sick right now, and she has never stopped saying that she wants to see me married before she dies.”

“I understood that. And I’m sorry, I hope she’ll be fine soon.” You sincerely wished him well. As far as you were concerned, Seokjin looked like a great guy. He deserved better, anyway, and high chance he would be a good friend. It’s not often to see someone not too desperate to chase love after reaching your age.

After another hour talking about anything but yourself, Seokjin reaches out for the bill. “Are you up for desserts?” He asked with a thin smile, and you nod happily, thinking about the sweets you were about to consume.

That evening, when your mother asked what happened with the date, you told her that she shouldn’t expect more about Seokjin. Yet the day after, Seokjin messaged you asking for a second date, your mother was over the moon. And that was how you spent another six months in a vague relationship with Seokjin, where it seemed like both of you were serious, yet there’s no feelings attached. Seokjin was a best friend, and an outstanding listener, but that’s about it. 

One day, Seokjin asked about the idea of marrying you, whether you would detest the idea. And strangely, you didn’t. The week after, Saturday night you were just sitting in his apartment eating his homemade dishes, Seokjin asked whether you wanted him to marry you. After setting a few basic rules, and just like that you agree. 

That’s how you’ve been living with a bestfriend-like-husband.

Sex is absolutely off limit, and not that Seokjin has initiated it before. You are sleeping in the same bed, but Seokjin generously chooses the giant king bed that is rather disproportionate to the whole room to ensure both of you have personal space in bed. In the morning, Seokjin usually cooks, and you’ll take turns cleaning the apartment. You’ll water the small plants near the window, changing your bed sheet, and cleaning your wedding photo from dust. 

On Saturday or Sunday, both of you will have brunch together in the nearest cafe then lounge around watching netflix on your large TV. Once every month he’ll have a drink with fellow friends or you’ll meet up with your best friends, and meet with your parents or in-laws. 

Living with Seokjin is a series of routinity, and you actually don’t mind. Maybe you're already in the age when you are surreptitious, and had enough of surprises. 

After taking a long warm bath and getting inside your comfy sheets, you settle for a while in silence until a name comes up on your screen. Your mother-in-law is calling. You abruptly  rise to sit, pressing the green button. “Hi, mother. How are you doing?”

“I’m very great now listening to my precious daughter’s voice!” She gleefully squeals, strangely energized. You glance at the clock on your nightstand. It’s already ten. Now it reminds you Seokjin’s not home yet. “Seokjin’s father is having a birthday lunch this Saturday. You can come right? Do come by eleven, okay?” 

“Ah, I see. We will, mom.” You smile, internally noting the event to let Seokjin reserve his time. The talks then continue with your condition, whether you’re well or having sickness whatsoever—you know she actually means to ask if you’re going to give her a grandchild anytime soon. You answer demurely, not that it surprises you as your own mother has been going on and on and on about it as well. But how can you say that when you haven’t even kissed him more than five times in the past two and a half years?

But to think about it, Seokjin really has a great self-control if he really is not having an affair—for the lack of better terms—outside your marriage. Not that it would upset you whatsoever, it’s just not something you’d rather discuss with each other. Both of you agreed it would be okay to do whatever you both want, as long as you’re open to each other—but so far, nothing has implied otherwise. You somehow feel an urgency to talk about it, as you know Seokjin is a healthy man who must have his own needs as well—the one you can’t help with. 

After the call ends, Seokjin enters your bedroom at the same time, looking crumpled as ever. The top two buttons on his shirt are undone, face looks beyond exhaustion, and… the fly of his trousers is opened. You are unable to hold a sly smile.

“Are you tired?” You greet, and Seokjin nods, sighing deeply. 

“Today was pretty shitty. A client was being a jackass as per usual.” Seokjin throws his bag on the table, taking off his suit. “I think I’m going to take a long hot shower. You can sleep first.”

You hum. “Okay. I turned up the water heater, so you can go in now.”

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re a lifesaver.” Seokjin sighs in relief.

“You’re welcome. And Saturday, your father is having a birthday lunch and your mother asked us to come. Do arrange your schedule. And Seokjin?” You ask, and Seokjin looks up to you in confusion, waiting for you to continue.

“Your fly is open.”

“Fuck.” He curses and looks down, immediately zipping it close. “I hope I didn’t embarrass myself. And I swear it was nothing, I may have forgotten to close it in the restroom before going home.”

“It’s okay. You can do whatever you want, anyway.” You heartily giggle in amusement—with lots of subtle meaning behind words—settling back on your side of bed and hearing Seokjin softly closes the door behind him.

*

It’s already Friday, and somehow you still feel anxious. The day is closing soon, and tomorrow you’ll be meeting your in-laws for a family lunch, yet you are aware it’s not that simple. You have to pretend you have a real, conservative marriage with Seokjin, and it stresses you out. Not because you have to pretend to be in love—you’d rather think you’re relatively good at that, but having to lie to his parent’s face that Seokjin’s dick has ever entered you to get them a grandchild is nauseating.

“Why are you so tense, Y/N?” Hoseok chuckles, tapping your shoulder. “It’s Friday night. You should be all smiles.”

“Just meeting a few of my in-laws tomorrow. I’m a bit… nervous. That’s all.”

Jane who is sitting beside you immediately joins in. “Ah, that’s hard. My in-laws are jackasses, hence I’d rather steer clear from any family meetings. Why are you nervous? Are they annoying bastards as well?”

“No, they’re not like that.” You shake your head, confused on how to explain that you are not having a real marriage with Seokjin like most married couples. You’d rather not. “Well, I think I’m just having cold feet. That’s all.”

“You should come with us, then.” Hoseok offers with a whole ass large smile which shows his perfect teeth. “We’re having a drink tonight. No worry, we’re not going all the way to night. Just a slow one. You’ll be fine.”

That’s how you agreed to attend with a few of your peers, notably Hoseok and Jane who are your teammates, Namjoon from Legal, Jungkook from Accounting, and a few other friends you are only on name basis with. It surely started slow, and you gave Seokjin a short call before entering the bar. 

“Seokjin, hi. I’m out for drinks with friends, I’ll be a bit late, okay? But not too late though, only for two hours, three hours max.” You smile at Jungkook who is asking you to come. You gesture for him to enter before you. “I’ll give you a call when I’m done.”

“I see. Where are you drinking exactly?” He asks calmly. You quickly mention the name and address of the bar. “Okay. Let me know when you’ll be coming home, I’ll get you.”

“Ah, it’s okay! I think Hoseok or Jungkook can drive me home. No worry.”

“I see. Be safe, okay? And don’t get too hammered, we still have that lunch tomorrow.” Seokjin calmly reminds you. Probably due to the fact that you’re that quick to lose control, and the struggles he had to face on a regular basis to deal with drunk you.

Something inside you stirs at the remembrance of tomorrow’s event, but you quickly shrug it. You’re drinking to forget, anyway.  “Of course. See you!”

As it should’ve been easily predicted, you’re really loose with your alcohol control, especially with the great atmosphere and company. With Hoseok and Jane, one drink becomes two, and then four, and then in a blink, you lose count. You really should’ve predicted it, now drunkenly blabbering whatever inside your mind. Yet at once, you stumble on your seat and nearly fall until Jungkook catches you by the waist.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook checks up on you, staring at your blushing face, eyes hooded like completely feeling the alcohol dancing in your spine. “You look drunk, Y/N. Maybe you should cut the alcohol.”

“Yeah, I think I should.” You sigh, resting the glass back on the table. You rub your forehead. “I shouldn’t be drinking, since tomorrow I’m meeting my in-laws, and it’s.. fucking.. suck! You know why, Jungkook?” Jungkook shakes his head, amusement visible in his eyes while looking at you.

“Because they’ll keep asking about grandchildren.” You scoff. “They’ll keep wanting me to have a child, especially with the fact that Seokjin’s younger brother already has three of those. But how can I say it to them?”

“Why? Is there any reason you don’t want to have kids? Are you waiting?”

You hit the table with your fisted hand, aggrieved. “It’s not that. How can I when.. when.. I haven’t even had sex with my own husband?” 

“What?” Jungkook really couldn’t believe his ear. You have been married for more than two years and haven’t had sex with your husband? How is that even possible is beyond him. “Are you serious? Why?”

“Y/N.” 

Jungkook looks back at the source of the voice, finding Seokjin’s dark eyes looking at your figure, resting your head on the table. Jungkook immediately lets go of his hand on your skin. “Ah, sorry.”

“It’s okay. She must be drunk.” Seokjin sighs, circling his hands around your waist. Not that he didn’t expect it, but he feels extremely uncomfortable with the fact that someone else is aware of your little arrangement, especially with it being someone he doesn’t even know besides a name. “I’ll take her now. Here.” He says, slapping a few bills for your drinks.

Not even muttering goodbyes for Jungkook or other drunk people on the table, Seokjin instantly takes you back to his car. A minute of silence he’s staring at your face, Seokjin lightly flicks your head in annoyance before taking off, after ensuring you’re well secured on the passenger side.

*

“I’m sorry.”

The moment you’re awake, the memory instantly hits you like a truck inside your throbbing head. Constantly shoving drinks up your throat, dancing with Jane and Hoseok, and little talk with Jungkook. You also faintly make out Seokjin’s face getting you from the bar in your memory—right before passing out. God, it’s totally a mess. You really should avoid drinks again at all costs now.

“Are you awake?” Seokjin calmly asks while stirring breakfast on the pan. You nod, standing beside him. “The soup will be ready in a second. You can get our plates.”

Realizing that the talk is about to happen, you silently follow his order and prepare a few of the utensils on the table. You sit down to wait for Seokjin to join, and when he does, you are still waiting for him to open the conversation. In the midst of eating in silence, Seokjin suddenly breaks the silence.

“Do you want to have a child?”

Out of shock, you literally choke on your soup, the liquid entered the wrong pipe. Yet even when tapping your back lightly, he still has the nerves to laugh. 

“That’s not funny!” You scowl in annoyance, gulping the water Seokjin offered. Your husband is a total jerk, you really should’ve known.

“It is. And I really need to know, since last night you were talking to your friend about our sexless marriage in such a heart wrenching manner I just had to ask.”

You are silenced in guilt with the mention of last night, resting back the glass. “It’s not like that.” 

Seokjin cocks his head. “So what is it like?”

“No, I was just stressed about the fact that our families are pressuring us to have a child.” You sigh, never actually telling Seokjin about the pressure on your shoulder. “My mother even once asked me to consult with Obstetricians if my eggs are not working. Why didn’t she doubt your sperm instead?! Annoying.”

“Y/N. You really should’ve told me if my mother and yours has been pressing you to have a child.” Seokjin speaks in good nature, even with a hint of scolding. “I will let her know that it’s our decision, and we’ll have kids whenever we are ready.”

You nod. “Thank you. And I’m very sorry, by the way. Yesterday was a bit much, I know.”

“It’s fine.” He says, tapping the top of your head. “I’ll take a bath first, and we’ll go about an hour. Okay?”

And as predicted, the one that welcomes you and Seokjin even from far is Taehyun, Taehyung’s five years old eldest son. He runs with his two little feet with a light shout of glee until he clings to Seokjin’s thigh. “Auntie! Uncle! Hi!”

“Hi, Taehyun! How are you?!” Seokjin instantly takes him by the waist, bringing him up to his grasp and kisses his lumpy cheek. You are unable to hide a swooned smile. “Are you a smart boy now? Have you made friends in kindergarten?”

“Of course!” He squeals, and proceeds to tell him about his exciting kindergarten stories. You walk in, immediately welcomed by Tasha, Taehyung’s wife in a bear hug. “Sister-in-law! How are you doing? You look great.”

“I’m fine, Tasha, thanks.” You giggle in delight. You have always been close with Tasha, as she is a wonderful woman and a good friend as well. “You look amazing. And god, that hair is exquisite.”

Tasha laughs while sheepishly fixing her hair of light purple highlights. “Got a few dirty looks from my boss and Taehyung’s mother, but it’s all worth it I guess. Who said mother of three can’t rock highlights, right?”

“Absolutely!”

“You two beautiful ladies should come in.” Seokjin’s father beams at the two, gesturing to enter the house. “My wife has already prepared loads and loads of food, so I hope you’re hungry.”

“Happy birthday, father.” You smile, giving the old man a hug. “I hope this year is the best year that brings happiness to your life.”

“Well, a wish that this is not my last year in life is sufficient, but that is well welcomed as well.” He jokes, as the three of you enter the home. “Thanks anyway, Y/N. Greatly appreciated.”

“My granddaughters!” Your mother-in-law literally shouts, kissing you both on the cheek. “You both look amazing. My two sons should be thanking their lucky stars for having you both as a wife.”

“We are, mother. Every night.” Taehyung appears on your side, giving you a side hug of welcome. “How are you, sister-in-law? You’re doing great, right?”

“Amazing, Taehyung. Thank you for asking. I hope you’re well rested while taking care of the lovely miniatures of you.” You look at the three children, Taehyun, the twin Taejin and Taerin playing with their toys in the middle of the living room with your husband. 

“The sitter helps, of course.” Taehyung giggles, and Tasha elbows him with a scowl. Your mother quickly wraps the heart warming greetings and guides the whole family to be seated for the lunch prepared. And boy is the dining table packed with countless foods, not even including the dessert on the small table in the corner of the room. You just hope this won’t go to waste.

“No worries, we’ll be packing this as well to have it distributed to neighboring orphanages along with a few other donations.” Seokjin’s mother beams, sensing your worry after looking onto the countless plates.

An hour passes by quickly with the family digging on the delish in front of them. While chatting among themselves, Taehyung and Tasha hand their own gift to his father. “Here it is, father. Happy 65th birthday, hope you are always happy and healthy.” He beams, hugging his father. The large package is heavy on his hand, and your father in law laughs in glee.

It was a beautiful sight, yet you feel terribly uneasy. You haven’t gotten him anything, and Seokjin never discussed this before. How can you forget? God, you’ve really shame yourself and Seokjin in front of his family.

“What is this?” The old man questions and rips the wrapper.

“Open it.” Father quickly opens the package, and sees multiple items neatly stuffed in the box. “Healthy supplements and tea, warm jacket, acupuncture mat, few other things that can help you live longer.” Taehyung grins. The old man rolls his eyes, but nonetheless looks content with the gift.

“Thank you, son! Will put this into a good use.”

Amongst your panic of reaching out to Seokjin beside you, he instead takes turns in handing the gift of his own, an envelope, which catches you by surprise. He never talked about bringing a gift before. “This is from me and Y/N, father. Happy birthday.”

“What is this?” Your father curiously opens the envelope. At once, he literally squeals, unable to hide the delight in his face. “A two way ticket to Japan? Son, this is too much.”

“It’s not. It’s the least we can do for you and mother.” Seokjin says good-naturedly, like the precious son he is. You stare at him strangely. “Y/N and I also arranged a few stops that could be great to improve your health as well. No worries, there will be a guide as you’ll be on tour.”

“Thank you, son!” Your father and mother take turns hugging both you and Seokjin, and you only reply while in a hazen state, don’t know how or what to feel. As long as you know, it all comes from his pocket, and it’s his money to spend. You don’t even know why you feel weirded out. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Can you at least pretend my gifts are worthy too?” Taehyung jokes, shaking his head in faux disappointment. “The health supplements cost a fortune too, father! You’re being too mean with your reaction.”

“I’m just so happy my two sons are happy with their own family.” The old man beams in delight. “And your mother prepared a gift for you and Seokjin too, Y/N. Darling, you can give it to them, okay? I’m going to the restroom.”

“Why aren’t you giving it to me too?” Taehyung whines to his mother as Tasha elbows him for the nth time already. 

“You don’t get one because you don’t need it, Taehyung.” 

Seokjin’s mother quickly shoves you a gift with the largest of smiles, and truth to be told, you instantly feel uneasy. A gift in which you need and Taehyung don’t? An easy guess instantly comes to your senses. It must be it. There’s no other way.

“We’ll open this when we get home.” You turn your head to Seokjin, seeing how expressionless he has become. Is he angry? He swiftly takes the gift from you, resting it on the other side of the room.

“Ah, it’s good to. Just be careful using it, okay? It’ll be very helpful with the conception, trust me. It’s been passed down with generations.” Seokjin’s mother winks, looking very satisfied, yet you feel queasy, feeling like you’re soon puking your heart out. On your side, you can detect how silent Taehyung and Tasha have become, and you swear you never felt this pathetic and miserable before.

“Thank.. you.”

Seokjin holds you by the hand with his face is beyond enraged now—yet you know he could never be angry with his parents. He’s a mama's boy, and you like it that he is, but you really feel like going home and crying your heart out. But you have to endure longer hours feeling like total shit with your in-laws around.

“Father, mother, Y/N and I had to go home. I just remember we had stuff to do at home.” Seokjin curtly says, and you whip your head at him in surprise. You mostly did not expect it. 

“Why? You don’t really have to do it right now—but if you really have to, it’s okay.” Your mother giggles, content with the idea that you and your husband need to leave because both of you are going to fuck and give them grandchildren. God, your head literally throbs with the misunderstanding.

“Y/N, get to the car.” Seokjin mutters tensely, there is not a hint of emotion beside morse in his tone. “Mom, can we talk?”

“Seokjin, no.” You whisper while tugging on his sleeve. “Don’t do it.”

“Y/N, get to the car.” He repeats, like he is not up for any negotiation. You are scared of what he’s going to say to his mother. Is he going to say about the fact that your marriage is faux and is only done to please her? But that’s not what you want, just thinking about it makes you sick. “You can leave the gift here.”

Mildly confused at the sudden tense situation, your mother-in-law silently nods and complies to talk with her son. Against his order, you pick up the gift and move to give Taehyung, Tasha and their three children a parting hug. 

“Hey, I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Tasha worriedly says, and you nod with a strained smile. “Be safe in driving home.”

“We will. Taehyung, thanks.” You hug the pouting guy, as he gives you a squeezing hug of consolation. 

“Our parents can be prodding like that. I am very sorry.”

Walking back into the room finding the confusing tense, Seokjin’s father looks at you about to say goodbye. “Are you leaving?” 

“Yes. I’m afraid we have something coming up.” You forced a smile, yet you know your father-in-law completely understands the whole situation.

“Okay then. Give this old man a parting hug.” The kind man then hugs you dearly like you’re a daughter he never had. “Thank you for coming. And I’m very sorry.”

“It’s nothing! Everything is great.” Like an idiot, you still try to lie through your teeth in front of the wise man—it’s ridiculous. “Happy birthday, father.”

Walking inside Seokjin’s car, you patiently wait another ten minutes until he comes in with an unreadable expression. And when he sits beside you, he heave a deep breath. 

“Is everything okay? What did you say?” You fret in panic.

“Nothing much. That it’s already tough for both of us now, and we’ll have kids whenever we want to.” Seokjin hums, glancing at the gift his mother gave yet refusing to comment. “I’m very sorry that I haven’t realized this before. I know it must be stressing you out.”

“Not really. I’m just.. tired.” You hollowly laugh, Seokjin slowly taking off the house onto the street. Spending a few minutes staring at the gift secured on your lap, you mutter—more to yourself. 

“Do you think we should just have a child?” 

At the unexpected question, Seokjin glances at you. Next five minutes are spent in deep silence before...

“Do you love me?”

The questions really create a ripple of shock in your whole body. You literally have no idea whether he’s being serious or not.

“W-what?”

“I don’t want to have a child when both of us know there is no love here. We both don’t love each other.” Seokjin mutters lowly, eyes trained on the road. “Let’s not put more innocent people into misery.”

Misery.

Misery.

You don’t know why that word hurts more than you thought it would, coming out from Seokjin’s mouth.

*

As expected, the things between you and Seokjin have become pretty frosty. Sunday morning, he excused himself to go fishing with Yoongi—his best friend of ten years, and you were thankful that you do not have to waste another second in his presence. Being with him is hard enough, not that you have to be reminded of the hurtful things he said.

Misery.

Yes, misery indeed. Having to marry someone you don’t have feelings for. 

But you thought he was a friend. Not that you chained him into this, and he was the one asking your hand in loveless marriage. He is being a total jackass. And you never should’ve said such nonsense. Having a child with someone you don’t love? Seriously? Even couples in love can end up in divorce because of kids—much less your ridiculous marriage.

And it sucks that this suffocates your whole being yet you can’t tell anyone, since nobody really knows you don’t have any attachment to your husband.

Well, beside...

“Hello? Is this Y/N?”

Listening to the velvety voice on the other side of the call, you instinctively gulp. Are you seriously going to talk to someone about this, more less Jeon Jungkook? You must be quite desperate. “Hi, Jungkook! I’m sorry to interrupt you. Is this.. an alright time?”

Jungkook chuckles on the other side. “Well, not really, but I can make it alright for you.”

You groan, instantly retracting your own will to talk about it to him. “You seriously did not just flirt with a married woman, right?”

“Of course not! Who do you take I am.” He giggles in mirth, and you roll your eyes. You really made a mistake by calling him. “I’m a bit busy now, but will be free in around… an hour. Do you want to meet?”

“I didn’t exactly say what I wanted to ask for.”

“I just know.” Jungkook hums, and you literally can imagine his annoying smirk on the other side of the call. “I’ll text you the details.”

You spend another seconds in silence, but reply nonetheless. There’s no harm in meeting a friend. Right? 

“Sure.”

*

“So let me get this straight. You—in this advanced, 21st century—agreed to a marriage where the both of you don’t even have little bit of interest in marriage? And all because your parents want you to?”

Now that Jungkook is saying it in front of your face, it does sound foolish.

“Is it.. weird?”

“What the fuck, Y/N. It’s not just weird. It’s crazy.” Jungkook scoffs, feeling the firsthand headache of dealing with the situation you are currently in. “I don’t know how much of a good daughter you are, but this is nuts. You are seriously chaining yourself to a relationship just out of pity, and because of someone else. You know that phrase ‘having only love is not enough in marriage’? You don’t even have that.”

Your eyebrows furrow, quite dejected that Jungkook really has to phrase it like that. The urge to defend yourself rushes unto you. “Yes, I know what we are doing now is silly, but I actually have no regret. Seokjin is a great guy, a good companion as well, and it’s basically just a living arrangement. I’m good.”

He sighs at your stubbornness. “You know, you could’ve been with someone else that you truly love. Did you realize that?”

“I won’t.” You answer almost instantly, doting the cheesecake in the middle of your table. “I’m not interested. I am living well on my own, and I don’t really think I have anyone for me. I am comfortable with myself.”

“And why’d you trade that precious solitude of yours with someone you don’t even love?” Jungkook challenges, and you take a deep breath to calm yourself.

“Because if that’s how I can make someone else happy, I would.” You answer, looking back at Jungkook’s prodding eyes. “My mother, my father, have taken care of problematic me since I was a little kid. And now all they wanted is for me to have someone that cares for me, and who I deeply care for. And if getting married is the only way they can live and die happily… I’d do anything.”

Jungkook is easily silenced at your unexpected outburst, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder after saying what you truly feel to someone else. It feels almost relieving, the fog living in your shoulder lightens.

“But you know they’d truly be disappointed if you are lying to them, right? Lying that you are happy. Lying that you love your husband.” He observes you in concern. You smile lopsidedly.

“Well, maybe in my case, a little white lie won’t hurt.” You whisper to yourself, sipping on your beverage.

*

After hanging out a bit longer with Jungkook, you found yourself comfortable being around him. He is a great guy, albeit annoying and too curious for his own good, he is nice and easy to talk to. You were never really close to him, and usually a rather closed person, but Jungkook is too good at getting you out of your shell. 

Walking out from his car, you are stunned when finding Seokjin is also getting out of his own, about to enter your apartment building. He mirrors your expression, a paper bag filled with foods and in his right grasp is his favorite donuts box. 

“Hi.” He greets with cocked eyebrows. “I bought meat to cook for dinner.”

“Ah, I already ate dinner.” You guiltily scratch your nape, glancing to the car beside you. Jungkook is just about to drop you off, but you have no idea why he is not leaving yet. “You went home from Yoongi’s?”

“Yes.” Seokjin points to the car. “Who is it? Did you meet with friends?”

“Yes. I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. But he’s just about to leave—”

“Hi man.” Jungkook is somehow already standing right beside you as you flinch in your spot, and he offers his hand. “I guess I never properly introduced myself. I’m Jungkook, Y/N’s workmate.”

“Ah, Jungkook. We met before, right? I am sorry, yesterday was quite chaotic, I haven’t properly introduced myself.” Jin smiles benevolently, shaking the younger man’s hand. “I’m Seokjin, the husband. Do you want to come in? I’m cooking steak for dinner.”

“Nah, I already had dinner with Y/N. But I’ll take you up on that, though. Let’s get dinner another time.” Jungkook agrees, and gives you a light tap in the back as a goodbye. “Got to go, but I’ll see you Monday!”

“Bye, Jungkook.” You reply meekly and turn back to Seokjin, staring back at you with a strange expression. “Are you good?”

“Yup.” Seokjin smiles impartially, shifting his expression. “Let’s get in, you’ll catch a cold.”

*

In a way, Seokjin realizes that something changes with you ever since coming back from his father’s birthday party. You were usually a chirpy, active person, unbothered to speak your mind, talking about Hoseok or your patronizing boss and made the apartment as loud as possible with your late night exercise—yet here you are, silently sitting down on your side of bed, watching your favorite series from phone. 

And you clearly stated how you hate watching with your phone that he knows you are avoiding him—not wanting him to join watching it with you in the living room. And what irks him is this passive aggressive thing has been going on since last week, and it’s already Thursday. He desperately needs the old you back.

“Why are you watching it on the phone?” Seokjin asks, a vague irritation slipped in his tone. “The TV is good to watch. And you hate watching it on the phone.”

You are confused to say the least, blinking your eyes at him. Your finger pauses the show. He remembers that? “Uh.. I’m just… feeling like laying in bed while watching. Is there something wrong?”

“No, don’t lie to yourself now. You are clearly avoiding me.” Seokjin hisses, unable to hide anymore of his annoyance. “And this has been going on for a week. You didn’t even let me know if you’re coming home, and rejected that one time I said I’ll get you from the office. What’s wrong?”

“I told you it’s nothing. My work is the opposite direction of your way to home. It’ll be easier to go home directly.” You reason stubbornly, trying to make sense—even if you know you really are avoiding him. You don’t want to let him know that you are hurt by the things he said, and to be frank, looking at him pissess you off a bit. Like right now.

“Y/N, you know that we are too old for this shit. You need to tell me right now if I did something wrong.” He states earnestly. You roll your eyes, not feeling to drag the conversation and position yourself back to watching.

“You did nothing wrong. It’s just me, maybe I’m going on menopause.”

Seokjin huffs, looking at you already settling back to watching—yet he is too determined to end all this bullshit that he discards the phone you’re watching onto the bed. You gape at him, dumbfounded that he really did that to get your serious attention. “Stop being a child and talk to me like adults.” He scowls.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! I told you It’s nothing.” You shout, trying to get your phone back yet missing due to Seokjin’s quick wit of taking and hanging it far above his head. And poor you, that are seriously no match to his height.

“Give me back my phone, you jerk!”

“Might be a jerk but at least I’m not a 30 years old woman having menopause.” He mocks your nonsense, yet you are too resentful to give a shit that you literally climb on bed and jump to leech your whole weight on him like a freaking koala. Seokjin literally yells at your attempt of getting stable by clutching on his hair, pulling it to whichever direction you prefer. “Ah, get off me! It hurts and you’re heavy!”

“I don’t care! You’re being a jerk, and I’m a misery anyway, right? I’m just fulfilling my duties!” You howl, shaking your body that he shrieks, losing his balance and falls on your large bed. And like how most sleazy cringy telenovela, he just had to settle on top of you, but for one teeny different, his whole weight is now crushing your being like a sweet revenge. 

“Get off me! You’re heavy.” You screech like a petulant child, punching the guy on his broad ass shoulder. After a whole minute of finally begging him to get off, Seokjin finally gets on his elbow, giving a bit of space for you to breathe.

“I apologize that I upset you.” He gazes at you in all sincerity that literally leaves you holding your breath. “It was not true when I said that misery thing. You are not a misery. You are a blessing. The fact that we are married could be the greatest thing that happens to me, and I’ll never trade it for anything else.”

You are silenced, waiting for him to continue. “I was just pissed off with myself that I was insensitive about how everyone is pressuring you, and you are struggling because of this. I actually never thought about those snarks, and I thought you would too.” Seokjin softly claims, and you are near to tears that he literally speaks like honey. “I just thought it was off limits. I guess we should’ve talked more about this before.”

You sigh, looking down. “I do think so. And I’m sorry too—I guess I should’ve just said what’s bothering my mind.” You breathe out with a hint of guilt. “I’m sorry for acting like this. I guess that misery thing just got to me more than I thought it would, and.. yeah. Let’s communicate better.”

“We should.” He hums in delight. “You are cuter when you are less grumpy. You know that?”

“I am cute in any way possible.” You sassily reply, expecting a snarky comment as retaliation yet Seokjin’s lips curl in amusement.

“Well, I can’t comment on that.” He beams, and at that  your heart literally skips a beat. or two. or more than you can count. “I want to watch what you’re watching. Let’s watch it on the TV, your eyes must be hurting doing all these grumpy behavior.”

“Yeah, I do think so. It’s like.. exhausting.” You rub your temple. “I hate being crabby.”

“Yes. It doesn’t suit you. At all.” Seokjin pulls both your cheeks in different directions with sparkling eyes. You groan. “So don’t do that to your husband, okay?”

At that, you peer at him silently while he’s searching the series you love on the TV. The way he is able to easily soothe you is.. pissing you off.

“By the way, a new movie is premiering next week and I bought us a ticket. Wanna watch it with me?” He turns to you, still with the same adorable smile. And it literally sucks that something weakens inside you at that smile.

Ugh, there’s gotta be something wrong with you.

*

Another week goes and there you are, Thursday night about to head out after a whole day of work. Tidying your desk, suddenly a voice stops your wandering mind—it belongs to your desk mate.

“Why are you so happy today? You’re all whistling and it starts creeping me out.” Hoseok snickers, suddenly peering close to you. “Did you get a good dick down yesterday?”

“What the hell, Hoseok?” You groan, closing your laptop with a loud thump. “It’s not it. Can’t a girl just be happy without any reason?”

“No. That means you're crazy. And it’s coming from Y/N, the grumpies person on the planet.” Jane titters, joining your conversation. You started to doubt what kind of connection they had whenever it concerns you. “You must had a good sex yesterday. You know, I am curious on how Seokjin is in bed. Is he a bit dom? Looks a bit kinky, I have to say.”

“Of course! The way he acts is a complete giveaway, he must have a choking kink, or maybe bondage. Daddy kink is absolutely, by default.” Hoseok responds with curiosity. Jane snickers as you are busy gasping for air.

“And his dick?! You know, the first time I saw him, I immediately knew this guy has a big dick energy. I bet his is girthy—”

“Shut up!” You literally stop her from speaking, your palm secured to close on her mouth—yet unable to manage the blush weeping your whole face to neck. You feel hot and bothered. “Stop talking about such things! I am just in a good mood. Ugh, you two are seriously perverts.”

“Yes, okay, we’ll stop before you burst your flaming ear.” Hoseok singsongs, utterly amused by your reaction. You shot him a look. “By the way, tomorrow is a long weekend. Do you both have any plans?”

“Besides taking care of my child? Nah, bro. Might have sex if he’s lucky and stop running his mouth too much. And we had to stay in my husband’s family house. Ugh.” Jane rolls her eyes whilst taking her own belongings. “I’m just happy we get to have dinner tonight. Tomorrow is going to be exhausting as fuck.”

“Dinner? What dinner?” You are weirded out, most absolutely did not expect to promise any dinner. 

“My birthday dinner, of course!”

You whip your head towards the guy in a fancy red suit, completely looking dashing and silly at the same time. Well, that’s what you expect of him anyway, wearing such eye catching outfit in the middle of workday. “I sent the invites this Monday, and you said yes, Y/N.” He continues. “And you didn’t even congratulate me! How mean. But I’ll let you off since you’re cute.”

“But—but, I can’t! I have something else to do..” You stutter. Jungkook furrows his eyebrows at you.

“What? Watching netflix and eating popcorn? Nah, bro. You’re coming.”

“But, I’m serious! I’m sorry, but Seokjin is already downstairs, and he’s waiting for me. I can’t.. just leave him behind.” You weren’t going to say this, but Seokjin said he was craving lobster and asked you to go on a dinner with him. You really didn’t remember you had agreed to an appointment before with your workmate.

Jungkook stares at you in mild surprise. “He’s in the lobby? What happened with the two of you? I thought—”

“What are you saying, Jungkook? Isn’t it normal for a husband to get her wife from work?” Hoseok chuckles, and at once Jungkook is like awakened from his hallucination. 

“Yes, of course. My bad.” He nervously chuckles, avoiding Hoseok’s eyes. “But he should come! It’s only going to be the four of us, and Namjoon. He’s waiting in the lobby too.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a great idea…”

“Seokjin should come! It would be fun, you know. I want to have dinner with him.” Jane smirks, and you sigh loudly, knowing that this would end in a huge disaster and you’ll end up regretting. Yet you find yourself thinking of what to say to Seokjin. 

“Hi, Seokjin!”

Seokjin opens his window, smiling courtesy at Jane standing beside you. You remember Seokjin met few of your friends from work before. “Hi, Jane! Nice seeing you again. Are you heading home?”

“Not really. We are going to a restaurant! With Y/N too. You should come.”

He laughs, glancing at you. “Really? You didn’t say you had something to do.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” You frown in guilt. “It’s okay, I know we had plans—”

“No, I didn’t say that. We can come to the dinner with your friends too, if you want.” Seokjin chuckles, smiling dearly at you. You feel your breath hasten under his ministry. “Do you want that?”

Clearing your throat, you answer in nerves. “Yes, please. I promised to attend before, I guess I just forgot and thought I am free tonight.”

“Ah, I guess that’s why you’re all sooo chirpy today, aren’t you, Y/N?! I thought your teeth were about to fall off.” Jane beams, exhilarated as she elbows you. “Turns out you have a special occasion with your husband and forgot Jungkook’s birthday dinner.”

“That’s not it.” You glare at her, but she shrugs meaningfully.

“Okay, you two should head out. I’m with Hoseok.” Jane smiles and points at the blue car which you identify as Hoseok’s. “See you guys in a few minutes!”

“Sure.”

There is only silence in the car, when suddenly Seokjin breaks it with a question.

“Is it for Jungkook? That Jungkook—your friend that we met on our apartment?”

You don’t know what’s wrong, but your gut is telling you something is strange with his tone. You clear your throat of sheer awkwardness. “Yes. Today is his birthday, so he said he’d treat us to dinner.”

Seokjin seems uncomfortable. Living together for nearly two years has made you well aware of his small habit and gestures—by the way he clings on his collar, fingers tightening on the wheel as if he’s scared just shows you how he truly feels. At once, you quickly rests your palm on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “Are you okay? You look.. nervous. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Waiting for the red light, he heaves a deep breath and closes his eyes. His right hand settles on your hands which were on his shoulder, linking each finger. “I’m fine.” Seokjin sighs deeply, resting both your linked fingers on his thigh. 

“I’m fine.” He repeats.

Now all you can hear is your own irregular heartbeat, with his warm palms against yours. 

And you wonder. What the hell is wrong with yourself?

After arriving, Seokjin still doesn’t let your hand go. And it’s all kinds of confusing, two years of marriage he never acts like now. Not even when going to your parents house, and it leaves you with numerous questions. And with that particular look on his face—it scares the shit out of you.

“Ah, here comes the couple!” Jane giggles, pointing to the empty seats beside her. “You can sit here. Seokjin, meet Namjoon! He’s in Legal.”

Like that, all your friends are engaged in a conversation—while Seokjin, he’s sitting silently with heads hanging low. You glance at him, concerned. “Hey, are you okay? You look a bit off. Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Yes, your husband looks like he’s not really good. Is there anything wrong?” It is Jungkook, resting his wine back on the table. All of the eyes are now on the both of you. “Does this not work for you?”

“No, I’m sorry. Just a bit on the edge, that’s why. Don’t worry.” Seokjin smiles thinly, tapping his palm on the table. You nod hesitantly, regardless of the strangely tense air with him.

Whilst ordering, you are skimming on the menu when Jungkook jumps in. “Y/N, you like the shrimp here, right? You should order it.”

“Yes, I am thinking that too.” You tap your chin, and turn to Seokjin who is still staring far at the menu. “But I want to try the duck too. Seokjin, can’t you order that too? I don’t want to eat too much, I just want to have a bite.”

Seokjin is about to answer when Jungkook jovially interrupts, “Hey, there’s no need for that. You can order all you want. But if you insist, I’m ordering the duck, so you can have mine.”

“It’s okay, I’m having what my wife asked me to. Since I’m her husband. ” Seokjin curtly responds, and you are flabbergasted at how discourteous he sounded. The conversations on the table ended abruptly. 

“I—I see. Suit.. yourself.” Jungkook blinks his eyes, completely bewildered at the hostile response. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be forward.”

You stare at him with multiple emotions rushing inside of you, yet he’s evidently trying to avoid it while shoving drinks down his throat like there’s no tomorrow. 

“You’re driving tonight.” Seokjin mutters to you between drinks, and it sounds more like an order to your ear. There’s definitely something off with him, and you’re terrified of finding out. You’re scared if it will change him, you, and what you both had together.

*

“Are you going to be okay?”

Jungkook glances in concern at your drunk husband beside you, his hand is at the top of your car while you’re on the driver side. “He’s drunk. You sure you’re going to be okay? I can come with you.”

“No, it’s fine.” You reply. “I think he’s just not in a mood today. There must be something at work, I’ll try asking this tomorrow.”

“But I don’t like how jealous he was at me. I was just.. trying to be kind and offer to help. As a friend. And he immediately snaps like that.” Jungkook scowls in irritation. “It was borderline obsessive. And it’s not like you married for love—”

“Jungkook.” You stop him with reprimanding eyes that he stops immediately. 

“I’m sorry.” He lets out a deep breath. “I never told you—or anyone about this, but my sister is a divorcee. Because her husband became obsessed with her.” You know where he is heading and are about to rebut, yet he continues. “I know what you want to say, but I’m just saying this so you’d know. They were in love. But you know it could easily turn to something else.”

“Thank you for your advice, but I know it won’t happen to me—Seokjin is not like that.” You mumble, somehow reminding yourself. It’s the first time Seokjin is like this, both of you were great at keeping boundaries, and were not even in love. You’ll be fine.

Jungkook sighs and smiles weakly, brushing the top of your head. 

“I hope so too. Get home safe, kid.”

*

Waking up, the first thing Seokjin feels is his pulsate, a straight pang to his head. It’s been a long time since he had let himself off the limit and trashed himself until he blacked out, and he regrets every single second. The hazy memory starts to invade his mind—about how rude he had been yesterday, especially to you—and it literally freaks him out that he jumps out of his bed, desperate to explain. But you are not sleeping beside him. Or anywhere in the apartment. 

“Fuck.” Seokjin hisses, bringing his phone and runs to the elevator in such hurries. 

Are you... possibly gone?

“Seokjin, what are you doing here?”

“Y/N. Where have you been?” He questions, a little bit loud.  He’s too caught tapping the elevator button that he doesn’t realize the other lift is opened with you walking out, soaking with sweat. “I wake up and you’re not there. You.. I thought you..”

“What did you think? I was just running a few laps since yesterday’s dinner was a bit much.” You shrug nonchalantly, taking off your earphone. “Aren’t you dizzy after waking up? You shouldn’t be out, though.”

Walking back to your apartment, Seokjin is trailing behind you like a disgruntled puppy—keeping his head down low as both his hands are clasped. “I’m very very sorry, Y/N..”

“What are you sorry for?” You ask, pretending nonchalance. Seokjin sits beside you with a frown on his face. 

“I was being a jerk yesterday? And I drank too much and you must have a hard time dealing with my sorry ass.” 

“Did anything happen? Can I know why you were so pissed off?” You ask carefully, afraid of invading his space. He shrugs.

“Something bothered my mind, that's all. Don’t worry about it.”

Seeing how sullen he has been with himself, you are unable to pull both his chubby cheeks to different directions. He groans loudly with each pull. “Yes, you were such a ill-tempered baby yesterday when you were drunk. Do you know that?”

He nods begrudgingly. “Yes, mother. I won’t do it again.”

“But apologizing isn’t going to solve anything. You know it.” You pretend sulk. “I think I deserve three wishes.”

Seokjin cocks his eyebrows. “Why? Why does it have to be three?” 

“Nah, I watched Alladin and it was good, so I was just copying—but that’s not the point!” You tap the table impatiently. “The point is that you embarrassed me in front of my friend and deserves a punishment. Now say yes to my three wishes.”

Your husband groans, tapping on his forehead. “God, I’m never drinking again. What? What is it that you want?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, actually..” You giggle while scratching your head. Seokjin squint his eyes at you in suspicion. “Can you give me a week to think about it?”

“No.”

“Five days?”

“Right now. Take it or leave it.”

“Okay, by tomorrow!”

“Three wishes all by the end of this day.”

“Fine! You are annoying.” You scowl, tapping your forefinger on your chin. Seokjin grins. “First, I want…lobster for lunch.” 

“Okay.” He holds the laughter upon remembering his yesterday’s request.

“And I want this new bag. I saw it on the newest catalogue yesterday, I want one. Buy it for me.” You send him a sugary smile.

“I see your wishes are getting more and more disproportionate.” 

You scoff. “But you promised to grant it!”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to grant it.” Seokjin rolls his eyes, resting his palm on your shoulder, skimming it until his finger hangs to yours. Your breath hitches at how it practically tickles your whole being. “Is that all? Are you saving one for now?”

“Y-yes.” You stutter, mind already turning blank that you forgot your last wish.

“Good.” Seokjin beams, swiping his thumb on your knuckles. You stare through his eyes, adoring the beautiful twinkle that sends butterflies knocking on your stomach. How could he affect you like this?

W-wait, are you hallucinating or he is really closing in right now? I-is he.. about to kiss you?

Against your expectation, he suddenly halts and snorts. “Now go take a bath, because you stink.”

You push him away, walking to enter your bathroom with a face that has gone vermillion red—especially listening to his annoying squeaky laughter from the living room. You feel terribly embarrassed. 

Did you really think he’s about to kiss you? And why the fuck do you have to act like a preteen girl having a crush on a classmate? This is literally super annoying how your body is acting strange—like you don’t even have control.

Ugh, you should never done anything dangerous with him again.

*

After having lunch in the lobster place, you and Seokjin drive to the cinema for the movie he pre-ordered last week. Sitting side by side with him, you find yourself hesitating. 

You want to hold his hand so damn much.

And this never happened to you before. Watching with him always ends up with both of you pretending to fight for the popcorn, and you’ll be far apart from each other—just like you’re watching alone. The movie’s genre is thriller and suspense, yet horror didn’t even take it for you to finally lean into him or anyone, yet that evening, you want to hold him. 

Closing in, you feel his shoulder closing on yours, leaning onto him as support. Seokjin looks at you in concern. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Y-yes! I’m fine, I just—“

“Is this movie boring for you? Or are you cold? You want more popcorn or drink?” He queries in concern at your jumpiness.

“No.” You murmur, embarrassed at your own thought. Fuck, what were you thinking? There is no possible reason at all on why you want to hold him, it’s not making any sense and it irks you on how conflicted you’re feeling. “I just… nothing.”

Glancing at you, Seokjin sees how you’re mouthing to yourself and hitting your own forehead with a deep frown—and he couldn’t bite his smile back. With one fluid motion, he loops his arms with yours and withers your small palm against his, tapping slightly the side of his head with yours. 

“Let me know if you need anything else. Hmm?”

You blush hard, the creep of warmth running in your cheek like a wildfire. Clearing your throat, you decide to focus on whatever scene it is, not realizing how Seokjin glances at you from time to time, a toothy smile creeping in his face.

Walking out of the place, you were a bit panicked on seeing Seokjin again in broad light, but he’s still not letting go of your hands around his. You don’t know whether it’s a good sign or not—maybe you’re just afraid of finding out.

“Do you want to go window shopping? Maybe you’ll find that bag you want.” Seokjin offers, you are about to discard him—telling who the hell is still window shopping these days, or your desired bag is already on your online shopping cart, yet you don’t want to say so.

Maybe you just want to be with him a little bit longer.

Walking hand in hand to around the mall, both of you stop at the high end brand stores. Seokjin is about to walk in when you stop him. “Why are we entering this place? This is out of our budget.”

“Who said I want to buy you the bag from here? I want to see it for myself.” Seokjin lightly jokes, blowing raspberries and you scowl. Contrary to what he just said, Seokjin is directing you to the female side, where the tote bags are stacked. You laugh silently. Is he trying to be a tsundere now?

He looks at you and warmly smile. “See if there’s anything you like. I’m going to the restroom first, okay?”

You squint your eyes at him in fake suspicion. “You’re not leaving me here and fleeing home, right?”

“Busted.” He giggles and you grin. “Wait here, I’ll come back in a minute.”

After Seokjin leaves, you find yourself walking to see the bags in hesitance. Yet you know how expensive they are, and it even scares you to fall in love with a bag and realizing how struggling Seokjin has to be to buy it for you. The thought immediately retrains you from taking the tawny colored bag which catches your eyes the most.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

You look back at the voice calling your name, and finding the person that hasn't even crossed your mind to be there. It’s Park Jimin, with his trademark eye smile peering curiously at you. “It is you! How have you been?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” You smile at him, a little bit surprised to see him here, even talking to you. Well, maybe the years of your troubling childhood does have its own reminder in the form of this man. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Ah, yes. After moving from Busan to Seoul, I am just living my life, I guess. Got engaged a few years ago, my fiancé and I moved to Sydney for school, and I headed back for the time being for her.” He smiles jovially, letting you know things more than you expect him to. You nod with a hint of hesitation—a bit surprised that he’s still practically the same him from your childhood. Guess nothing really changes to a spoilt kid from birth. 

“Honey, I have five items already on the cashier, won’t you—who is this?”

The woman is peering closely at you, the evident staring feels deadly uncomfortable on your skin. You know that look—she is judging you from top to bottom, whether you qualify as someone she should feel competitive with. But you don’t really want to spoil your great mood from the morning and reply nonetheless. “I’m Y/N, an old friend of Jimin. Nice to meet you.”

“Hi.” She responds rudely, and turns to Jimin. “Aren’t we going after paying?”

“Wait, I still want to talk with her. You can use this.” Jimin opens up his wallet, giving her a card and she leaves almost immediately. “I’m sorry, she can be like that sometimes.”

You shrug nonetheless. “I can see that.”

Ignoring your obvious sarcasm, Jimin continues. “So, where are you going? Do you want to have dinner with us? We should meet up again sometimes, you know—“

“Y/N.”

Turning to the man calling your name, it turns out to be your husband, staring at the both of you with jaw ticked and cold stare. And Jimin is no different, completely startled with the fact that it is Seokjin calling your name. At once, you feel estranged with the tense in the air.

“Seokjin. Hi, this is Jimin, my old friend. Jimin, this is Seokjin, my husband.”

Seokjin is the one to answer, tone blunt. “I know.”

After long pregnant silence, Jimin clears his throat, and gives your husband a thin smile. “Hi Seokjin. Nice to see you again.”

“You two know each other?” You glance at both men with curiosity written in your face.

“Yes, Jimin was my junior in college. We were friends.” Seokjin answers with venom, and nobody can miss the way he pronounced the past tense. Jimin seems uncomfortable as well, trying to ignore the older guy and smiles at you.

“I didn’t know you’re married. When was the wedding? Why wasn’t I invited?” He laughs to discard the tense air, yet you can still sense the awkwardness coloring his tone.

“Ah, around two years ago, I think. My mother gave yours the invitation, but I guess it doesn’t work. It’s fine.” You shrug, keeping your courtesy no matter how much you want to shout what the fuck is going on with those two men.

“I am sorry, but I’ll send a gift your way. It’s very impolite of us.” Jimin offers kindly, but Seokjin cuts straight away.

“We don’t need it. Save your money to whom it belongs.”

You glare at Seokjin who is throwing his sight somewhere else. He never was impolite like this, and it stresses you out—the fact that you’re kept in the dark makes you feel like you’re basically second to nothing between the two of them. 

“Seokjin? Is that you?”

Jimin’s fiancé comes back with countless bags in her hand, and you can hear the loud enough snicker from Seokjin. “Ah, as expected.”

The girl looks surprised, to say the least. “What are you doing here? With her? Who is this girl?” 

At the condescending tone, you immediately turn defensive. She had no reason to talk to you and Seokjin like that. “Excuse me?” 

“Baby, don’t be like that. Y/N here is Seokjin’s wife.” Jimin murmurs softly to his fiancé, and the bitch still has the nerves to scoff with a sleazy smirk.

“Ah, finally. I am glad you finally got your shit together, stopped thinking about me and moved on.” She loops her hand around Jimin, rising her chin high. Your jaws are a second away from falling to the ground. What the hell is going on?! “And are you sure you can go here? Isn’t this too expensive for you?”

“What the fuck—”

You are ready to throw hands, but Jimin quickly pulls her away and so is Seokjin’s hands clasped on yours to hold you back. 

“Stop it. Let’s just go home.”

Hanging his head low, both of you walk to the parking lot in deafening silence. Seokjin’s face is now cloudy and dark, nose and eyes are turned red and you know he is this close to crying. You chest stings at how much in pain he seems. You have so many questions, yet you know he needs more time to figure out his own.

Trying to reach the car keys from his pocket, he can’t seem to find it and somehow ends up choking his own tears. Feeling terrible on how he must feel, you go to his side, helping him check his other pocket. “I’ll drive.” You softly say to him after, and he silently goes to the passenger side.

Night comes, and you stare at your bedroom door. Seokjin has been holed up inside the room after you both went home, and did not come out even for a drink. You knew he needed space, and you stayed in the living room to watch your series, but it’s been too long that you are on alert since this has never quite happened before.

You wake up from your seat, walking to the kitchen as you are about to prepare dinner. Mushing up your doubtful cooking skill, you cook a chicken pasta and union ring, even called his favorite donuts on delivery.

After all the food is ready, you knock on the door. “Seokjin, dinner is ready. Come out, will you?”

“I am not really hungry.” He answers softly, and you roll your eyes.

“Don’t kid me, we both know you are never not hungry.” Your joke is met with no response. “Are you really going to be like this? Come out and let’s have dinner. I already cooked for us.”

A moment of silence. “Are you sure it’s edible?”

You scowl, albeit kind of relieved that his sarcasm is still in place. “It’s not, but I’m still going to shove it down your throat until you’re begging me to stop.”

Seokjin ends up coming out, and you immediately frown at him. His face is disheveled, eyes bloodshot red, trail of tears on both his cheek and his hair is all over the place. 

“Hey, you look ugly.”

He scoffs. “Thank you for the encouragement.”

“I am serious! You look uglier than that time we went to Bali and you shit yourself because of eating too much spices.” You giggle, and Seokjin hisses. Your way of consoling people is indeed very debatable. 

“I remembered Bali. Such a great time.” Regardless, Seokjin smiles fondly at the memory. It was for your honeymoon slash not really a honeymoon, since all you did was to spend your work’s wedding free leave. You and Seokjin registered for Bali’s backpacker packet where both of you were able to explore the true nature and culture of Bali, instead of staying in a five star hotel and fucking till dawn like most honeymoon. It was breathtaking, to say the least.

After settling on the dining table, you scoop a portion and hand it to him. “Eat. I also ordered your favorite donuts, it will be here in a few minutes.”

Seokjin gives you a thankful smile, acknowledging your effort to make him feel better. 

After a whole half an hour of eating in silence, you open a conversation. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He looks to you, and lower his sight back to his plate. “This is good.”

You sigh, folding your hands on the table. Seokjin might feel uncomfortable and you understand he needs time, but you also know that he needs to share it with someone else, or the feeling will drown him instead. “You know, there is no good keeping it inside.” You breath out. “I want to know what happened with you.”

A few minutes of silence. “How do you know Jimin?” He asks instead.

“He was my childhood friend in Busan, before his father hit it big and they moved to Seoul. We used to play together. He was a classmate, and my only friend at that time.”

Seokjin cocks his eyebrow. “Only that? Why does it seem like it’s not just friends? Like he really is glad to see you.” 

You shrug. “Yeah, it was.. kind of weird. You know how kids were. We were really close, and I kind of confessed… that I liked him before he went away.”

A particular hit on the plate causes you to flinch, a deep frown on Seokjin’s supple lips. “But it was in the past, right?” He confirms with no hint of playing, and you feel something settle strangely in your chest. 

Is it possible that he is jealous?

You chase the thoughts away and curtly reply. “Of course. I was 10 for god’s sake, I didn’t even really like him.” 

“I don’t even know why you like the guy. Was Busan really lacking in handsome boys?” Seokjin grumbles, munching soundly on the onion ring. “You should have seen me when I was a kid, I bet you’ll like me instead. I've been handsome since I was even a baby.”

“I’ve seen your schoolbook photo, but I’ll just go with whatever you say.” You giggle on his nonsense—even though he’s clearly not lying. He’s probably the most handsome person you’ve laid your eyes upon, that it was quite surprising he didn’t decide to fuckboy himself and settle down with you instead. 

Ten minutes pass in silence before you continue. “Can I say my last wish?” You ask carefully. Seokjin nods, a bit uncertain.

“Tell me what happened? With Jimin. And his fiancé too.” You hum, fidgeting with your fingers. “I just wanted to know, but it is okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

Seokjin sighs, rests his utensils and drinks the water before continuing. “It’s just.. hard. His wife, Dakyung was actually my girlfriend for a long time. We’ve been together since high school. At that time, she wasn’t really well off—his parents are struggling financially, but I was more than glad to support her getting the money to support her family.”

“We were together for like eleven years, I guess? I loved her very much, we’ve been through nearly everything and stood strong. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I only wanted her. Being with anyone else never crossed my mind.” He softly explains, yet you don’t know why you feel yourself constricting with every word. It’s hurting you to see how pained he was, the beautifully carved words meant for someone else. “So around four years ago, I think? I bought an engagement ring for her. I was going to propose—but I guess you know the rest.”

“Did she.. cheat on you?” You ask carefully. Seokjin stares at you and nods, sadness written all over his face.

“I just found out when I was going to surprise her in her apartment. She… was in bed with.. Jimin.”

“What?!” You shouts in disbelief. “Jimin, your college friend fucked your girlfriend of eleven years?”

“Yes, and I don’t know what happened too, but at that time what I remembered was Jimin pleading for her to break up with me, and she said yes, asking for him to wait for the right time. But who am I kidding? It was a good choice at her part. Jimin is crazy rich, handsome and good too. Anything a girl wants, right?”

“Hey, don’t be like that.” You mutter, resting your palm over his as a consolation. “Money is not everything, and she’s trading that for eleven years of happiness with you. It’s her loss.”

“Maybe it’s not, Y/N. At that time, I realized that maybe it was indeed my fault. I, like a fucking fool, still wanted to be better for her. Even after I knew she was cheating on me, I tried holding on to her, so the next day I asked her to meet me and still proposed. I would do anything to make her happy. And as expected, she rejected me.”

“Seokjin…” You whisper, a tear welling on the corner of your eyes on how broken he must have felt.

“She immediately eloped with Jimin, and both moved to Sydney for school. But I guess in a way, I’ve never moved on. I was always trying to contact her, sending her emails or messages until she had enough and blocked me. I was depressed. The one that I loved for eleven years, left me just like that.”

Seokjin stares at you, meaningfully. And you’re about to hear something that breaks your whole being. 

“And then, I just knew I’d never love again.”

*

You don’t know what happened with you—and Seokjin, but in a way you’ve been distancing yourself from him, and the gesture is mutual. Seokjin never came home early, and not that you ask him anymore. He always came home whenever you were already asleep, and when you wake up, he’d be gone. Even with the current withdrawal, you still find breakfast on the table, courtesy of him. Yet you’d rather he not.

I just knew I’d never love again.

It hurts. It hurts like hell when he really said that he’ll never love again. In a way, you know you’ve been feeling something for your husband—that you crave for his attention and care, and to know that he might never reciprocate the way you want him to. Hurts like a bitch.

But it’s all on you. It is clear as crystal that love is not even the foundation of your marriage, so if anything happens to your foolish heart, it’s all on you. You shouldn’t have taken this lightly. You should’ve known that you are weak at heart, and you’ll fall for him anyway. 

Because he is the greatest guy you have ever met.

The compassion, kindness and caring that he has, it’s beyond comprehension. You don’t know how someone can be so understanding like he is, the way he takes care of you and wants nothing in return, that sincerely wants the best for you—even without love—succeeds in making you fall head over heels for him. 

God, you really are a fool.

“Hey, Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You look to your left, seeing Hoseok scrutinizing at you in worry, now Jane is already beside him. “You’ve been whimpering since morning, and now you’re crying. Is there anything wrong?”

“Nothing, I am sorry for disturbing you all.” You swipe your tear stained cheeks, standing from your seat. “I’m getting some air, okay? I’ll see you guys later.”

Half-running, you enter the elevator and swiftly exit the building, trying to breathe as clear as you could—no matter how it might hurt you. God, you hate being vulnerable. You hate being weak. You hate being in love—an unrequited one, at that. Why can’t you just put your heart together? Why do you have to like him now, after two years of not caring whether he even fucked someone else behind your back? 

A whisper in your mind tells you that probably, these two years have been too great with him. Maybe, because he never gave you space for doubt. Maybe, you are already dependent on him without you knowing. Maybe, you take your feelings for granted.

“Y/N, are you okay? Why are you crying?” Someone stares at you in shock, and turns out it is Jungkook. His arm is around your shoulder. “I just finished a meeting and wanted to get  coffee and found you here instead. Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Is it weird that I felt sad because I finally—finally have feelings for my husband? Like… this supposed to happen before marriage, right?”

“Oh, Y/N..” Jungkook sighs. “What happened?”

And like that, you fill him in on what happened between you and Seokjin, and it leaves him furrowing his eyebrows. “So.. you telling me that you think Seokjin still couldn’t forget his ex?”

You process his sentence for a while, and reply with a hesitant nod. Jungkook exhales loudly. “That’s not it, Y/N. I don’t think he’s still in love with his ex, he is... just scared. He is scared of the pain of his past, and he is scared of opening up to someone. Just like you. And with the way you are acting right now, it’s not fixing anything you both are feeling right now.”

“But he said he’ll never love again..”

“I couldn’t believe you even believe that bullshit.” Jungkook frowns. “That girl betrayed him. She gave him literally a thousand reasons to move on. He just needs time to adjust, and a couple of facts slapped to his face. He’ll come around.”

“Do… do you think I should.. talk to him about this?” 

“No. You can just shut up and hope he can read your mind.” Jungkook rolls his eyes, heavily sarcastic. “Talk to him, Y/N. You trust him, right?”

“I do.” You whisper to yourself, strangely motivated. “I do trust him.”

*

Well, it turns out trust is not a really firm base for confronting your own husband to the mess you made. After you called Seokjin to pick you up after work to get dinner together, he was visibly surprised at your request since you’re usually not the type to begin conversation after a fight—you never even asked to be picked up before. You yourself don’t even know whether it would be a good idea, but Seokjin’s easy agreement does make it better.

When you enter the car, he is the first to greet with a warm smile, and it reminds you that you haven’t seen it for so long now—you might even miss it. “Hey.” 

“Hi, Seokjin.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “Thank you for picking me up. I’m just.. feeling a bit out of it to take the train. I hope it’s okay.”

“Of course it is. I told you a million times I’ll pick you up if you can, you’re the one who rejected me.” He giggles lightly, glancing at you. “Thank you too.”

“For what?”

“For reaching out? I know past week we’ve been.. kinda avoiding each other. I didn’t know how to.. start since I was the problem in the first place.” He scratches his nape in shame. “I am very sorry, by the way. It was very immature of me.”

“No, it’s not. I totally understand.” You respond quickly. “And I didn’t know what happened, I have no rights to judge. It was your pain, and I am just glad you want to share it with me.”

Unexpectedly, Seokjin chuckles. “Why are you so sweet today.” 

“Let me know if you want my sass back, I’ll gladly serve it to you.” You retaliate, even your inside are churning with nerves.

“You know I accepted you for who you are—you can be anything you want.” Seokjin brushes the top of your head with a toothy grin that leaves you a breathy mess. 

“You are so cheesy today.” You respond briskly, noticing that you have arrived at the designated restaurant. Seokjin parks the car swiftly, and when there’s only silence inside, he turns on the lights on top of him.

“I have something for you.”

“What?”

“Look at the backseat.”

You glance at the backseat, finding an oak brown bag that somehow feels familiar. You quickly pick it up and open it. Turns out it is the exact beautiful brown bag that has catched your eyes from your previous window shopping session—before Jimin comes into the picture. You squeal in delight. “What is this?! Are you seriously giving this to me?”

“No, I’m giving it to Grandma Lee, our neighbor. Who else?” He smirks and you smack him lightly on the shoulder before adoring your bag once more.

“This is very pretty, though. How could you know which one I liked?”

“Well, let’s just say I know you better than you think? I practically know what you liked. This one greatly matches your outfits too. You know I have a great fashion sense.” He winks.

“I’ll let your last sentence pass because I’m very touched right now. Thank you, Seokjin.” You beam in joy, adoring the bag.

Seokjin nods, and when you rest the bag carefully on the backseat, he suddenly pulls you close for a hug—his arms around your waist, your chin settles on his shoulder. His spontaneity literally leaves you breathless, the heat is blooming around your cheek at the close proximity. God, you wish he couldn’t hear your drumming heartbeat.

“Thank you for being such a great friend and partner. I’m so thankful we are married, you know?”

You grimace in pain. God, the sound of your heart breaking is really audible in your ear. Oh, how you wish he had known.

*

And in the end, you are the loser in this game you played with yourself, because you most absolutely didn’t say a thing, yet you’re enjoying every second of being in love by yourself, making up scenarios and wondering if he feels the way you do.

It is ridiculous how greatly it has been played—considering how caring he usually is, yet it’s not even rare for him to say that you’re different in a way. He never explained in detail, but even you know what’s different. You started calling him frequently between work, asking when he’ll be home, his opinion on little things, or if he wanted to eat anything. It’s the small things that you’re hoping he’ll catch, yet it seems like something trivial for him and it lowkey upsets you.

One evening, you’re already waiting for him in the apartment, determined to finally tell him about what you feel—that you love him and hope he feels the same way. Jungkook was right—you can’t lounge around waiting for him. There’s no shame in starting first, especially when knowing it’s him you’re falling in love with.

Yet the clock strikes nine, he has not arrived yet. The food you prepared since six has already turned cold, and you start to feel wary, glancing nervously at the door—since he said he’ll be home around eight and is already late by an hour. You already tried calling him, but it is met with no response. His phone is on and well, yet he’s not replying. So you wait while watching the news.

Car crash. A man. Blue toyota. On the road of his way back home. You immediately reach for your phone, calling his number in panic.

Could it be?

*

It’s already midnight when Seokjin opens his apartment door, expecting darkness—but instead he finds you sleeping on the couch, phone clutched on your chest. He closes in, a thin smile formed on his lips as his fingers soothes the creases of your crouching eyebrows, but it somehow sends you flinching on your spot. You are now wide awake.

“Seokjin, when are you home?” You demand, as his pupils dilate of confusion. 

“I just arrived. Sorry, I was—”

“I thought you died, you moron!” You shouts immediately. “Car crash news was on, man driving a blue toyota. I was so scared it was you that I even called the police, yet they said the victim is still in the hospital, I couldn’t know the identity. I was so scared...” You don’t even know why you’re tearing up right now—but the emotion is overwhelming, you must be talking nonsense.

Seokjin blinks, confused. “I’m sorry, I left my phone on mute. I forgot to let you know...”

You don’t even want to hear the rest, as you quickly storm off to your bed and force yourself to sleep, muffling your cries. The feeling you had for the last few hours, the horror of thinking Seokjin might be laid in blood on the street is something you’d rather not experience now or ever. 

In a few minutes, you feel the bed dips beside you. Seokjin is there. 

“Are you still awake?” He softly asks, but you decide to ignore him and closes your eyes.

“I am very sorry. I didn’t know… this would happen. But I should’ve let you know.”

You clearly know what he refers to. You usually don’t give a shit if he’d even come in dawn, but now you’re crying and throwing a fit when it’s not even something to fuss about. It’s only you and your overreacting fear.

“Get some sleep, we’ll talk in the morning, okay?” He whispers as he tucked the blanket closer to you, stroking the top of your head carefully. 

*

The next morning, you wake up to the delicious smell of baked cheese. Unable to hold your scoff, you decided to stay a little bit on bed just to pisses him off. Frankly, you are still slightly vengeful for last night, with this urge to let him know your annoyance has not worn off.

So when he walks in and softly taps your shoulder, you are silent. “Hey. It’s already seven, you need to take a shower and come eat breakfast, hmm?” He persuades, but you turn your back to him, and Seokjin huffs at your petty acts, yet the guilt is still seeping in his chest. 

Seokjin sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t let you know work is unexpectedly late. I don’t want to make excuses, as I know it’s all my fault. I won’t do it again.”

At the sincerity in his tone, your anger quickly washes off, but still you’re doubtful on how to answer his apology. Should you just say yes? Or should you pretend anger?

“Hey, look at me.” Seokjin impatiently pulls you to face him, both his palms are on the sides of you. His eyes bore into yours, and you instantly turn stiff with his face so close. 

He takes a deep breath. “I’m very, very sorry, Y/N. I promise I’ll do my best in letting you know if something came up at work and not make you worry anymore.”

“I like you.”

You wonder whose word that is, but it turns out to be you. It’s literally you who said those three words that you have been practicing since last night. You didn’t even know why it’s coming out right now, it’s just the way he looks at you right now—it’s the first thing you want him to know. 

“What?” He looks mildly bewildered.

“I like you, Seokjin. I… I don’t know when or how, but I really, really like you.” You confess. You finally confess, yet the way Seokjin looks immediately puts you in horror. That’s absolutely not the look you expected from him.

He laughs with sheer awkwardness. “Of course, we are married. You know I like you too, Y/N.” Yet you know he meant differently.

You know everything will go south the moment you try to say what you truly meant, yet you don’t want to lie anymore. You are tired of hiding what you’re feeling. “I am serious. I like you, in that way. I might even love you. The past two years, we’ve been with each other and I seriously couldn’t be happier with what we both had. I know this is not what we both planned—”

“It’s most absolutely not.” He cuts, distancing himself from you, face filled with panic.

“—but I want you to know. I want to try this, Seokjin. I know you might need some time, and what I feel might be one-sided, but I want you to know and try this. With me.”

A moment of silence to tense that you can slice it to choke yourself—when it’s only you and him who is avoiding your gaze. He then scoots off the bed, and you feel like you can’t breathe.

 “I… I’m gonna go. You should finish your breakfast.”

And then he left.

The misery doesn’t end there. You never felt someone could be so physically close yet so far away like what he’s putting between the two of you right now. For a straight week he literally never came home earlier than nine, and when he did, he’d sleep on the couch. And fuck did it hurt to sleep knowing he is out of your reach. You never know love could hurt like this—maybe you trusted him too much with your heart.

Saturday, you left a note that you’ll be off to your parents house for the weekend, and even then Seokjin didn’t contact you. And coming back home, your parents fortunately didn’t fuss as much, maybe since you just said you needed time away from him. 

The night comes, you are lounging in your room when your phone rings. At once you quickly jump to retrieve it, frown when seeing its a social media notification instead.

From : @pjmin

Hi, Y/N, this is Jimin! Hope you are doing well :) [21:29]

I know this is a bit hurried, but if possible, are you up to meet for coffee tomorrow? [21:29]

It’s okay if you can’t, just want to talk and catch up while I’m in town [21:30]

Let me know! [21:31]

Albeit doubtful, you are indeed curious about what he wants to talk about, knowing it must have something to do with Seokjin. Unable to hold your curiosity, you agree to a time and place with him.

Tomorrow, you walk into the agreed coffee shop, finding Jimin already seated, sipping on his beverages. You carefully pay attention to him, and notice he indeed has changed so much from that average kid you met when you were kids. Well, not that you have any rights to comment though.

“Hi.” He greets with a smile after you are seated in front of him. “I ordered you something. Hope you’re okay with caramel frappucino. You still like sweets?”

“Ah, I’m fine with anything. Thanks. And yes, I still like them. Kinda surprised you still remember, though.” You joke. Jimin lips curls.

“Well, the memory of a kid eating four cotton candy in one sitting until she passed out from high blood sugar is not really something one could forget.” He giggles, and you roll your eyes. Well, your childhood is indeed not a pretty one. “It was rather traumatizing, I could say.”

After a moment of catching up on how he’s currently doing right now, you mindlessly ask him. “So, where is your fiancé? I thought she’ll be with us here.”

Jimin instantly dims at the mention. “Uh… We broke up.”

You stop your movement and gape at him in disbelief. “Seriously? Why?”

“Well, let’s just say once a cheater is always a cheater?” Jimin stares down at his drinks. “Not in that way, though. In the beginning, my family never really liked her, that’s why I’ve been holding off from marriage—no matter how much she pleaded to. We actually came back to get married, and get blessings. And just yesterday, my father sent me a whole report of her financial statement, slush funds, and everything. Well, there’s just too much thing she’s hiding behind my back.”

“Jimin…” You mutter, feeling bad for the guy. But still, you are unable to scoff at how blinded he has been. The girl is no doubt is using him for his money—and he just realized it now? 

“I know what you’re thinking. I must be a damn fool to just realize it now.” He humorlessly laughs, correctly reading your mind. “But maybe I was hoping she’ll one day change. I must be a total dumbass.”

“Yeah, you kinda are.” You had enough of holding back, and it surprises Jimin with your forwardness. You grin regardless. “But that’s okay. Everybody makes mistakes, right? We just gotta live with it.”

“Yeah.” He agrees with a saddened smile. “I know it doesn’t quite make sense telling this to Seokjin’s wife, but… I don’t know. I want you to know that I regretted it. I really shouldn’t have done that—cheating behind his back. Maybe this is karma, anyway. I deserved this.”

You sigh. “You know that you shouldn’t be saying that to me, right? You should tell it straight to Seokjin.”

Jimin sighs, like it has been bugging his mind for a long time now. “But of course he wouldn’t want to see me. And I have a flight tonight, back to Sydney, so I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“Well, maybe an apology had to wait, then.” You shrug, and Jimin frowns. “You were his friend, Jimin. And I know if I were him, I’d want it coming from you.”

“I guess so. You were right.” He exhales loudly. “Thank you for that too. And agreeing to meet me. I’m really glad we talked. And don’t forget to stay in contact, okay?”

You hum with a wide smile. “Thank you too, Jimin.”

“Oh, I nearly forgot. I brought this for your wedding present.” Jimin crouches, retrieving a gift box as he displays a sincere beam. “I don’t know if Seokjin would like that I’m giving you this, but, yeah. I am very glad that you’re together. You guys seriously could be the best couple I know.”

You fiddly laugh when reminded of the current turmoil of your marriage. Well, he's better off not knowing, though. “You really shouldn’t have, but thank you for this.”

Well, you do hope that whatever Jimin’s gift is, Seokjin is still there to use them.

*

Sunday, you spend lounging on your bed, staring at the gift from Jimin, opened and stacked on your desk. You are still unable to comprehend his thoughtfulness. He gave you a couple bathrobe, a bottle of expensive Bordeaux Wine with two antique wine glasses. You messaged him thank you, and Jimin only sent a wink emoticon as an answer.

And then you are reminded of Seokjin’s scar. What happened with his ex, it was because he was too kind. He was too trustful, and it hurt to let go of someone you’ve been with for nearly half of your life and betrayed you like that. He is really the kindest soul out there—and then you realize that you missed him dearly. You wonder what he might be doing right now. Is he just as distraught as you are? Is he thinking about you as well?

In the middle of your wandering thoughts, your phone abruptly chimes. Finding an unknown number in the other line, you answer hesitantly. “Hello?”

“Hi, Y/N. This is Yoongi, Seokjin’s friend.”

It’s been a long time since you heard from him and you rise to sit, mildly perturbed. “Yes. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Not really. Apologize if I’m too forward, I know there’s a bit of problem at bay, but I know Seokjin’s dying to talk to you, and has been stressing about it since god-knows-when. He’s in my apartment now, can you… get him? Lounging in my apartment drinking is not going to solve anything.” He huffs lightly, and you sigh in distress.

“I know. But I am now in my parents house. Do you think.. I should just come?”

An evil laugh is heard on the other end. “No, that’s unnecessary. I know what’s even better that will help with this whole thing.”

Closing his call in daze, you are still waiting for the plan—but not even an hour in, a rushed knock is already heard from your front door. In a blink, Seokjin is on your bedroom door, carefully opening it. 

“Y/N?” He softly calls your name. “Are you… okay?”

Well, the scared look on his face does make you kind of guilty. Yoongi must have told him lies that you’re sick, and then he didn’t even spend another second and went straight to you. You have no idea what to feel, decide to hide yourself under your blanket.

“Hey, look at me.” He rushes, tapping the side of your arm carefully, but you are still unbudging. Impatiently, he effortlessly tugs the blanket off of you, until you are looking at him with a frown in your face. He rests his palm on your forehead, to your neck, baffled. “Are you sick? Yoongi told me you have high fever.”

“Well, I think Yoongi lied because he wanted to chase you out of his apartment.” You scowl, turning your face with a hint of blush on your face. You never know seeing him again could be this difficult. “I heard you’ve been a parasite to him.” You tease, slightly smiling.

“Yoongi, that disrespectful shithead.” Seokjin hisses under his breath, but it’s obvious that he is avoiding your eyes. He straightens and clears his throat. “Okay then. I think… I should go  home. Are you going to stay here?”

“Seokjin…” You call, holding on his wrist from leaving. “Are you angry at me?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “I am not angry at you.”

“But you are avoiding me. And we don’t even talk anymore. This is not how we used to handle problems. What’s wrong?” You persist, determined to end this cold war with him. 

Seokjin sighs. “I am just… scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“I am scared of disappointing you.” He is visibly downcasted. “I know what you meant, Y/N. But I also know that I can’t be… what you want me to be. I can’t seem to forget... her. I don’t want to hurt you, or myself. And I know It’s difficult, and I don’t want to put you into that pain. It’s better this way.”

“I never pressured you into anything.” You reply, your voice started shaking. “I just want you to know, and try this with me. And you know holding onto something that has hurt you is not going to work, Seokjin. Please, please stop hurting yourself and try this. With me.”

“I-I can’t.” He hurriedly mutters, intending to walk out before you hold him back, crushing yourself into his arms, your tears burst into loud sobs.

For a good ten minutes, you spend it crying on his arms, tears wetting his white shirt. You don’t know what you feel—you’re dejected, sad, disappointed, angry, too many emotions that overwhelms your whole being but can only come in tears when he’s around. “Seokjin, I like you. Why can’t you give us a chance? Are you… that disgusted with me?”

At the self depreciating cries, he quickly looks down, both palms are on either side of your face. “Don’t be like that. I adore you so much, Y/N. Don’t hurt yourself because of me.”

“There’s no way I can’t be sad if you’re still hurting yourself. I just want you to be happy—with me. Is that so hard?” You weep, hiding yourself back to his chest. “I hate this. You know how much I hate crying.”

“Then you shouldn’t have cried that much.” He scolds, stroking your scalp like he usually does—and you slightly feel comforted at his familiar gesture.

After another ten minutes just hugging it out, he finally leans into you resting his head on top of yours, taking a deep breath of nerves.

“Okay. Let’s try then. But please be patient with me, hmm? I’ll try my hardest for us.”

*

“Good morning, sleepyhead!”

He shuffles in his sleep, but is unmoving. You frown, and call him one more time yet still met with no response. Huffing, you scoot closer to him, and clasp his nose to hamper him from breathing. At your disturbance he groans, finally opening his eyes. “Why are you waking me up now… This is still dawn.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have started getting back into gaming now. This is already half past seven, mister. Take a shower before you’re late.” You remind him, and as expected he already has two feet on the ground, running to the shower.

And as a kind and dutiful wife, you help him by preparing his outfits. You chose a nice blue themed suit this time, paired with a nice tie you bought him a few months back. Walking out with a towel wrapped around his waist, you are unable to hold your eyes from straying low. Damn, he really be packing like that, huh?

“What are you looking at, huh?” Seokjin squints his eyes at you, taking the prepared clothes. “Don’t look at me like that. I know I’m a whole snack, but I’m not a sexual object.” He jokes while wiggling eyebrows, and you scoff loudly when you can’t find a sassy reply for him.

You decide to wait in the living room, trying to calm your heartbeat. God, you’re such a loser, now even his bare chest can stupefy you like that. 

Regardless, you're more than content with the current relation with you and Seokjin. Both you definitely have gotten better, a bit more identical to wife and husband—even if it's probably only for you. You are trying your hardest for him, and when you know he can’t instantly fall at your feet and love you the way you do, you are satisfied. At least he’s not pushing you away.

“I’m a bit late for breakfast, but thank you for this.” He whispers, pointing to the pack of food you prepared for him. Noticing what’s missing, you pick the tie from his grasp, and circle around his neck and putting it on for him. He visibly stiffen on your arms.

After finished, you brush his suit’s shoulder and take a step back with a smile. “Let me know when you’ll be home, okay?”

“Okay.” He agrees and softly smiles. “See you.”

And then, he leaves a tender peck on your left cheek and exits the room. 

You literally can’t stop smiling the whole day.

*

One thing that you never really told anyone, is that you never had true sex. Like you had it once or twice in high school, but those annoying jerks never let you even finish and all you were left was disappointment. During college, you were too ambitious for your studies, so the thought of sleeping around was not on your agenda, and you never really believed in love or relationships. So when the thought of sex enters your mind this morning, it was quite frightening.

Having your lunch with only Jungkook, you decided to tell him your concern. He is quite shocked to say the least. “What the—you want to have sex with him? Finally?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” You exhale, pushing away your food in disinterest. “This few days we are making progress. So I don’t know—isn’t sex always the solution? I thought it would do some good for us.”

“Well, it’s indeed a solution for most problems, I would say.” He giggles between words, and you roll your eyes in disgust. “But I don’t know about Seokjin. I must say—the man really has outstanding self control. Sleeping on one bed with a woman for two straight years and still hasn’t initiated sex? Crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been sleeping around before.”

The thought immediately darkens your whole mood, and Jungkook realizes his slips. “—or, he’s just a good masturbator? Nobody knows, Y/N, especially not me. Ha ha ha.” He nervously chuckles, sipping his drinks. “And the minority of men are not that much of an sex-fueled animal. He must be good at keeping his hands to himself, and please don’t mind what I said.”

What Jungkook said might be haunting you a bit that you request to get home early—when instead you’re going to the mall for shopping. You went straight to the ladies side where all kinds of bras or lingerie is available, but you literally have no clue what’s useful for your case. Already desperate, you finally call Jane for advice, discarding the huge probability of damage that you’ll be teased or ridiculed. 

“Oh my god! That’s very fun. I still can’t believe you lied to the boss because you’re preparing to bone your husband tonight.” Jane cackles, truly amused. “God, I miss those alone times with my husband. Don’t have kids too soon, Y/N. Be happy with your husband.”

“Stop rambling and help me pick!” You hiss, realizing a few stares has caught on you. She giggles, and then proceeds to help you pack home a black lacy three piece lingerie that will instantly shock your mother if she ever sees—which she said would ‘even spice up a fifty years old marriage’. 

You don’t even know how that’s possible, or why you even asked her for advice in the first place.

Waiting for your train home, you hold your shopping bag close to your chest, slightly  embarrassed. You don’t know what you should do then—should you just wear it and surprise him in the living room when he comes home? Or lay in your bed while trying to tease him? How does that actually work?

In front of your apartment, suddenly a call arrives. Seokjin. “Hey, Y/N. Work is a bit much today, I think I’ll be late. Will be home around nine, maybe. But can you wait for me? I forgot to bring my keys.”

Agreeing mindlessly, you sigh after ending the call, looking to the bag on your grasp. You really had a bad feeling about this.

*

It’s quarter to nine, Seokjin is already on the way home and you are already all cleaned up. You started with a good, long warm shower and shaves, curled your hair, and put up a light makeup. You even tried watching porn for learning purposes—but instantly grossed out after a few failed attempts at finding a good one. Well, maybe you should just kiss him and not say or do a thing you’ll regret.

Jungkook was right, though. There’s no way Seokjin can handle two long years without sleeping around. Yet even the thoughts of him sleeping with other girls leaves you qualmish. In the middle of your busy thoughts, the bell suddenly rings at the door. 

“Y/N? Are you there? Can you please open this?”

Walking with your heels on, your head is in haze at the thoughts of him seeing you like this. God, you start having second thoughts. Should you just run inside and change your clothes? But the remembrance of the price of this lingerie instantly blanches you. You’d rather be shamed in front of your husband than wasting his much money for nothing. 

“Good ev—what is this?”

Seokjin looks at you, visibly flabbergasted at your unexpected fit. Not even once that he would think you would wear something like this, especially for him—and now your face is already beet red. You are far too shy to do or initiate anything.

“Are you okay? What are you—”

Before he can say other things that will embarrass you even more, you quickly crash your lips to his, kissing it frantically while trying to make it as pleasurable as possible. Seokjin instantly gasps, his bag falling to the floor beside him. His hands rest on your back while you are focusing to make it as good as it can get for him. 

You bite his lips for entrance, and as he moans you slips your tongue inside, tasting the sweet beverages he just drank. At one point, he finally responds—kissing you back with tenderness instead that helps manage a pace that won’t leave you breathless.

Few more minutes of tasting his lips against yours, Seokjin finally lets you go, and unexpectedly laughs. Realizing how foolish you must have been for him, you quickly flee inside the room and jump under your blanket. You hiss and close your eyes, cheeks flushed at the remembrance of the kiss and his amused face staring at you—God, can you be more humiliating?

After taking a shower, Seokjin jumps on the bed and you instantly scoot yourself further away, with your back facing him. The silent giggle is still heard and frustrated, you sent him a glare. “Why are you laughing?! There’s nothing funny.”

“I’m laughing not because it's funny, but because you’re extremely cute.” He hums, probably noticing how the blush crept back on your cheek. You scowl in annoyance. “You’re so aggressive today, but how can you’re still so cute? What happened, hmm?”

“No, I just…Ugh, I’m trying here, okay? I know these past two years might have been frustrating to you, I won’t even be surprised if you’ve been sleeping around—”

“What? What are you saying? Who’s sleeping around?” Seokjin asks, puzzled. You bit your lips, looking down in shame.

“I don’t know, maybe because my friends told me they wouldn’t last without sex and I just… I thought you’re like that too. And we haven’t really talked about that, so...”

He laughs, pulling you close until you flush against his chest. He smells like oak and citrus and it entices you at once. “I haven’t been sleeping with anyone for the past two years. My last time was probably with a stranger when I broke up, I think. I don’t really remember.”

“Really? You don’t have to lie to me, I know it’s really—”

“I am serious. And why would I lie? I just… think it’s not right. To be truthful, I also don’t want you to sleep around with someone else when we’re married, I’m just trying to keep this as pleasant as it could be for us.”

Humming against his chest, you feel your heart warming at his considerate act. You really are marrying the right person—regardless of how unconventional it started. You can’t even imagine if it was someone else. Few minutes of silence just feeling his arms around yours until you speak and ruin the whole conversation. 

“So does it mean you’re a great masturbator?”

Seokjin laughs until his whole body vibrates. “Well, maybe you could say it like that.”

*

“So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?” Jane asks during your lunch with Hoseok, Jungkook, and Namjoon with a hint of teasing on her tone. “I am surprised you even came to the office today. I thought you’d call in sick.”

“What the hell—it’s not like that.” You hiss at her, hoping she’d get your subtle message to quit it. Jane groans.

“Come on, Y/N, we are all adults here. Tell us! At least tell me how many rounds. What was it like? Did you use any other tools—like ropes or vibrators?”

Hoseok and Namjoon literally choke on their drinks, while Jungkook smirks in amusement at your flushed cheeks. “Don’t say it. Damn, Jane, it’s not it! What the hell are you saying?!”

“Well, I mean you literally called in sick to buy a lingerie—that I chose, for those taking notes—which literally will get him hot and erected in no time. How can I not be wondering?! What was it like? Tell me, I’m a lonely mother of two, Y/N. I just want to know, hmm?”

“Yes, tell us, Y/N! How’d it go with your lawfully wedded husband?” Jungkook joins in, giggling in mischief. You shot him an unamused look.

“Ah, I remember those days. Fucking till morning with my wife. Well, before the baby arrives.” Namjoon sighs dreamily, and you are visibly repulsed at his sentence. “I agree with Jane, Y/N. I love my child to death, but I’d rather wait for maybe another year or two.”

“It’s not like that!” You hide your face on your palm. “There literally nothing happened. I wore that lingerie, and surprised him when he came home, but we ended up doing nothing but kissing. He laughed, by the way. Thanks for that, Jane.” You glare at her, and she shrugs.

“Only that?” Hoseok asks, uncertain. “You’re already wearing lingerie and nothing happened?”

You vengefully nod. “That’s really all. Then he took a shower, we just talked until both fell asleep. Done.”

Namjoon contemplates, fingers on his chin. “That’s weird. Hmm. You don’t even bother jumping in the shower?”

“You are an idiot.” You sigh, massaging your temple—even if the idea struck you in a way. Should you have jumped into the shower with him? But you did your make up and all... “Even kissing him was already—”

Jungkook quickly cuts with roaring laughter. “Wow, I never know you’re that much of an idiot, Y/N! Ha ha ha I’m hungry, does anyone want to order food now?” As others are focused on skimming the menu, he sends you a look, and you just register that you were about to blabber the reality of your marriage. You grimace and mutter your thanks to him.

*

Two weeks have passed in a blink, and you are seriously pleased with the way things are. It feels like the boundary has been torn down between you two, and pretty clear that Seokjin’s been making an effort for your relationship as well. Usually, you always feel the things he does is based on mere obligation, but you know it’s no longer the case for him. You can feel how much he cares and adores you—receiving your bear hugs whenever he comes home, holding you close before coming to bed, kissing your forehead whenever it feels right. 

Just like today. You are feeling a bit feverish, and when you reply to his message asking how’re you doing, he immediately calls.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks after the first beep, tone laced with concern. “If you’re not feeling good, you should go home. Do you want me to call a taxi? Or can you wait for an hour, I’ll take you home.”

“I’m fine. This is not really rare. I’ll be fine soon.” You giggle, even inside of you tickles on the wondrous feeling of him caring for your well being. “I’ll go straight home after this.”

“Okay. I’ll get you.” He reminds and you hum in agreement. “Stay put until then, okay?”

I love you. “See you.”

I love you too. “Bye.”

And while driving home with Seokjin, you don’t know why but you feel physically much better than before. It just feels so right with him beside you. Especially when you initiate to hold his hand, he lets go for a second and repositions himself so he could hold your hand better—you seriously think you could fall sick on how jumpy you’ve become because of him. 

“Are you sure you’re sick? Or you just need some attention, hmm?” He teases, lightly pinches your cheek. You huff in embarrassment. 

“You’re annoying.” You are about to pull back your hand to your lap when he holds it tighter. 

“Who says I wanna let go.” Seokjin’s lips curl into a hearty smile. You still maintain your fake scowl. “You’re just so cute, that’s what.”

“Why are you so cheesy nowadays.” You burst in laughter, unable to hold it back. Seokjin beams, and reliably parks the car in your apartment’s basement with one hand. Finally silence, it's only you and him with the soft engine sound when he pulls you to his arms.

“Thank you for loving me. I seriously don’t know what you see in me, but I seriously can’t believe that you really like me and want to go through this.” He exhales softly, his left arms holding you by the waist, his right stroking your hair. “I hope that you know that I’m trying my best here. But I don’t know why, it doesn’t even feel like trying. Everything is so easy with you.”

“That’s really cheesy.” You chuckles, but tighten your arms around him regardless. “I’m also very thankful that you’re giving us a chance. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you. I keep on making a mess, falling in love when I shouldn’t—”

“Hey, don’t say that. I am really happy we’ve been through this, or I might always chicken out. Even if it could be better if I wasn’t such a jackass, but I’m still grateful.” He coos, pecking your forehead.

Releasing his hug, you are about to mutter something when he cuts with his lips lurching unto yours, cutting whatever sound beside loud moans. You are taken aback, falling a step back before steadying yourself by finding purchase on his shoulder. His palms are on either side of your face, pacing himself. 

You spend no time responding, savoring the tender taste of his lips. He tasted just the way you remember, sweet and addicting that leaves you wondering why you haven’t been doing this since the beginning. Catching a breath, he laps at your lips for opening, and as you comply, he roughly pulls you closer by the nape, tangling his tongue like he is a man starved all this time. 

“Did you eat a donut?” You giggle when he lets your lips go, trailing pepper kisses on your neck instead. When his lips ghosts to the succulent curve of your v-neck top, you abruptly pull him up to see you in the eye. 

“Baby, don’t. Not here. We’re just steps away from the apartment and we’re not getting reprimanded of public indecency.” You remind him. Seokjin scoffs, letting out a deep sigh.

“You shouldn’t wear this top. This is not good for my health.” He frowns as you laugh. “And what are you thinking, I’m not going to have our first time in this car. It was just an intro, so you better be prepared.”

“Ooh, consider me spooked, then.” You smirk in mischief. It is somehow proven by the way Seokjin cannot take his hands off of your waist, ghosting right above the bump of your ass while ascending to your apartment. At all the action you feel the discomfort between your thigh—high chance you are already dripping wet. You have been feeling exceptionally horny this few days, anyway. 

“And don’t think I didn’t know the way you’re invading my space and grinding your ass last night when we went to sleep.” He suddenly mentions the event that leaves you all blushing—especially with the other residents on the elevator. You elbow him right away, finger crossed they won’t hear a word he’s saying.

Arriving in your apartment, Seokjin doesn’t hesitate when he pulls you for a deep kiss, his fingers hovering on the hem of your top to detach it from you, flinging it to wherever. Your skin shivers when his fingers are in contact with your bare skin, and to your bra as he grabs the succulent flesh that leaves you a moaning mess. 

“Baby, wait. I need to go to the restroom.” You whisper between the kiss, when  the incessant throb quite overwhelming your good sense now. Seokjin huffs in pout but let go either way. There’s no way he will say no to whatever request you have for him.

“Don’t be long, sweetheart.”

Running to your toilet with a qualmish feeling on your stomach, you quickly discard your panties with a hypothesis—to have it confirmed by how it has been ruined… with your period blood. You hiss, the frustration building up in your head. You are just about to have sex with your husband after long days of pining, and you just had to have the period on the exact same day. There’s gotta be wrong with your luck.

Finally cleaning yourself, you walk out to find your husband is sitting on the couch, a visible hard-on from his trousers. At the sound of you walking out, he stands but to find your deep frown. “Hey, sweetheart. What’s wrong?”

“Ugh, I hate this so much. I can’t believe we’re about to do this but I got to have my period.” You run to his side, wrapping your arms around him. “I’m sorry for ruining this.”

At your visible dejection, Seokjin can’t bear but to giggle and it leaves you puzzled. How can he be laughing now? “Hey, it’s no matter to me. We can do something else about it, okay? I’ll take care of you. And we can leave that one for raincheck, so don’t be upset.”

Seokjin spends no other second in ravishing your lips while detaching your bra, discarding it in the same manner. His large palms grab the mounds, giving it a little squeeze before pinching your sensitive buds, especially now that you’re in your period. “Ugh, god. You’re so beautiful.” He gruffly mutters before taking your left mounds into his mouth, giving it a hard suck that you have to tug on his fluffy hair on how the pleasure has engulfed you. 

“Seokjin...” You moan his name as he shifts to the other mounds, his other hand strays to your clothed core, giving it a feathery touch before he pushes his digits. You bit your lips, holding back a sound.

“Don’t hold back, sweetheart. I want to hear all of you tonight.” He reminds. You nod, feeling your mind has clouded in haze and all you can feel is how great he is with his deed.

Noticing how he has been focusing on your pleasure and satisfaction, you push him back to the couch, your knees on the wooden floor before taking a ride for yourself by opening the fly of his trousers. Seokjin gasps at your cold hands on his erected cock before it springs free in all its glory. 

“God, you’re so big. I’m not sure if I can take you end when this fucking period is over.” You are shocked at the size of his girthy dick, the precum is already leaking and you can feel your saliva swimming in your mouth—desperate for a taste.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I told you I’ll take care of you, okay?” He comforts, before his tone drops. “Now suck on my cock like you’re a bitch in heat.”

You give a kittish lap on the slit, tasting the saltiness that is unfamiliar to your tongue, but is easy to discard when encouraged by the moan he is letting out with such favor. Noticing that it might hurt him to be blown without proper preparation, you spit on his dick, before giving him a sensual pump. “Fuck, Y/N, where did you learn to do that—god!” He moans in rapture. 

Your mouth closes in, sucking on the tip before taking him in your mouth. You run your tongue along the vein of his beautiful cock, wrapping your lips tight around it, feeling how it throbs in your mouth. “Fuck, don’t stop. Don’t stop.” He hisses, pushing his cock deeper into your mouth. But for the intention of teasing, you’re detaching your lips, going to the ridge of his cock’s length for a lick.

“Damn it, baby, why are you such a tease.” He groans, but is cut with your palm wrapping around his dick, the other slides up to his ball. You can feel a new wave of arousal coming out from your pussy. “Now let me fuck your throat.” He stoutly orders with hooded eyes, forcing your mouth back to take in his red tip and length until it hits the back of your throat—resulting in a gag. Seokjin gathers your hair, helping it out of your way before he raises his hips, feeling the wondrous feeling of your mouth clamming on his dick.

“Don’t flex your throat, sweetheart. Relax, okay? Tell me if you want to stop.” He stares at you, and you nod. You fucking love this, and you’d literally do anything to make him satisfied tonight. Your throat relaxes, and you savor his satisfied groans after feeling the back walls of your throat, with the tears streaking your cheek at his pace and feeling the burn. 

“O-oh g-god, F-fuck y-yes.” Seokjin pants, each syllable coming out as he thrust into your throat. “Look at me, sweetheart. I want to see your pretty face while I fucked your mouth hard.” He angles you better until he is satisfied, the lewd image of his cock stuffed into your mouth instantly sends him jerking faster.

A throaty moan slips out of you, and the action successfully sends him to his edge, feeling the vibrations cause his cock to throb in your pretty mouth. “Fuck, this is amazing. You’re so fucking great.” The compliments earns him another groan from you, and it ignites the leading to his awaited orgasm.

Few other thrusts in your throat, you finally feel Seokjin constricting inside of you. He’s about to come, and you’re expecting him to release his load for you to swallow—you were prepared, overall—but unexpectedly he retracts from your mouth, instead jerking off in immaculate pace, and the loss of his dick leaves hollowness inside your throat. “I wanna cum on your tits, baby.” He gruffly whispers.

“Give it to me, daddy.” You persuade, as he pants, still working on his red cock—on the edge of his orgasm. Yet not even once he turns his gaze from you, all red and high with lust hooded in your eyes, the trace of tears on the side of cheek, the swole of your plump lips coated in his pre cum and spit. You look surreal. 

“Fuck-fuck! You’re so fucking beautiful.” He hisses, increasing the pace of his pumps before releasing his massive loads on your tits, painting it white. You look down to yourself, feeling his cum trickles down to your nipples and to your thigh. You swipe the liquid with your forefinger, before lapping it clean inside your mouth, internally revolting at the taste.

“Damn, this is crazy. How the fuck you are so good at that.” He sighs in delight, looking at you with lidded eyes and evident aftersex glow. “Let me clean you up.” He reaches for the tissue, cleaning his loads on your breast. Both of you involuntary laughs at the current event. 

“Come here.” He crouches down, scoops you into his hold before moving to the bedroom. You abruptly circle your arm around his neck, he closes in for your lips for another make out session on bed. While his tongue is lapping at your own, his fingers move to stimulate you with your hardened nipple until your breath is rigged. His right finger cups your clothed core, giving it a welcomed pressure and humping it until you’re left with moans and satisfied sighs, your finger clutches on his hair, tugging it lightly. 

Seokjin’s lips advanced to your ear,giving it a kittish lick. “And you better be prepared, I will eat you out and fuck you all night afer your period is done, sweetheart..”

*

It’s finally Friday, and you are at your desk for work after lunch. Suddenly, Jane closes in at you. “What are you looking at that seriously?” She inquires, noticing you’ve been staring at the calendar on your desk for longer than anyone should. You turn to her, and shake your head silently. 

“No, I just realized that it's soon December.”

“So?”

“It’s soon will be Seokjin’s birthday. He’s turning 34.”

Jane nods in understanding. “Will you get him anything?”

“I don’t know.” You tap your chin, thinking of what to get him. You’ve been scrolling through commerce websites, yet to find even an idea about what to give to him. And it hits you—maybe you don’t really know him after all. “What did you get your husband for his birthday?”

She chuckles. “Last birthday I gave him a responsibility of a lifetime—my pregnancy test came out positive. I wouldn’t say it was a very good birthday present though, as we didn’t really expect a pregnancy after all.”

It dims you right away. Pregnancy? It is too far fetched, right? You haven’t even discussed it with Seokjin—and you don’t want to directly throw him a responsibility for another life being when your romantic relationship has basically just started. Days after days of late nights humping and blowjobs, waiting for your period is over is not basically a very firm foundation for having kids. You don’t even know if you’re ready for it.

And today is the last day of your period. Seokjin has actually asked if you want a dinner together—and you said yes. Based on his promise, today should also be the day you will be making love till dawn. But this dampens your mood a bit, at the thought of having kids frightens you. 

Scrolling through instagram, you see that Tasha, your sister-in-law has posted a series of photos from the previous birthday lunch of your father-in-law. The first photo is the five of them smiling together, the second is their three children with the grandparents, and the next one is Seokjin, smiling while he’s caging Taehyun’s little frame inside his arms. You smile longingly at that. Nobody can deny it though—Seokjin is amazing with kids, you know how much he loves them. And there are countless times you pity him for marrying you—as children were never part of your plan before.

But now you love him. And so does he.

And the thoughts have been haunting you that even when you’re seated in front of him in a high class restaurant, Seokjin can sense something is bothering your mind. He holds you by the hand across the table, and how you instinctively flinch confirms his suspicion. 

“Sweetheart, are you okay?”

You smile nervously at him, shrugging. “I am fine, but yeah.. Something is just.. bugging my mind, that’s all.”

“What is it?” He asks softly, a bit worried. “Don’t you like this place? Are you cold? You’re not sick, right?”

“It’s not it.” You giggle at his cute attention. “I just... you know, I saw the date and realized that you’re having a birthday soon. I just don’t know what to get you. A bit upset that maybe it feels like I don’t know you that well, that’s all.”

His face lightens at that, the creases of his smile evident. “No, you don’t have to get me anything. I’m just happy with what we have right now.” He gazes at you, pulling your hands to give it a light kiss. “I am just.. very thankful that you’re here.”

“But I want to give you something.” You frown, looking down. “It feels like you’re always taking care of me, and I’m always at the receiving end.”

“Why are—Y/N, you are the most selfless person I know. The way you take care of me just shows how much I owe you with anything I have. I want to make you happy, as you already made me the happiest I can be.” He explains in rush, like he’ll suffocate if you don’t realize how precious you are to him any time soon.

“Thank you.” You gratefully replies, holding back the tears from falling.

The next two hours, you’re already in bed with Seokjin on top of you, both your clothes are far long discarded on the floor. His palm is grabbing your succulent mounds, his right palm on the bed beside your face. His lips are lapping at yours, savoring the wine you consumed from the previous dinner.

“Seokjin, please put your dick inside me.” You moan before biting his lower lips. He smirks haughtily.

“Not so fast. I promised I’d eat you, didn’t I, kitten?” He questions, before moving his kisses to your neck, breast, stomach and to your thigh. You bite your own lips, your breath hitched when feeling the cold air he blows to your throbbing core. 

He laps at your cunt, his fingers sensually moving in circles for stimulation, and when his tongue is finally in contact with your clit, you feel the new wave of arousal is dripping out. Seokjin grins, instantly welcoming it with his tongue that leaves you a moaning mess. “Kitten, you’re dripping so much. Do you want to be fucked that badly?”

“Yes, yes, daddy. Don’t hesitate, please fuck me.” You breath out, finally pulling his face closer to your cunt. Seokjin slaps them harshly, eyes turning dark at your disobedience.

“Are you not going to be patient, kitten? Do you want daddy to stop fucking you?”

The thoughts literally scare your whole being that you deters from touching him. “Daddy, please. Fuck me, stuff me with your big cock.”

After that he continues on with his crazy good tongue, moving in and out of you until you screams his name in pleasure. Not only his tongue, his digits enter you in exchange, furthering them inside to scissors you until you are crying of ecstasy. As your orgasm builds up, he circles your clit in wondrous motions with simultaneous licking your cunt which helps you reach your edge. And not even another minute, you cum generously on his tongue.

Few minutes of reaching your breath, Seokjin laughs at your fucked out expression, your orgasm has caught up with you. You are literally glowing with sweat and satisfaction that it literally takes his breath with how blissful you feel, because of him.

“Don’t look at me like that, baby. I still need to ride you, need you to cum inside me.” You remind him right after finding his strangely contented expression staring down at you. “Just... let me take a breather, okay?”

“Are you sure you can ride me? It seems like you lost all your energy.” He giggles, plopping beside you on bed, pulling you close to his chest, that you are leaning on his arm. “I am marrying a fifty years old. How come you already lost your stamina after an orgasm?”

“It’s not it! I’m just a bit tired after work.” You scowl, rolling your eyes at his teases. “You are so annoying.”

He smirks, pecking you in the lips. “But you love me, right?”

“My fault, I know.” You huff. In Seokjin's hearty smile, and you suddenly are  reminded of the photo of him Tasha posted this afternoon. 

“Seokjin. Can I ask you something?” You ask, fidgeting your finger. Seokjin hums. “You know, I saw Tasha posted a photo of you and Taehyun this morning. And I was just thinking… if you want a child?”

“What?” He looks down at you, a bit of confusion written on his face that it scares you he’ll not take this like you want him to.

“No, it’s just—I just think that you like kids very much and they like you too, I am just thinking if you want a child. I don’t mean it now, b-but if y-you want now—”

“Sweetheart, has this been bothering your mind when we had dinner? About having a child?”

You look down, suddenly not courageous enough to face him, afraid of finding the disappointment or doubt in his eyes. “Yes. No. Maybe? I don’t know.”

Seokjin closes you again now that you are chest by chest, face by face, his arms circling your back. “I want everything with you, Y/N. At the right place, at the right time.”

He continues, fixes your locks and rests a few lost strands behind your ear lovingly. “I know this has been hard, especially for you. Pregnancy, birthing is never easy, and I know it’s not really in your plan, even including me. So I will never force you to anything. I want everything you want, okay? And it’s your body. It’s your choice.”

You nod, burying your face on his shoulder, finding purchase on the musky scent of his. Oh, how much you love this man. “Thank you. I don’t know why you always have the rightest thing to say. I really, really envy and love you for it.”

“You went through for me. Of course I want to give you everything. I love you, Y/N, until the sea sleeps.” 

“Until the sea sleeps?” You cocks your head in questions. He nods affirmatively.

“Yes. If life is the sea, I want to go through it with you. Until it ends. Until it sleeps.” He plants kisses lovingly on your forehead, to your nose, and finally, to your lips. But at once you finally push him on his back, internally shouting in joy at his choice of grand large bed.

“How can you say such thoughtful and beautiful words with your dick is pressing on my stomach.“ You hisses in fake chagrin, before continuing. 

“I love you too, but for now let me ride you, daddy...” You whisper sensually, grinding at his half-erected cock. Seokjin smirks in amusement, resting both his palm behind his head as he enjoys the lewd sight, your breast jiggling wonderfully, your cold hands palming his dick.

Oh god, how much he loves you...

*

2 Years Later....

“Honey, can you help grabbing the diapers?” You pleaded from your bedroom, carefully cleaning your five months old baby girl, throwing away the spoiled diapers near your feet. Seokjin quickly arrives with a fresh set of diapers, baby oils, a fresh pair of baby overalls and beige shirt.

“Thank you, honey, you’re the best.” You smile as he pecks your lips slightly. You continue your work in changing Mina’s clothes as the baby lets out a light gurgles, Seokjin sitting across the bed, his lips curling at the beautiful sight. 

After finally falling in love with each other two years ago, you and Seokjin decided to go with your own pace and did not rush into having kids. It was the best decision after all, not a hint of doubts when you knew he’s just as invested as you are in this marriage. You decided to savor it all, both you and Seokjin took leave from work and humdrum life to explore the other side of world together. 

And eight months together passed, you and him both decided it would be the perfect time for you to start getting off the birth pill. Few months of trying and getting pregnancy, you and Seokjin are granted the beautiful healthy baby girl, whom both you named as Kim Mina.

Holding her then or now, you just know she’s already the best gift of your life that you’d do anything for her happiness and well being. 

“So, is Taehyung and Tasha anywhere near our house?” You ask, glancing at the clock. “They are probably the only people I’d worry at this point. All my work friends are already on the way. Yoongi is already in the way, right?”

“Yes he is. But no worry about Taehyung, sweetheart. I have made him promise or else he’ll have to be a clown for Mina’s birthday party.” Seokjin laughs. “All the food is served, everything is in the way it should be. We are going through this.”

“I can’t believe we’re finally having a housewarming party. And a baby too.” You laugh dreamily, picking up Mina to cradle on your chest. “Four years ago us would never believed this.”

“Four years ago Seokjin was a blind fool, I had to say. He almost missed the greatest woman on the planet.” Seokjin warmly back hugs you, kissing your cheek lovingly. You hum in mirth. “Luckily this greatest woman is willing to fight for him. The greatest gift for that lucky bastard, I have to say.”

“Well, she loved him too much, I have to say. It was all worth it.”

With the end of the sentence, a chime of bell is heard—somebody is coming. You quickly walk to the door with Seokjin on your side. The first one to arrive is Hoseok and Jungkook, the only single bachelor of the party. “Hi, Y/N, Seokjin! Congratulations, the house is incredible.” Both of them give you a sided hug, and Jungkook shoves two bottles of wine on your hold. 

“Drink up!” Jungkook giggles, kissing your baby’s cheek as he taps on Seokjin’s shoulder as a greeting, walking into your house to your tables of served dishes. 

In a spare of minutes, few of yours and Seokjin friends are walking in—Jane and her family, Namjoon and his wife and kid, and Yoongi with his girlfriend. You welcome them all with a wide smile, thankful for their presence.

Your parents and Seokjin’s surprisingly arrive right after each other, simultaneously gushing at their grandchild. “Mina! My very cute grandchild!” Your mother squeals in delight after giving you and Seokjin a greeting hug. Seokjin’s mother immediately scoops Mina out of your grasp, moving inside the house to play with her.

Walking around talking with your friends, another bell chime is heard from the door. You and Seokjin walk to open it, finding Jimin on the door with Yoonji, his wife of three months. Their face instantly lightens up at you, and you move to hug the blissful new couple. 

About Jimin, he finally moved back from Sydney to Seoul for good one and a half years ago. He was taking over a few branches of his father’s business, and you started rekindling the friendship with him. And you don’t want to brag, but you are the matchmaker for Jimin and Yoonji. She was the new assistant manager at your unit, and one dinner, you invited Jimin for dinner with your work friend’s and they instantly hit the bat right away. It doesn’t even take a year for Jimin to get on one knee and propose to her.

“Hi, Seokjin.” Jimin grins in courtesy. Seokjin answers with a laugh, pulling the younger guy into a side hug. You point Yoonji her way to Hoseok and Jungkook. “Congrats on the new house, man. This place is great.” Jimin sincerely compliments, handing him a large box of  housewarming gifts which Seokjin gladly receives with loud squeaky laughs of thank you.

It’s also been a year since Jimin had the talk with Seokjin, in which they bonded over alcohol and food. Jimin also apologized to what he did a few years back, and Seokjin instantly accepted it—no hard feelings, knowing that it was for the best as he finally found you, the best thing that happened to him. After that, Jimin basically joins the gang with Seokjin and Yoongi, and also hangs out with your friends slash his wife’s friend. It was all good.

After the housewarming party time finally arrives, the helper hands the drinks in tray for a toast. You lean onto Seokjin’s chest, as he begins the welcoming toast.

“Thank you everyone for coming. This hasn’t been a very easy ride with me and Y/N, but we are very thankful to where we are right now. A beautiful baby, a great house, a great loan—” Everyone chuckles at his joke. “ —but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wanna say thank you to my wife, who has stood by me through thick and thin. I’d never be able to do it without you.”

Suddenly, the shouts to kiss are visible—high chance initiated by Jeon Jungkook—and you giggle before pressing a tender kiss to his lips. The aws are heard, and Seokjin looks back to the audience. “Thank you to my family and friends. Your great support is the reason we are here right now. I am very grateful.”

“Let’s toast, for this wonderful day. May we always be healthy and happy. Cheers!” Seokjin smiles and clinks his glass of champagne to yours. The sound of glass clinking against each other is heard simultaneously, and you sips on the beverage. Seokjin gazes down on you, a toxicated smile on his lips. 

“What?” You ask, falling a bit shy.

“I am so happy. You make me very happy, and I thank you for that.” He closes, resting his forehead on yours. “I love you, sweetheart. Until the sea sleeps.”

You hum in serenity, savoring his wondrous scent. “I love you too, baby. Until the sea sleeps.”

Suddenly, the doors are busted open, Taehyung rushed eyes staring confusedly at the large group of people settling on their places, Taehyun on his grasp. “Am I late? I don’t have to be a clown, right?!”

Just an disinterested glace before the crowd disperse around the home in group. Seokjin cunningly smirks at him, walking closer and taps his shoulder in a fake comforting manner. 

“Sorry, brother. Looking forward to you coming as a clown in Mina’s birthday party, okay?”

“Fuck.” He curses under his breath, but is not missed by your approaching mother-in-law. She immediately screeches loudly in anger, completely enraged with both hands on hips.

“Kim Taehyung! Your son is there, and you curse?! How dare you set out a bad example for your son?!”

He grimace, glaring at you and your husband who are laughing heartily at his clear misery.

“Lord, have your mercy.”

Thank you for reading! it’s such a great ride writing this. Credits to one quora answer I read that inspires this whole fluffy prompt. And all the smut writers that inspired me on writing such unholy scenes lol

“Nah, I just want to mess with you fam.” He smirks, the bitterness still leaving a mark on his taste buds. Serve him right, you roll your eyes and try to center your attention back to your book. This idiot really knows no boundaries when it comes to you, you swear to God.

You and Jungkook have been best friends since both of you were kids. As cliché as it sounds, you met Jungkook when he was a total nerd in fifth grade of elementary school. He perfectly embraces the nerd stereotype at that time, thick ass glasses, braces, carrying books and his neon green nintendo nearly everywhere. You were not really interested in befriending the nerd, but when he got shamed by the cool girls for giving them chocolates for Valentine's Day—an expensive chocolate, for anyone keeping notes—you quickly stepped in when it seemed like it went overboard. 

Jungkook was bullied in the middle of the school yard with everyone to witness, for giving the girl he likes a chocolate on fucking Valentine’s Day. You noticed how ashamed he was—lips quivering, heads hanging low and the most distinctive feature is his cheek and ears, literally turning to the shade of vermillion. You did not know whether it is healthy for a face to be that red—you were terrified he might pass out—but yet those girls were still keen on mocking his sincere acts and his shy expression, not showing a sign to stop anytime soon.

Your consciousness literally forced you to step in, jumping on between them and literally yell at those girls. You forcefully stole the chocolate from one of the girls' grasp, eating them on the spot and shouted in irritation, “Done! I ate everything, so stop bullying him. You girls should be ashamed of yourself, he did nothing wrong!”

The imbecile girls were embarrassed, because their show was immediately stopped by an unpopular girl they never saw before in front of the whole school to see. One girl who seemed to be like the leader of the lunatic gang suddenly moved forward and pushed you until you fell on your back, and you know that was it. You seriously had been waiting to use your taekwondo skills for a better cause, and at that time, you saw the chance and took it whole-heartedly. You were not even using your full strength on her—you mostly used your defense technique when she was giving multiple amateur punches. You really lost everything when she grabbed your hair and pulled it hard (like most amateur girls would fight). The pain on your scalp hurt from the vicious pull, so you mildly used the front kick technique on her to push her away yet she easily fell down like a limp noodle, scraping her body with a small amount of the blood trickling out.

After the fight ensued and was broken off by one of the teachers, you and the crying girl were taken to the headmaster’s office. You were going to be punished severely, but fortunately some witnesses came to your rescue, you and the girl received punishment of detention for one month straight. Somehow, the spoiled annoying girl got out of the punishment with her parents persuasion, yet not really the same for your strict parents. They were furious for you to be punished for a physical fight in school that they directly cut you from your twice-a-week taekwondo classes you loved so much—thinking that it must be a bad influence for you. Not only that, you were also grounded and was forbidden to go out of the house for a month. You were devastated, but you know there was no way to change their minds, so you just sucked it up and promised to do your punishment well.

Day one of your punishment, you were sitting inside the detention class, the teacher was zooming off on the table with a documentary of Helen Keller played on the television. You were doodling on the back of your book in boredom. Suddenly, amongst the silence, a hush was heard in front of you, whispering your name. You shifted your head, finding the same boy directly on the table in front of you.You must absolutely did not expect it to be him—the nerd you saved from raging selfishness of the slow-minded girls.

“Hi... I got into detention to accompany you...” 

You inspected the boys with scrunched eyebrows in confusion. He somehow was still with the vermillion shade of red coloring his supple cheeks, just like last week when you were defending him. Is he... sick? He better be not, cause if he were, you were going to regret not setting the girl straight a little bit harder. The adamant despise towards injustice firing inside you was ignited by the lesson you always received from your taekwondo class, how you always must use your strength for goodness. Yes, you indeed will be missing going to Taekwondo classes. 

Realizing your mind had been anywhere but here, you straightened in your seat and tilted your head in confusion at the guy. “Are you okay? You look so… red.”

The boy quickly hid his cheeks with his palm, eyes not meeting yours out of shyness. It looked like he wanted the world to swallow him firsthand. “I—I’m sorry! I just have this weird physical habit of turning super red whenever I'm shy or angry..” He whispered, nibbling on his lips while still avoiding your eyes. “I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable..”

“Nope.” You answered with a loud pop on the last ‘p’, sending the boy a warm smile. “It doesn’t bother me in any way. You should not be ashamed of that. That’s cute.”

Well if you thought his face was already red, you could not imagine how more red it could turn into after you called him cute. Out of panic, you swiftly handed him the cold drinks sitting on your desk. “H—hey! You are too red, it is not possible. Put this on your face!”

After a few seconds he spent pushing the cold bottle to his face, you could finally see him breath again. You were unable to hold a smile looking at the boy, huffing his breath repeatedly to calm himself. You did sincerely find him cute, so different from the boys from your school who somehow really got on your nerves from constantly bragging about nearly everything. Their expensive belongings, their parent’s house, their ability to play sports, and it sickened you. Well you didn't really know the boy in front of you, but it seemed like he wasn’t the type to. You were prepared to drop him the second a cocky symptoms were found though, even if internally you wish he wouldn’t. You spared so much of your effort to take on the guy’s side, such a waste to do that on another thick-headed prick.

“I just realize I don’t know your name.” You suddenly thought to yourself after multiple times addressing him as ‘the nerd’ or ‘this boy’. He was just giving your drinks back to your desk, and then he shyly put out his hands to you.

“Hi.. My name is Jungkook. I am ten years old, and I came from Busan. I have one brother and one dog. My hobby is playing games and taking a bath! Nice to meet you!”

You really were going to burst into laughter, but then you detect the teacher was already woken up and shooting looks at the both of you for causing such a loud commotion. You bit your lips, holding any sound from coming out fervently, your eyes trained on your desk so you would be able to hold them back. Inside, you were glad that you saved this boy the other day. This boy was too pure and kind for his own good, and you were happy that you stood for him.

Well, that was all too long in the past, you nearly had a hard time remembering it. Now Jungkook has changed, 180 degrees from that cute, shy, vermillion shade faced boy you met in elementary school. After an agonizing ten years has passed, he went from a total innocent sweetheart, such a cutie to the annoying ass of a fuckboy jock he is today. What a shame to witness the degradation, you thought to yourself. But you did know when and where it went wrong—he was just too tired of being taken too much of an advantage by despicable people around him. The friend he befriended, his chemistry lab partner in middle school, his classmates and especially the girl he dated in high school. He hated it—he hated everything that happened to him when he was trying to be the nice guy for everyone. 

So in the last year of high school—after the bad breakup with the said girlfriend—he changed everything, nearly everything until it's even hard for you to recognize him sometimes. He swore off dating and romances, he went twelve hours per week to the gym and the school’s football team, attended parties days and nights before fucking random girls, and did the bare minimum in his education due to the shift of focus. But still even by then (actually, even until today), one and only person he would always listen to was you. 

When he failed one of his subjects in the last term of high school—and seemed completely unbothered by it, you were furious at him and refused to communicate in any way to him until he got his priorities straight. He tried contacting you, but you rejected at the first beep. He waited for you in front of your class but you quickly shove him with hurtful words his way, “You stop being yourself, Jungkook. I don’t even know you anymore.” and you meant every word. You missed your best friend, you missed his innocence and availability for you, and frankly, you also had enough of hearing about how charming he was, or how good he was in bed, talked in hush by your obnoxious girls in your classes. 

Few days later, you were already resting in your house while reading a book and listening to the droplets of the heavy rain knocking down on your roof, until a hesitant knock was heard on the door. You shuffled to open the door to find, was expecting your brother coming home from college, but instead found Jungkook, drenched in front of your porch with the remedial sheet on his hand—written that he passed the said subject with flying colors. You were surprised that he even got the chance to fix his grade, but after telling you he needed to do a fifty page review of the economic systems around the world to even got the chance to remedial test, you did realize how much he put an effort to pass a subject he didn’t even like. Somehow, it resulted in more happiness on you than you thought it would be. You couldn’t deny you were already contemplating whether you were too harsh or nosy on him, or he would just drop you the second you push him away. You were on the edge, imagining that you would lose a best friend because of your annoying attitude and peskiness. But he came through.

After welcoming Jungkook to take a bath and wear your brother’s clothes, you offered him a glass of hot chocolate, his favorite drink. But you noticed that he was still pouting, so you questioned it. “I am thankful that you knocked some sense into me, but Y/N, don’t ever ignore me like that again…” Jungkook’s pout turned deeper, his knuckles pushing your forehead in annoyance. 

“You are the last person who I ever wanted to turn against me.” He whispered after seconds of silence of just staring at each other, eyes turning gleam that knocked some guilt inside your chest. You nodded silently, promising that you would not do that kind of antics again.

You remember that day like the back of your hand—after a long time, you see how vermillion-shaded his face has returned after telling you how thankful he was for your presence as his best friend during the past ten years, and your straight-up attitude that set him straight during his weak times. He cried that day, telling you how hard everything was for him. Behind those strong facade and muscle, you realized he was still the innocent, vulnerable nerd with a vermillion-shaded face you met ten years ago. You missed those innocence he finally displayed, and it brought you back to times when it was just you and him against the world. 

Even after that day Jungkook still continues all his fuckboy ways, and until now after both of you went to the same university. He is taking an industrial engineering major while you were doing your life-long dream of taking political science, both of your faculties are located near each other. Jungkook was still being the same Jungkook he was, he joined the football team and brother frat in college, filled with dumb rich jocks who held parties nearly twice a week. After getting few drinks in the party, he would fall into meaningless sex with the girl he just knew before. Not that you mind, you have been way too accustomed in having such a best friend and it doesn’t even bother you anymore.

But still, you were confused how Jungkook is able to maintain his life together—his studies, his jock practices and his fuckboy activities in parallel. You have no objection at all for his life choices—since he never leaves you out and schedules a breakfast or lunch minimal twice per week with you to update you on what he was doing with his life and likewise. Not even counting the times he would get you from your apartment if you have the same morning class like today. By what you hear from him, it really seems like he is holding up just well. Good for him.

“Hey, stop ignoring me, you ugly ass hoe!”

You wake up from your long flashbacks, since you notice that you have been zooming out for quite a while now. You clear your throat, sipping on the coffee that has turned cold, sending apologies for not paying attention to him. “Sorry. I was distracted. You were saying?”

Jungkook frowns, his eyes squinted on you, and you know what he was doing. He was trying to diagnose your silence. You roll your eyes at his nosy acts. “Stop looking at me like that! I said I was sorry, Jungkook. Now tell me what’s bothering you. This girl you fucked with before, did she still try to contact you again?”

“I wasn’t telling you about that!” Jungkook raises his voice, his face slightly reddening out of shyness for you mentioning his bad experience on one of his one night stands. Looking at him, you are reminded about the vermillion-faced Jungkook you met in elementary school. Oh how you miss those reddening supple cheeks of his. “I was telling you if you are going to Hoseok’s birthday party this weekend. It’s gonna be lit, I swear! He is holding it in his fancy ass house with a pool and whatever.” You snort, your eyes trailing back on your books even if you are not reading at all. You just want to ignore him, implicitly telling how silly his invitation was. Parties are never your forte, you feel mildly uncomfortable in such a short distance with tons of strangers. You’d rather reread this book you are holding for the nth time already, you swear.

“Y/N, you could even meet boys there, I know how saintly you have been living lately. Live a little, pumpkin! I swear you’ll enjoy it there.” Still you don’t budge on him.

“Kim Seokjin is gonna be there, though. You sure you won’t come?”

Listening to his name, your ears perk up, eyes slightly glancing up to him. Seokjin is one of Jungkook’s frat brothers, a final year who surely does not share the same ugly traits of the other brother. He is smart, ambitious in his study, and is also the head of the Taekwondo university club. Your deep interest in Taekwondo has driven you to see him in multiple universities and external competitions, and you cannot bear yourself but to swoon over him and his rightful acts. Even if you surely do not have the courage to directly introduce yourself to him, you have been thinking a lot about joining the club with pure—well not really pure motivation. You are also unable to emphasize more that he is really one of the kindest souls out there. He is known as very helpful to everyone, joining as a volunteer in various social and environmental movements. You also heard that he had a serious relationship for five years, in which they had to break up a year ago because the girl had to move to America to pursue her study and decide to break up with him. What a doofus.

You notice the cocky, winning triumph on Jungkook’s face realizing how affected you are by the name, but you’ll set aside your will to erase the annoying smirk off of his face just to get more information out of him. “Continue.”

“He is best friends with Hoseok. I know he is not really a party type—you probably know that better than I do—but this one's for his friend's birthday party. He’ll come.” Jungkook says, munching on the served american breakfast in front of him. “You can finally meet him, probably say hi and then bone him while you’re at it. You get me?” Jungkook wickedly smiles, eyebrows dancing on his temple and you roll your eyes in response. You have such an obnoxious dickhead as a friend, and whose fault is it? Yours, of course.

“I hate you so much, Jungkook. Do you know that?” You gave him a cynical smile, and he returned it with the same bland taste, biting on the last piece of bacon. 

“Can.. Can I bring Lia too?” You hesitantly asked, biting on your lips. Jungkook’s chewing movement is slowing, an uncomfortable silence ensues.

Lia is your apartment roommate, a cute girl with the same major as yours. Short height, big round eyes and straight hair are her noticeable features, and what troubles Jungkook for Lia’s presence in your discussions, is her uncanny resemblance to his high school ex girlfriend. Her similar name, her looks, her height, her choice of outfit and nearly everything, reminded him of the girl he has been trying to forget. You were surprised while meeting her too at first, but you did not realize how the resemblance would bother Jungkook that much. Well probably, Jungkook was still trying to forget about her—hell, this whole new persona of his was founded by his heartbreak towards the bitter-ended relationship.

You remember how head over heels was Jungkook towards his ex-girlfriend. Whenever he is around her, or just thinking about her when she was brought up in your discussions, Jungkook would again turn vermillion in shyness for his adoration of the girl. He would waste hours, with all his power and wealth to make the girl happy—without telling you at that time about how much he spent for her, since he knew how fervently you would react to that—and content with the relationship they both shared. But none could prepare him for the inevitable break up, Jungkook found the girl was cheating on him with another older guy, in which he found out who was her source of income too. Jungkook was devastated, heartbroken and that's the turning point when he swore off romances and relationships at all cost. You tried your best in helping him mend the broken pieces caused by the vicious witch of an ex-girlfriend, but you know none of it was the same ever again. What you could and promise to do is to be there for your best friend, at all times.

“It’s—it’s okay. I think I am just overreacting over all of this. I swear.” He sighs, sounding a little bit tired of everything and putting the utensils on his plate. You lean closer, waiting for the continuation of his spoken mind. “I am so fucked up, Y/N. Like, there are so many things that keep reminding me of her. You know how evil she is, and everything she did to me—but I still find myself missing her so much it’s crazy. It’s been nearly two years, but I still think about her—a lot. The girl I was with last night. The girl I met at a party two weeks ago. Your roommate—gosh, i’m so tired.” He sadly groans, hiding his face behind his palm. Oh, how you wish to take away some of the pain he feels.

“I think.. I think you just need to stop pushing it away, Jungkook..” You softly speak, your palm caressing his shoulder to his arm in sympathy. Jungkook let out another sigh, resting his palm over yours, eyes filled with frustration over himself.  “I think the more you are trying to stop thinking about her, the less you are able to overcome it. Just let it go. Confront it. Confront everything that reminds you of her, and tell yourself that you are slowly but surely overcoming the hunch.”

Jungkook silently nods for a while zooming out to the street, until at one point he slowly squints his eyes on you, full of suspicion. You choose to look away, trying to be nonchalant of his suspecting gaze.

“You just want me to allow your friend to go to the party so you will have a companion to meet Seokjin, right?”

Well, you should know you are going to be caught red-handed, but it should not this fast, though. Are you that obvious or it’s just another episode of Jungkook knowing you better than you do? “You know how much I need to meet him, Jungkook! You are my friend, you should help me with this. I need her as my support.” You defend yourself, arms folded in front of your chest in agitation. You are desperately in need of  Lia there, so at least when you embarrass yourself in front of a cheering crowd—or worst, Seokjin himself—you will have support that helps you get into that taxi and drive yourself to the nearest cliff. You won’t even expect Jungkook to be  there for you, he must be off somewhere fucking bimbos and that’s just how less you expect of him.

“Hey, I can be your wingman to score him too! Are you kidding me? I am his kind, I know how to get you to him better than that friend of yours.” Jungkook scrunch his nose in distaste of your doubts about him. You scoff loudly, pushing your cold coffee away so you or Jungkook’s slob trait will not nudge or drop it to pieces mid argument. That surely happened before, and you do not want another dirty look thrown by the waitress at the both of you for causing troubles, yet again.

“Stop kidding me. First, you are not his kind. He is not a fuckboy. And what would happen if I go there with you are first, you missing at twenty minutes mark and off fucking some girl on the upstair bedroom or even worse, in the restroom and I’ll just be foolishly standing in the corner like fucking nerd who miss her literature club meeting with expectation to meet a cute, faithful guy in some dumb frat parties, fell in love and get married to happily ever after. Or second, you ignore the girls thirsting over you to accompany me and just an hour, you off to get a drink and those dumb girls will kidnap me and feed me to the lion. I don’t see any positive scenario over you, accompanying me to the party. No thanks.”

Jungkook is surely bewildered over the scenario you just play out to him. You take a deep breath, realize you have been spitting out so many words in such a short span of time. You are quite proud of that talent, though.

“That’s… strangely detailed.”

You roll your eyes, looking at the watch on your wrist. Only ten minutes left and both of you need to run to the first class.  “We need to get going now. Let’s go, you dumb jock.”

Jungkook sighs, following your step, resting a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn paying now. Let’s go.”

*

“Are you sure you want to wear that?”

Listening to Lia’s queries for the nth time, you sigh and go inside the bathroom to change into your comfy house clothes. You have been trying to find the perfect dress that is the perfect balance of classy and slutty since three hours ago—exactly right after you ran home from your afternoon class. But yet it seems like no dress is right, one makes you look too slutty, or another which makes you like a freaking nun amongst the girl in the party, or another one which make your butt looks massive or one that is too tight you know you can’t even breathe if you wear that to the party. And who are you even kidding? You are putting too much effort for a party that most likely will not even realize you are there. You know that you are not that excessively pretty like some girls that hangout with Seokjin and Jungkook’s frat—yes, you are not far on the other side either, but it’s still a valid point.

“I’m done. I’m just wearing anything to the party and if Seokjin can’t see me, he can kiss my ass. Probably gonna die alone anyway, why do I even try...” Your groan was muffled to the pile of clothes on your bed. Lia hisses at your sudden discouragement, she wakes up and launches a slap on your butt.

“Nuh-uh! You know how important this is to you, Y/N. You gotta try, or you’ll regret it forever!” Lia shakes you again, but you are still groaning against the clothes. Seeing how long this may drag and you still haven’t even done your hair, she has no choice but to drag you from bed until you are thrown on the floor with a loud bump.

“Ah! It hurts!”

“I know it hurts but you’ll be thanking me in the next five years when you are married to Seokjin and pregnant with his third kid.” 

“Now that’s just forward. And delusional. Seokjin is married to me? Seriously, like he even wants to deal with such a mess.” You pout while rubbing on your hurting elbow due to the unexpected fall. Even with such a small frame Lia cages animalistic power it’s unbelievable. “And I don’t even want to get married that fast! I still need to open my restaurant, I haven’t even met Liam Neeson, travel the world—”

“Wait-wait, hold on. Why Liam Neeson?”

“Because he is hot. Like real hot. Have you seen Narnia? That is one god-carved voice, damn! How I wish I could have a man with a voice like Liam. In Taken! He is so hot and protective and do you know that in Star Wars—”

Lia quickly shuts you by throwing a glittery dress to your face, disgust coloring her face. “That’s just borderline daddy kink and I hope you are well aware you are fucking weird.”

You grimace. “No argument here.”

*

9pm, and both you and Lia finally arrive at the large mansion which you recognize must be Hoseok’s. You check the text Jungkook sent this morning about the location’s address once again, quickly scrambling out of the car after muttering thanks to the driver to enter the huge, fancy house. Lia holds you by the waist, giving it a short squeeze of support seeing how jittery you have become since the taxi arrived. “It’s okay. You look beautiful, and Seokjin will be crazy not to see you.”

“Thanks.” You huff a breath, trying to muster a little bit confidence in your steps. It is half-working, you have to admit. 

It’s still early, yet the party is crazy enough you can’t even believe it. Every corner is busy with their own games and activities, the bass blaring in your ear until you’re this close to temporary deafness, and the outside of the house is a large outdoor pool with people laughing and girls with hot bod and bikinis. Just the perfect recipe of the best night everyone will regret—or maybe it’s just you.

You already had your fair share of parties, and you have to admit that it’s not your thing. The free booze, though? Tempting. You are trying to look at the better side of the whole ordeal. Even if you fall short and embarrass yourself in front of your crush, you get the eternal consolation of booze to help you kick the shame away. Nothing screams adult like pushing your problem away with the help of alcohol, right?

You check yourself against the reflection on the nearest mirror to you, restlessness creeping inside your head. Damn, you seriously are just a sack of old potatoes compared to these girls in clad dress and high stilettos which will surely be able to stab and kill someone. You should just pack it up and go home, really.

“Hey! I know that face, Y/N. No! We are not backing down. I did not just spend five hours of your whiny ass complaining what to wear for you to be this defeated without even trying!” Lia quickly pushes you away when you are about to run out the door for your life. You frown, ready to let out some whiny complaints when she pushes your unknowing ass away, right into someone’s arm.

From the countless people inside the freaking party you just had to fall to Seokjin’s arm. God must be joking. 

Looking straight into his beautiful, sparkling eyes, it seems like your mind is completely wiped like new, and you have the trouble of speaking your mind. His warm arms are around your shoulder, keeping you stable on your feet and this might be the nearest you have been to the taste of death.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I think you fell and I just caught you...” Seokjin smiles politely, eyes crinkled into a smile and you are still in the midst of inner conflict of speaking out anything. Out of realization how annoying your act must have been to him, you jumped feets away, desperate to keep a distance. You are really this close to running away, but do not want to be perceived like a total moron especially to him, so you let out a thin, nervous smile. 

“T—thank you for catching me.” You breathily murmur, feeling shy. How can someone not be? God, is he beautiful. His fluffy hair is styled nicely, he is wearing such a simple attire, a blue loose shirt and black denim but damn did he wear it like nobody’s business.

“No problem.” He lightly shakes his head, but a sudden realization comes to his mind as he inches closer to you, eyebrows scrunched together in question. You unconsciously lean further away from him, heart drumming fast in your chest. “I think I’ve seen you before. In my Taekwondo’s match. Right?!”

Never in a million years have you thought that Seokjin might notice—and even remember your face amongst the large crowd, watching him in his battles for your college’s team. You are always hidden, and as plain as ever whenever you watch him from the bleachers, and would run away the second whistle blows signaling the end of the competition. But now he told you he recognizes you?! Gosh, what are the odds. You have never felt so shameful and concious of your own skin before.

“Um… Yes! But you have nothing to worry, I’m not a stalker or anything, I just really like taekwondo and I like watching you—I mean the team!” You shyly correct yourself, internally punishing yourself for the accidental slip. You are such a humiliation and frankly, still too sober for this. What will you trade to forget the encounter never happened and drown yourself in booze in every form—drinks, beer, jelly shots, whatever.

“No! Of course not.” He chuckles, amused like he is really content to see you, nonchalant to how uncomfortable you are with your skin right now. You feel like a doofus, making a fool of yourself. “I really want to talk to you every time a match is finished, but you always bolt away after, I don’t have the chance to.” Then he dare to fucking winks. “But I’m glad we can finally meet here.” 

You are too confused with every act and word coming out of his mouth—did he just flirt with you?—so your reply is simple, and desperate. “Wow. Sorry, I seriously need a drink right now. Can you hold that thought?”

Seokjin chuckles and nods, his palm hovers over your back, guiding you. “I’ll come with you.” You don’t really know why he has to follow just for you to shortly grab a drink, and then he points to his empty glass. You nod knowingly, trying to focus on the booze bar you are heading to. The bar is crazy extravagant for a frat party, with the bartender pouring mixed drinks on the side. You silently gasp. Damn, Hoseok is really that rich, huh?

He continues with a cheeky smile. “I have been looking forward to talking to you since forever, and you just bolted out. Is it wrong of me to be scared you are going to pull the same trick again?”

Wow, you don’t even know what he means by that, so you let out a nervous chuckle as an answer. It is like you are back to third grade, having your first crush giving you hope by his words and you are busy configuring and overthinking everything like fucking detective conan. But you refuse to get your hopes up, your brain desperately screaming to fill your glass with your favorite whiskey. You offer him the bottle, and he smirks and receives it while purposefully brushing your hand in the process. Fuck Kim Seokjin. What happen to such a polite boy you heard so much about?!

“So, are you going to tell me about yourself?” He smiles, and your finger fidgets in nerve, quickly taking a whole gulp of the alcoholic drink, praying it to quickly intoxicate your mind so you can speak clearly in front of such handsome face. Well, for one booze is the best recipe for you during these times.

“I don’t know what you want to know about me, Seokjin. I’m just an ordinary freshman.” You smile, your teeth grazing your lower lips. But one thing you notice is that Seokjin is silent, his eyes following the movement of your bitten lips like he is completely bothered by it.

“Do you like taekwondo? I see you a lot in the match.” He starts with a simple question, while taking a large portion of his drink down his throat and ending it with a sigh. “When you were watching, you looked like you knew your stuff. It’s TMI, but I can’t help but to find it’s totally, totally hot.”

“So you are watching me watching people during a Taekwondo match?” You bravely shoot, and Seokjin let out a chuckle. You do not know what has gotten on him—or you, even at that point. What you know is that you feel your head is light, but your body is hot and bothered by just looking at him. Seokjin just literally flirts on you and all you wanna do is to jump on him and quench the thirst rubbing in the middle of your thigh.

At the time, you notice that Seokjin is bluntly staring at your lips, his eyes turned dark and heavy with lust, and his face literally inching closer and closer to you. You lick your lips, suddenly finding it hard to swallow. Is it really going to happen? Seokjin somehow, against all odds, finds you hot and that's it—you’re going to kiss him like that? Just how many years of luck do you have to sacrifice for this?

“Seokjin! Here you are. Hoseok is looking for you.”

The strange sexual tension that filled the air between you and Seokjin with your lips just inches away from each other is broken by the dumbest fuck of a best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Seokjin immediately flinches, moving away and you instinctively turn your head, your hands scratching your nape out of shyness. You swear you are going to kill your best friend after this. How dare he interrupt the moment you have been dreaming for such a long time now?!

“Thanks for that, man.” Seokjin hisses, his words dripping with sarcasm and annoyance of your interrupted session. He turns his regretful eyes to you, hands resting on your shoulder, sliding to your wrist affectionately. You do not know whether it’s just you, but your body feels like it is set on fire with his light , feathery touches. He suddenly grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“I’ll find you later, yeah? Don’t go anywhere.”

You shyly nod, and Seokjin turns his back on both of you and walks further away to the other side of the gigantic house. After his disappearance, you quickly land a hard punch on Jungkook’s arm in agitation.

“You are fucking idiot and I hate you! How dare you interrupt us like that?! We were just about to kiss, you moron!”

Jungkook frowns, rubbing on the spot you just hit. “Hey! I am doing this for your own good. You are certainly going to regret kissing that guy! He is not that good, you’re better off without him.”

You hisses at his lackluster explanation. “I don’t know what crack you are sniffing, Jeon, but you just told me yesterday to attend this party and bone him. And now you’re pulling this shit?!” 

“I know! But I just don’t like it with him. I feel like he’s up to something.” You sigh after listening to his nonsense. Seriously, you can’t believe it. The first time you ever try to flirt and kiss someone you just met, and get a response—from Kim Seokjin, more to emphasize—at a party has to be interrupted by your fuckboy best friend. You have overestimated your luck.

At your sudden silence, Jungkook takes the time to raise his gaze and take in your appearance from head to toe. You are wearing your black sleeveless bodycon dress, the one you once drunkenly bought a year ago and always have been placed on the back of your closet. You compliment your dress with a pair of red heels, fresh from Lia’s closet. Your wavy hair is styled nicely, tied up that exhibits your neck line to the slightest of your collarbone. Your makeup is rather simple, but the red lips is just the perfect end-touch to your appearance today. You are simply beautiful.

“Why are you looking at me like that, you hobo?” You snort when feeling Jungkook’s gaze is too intimidating around your body—you fold your arms protectively on your chest. At your mocking question, Jungkook quickly throws his head somewhere else, sniffling his itchy nose. He seriously needs to catch himself before he erupts and makes a fool out of himself. But one he somehow forgets is that his body is way, way more truthful in speaking his mind than he really is. 

“Hey! How was it? Have you scored Seokjin yet?”

On your side, Lia shuffles with a bottle of beer and a knowing smirk. You sigh, shaking your head mournfully. Your wingman nearly yells.

“Why?! I voluntarily shove you too, back then! I saw you guys are chilling together so I decided to grab something for a sec and now you’re telling me he’s gone and you both did nothing?!”

To answer her question, you just vehemently point Jungkook. “This asshole decided to ruin everything. Just when it is about to happen, Lia! His lips were this close.” You mourn your lost chance, mimicking his lips hovering over yours. Jungkook quickly pushes your hand away from your lips with annoyance, eyebrows scrunched together in disgust. 

“You are creepy, and I am doing this for the sake of my frat brother. He is better off with someone else.” He pouts, his face looking severely annoyed and red. But it’s not just any kind of red. It’s vermillion, just the way you remember it from your elementary school, along with the childish pout on his lips. Ignoring your previous anger at him, you scrutinize his face closely and shift his face side by side with your palm, and he looks completely flustered. What in god’s name is happening?

“Hey, why are you so red, Jungkook? Are you okay?”

At the sudden attention thrown at him, Jungkook’s face just becomes even redder—if it is even possible. Realizing that he is in a very unfortunate situation at the moment, Jungkook quickly racks his brain for any reason to avoid your pesky questions. “I—I just think it’s too hot in here. Don’t you think so?”

“There’s literally four air conditioners in this room, Jungkook. It’s freezing cold in this place. Who the fuck has four ac in just a living room anyway? Damn you, capitalism!” You hissed, unamused with his lies. Jungkook grins, realizing how idiotic he must have sounded. At your last statement, you are suddenly self-conscious about the coldness in the room, rubbing your bare arms to create friction and warmth. He quickly notices your subtle gesture.

“Are you cold? Here, use my jacket.” Jungkook instinctively offers, not even waiting for your answer and unattaching the fabric of his body. At the kind gesture, you are touched as he seems to always understand you without you even need to say a thing. But when you see he is just wearing a body-fit black shirt underneath the denim jacket he was wearing—clearly, that jacket is going to go either way—you immediately snort. That bitch is just asking for an opportunity to flex the unnecessary muscle in front of the girls there, no need for you to feel flattered whatsoever.

“God, you’re both so fuckin domestic and boring. I’m off finding fun somewhere else, don’t wait for me~” Lia coos, walking to the other side of the house along with her bottle of beer. Well, Lia basically knows her ways in and out of frat parties, so you are not worried for her. If somehow Seokjin does not find his way back in thirty minutes, you promise yourself to hitch an uber as fast as you can and bolt out of that shitshow without making a scene. 

As the girl who somehow looks exactly like his ex exits their space, Jungkook reverts his focus back on you. You are busy looking anywhere else but him, your lips clamp on the glass to sip on the beverage. “Aren’t you tired with those heels? Let’s sit somewhere else.” He offers lowly.

You comply either way, somehow feeling a little bit suspicious over Jungkook’s sudden calm demeanor. You know him and how he is at parties. He should not be with you right now, instead joining his dumb jock friends and the girls at the other side playing body shots. This is borderline weird—you don’t want to interrupt him during his fuckboy activities, now both you and Jungkook are seated on the sofa in the corner of the room. 

“Are you okay, Jungkook? You are suspiciously silent.”

Jungkook clears his throat again, but all of a sudden loses all remaining composure when your finger delightfully skims his cheek. “And your face is red. There must be something wrong. The last time I saw you like this was—”

Jungkook knows what you are about to say but decided not to. He decided to ignore your suddenly awkward gesture and answers. “It’s not that, I—I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

You suddenly scoop his fingers and squeeze it lightly. “Is it because I am here? I swear Jungkook, you don’t have to accompany me. I’m perfectly fine on my own, you know it.”

“I want to accompany you.” Jungkook denies, not knowing how to speak his mind in any other way. His gaze is filled with unexpected sincerity, you don’t really know how and why. “I attend these parties, meet these people nearly everyday, Y/N. But they don’t have what we have. And now that you here, of course I would rather be with you.”

You don’t know whether it is the alcohol in your spine or the bass thumping likely on your heart, but you clearly feel something about the words. You feel important. You feel needed. And the way Jungkook looks at you right now? You feel like it’s somehow filled with new, raw emotions you never found on him before. The way his fingers are clasped on you—it’s like he is holding it for dear life. You can not deny that you are mildly confused by the sudden tension between you and Jungkook.

“Here you are, Y/N. I’ve been searching for you.” 

Seokjin is now standing in front of you and Jungkook, his eyes silently trailing on the fingers intertwined with you and your best friend, but refusing to comment. Realizing how awkward the moment must have been for the three of you, you swiftly jump on your feet, cheeks slightly reddening out of shyness while Seokjin still maintains the charming smile on his lips. “Can I take you somewhere else? This party is too loud. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

“Mmm.. Okay.” You mutter, trying your best not to glance at Jungkook. You want to avoid adding more fuel to the awkwardness—well, you are too emotionally incapable to face whatever emotion you were having with Jungkook just now. He is just a thoughtful best friend, why are you even dwelling on it like it’s something new in your friendship? And being the coward you truly are, you answer the offer of Seokjin’s hand, following him to the outside without glancing even once at Jungkook. Even if all you can think about is him and what the hell just happened.

*

It’s been nearly two weeks, but you have yet to receive any message, or call, or anything from Jungkook. It’s not his fault, though—you could have started a conversation yourself, but you always find yourself hesitating while typing words on your screen. Maybe it’s because Jungkook has mostly been the one to start any conversation, and now nearly two weeks has passed since your last encounter and you have no idea how to start. Idiot.

You are still lounging in your bed, mustering yourself to be brave enough to say anything to Jungkook. When suddenly a message arrives, you are startled, swiftly clicking it open. But seeing the sender, you sigh in disappointment. It’s not Jungkook.

From : Seokjin

Hey, you are coming to the practice, right? [12:40]

Do you want to grab a bite after that? I have this coupon I need to use:) [12:41]

Ah, Seokjin. Since that fateful night in the party, you have been frequently hanging out with him. He is a senior in your department—he is even the assistant for some of your classes—so you do meet frequently. It is weird now that you are acquainted with him, he is everywhere, like literally everywhere. Especially because after that night, he asks you to join the taekwondo club based on your interest and previous experience. And who are you to reject? You like Taekwondo, and you like him. Talking about killing two birds with one stone, right?

But now you feel on the edge nearly all the time because your fuckboy best friend is missing in action. You want to tell him everything, but you feel like you have sinned him greatly for ditching him that night. It’s even hard to find out why! All you know that he might just find another girl to fuck with that night, and both of you know that the only thing in first that invite you to the party is because Seokjin is there—even Jungkook propose you to bone him! You seriously hate yourself for feeling this way.

“Jungkook, you are a complete moron!” You hiss, throw the phone to the desk and dip your face to the pillow.

Okay, new plan. It’s better for you to just meet and confront him directly. So tomorrow after class, you are going to meet him after his 8am, and just point and blame him for ghosting your friendship. Well, he is not ghosting, but that’s not the point! It’s a brilliant plan, yet you find yourself strangely terrified for what is about to happen.

*

Tomorrow morning, you are going to ask Lia to walk to class together, yet you find she is already missing, bed is made and cleaned. It’s weird to see her wake up so early since she is absolutely not a morning person, but you shrug it anyway, expecting to see her in class. Still, even after the professor arrives, you find her regular place beside you is empty. You send her a message, but it is met with no reply. Skipping class is not really rare in her case, so you just silently attend, mind filled with the plan you will execute later on.

After class, as previously planned, you directly head to Jungkook’s faculty. You can remember it vividly, Jungkook’s class for the morning is always running late due to his old as hell professor, who talks extremely slowly and loves to discuss anything but the topic he is supposed to teach, hence your plan. You are going to wait in front of his class, supposedly asking to grab brunch together before accusing him for ignoring you altogether.

But then, what you find while walking on the bridge connecting the two faculties catch you by surprise. It is Lia, talking to a man who's back you easily identify as Jungkook—you can detect those small waist everywhere, hidden cladly in a slim fit dress shirt. Both of them are engaged in serious talk, with Jungkook’s face a little bit tense and Lia’s face looking like she completely had enough.

Lia? And Jungkook? Your eyes must be deceiving you right now.

With all will, you march onto them, and even the fact that they are talking, just the two of them without you is weird enough, they don’t even realize your presence until you are tapping on Jungkook’s shoulder with a suspecting gaze. The moment he finds you, he unconsciously jumps a few steps back with a loud gasp, exactly like whenever he has been caught doing something bad. “Y/N! You’re here!”

“Yes. I was just about to catch you after your class, Jungkook, maybe we can grab a bite together.” The moment you let out those words, you heard Lia snickers and Jungkook immediately throws her a look. 

“Finally. You both should eat together! and I don’t know—maybe be truthful at each other? or anything, I don’t care. I’m out of here.” She walks out, not minding your voice calling out to her. You seriously have zero idea what she means, but Jungkook quickly places his hands on both your shoulders—desperate for your focus, his cheeks now colored in bright shade of red.

“Don’t mind her. Let’s go eat.”

You stop your track against Jungkook’s force of pulling you away, scrutinizing his face closer with a worried gaze. “Jungkook, you are acting weird. And you are sooo red. Are you sure you are okay?”

Jungkook hastily nods, pulling you to the place you both usually grab coffee at, not really far from his faculty. On the way, both of you still fall in silence, and one thing your eyes could focus on is his fingers, tightly intertwined on yours—the same gesture he has been doing for around ten years now. 

Is it weird that now you definitely do not feel nothing from just holding his hands?

*

Both of you are seated on your usual spot—near the window inside the coffee shop, right after ordering. “So. Are you going to tell me where you have been these past two weeks?” You questions, sipping on your usual choice of espresso. Jungkook grimaces, his fingers clasping against each other nervously. Not that he expects you to beat around the bush.

“I am just kinda busy. With practice and studying.” He silently answers, eyes still not looking anywhere else but you. And what kind of best friend are you not to notice that?

You nod cryptically, decide against pushing it.  Even though skeptic, what he said does seems plausible. “So, what’s up?’

“Just the regular.”

Your left eyebrows raise. “No news on your fuckboy conquest of one night stands?”

Jungkook eyebrows scrunched. “You’re disgusting.”

You are baffled at that. “What?! I am disgusting? Jungkook, you have been explicitly telling me stories about these girls you sleep with for already two years now. What are you, playing coy?“

Jungkook sighs tiredly. Instead of answering, he reaches for your glass of espresso, sipping it before wincing due to the bitterness—like a fucking moron doing his usual thing. It seems already too familiar, so you just shrug it and focus on the initial topic instead. “I just… I haven’t been sleeping with anyone these past two weeks, okay?”

You send him a cryptic look, and Jungkook complains in frustration. “I am not lying! I am not an animal, okay? I am tired sometimes, and I am allowed to not do that anymore.”

“Jungkook, there is no way you are not going to parties and not sleeping with these girls. You have been doing these for two years. What gives?” You push, as you know there must be something he is hiding from you. Jungkook sighs, looking at you with a gaze filled with strange emotions.

“I—I haven’t been to parties too. Look, I am just not feeling it, okay? I just.. I just needed a break.”

Looking at Jungkook, it is difficult to even imagine him not doing all his usual popular jock activities. And now he told you he hasn’t been to parties for two weeks? It’s really unlike him. He hasn’t missed a single party for these past two years since high school to the point you have a hard time remembering what he used to do on Friday nights. Something must have happened, that’s for certain.

“Do you want to tell me why?” You ask him carefully, your fingers reaching out to his. He looks up at you, something in his face tells you that something indeed has happened. And suddenly, your mind flashes to the event that just occurred. Could it be?

“Does it have anything to do with Lia? This morning, when you met her?”

Jungkook’s eyes bulge, his hands are harshly pulled to his lap, away from you. You can detect his chest pumped, heaving too much air in, eyes nervously scanning away. Too many reactions for a mere ‘nothing happened’. “I—I don’t know? What do you mean?”

“It’s weird! You were literally avoiding her before, Jungkook. But then I saw you meeting her alone. What happened? Tell me.” You persuade, determine to get to the end of it. But the answer you are given is only a nervous shake of head, with shade of red slowly creeping in his face. Another trait that you know from Jungkook, is his inability to hide his feelings—at least in front of you.

Due to his prolonged silence for his orders arrival, you silently guess what might have happened with him. A flash of unpleasant image enters your head and you wince internally. God, please don’t let it be true. You even have a hard time to spell those words. 

“Jungkook, please tell me you didn’t sleep with her.”

Jungkook’s face is flushed in a bright shade of red, as he shakes his head vigorously. “You are crazy. I did not sleep with your best friend.”

A sense of relief washes you. “So tell me what it is! What is it that you can’t possibly tell me? It must be it, or do you expect me to believe you somehow have feelings for her?!” You mindlessly intrude, but now seeing Jungkook’s face is vermillion red and how silent he is for a few seconds after the accusation, you can’t even believe there is a chance it might be true.

You hesitantly approach, voice caught up midways. “You… do you have feelings for Lia?”

Jungkook stares back at you, and you can see a hint of sadness on his eyes. Internally, he is terribly conflicted. He doesn’t know what he can say to you. He already has the answer to your query on the tip of his tongue, clearer than anything else but he cannot do that. It would be unfair to everyone, especially you. 

In life, Jungkook believes he is a risk taker—he is taught that way, ever since he was a little kid. Risk is what makes life even better and interesting. But how can he gamble with what you both have right now? He could never take that risk for what you have right now with him. It’s too much in stake—a game not worthy to play, and he knows his chances like the back of his hand. So he forces a smile, mustering all his might to say something that he is well aware does not reflect what he is truly feeling.

“I—I think so..”

Listening to his answer, you nod slowly, not knowing exactly how you feel. You are happy for him—for Jungkook to finally find someone he likes, someone who can get him off the meaningless sex routine he has been accustomed to for awhile now. And truth to be told? Lia is one of the best girls you ever acquaintanced with. If one thing you can ever count on, is that both of your best friends are great people that somehow grealy deserve each other. Lia is pretty, smart, fun to talk and party with, and allegedly good at sex—you don’t really now, it’s just what she claims to be—and Jungkook is the kindest soul out there—even if he is a certified douchebag once in a while—but they really fit each other well.

But is it disappointment in the pit of your stomach?

Noticing how silent you have become, Jungkook quickly takes the opportunity and changes the topic he instantly regrets. “So, how are things with Seokjin? I hear you both are hitting it well.”

Your throat feels constricted, so you clear it, hoping your stupefiedness is unrecognizable. “Yup. He is a good guy. I am now in the Taekwondo club as well, so… yeah I’ve been seeing him a lot too.”

“I am glad you finally got into the club! I remember how much of a pain you are, always go on and on talking about Taekwondo.” He rigidly smiles, eyes still trained on the dish served in front of him, cutting it in pieces. God, he is seriously digging his own grave with this fake supportive best friend shit.

“Yeah, whose fault is it that I got off Taekwondo in the first place, huh?”

Jungkook sighs, resting his utensils on the plate. He is aware of it very well, he knows what a fucking coward he has been since little, which may had forced you giving up on taekwondo—something you really loved. You can’t even imagine how guilty he is about everything. You have been the one thing keeping him sane, yet he always thinks himself on the recipient side of the friendship. And the midst of his current vulnerable state, he feels greatly undeserving of you. Who is he kidding? You might even regret saving him from humiliation on that fateful day, ten years ago.

Sensing that your joke may have not been taken well by Jungkook, you reach out to him, placing your palm on his, trying to soothe the indignation palpable on his face. “Jungkook, I am sorry.. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.. I know. It’s okay.” Jungkook answers, lips pursed into a tight line. You can see that he is indeed piqued, and truthfully, it is your fault. He always blames himself for the time he felt you sacrificed so much for him—like Taekwondo, for example. You convince him that it is not his fault since you can always go back to Taekwondo again—you just choose not to, but he always blames himself, thinking of the what ifs. You should not have brought it up and joked about it.

The silence then ensues, the tension between you and him thickens like you can slice it and choke it down your throat. You were about to apologize again, right when your phone rings and displays Seokjin’s name on the screen .Jungkook definitely saw the name too himself. You are hesitating whether to answer or not, before Jungkook answers it for you rigidly, jaw clenched tight. 

“Answer it.” 

When you are in the middle of conversation with Seokjin—and unimportant one, Jin is just asking what are you doing because he is bored in the middle of intensive taekwondo training, so you just casually tell him about grabbing a brunch with Jungkook—your best friend quickly flips few bills from his wallet, raising up from his seat. You swiftly hold him back, cutting off the ongoing call without even saying goodbyes. “Jungkook, where are you going?”

“I guess you must be somewhere with Seokjin, right? Let’s go, don’t want to keep the handsome boy waiting.”

The way Jungkook pronounces every word is heavy with sarcasm, and it wounds you. Is he seriously telling you that you are going to ditch him for Seokjin? Dry tears are lounging on the corner of your eyes till your visions are blurry, and it is hard to even breathe. How dare he play that game to you? Does he really think he has any right to treat you like that?

Jungkook must have noticed your contorted face and inevitable tears, and he is quick to apologize. “I am sorry, I didn't mean it like—”

“Save it.” You curtly cut him, slapping a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn to pay now. And you are correct. Thank you for that, I will find that handsome boy right now.”

If Jungkook calls you again, you are unable to hear it. Too pissed off to even breathe, your head feels like it’s about to explode along with tears that are quick to rain on your parade.

*

After you storm off the brunch with Jungkook, your afternoon class is fortunately cancelled. Instead of going with your words and meeting Seokjin, you decide you are too emotionally exhausted and head back home. So here you are, chilling in your apartment alone, watching netflix and eating popcorn after completing a long nap of five hours straight. Your phone is far ducked inside your room, as you notice Jungkook has blown off your phone for quite a while now, and you are this close to answer it so you throw it away. That bastard definitely deserves a lesson for pulling an unfunny passive aggressive prank like that.

While you are in the middle of refilling your bowl for the second batch of popcorn, your apartment door is swung opened. It is Lia, with a huge triumphant smile on her face. “Look what I brought us!”

You don’t even know the reason why, the moment you are looking at Lia’s face, you immediately remember Jungkook’s claim that he has feelings for this girl. For your best friend. For a girl who looks exactly like his ex. Damn, did you really sound that bitter?

“What is it?” You fake enthusiasm, even if what you really want to do is sigh and roll your eyes. 

“Chicken and beer! Not just chicken, this is the exact brand and flavor you like! I think since we rarely hang out nowadays, tonight we can watch bad movies together and eat and drink unhealthy food and drinks we probably will regret in the morning!” She cheerfully shouts, resting the packages of food on the table, running to her room to change into comfy clothes.

You bite your lips, regretting how undeserved she is for your cynical thoughts. You are greatly touched by her mindful gesture. Albeit harsh and sometimes cold, Lia is really affectionate at times, kind and selfless to her friends, especially you. You can’t even count how much she helped you, saving you from an embarrassment or humiliation due your sloppy and forgetful trait. The mind is indeed a dangerous place, and you should limit any possible toxicity that might be planted and grow in it.

So you and Lia jump to watch some chick flick which she always denies to like, but somehow always in tears after. One thing that you might not realize is that you often find yourself staring at her, thinking about how easy it is to like her. She is really the dream girl. Pretty, strong, funny and independent. She’s basically perfect. You even doubt Jungkook deserves her, seriously.

“Honey, another look and I think I might just go gay for you.” Lia sighs, resting the chicken drumstick on the plate. You avert your eyes on the TV, shy of being caught staring. “What is it? Are you falling for me? I swear—”

“No, I just.. Nothing.”

You are silent, busy gulping the beer to hide how flustered you are right now. Damn, are you really that obvious? “There must be something. Y/N, I will not push, but you know you can tell me everything. Nothing will surprise me, seriously.”

You nod, throwing your attention back to the movie. But not even five minutes, the curiosity gets the best of you, so you decide to mum a question to her. 

“Lia, what do you think about Jungkook?”

You kind of wish she does not hear you, but it is instantly cancelled since she answers. Yup, she can hear your silly question, loud and clear.

“Jungkook? He is hot, good looking and kind. A little dumb and blabber a little bit too much, but I think it’s manageable.” She nonchalantly answers, suddenly her prodding eyes are thrown at you. “Where does this suspicious question come from?”

“Nothing! I just want to know what you think of him.” You bitterly smile. Yes, definitely that and only that.

Another ten minutes pass and you open another question, still full of hesitation whether it’s best to ask or just keep it to yourself, yet it’s literally killing you so you ask anyway. “Hypothetically speaking. If… I don’t know, Jungkook confesses to you he likes you. Would you accept it?”

Lia looks at you strangely — like you have grown another head, when her face suddenly brightens, an imaginary light bulb practically pictured on her head. A sleazy smile is worn on her lips, her eyebrows wiggling playfully. “Ah! So that is about all this. Finally!”

“Of course! Jungkook is a nice guy, he is kind, respectful, albeit a little annoying and dumb, he is hot, which kinda makes it even. He listens well, and strangely gives good advice.” Lia brightly smiles, literally like the woman who endorses cooking items in the supermarket to middle aged mothers. “I think anyone having a monogamous relationship with that manchild is very, very lucky!”

You do notice how exaggerated and odd her sentence is, but when you are about to reply, few soft knocks are heard on your door. So keeping the words back, you wake up and mindlessly open it.

Well, It turns out to be Seokjin, and he could arguably be the last person you think would be standing in front of your doorstep now.

“Seokjin? What are you doing here, at this time of the night?”

Seokjin answers with a serene smile, his eyes sparkling amidst the dim hallway. “I am sorry to be at your doorstep this late. I just… I just want to talk to you. Is that weird?”

Your heart literally skips a beat at that. Seriously? Seokjin comes to your apartment at 10pm just to talk to you? Is this even real? “You can’t just call me? Not that I’m not glad to see you, but I don’t want to tire you. You just finished your crazy tiring training!”

“I’ve been trying to contact you, but I went into voicemail. So I guess, more reason to meet you, right?” Seokjin shyly smiles, scratching his nape. God, have you ever mentioned that he is really cute? “I hope I’m not a bother.”

“No! Of course not. But my roommate is here. Do you want to go somewhere else? I think one restaurant near here is still open.” You quickly offer and Seokjin agrees with a nod. You are hurriedly about to grab your purse, when Lia walks out to the doorstep, meeting Seokjin.

“Hi! You must be the roommate. I’m Seokjin.” Seokjin offers a hand along with a charming smile. Lia receives it with confusion written on her face. 

“Are you both going somewhere?” She asks, puzzled. You slightly run to the door, hoping there is nothing to be discussed amongst the three of you anymore.

“Yes! We are. I’ll be back soon, see you!” You quickly smile and close the door right on her face. Damn, you don’t know what has gotten into you, but you really can’t seem to shake that cautious feeling. It really needs time before you even consider letting Seokjin hang out with your nosy friends. Like Lia, or even Jungkook.

Especially Jungkook.

*

Jungkook is sitting with Taehyung, his project mate on the corner of a restaurant near your apartment. He has been trying to contact you since afternoon but you still haven’t replied to his call nor messages, it makes him feel guilty beyond words. He shouldn’t have snapped like that at you, you literally did nothing and he blew everything way out of proportion—especially when that dickhead Seokjin called you. And now he is nearly losing his mind, because he doesn’t want to spend another minute in your probable wrath. How can everything be so messed up?

“Dude, stop calling her. She’ll call you soon. Why is this such a big deal?” Taehyung groans when Jungkook relentlessly dial your number once more. He doesn’t even know why, but another call you ignore, he might combust and run to your apartment, begging for reconciliation. He is seriously just that desperate.

The call fails, yet Jungkook is still tapping on the call again button when Taehyung meddles in his pathetic best friend obsession. “Hey, stop! Why are you doing this, dude? You like this girl or what?” 

At Taehyung’s accusation, Jungkook was silent. “I don’t know. But I can’t stop, Tae. Or I’ll go crazy.”

Taehyung sighs, giving up and instead going back to his work. As long as the tasks are divided, he would not be bothered by his friend’s crazy fixation towards a so-called-friend. Seriously, why do people even want to monogamously date? It’s such a hassle, and unimportant. Girlfriends are liabilities, and Jungkook of all people should know it!

After being rejected for another three calls, Jungkook finally gives up, slamming the phone on the desk. “I give up. She’ll never answer. Fuck it, I need to work.”

Taehyung glances at that guy trying to focus on the task in front of him. Everyone can see how out of place he is—if there’s a guarantee Jungkook will not land a punch to his precious face, he really wants to tease him right now it is hilarious. Damn, his friend is whipped.

Amongst the silence, Jungkook’s phone suddenly rings. Throwing the thousand page book in his grasps right away, he answers it like a madman—probably without even checking the caller. It must not be the girl of his dreams, since his hopeful puppy face instantly sombers.

“Of course not! How can I, we just got into a fight.”

After listening to the faint caller’s word, his knuckles intimidatingly whiten due, jaw tightening. “Seriously? They are leaving now?”

A few banter and the call ends, but Taehyung can see how bothered the guy is after the call. He is no longer bothered to even pretend he is working, instead his eyes hollow, zooming out to nothingness. But another five minutes, a slight tingling from the entrance bell is heard and Jungkook feels like his heart is about to fall out he instinctively ducks his head. Taehyung tries to steal a look to the source of attention, and it’s you, the girl he has seen a lot previously with Jungkook and Seokjin… Together while holding hands.

Oh, oh. This is bad.

Jungkook really should just storm out. He is never the masochist type, but somehow curiosity gets the best of him so he stays, his work is completely ignored. He focuses on glaring to the other side of the restaurant where you and Seokjin sit near the window, nonchalant to his presence while lively and affectionately talking to each other. And for fuck sake, can fucking Seokjin get his hands off you? It takes everything in his power to ignore the need to slap those dirty paws away.

“Jungkook, we should go..” Taehyung silently pleads, noticing how tense his friend has become since you and Seokjin arrived. But Jungkook is unable to hear or sense anything, was too focused on probing both of you while trying not to be caught.

It is a rather short meal, as you and Seokjin only ordered a dessert to share and Jungkook is irritated. You finished a bowl of ice cream in one sitting and you can’t seriously get a dessert for your own? Disgusting—After approximately thirty minutes, you and Seokjin head out, hand by hand with a sickeningly shy smile on both of your faces.

Jungkook thinks that is the end of it, thank God he can finally breathe. But how wrong he was to even think he will remain unscathed, because as both of you stand in front of the restaurant, Seokjin bravely pulls you closer by the nape and crashes his lips on yours. It feels like a punch to Jungkook’s gut, seeing how blissful both of you are engaged in a sweet kiss, your hands on his cheek and his hands clasped on your waist. There’s the anger, the jealousy raging inside Jungkook’s chest at the moment that it’s even difficult to breathe. 

As now both of you and Seokjin have left the scene, Taehyung forces himself from the tense situation to steal a glance at Jungkook. Just seeing him—staring at the ceiling with no expression whatsoever—radiates the devastation and frustration he is currently experiencing. God, Taehyung hopes he will never have to experience that kind of emotion in his life.

*

During ten years of friendship with Jungkook, you never knew what it feels to have him avoid you. But now that you are exactly being treated like a plague by him, you wish you were warned beforehand because it fucking hurts. And you have no idea how or why, and you have no one to console your loss — not even Seokjin, or Lia. Well it mostly because you don’t want them to realize how fucking dependent you are to Jungkook, it’s pathetic.

“Kitten, you are spazzing out. Are you sure you are okay?”

Seokjin’s words are nearly lost on you, and the moment his hand is on yours, you unconsciously flinch. He is now examining you, with a gaze full of worry. 

“If you are feeling not okay, we can just go home.” Seokjin kindly offers, but you shake your head fervently, not wanting to wallow again in your sadness. You can’t take this away from Seokjin, when it’s his dearest fellow frat brothers—especially the seniors who are having the party. Seokjin as the angel he is will not let you be alone in your apartment.

Since the day you meet Jungkook for brunch, a week has passed and it seems like you and him are in the middle of a cold war. It’s not like you are not speaking to each other, but every word coming from him speaks distance and you are tired and just stop trying—yet it doesn’t lessen the pain. And now you are going with Seokjin for his frat party, and you know Jungkook will be there—it might be the reason you are simultaneously eager and despise going to the party. You are terribly anxious about facing him, but you can’t back down when you know you did nothing wrong.

In front of the frat house, Seokjin holds your hand and brushes his lips to your temple as an encouragement. “Let’s go in, shall we?”

You throw your gaze at Seokjin’s side profile. Seriously, what did you do to deserve him? He is seriously the kindest soul out there, always looking for your best interest. He never hesitates to go big for you, yet you can help but to feel guilty. He is too kind. Too perfect. And you can’t shake this feeling of undeserving and owning him everything to him.

The moment your feet step into the party, your eyes instantly fall to someone so familiar yet so strange—Jungkook. He is leaning on a sofa, talking animatedly with two girls on either side, leeching to him like they are willing to take turns to suck him dry. You roll your eyes in disgust. What were you expecting? That Jungkook might go celibate and seriously get a grip on his life? You must be drunk. That bastard can’t even face the fact that he likes someone and actually does something about it.

Yes. He likes Lia. But being a total fuckboy is not what someone should do when he seriously likes someone, right? You just want the best for him, not wanting Jungkook to waste another time when he can have someone he truly likes instead of engaging in another one night stand.

While Seokjin is chatting with his group of friends, you excuse yourself to grab a drink. He, as the gentleman he is, offers to accompany you, but you refuse—mentioning it will only take a short while. And after finally settling in the kitchen where you can finally have a space for your own, you heave few deep breaths. You do not know exactly why, but being surrounded among strangers always sends you to a nervous bundle. 

That’s exactly the reason why you always avoid going to parties. You wanted to tell Seokjin about the anxiety you feel, but you feel like it’s too much of a burden to throw on him so you just swallow everything and hope for the best—but now you regret everything. At least previously, you have Lia and you are assured she is going to take care of you. Not that you don’t think Seokjin will not, but the trust issue you have for nearly everyone is not going to go away when you literally only know him for one freaking month.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard and you look behind, seeing Jungkook with a worried gaze, his palm soothing your back. “You don’t really look good. Does the party bother you?”

You bask in his appearance, and sense the anxiety building up inside your head crashes into a loud sob. Seeing such a familiar face, worried about your well-being somehow instantly relieves you, and the emotion is excessive and you inevitably feel the urge to cry. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Jungkook whispers, pulling you inside his arms and enveloping you with the ever-so-familiar warmth. His fingers forming circles in your back, just the way he used to calm you on every rainy day, while you clutch into his jacket for dear life. 

“Why do you even come here, you idiot? You should have let me know.”

His ignorant statement somehow flares the anger inside you, and you irritatedly push him away with both your palms. Jungkook is a jerk, and you do not deserve any of this. “How can I let you know, Jungkook? When it’s crystal clear you are avoiding me. I haven’t heard anything other than your one two word messages. I can’t even call you!” 

The guilt is definitely painted on his face, confirming a guess that has been going around your head. He truly was avoiding you. “I—I don’t mean it like that…”

“What wrong did I do, Jungkook? How can you do this to me?” You whimper sadly. All the frustration inside you is coming out. “I know I was wrong, but this is not how we resolve things, Jungkook. You know it. And you can’t even tell me what’s wrong directly to my face, or even try to reconcile our friendship, instead you go back to partying, eye fucking two girls at the same time when I’m standing right here. Do you even know how it makes me feel?”

“It’s not that!” Jungkook defends himself, feeling the obnoxious guilt seeping inside his heart. He feels at fault now seeing how heartbroken you look, and the fact that he is the one causing them. It’s like he is finally awoken, that he has been selfishly trying to redeem himself from a one-sided love for his childhood best friend without thinking about how you feel. But in his defense, he thought you would be okay! 

“I...I just thought now that you have Seokjin, you won’t be needing me no more. He seems to be such a better companion than I am. And I know you like him so much, Y/N, I feel like...”

“Hey. Are you okay?” 

All of a sudden, Seokjin appears in the kitchen, staring at both you and Jungkook standing in front of each other with somber looks on each of your faces. He definitely was about to say something, but like he sobers up and puts up a thin smile and reaches out to you. “You take a long time to get a drink, so I thought I should check up on you.”

You quickly grab the nearest bottle of beer, giving a short, civilized smile to Jungkook to handle the pain throbbing inside his chest. You desperately need space away from him, swearing that you would do anything to avoid breakdown in the middle of a frat party filled with tons of strangers. “Excuse me.”

“Hey, Seokjin! Get your girl, we are going to play!”

That trademark voice was definitely Hoseok’s, gesturing you to join the circle of group with countless shots in the center—which is literally a recipe for a disastrous night. Seokjin is about to wave him off, intending to focus on your well being instead, but that is seriously the last thing you want to do right now. All you need is alcohol—lots of them and avoid whatever internal conflict you are having since that’s what you do best. Hence, you pull the older guy closer to the group cheering them on, forcing him to sit down beside you. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do this if you are not comfortable.” Seokjin consoles, his hands smoothing on your thigh. 

“But I want to!” You fake a cheer, pretending to sound enthusiastic. “I haven’t done this in a long time. I wanna do this again.”

Jimin—one of the other frat brothers, is counting the people and after clicks his tongue in dissatisfaction. “We need one more. Hey, Jungkook, come here!”

You quickly snap your head towards your so-called best friend, who just came out from the kitchen from your previous unpleasant encounter. Just a glance and you can see how messed up he looks right now. Jungkook seriously was about to flip Jimin off, instead wallowing himself in sadness and regret. But seeing you sitting in the circle, he gets no other choice but to accept the offer. All that he can think about is the annoying frat buddies of his who might force you to do the things you despise, along with your occasional social anxiety that might ruin everything for you. He will never forget himself if they happen without him there, when he had the opportunity to. He’ll do it, regardless of your current distaste for him.

“Okay! So we are going to play Never Have I Ever!” Jimin shouts, and your stomach dips in nerves. God, are you seriously going to do it? But then you feel a certain concerned stare is directed towards you, and your pride forces you to act nonchalant. You are not going to let Jungkook think he needs to babysit you again. The previous thing in the kitchen is humiliating enough, you don’t need another second. 

“It’s the usual. if you have done it before, drink a shot! Don’t worry, we have abundant alcohol supply and our dearest freshmen right here, kindly volunteer to refill the glasses.” You emphatically look amongst the fellow freshmen, standing outside the circle with bottles of alcohol in their hands. God, this reminds you why frat people are seriously the worst.

“I’ll start! Okay. Never have I ever sexted someone during class.”

A series of groans are heard in the circle, few people—some that you know are Taehyung, Hoseok, and even the smartest of the frat boys, Namjoon bottoms up their respective drinks. Seriously? They pay tuition to sext during class. What a disgrace.

And of course Jungkook’s glass is empty too. What did you expect?

Next is Hoseok. “Never have I ever faked an orgasm before!”

Well, that one is on you, but you are just glad to be able to finally drink. And damn is it good to finally have alcohol buzzing inside your system—it’s been way too long. After drinking his own, Seokjin offers to exchange your empty glass into a full one. You send a thankful smile his way.

“Never have I ever sent a nude to someone.”

Well, that's correct on your previous relationship with a dickhead in your high school. Wow, you feel the slight kick, but since your tolerance is quite high, your tongue still craves for more.

“Never have I had a threesome before.”

Your eyes curiously find Jungkook, as he bottoms up his third glass of the game, with only a few of the people there drink—Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin and one of the unknown girls. Not that you did not expect it, but you find yourself mildly uncomfortable and somehow disappointed with the facts. He is Jungkook. You should have known it.

“Never have I ever roleplay mommy / daddy kink during sex.”

You detect Seokjin shyly drinking his glass, and you fake a gasp. The alcohol on your spine and the great atmosphere are a success in bringing up your mood. “Wow, I knew it! It’s all so clear, you must have daddy kink!” You let out a belly laugh as he softly pinches your waist, still abashed to the new found fact. What you miss is Jungkook shooting daggers both your ways and Taehyung on his side giving him a few comforting taps on the back.

“Never have I ever liked someone else when I was in a relationship!”

The question somehow kills every fun you have, as you silently recall your previous relationships. There was definitely something on your mind, but you quickly pushed them back. No. It did not make sense and still does, and it was something you chose to bury a long time ago. Pretending it never exists is way easier.

But when you straighten your back to regain your sense, your eyes instantly find Jungkook sipping on his alcohol whilst glaring at you, before throwing his back and bottoming it up. Not only that, even after he slams the glass back on the table he is still giving you the same intent stare. What does he want from you? If he is trying to mess with your mind it is not working—so you faked nonchalance, waiting for the next question, yet your mind is busy thinking about who might be on the receiving end of Jungkook’s feelings while he was in a relationship with his bitch of an ex.

The game goes on for another round, and boy was it a mess. As time goes by, the questions are getting out of hand, until a point you seriously think you need to see your therapist due to how traumatic the questions are. During the game you only drink five glasses, which is still not enough for you—and Seokjin, who apparently has a great alcohol resistance as well. The game ended when Hoseok and Taehyung were hugging each other with two bottles of vodka between them, noisily faking smooches sound to each other.

When Seokjin offers to walk away from the rainsacked table, one of the friends whom you recognize as Yoongi holds him back with a tactful smile. “Hey, Seokjin! I’m bored, Let’s play!”

“Yoongi, I think that’s enough play. I think me and Y/N are just going to talk.” Seokjin calmly refuses, when Jungkook comes to Yoongi's side, resting his arm on the smaller man with his face bright red, looking totally buzzed.

“Ugh, that’s so boring! Why don’t we just play a game!”

You snort when you can smell his breath reeking with booze. No wonders though, he only missed two shots during that godforsaken game. “Jungkook—”

“No! I want to play!” He childishly pouts again. Here goes Jungkook acting like a nine year old whenever he is drunk. You roll your eyes agitatedly. Can he grow up already? “I want to beat you and this boyfriend of yours. Let’s play beer pong!”

“That’s a great idea, Jungkook! I think for the prize the winner can ask the loser for anything.” Yoongi shows his gummy smiles forming a smirk. Seokjin was about to discard the offer when his friend cleverly ignited another fire. “What, you don’t think you can win? Or do you just don’t get the nerves to? Too scared to be beaten down in front of your girlfriend?”

Somehow the conversation is loud enough that it attracts people, and now everyone is wooing the provocative statement from Yoongi. He has been silent throughout the previous game, and you don’t even know why he is so keen about playing beer pong with you and Seokjin. Can’t he just ask someone else instead? But you are assured, since one thing you learned from athletes like Seokjin, he is not easily provoked by such cheap statements. 

“You are on.” He grimaces as you gape, not expecting the sudden plottwist. How can he just approve? Damn him, you seriously do not want anything to do with these frat boys! “But I swear to god if you lose, I am going to force you to kiss this manchild for fucking five minutes in front of everybody.”

“Well that’s not really a punishment if I will enjoy it, but go on.” Jungkook drunkenly shouts, Yoongi palpably shudders beside him. The crowd laughter goes wild, as other freshmen—you seriously really feel bad for them now—sets up the red solo cups on the table. Your head spins in confusion, as you literally have not once played beer pong before. It’s a lost cause, and you are going to be punished by those evil spawns!

“Seokjin, I seriously can’t play for shit!” You hisses in worry while Seokjin smiles as an assurance.

“No worry, Y/N. I am a reigning champion of beer pong is this godforsaken frat. We will surely win.” He holds you by the shoulder. You send a judging gaze to Jungkook as he pretends to look nonchalant, confidently rubbing his palm together. Damn, you really want to smack him in that idiotic drunk ass face of his. What a jerk! You just hope Jin is truly as good as he claims, because if not, you are completely, utterly fucked. And not even a good one.

The first thing you did wrong was to believe Seokjin is just as good as his words, because Yoongi—who you just knew is the captain of the basketball team—completely triumphs him through every shot. And you already in peace with the fact that your aiming skill is the worst thing that could happen to you, so there goes scoring zero. That bastard Jungkook, somehow amidst the drunkenness is able to score a lot as well—probably due to the fact that he also plays football. Now that you think about it, the game itself does not make sense. And not only that you lose, the glasses you shove down your throat are quite a lot, to the point you can finally feel the buzz of alcohol in your spine. Just fucking perfect!

“Yes! We win!” Jungkook gleefully shouts, seeing the last red cup in front of your table has the shiny yellow ball in it. Seokjin sighs in defeat, quickly taking the last glass and drinking it, completely forfeited. You groan, rubbing your aching temple. This is gonna be rough.

“Wow! Do we finally have the winner here?!” Yoongi shouts with mirth, as the crowd woo. “Well, I don’t want to hold you back, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? I am just giving you a taste of your medicine. You can now make out with the bride.” Everyone snickers, and you are too shy to even look at Seokjin. “But we don’t want porn here, so just three minutes?”

“Are you okay with this? I can make him stop.” Seokjin asks calmly, as Yoongi snickers about his friend’s cringey thoughtfulness. Well now that everyone’s looking at you, you ain’t really got any choice, right? So you hesitantly nod as a permission, before Seokjin encloses his lips on you, and all you can sense is the deafening shouts of the crowd.

And Jungkook’s deflated back while exiting the room.

*

Two hours after the last disastrous beer pong and a three-minutes exhibitionist makeout session with Seokjin, you are shocked to still find yourself sitting at the frat party. Seokjin has asked you multiple times if you want to head home, but you refuse, feeding him lies about somehow still enjoying the party. Truthfully, you don’t even know what he is holding you back. You stopped drinking after the game, instead drinking lots of water to avoid a bad hangover in the morning. The party is dull, especially when you are no longer drinking and alone—Seokjin is asked by a few fellow final year friends to join them for a drink outside, so you assure him you’ll be okay staying back. All you do now is keep an eye on your so-called best friend, shoving alcohol down his throat like there’s no tomorrow. There were few girls around him, but the way Jungkook was not having it and instead focusing on the drinks—his nonchalance probably bore them so they fled, locking on other frat boys as targets. It is only Taehyung now with him, who looks just as drunk as he is. Literal dumbasses.

Amongst the loud bass thumping inside the room, your phone vibrates. You quickly excuse yourself from a couple who is now making out beside you—god, you seriously thought the girl was interested in talking to you before, but now she just ignores you while shoving her tongue down the boy’s throat!—and walks out to pick up the call. Against your expectation, it is Jungkook’s brother, Junghyun on the other side of the call..

“Y/N! Y/N, I am so glad you pick up!” Junghyun shouts loudly, sounds greatly relieved after listening to your greetings. You chuckle, realize it has been quite a long time since you heard from him. You desperately need to visit him sometimes, instead of constantly hanging out with his idiot younger brother.

“Hey, do you know where Jungkook is? We actually have to fly to Busan tomorrow morning, so we expect him to be home now. He even brought the car with him!” Junghyun shouts filled with stress, then you scrunch your eyebrow in confusion. He will fly tomorrow morning, so why did he even bother to come to the party? You scoff in disbelief.

“Yes, oppa. I am in the same party with him, but he is not looking real good.” You answer, looking inside the frat house. Well, not that his brother is unaware of Jungkook’s current trait of drinking and partying—not that he supports it—but you just think that he would be more responsible in his choices, and the your disappointment at him is vivid as a day. Making his family worried, all because he just wants to party which he nearly does every week? It’s shallow even for him. “But I’ll get him home now, no worries.”

Junghyung release a relieved sigh. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

After a shot goodbye, you close the call and furiously march inside the frat house, right to Jungkook’s side. He is still drinking, but now looking severely drunk while unreasonably laughing with Taehyung, and now Jimin as an addition. Three drunk guys are never a good combination. “Jungkook, you fucking idiot, let’s go home!” 

With that Taehyung whistle loudly, tapping Jungkook on the back fervently, pepping him. “It’s Y/N! God, finally she is asking you to get something-something!” You scrunch your eyebrows at the drunk ass guy with a reddened face. You are earnestly curious for what booze he is having so you can avoid drinking it forever.

“You want to go home? Let’s go home, babygirl.” Jungkook lowly whispers whilst standing up, but before you can even react to such provocative words, he limps—probably dizzy from consuming too much alcohol. You circle his arms on your shoulder, helping him cause you are certain he is unable to walk on his own now.

Limping to the outside of the house at the best speed you can do, you find his car is parked a few meters from where you both stand. You grumble, swearing that you would keep a tab in every kindness you give to this unthankful moron. 

“Hmm, you smell nice.” Jungkook whispers, the tip of his nose settles on the crook of your neck, brushing it to your skin repetitiously as he hums in delight. All of a sudden you feel like it is hard to breath, your nape hair standing from such impulse. Damn, how can he take so much reaction out of you? It’s totally unfair! “I love your smell, babygirl. I wish I could smell you everyday.”

“Jungkook, I smell like booze, smoke and sweat. And what the fuck is wrong with you!” You hiss, trying to calm your irregular heartbeat. And you can always trust Jungkook to somehow flirt with you in the middle of his drunken antics. “I need to get you home, Jungkook. Don’t make me throw you on the street, okay?”

Listening to your cold answer, Jungkook pouts, his arms fold on his chest. The luring persona he had is now replaced to the childish one, and you can’t believe you have to deal with it now. “You are being a meanie to Jungkook! You have to apologize!”

Boy did he mean it, because he is now refusing to enter the car until you apologize. You sigh in distress — but some part of you do enjoy the cute banter with your drunk best friend. You are definitely going to tease him about this after he is sober.  “Okay! I apologize, Jungkook. I won’t throw you away, and I will get you home safely. Satisfied?” He nods with a foolish smile.

Then you realize that you don’t know where he places his car keys at, so you ignore the warning in your head and search his pockets, trying to disregard that he is wearing tight-ass pants that force you to feel him up somehow. God, you can’t even shake the embarrassment creeping to your cheek. Where the hell is that key?!

“Y/N, do you seriously want to do it here? I want out first time to be in bed, please.” Jungkook politely says, like he did not just imply about sleeping with you — instead asking for a candy. You whimper, greatly embarrassed even if you know it’s only a drunken act. He does not mean it in any way possible, so the flutters inside your heart should stop! You curse yourself, despising how his words are now affecting your wellbeing.

After finding the key in his left back pocket, you open the door to him and he kindly obeys, but you take the chance and purposefully hit him in the head with the door. Serves him right! As Jungkook winces while bearing the physical pain, you gladly saunter to the driver's side, turning on the car and heading it to Jungkook’s address—which you already remember like your own, located not really far from university.

Few minutes pass in silence, so you think Jungkook already fell asleep, when a sudden question is heard and throws you away to shock.

“Do you like kissing Seokjin?”

“What the fuck—” You look at him, thinking he is joking but you find him staring back at you, eyes dead serious while his face is painted with no trace of mirth whatsoever. It sends you jitter and nerves all over your body. “Jungkook, I don’t understand why you are asking that.”

“I just want to know if he is a good kisser or not.”

“He doesn’t need to be a good kisser to make me like kissing him.”

You heard Jungkook’s breath hitched like it’s so hard to believe. “So you like kissing him?”

“That’s beside the point, Jungkook. I am just stating a fact cause your logic is flawed.”

You most definitely underestimated the level of distressfulness in his question when Jungkook literally growls, not liking the mind games you are playing on him. “I’m serious. Do. you. like. kissing. him. or not!”

“I don’t know why you are asking that, since it’s literally you who asks for the fucking beer pong game. Not to mention, it’s you who wants me to bone this guy, Jungkook.” You whisper, reminding him of the day he offers you to come to Hoseok’s birthday party. “That question is weird, I am not answering that.”

“I regret that day, everyday…” You hear him mutter silently while looking outside the window. You quickly warn yourself to avoid overthinking it. It’s unhealthy, and you’ve been here before! Better to turn off your feelings before everything gets messy on your side.

“Why do you even have to be bad at beer pong?! It’s just shooting fucking ball to a cup. How bad can you be to not even score a point?!” Jungkook childishly huffs, and you take a few deep breaths to stop yourself from landing a punch to his devilishly handsome drunk face. What you are going to do is ignore him, like an adult you truly are.

But the silence is too much and you just want to talk to him, hence opening up a new topic. “Jungkook, you know you have to leave for Busan tomorrow. You shouldn’t be partying the day before. Have you even packed?”

Jungkook looks at you and sighs, like he is mentally and physically drained—well, as he should from drinking that much. “How can I, when there’s a chance you are going to the party as well.”

You raise your eyebrow, unsure. “What are you saying?”

Jungkook scoffs in disbelief when grasping how clueless you actually are. “I don’t know what fucking Seokjin has asks you to believe, but I am still your best friend, Y/N.  Since we were kids. I know you like the back of my hand, I know how you hate parties, how you dislike being around strangers, and I know how dangerous it is to be with these frat boys.”

He pauses. “And frankly, I just can’t trust Seokjin. Even with ten years of friendship, I’m still finding new, wonderful things about you and you expect me to trust a fucker who only knows you for a month? Seriously. I only trust myself to be capable of taking care of you.”

The sincerity in his words and gaze, how determined he is with his words seriously blinded your sanity—this part of you trying to assure that what he says is strictly platonic. Your heart is beating so fast it is literally painful to even breath, all the butterflies in your stomach fly without a care in the world. Does he really mean it? Do you even want to know what he means by the words?

The rest of the way passes in tense silence, both of you busy in each of your thoughts, and the car already approaches the street of his house. You sigh, putting on the break when you finally arrive in front of his house lane. “This is it, Jungkook. Go home, get some sleep. Don’t forget to eat some aspirin, and please wake up in time for your flight.”

Jungkook somberly nods, clicking his seatbelt off. You were about to say something, anything about addressing the elephant inside the car—to confirm whether he meant his words, whether he is indeed jealous of the punishment kiss with Seokjin. But then he beats you to it.

“Can I ask you one thing? And please promise me you will answer this.” He stares at you, and you hesitatingly hum as an answer, the tension is hard to miss.

“Answer me truthfully. Do you like kissing him? Seokjin, I mean.”

You sigh, not believing how still hung up Jungkook is on the matter. “Jungkook—”

“I know you like this guy so much, Y/N. I don't even want to ask that. I just want to know if you like the kiss. I wish this guy sucks in kissing, at least let me live with that.”

You look up to him, cheeks turning vermillion as he braves himself to look into your eyes. Your heart swells in pride, thinking how important it is to confirm that to you. God, has he really been this cute before?

“It was okay.” 

Listening to your answer, Jungkook smiles widens from ear to ear, like he is completely over the moon with okay as an answer. “Just okay? Not mind blowing whatsoever?” 

“It was okay.” You repeat, not confirming nor denying his latter question, but Jungkook still looks pleased with just the same answer. The manchild then hums, throwing both his arms around you, enveloping you into a hug so close like he never wants to let go. After a good minute he finally lets go, still with a million-dollar smile on his face and... rests his forehead on yours, closing his eyes as he breathes your scent in. This time, you are definitely sure you are going to schedule a slot with a cardiologist because there must be something wrong with your heart for beating that fast. There must be. And then his eyes flutter open, showing a strained gaze filled with anonymous emotion. 

“Are you going to be mad if I were to kiss you now?”

At Jungkook’s hushed questions, the temptation to taste his lips and comply with his request has you blinded, so you let go of your sanity and approve with a shy nod. The realistic side of you is quickly shut down as you don’t want to argue with it now. All you are thinking and craving about is to kiss him, or else you are going to die.

As his lips advances, the kiss finally happens. You can vividly feel the fireworks light up inside your chest—a strange yet wonderful feeling, the first time you ever feel this away while kissing someone. Jungkook’s lips are soft, touching you slowly like he is testing the waters. After he feels your careful reply, he sends more pressure, slowly but sure savoring your lips like he is taking his dearest time with you. Boy did he taste amazing—like a good whiskey, even if it’s probably all on him. The kiss feels amazing, yet you find yourself getting impatient with how it progresses, since all you can think is to feel him close. God, you must have lost your mind.

“Patience, pumpkin.” He teases, and you can feel a sleazy smile formed on his lips. You snort in annoyance, but he unexpectedly uses it to his advantage, stealthily shoving down his tongue inside your mouth cave. You gasp when the taste of alcohol kicks in, but is content nevertheless. You can’t even describe how good it is to have him close, your fingers entangled in his beautiful oak brown silk hair, his hands tightly encircled on your waist. How did you even think about spending a lifetime without kissing him?

“God, can I have you now? But I hate doing it in the car—I want our first time to be special.” 

Somehow, his desperate words instantly sobers your lust-clouded head, viciously taking you back to reality. So he really thinks of you that easily. And like you are saved by the bell, his brother appears from inside the house, probably realizing that the car has arrived but yet to show his brother—for a bit way too long. You curtly shove him away, heading outside the car before slamming the door vigorously. Of course. Of fucking course that is going to happen! What do you expect? He kisses you once and is finally ready to take your hand in marriage? You should’ve known better than to fall for the same tricks he played on those dumb girls. He even does it while drunk, for god sake. You should’ve known better!

With heavy self-disappointment you quickly open your phone, opening an app to order your ride home. All you want to do is now wail in sadness, and promise yourself to never let that happen again. You are too focused on your plan to flee, so when you feel Jungkook’s touch against your skin, you instinctively flinch. You can see how pained he is to see your reaction closing him off, yet you keep your mouth shut, not wanting to say even a word to him. The more you think about what just happened, the stronger the ache you feel, so you decided to just stop trying. You desperately need some time alone.

“Y/N! You are here. Thank you so much from bringing Jungkook home. This kid never learns, I swear.” Junghyun smiles, nonchalant to the tense air between you and Jungkook. You put up a fake smile of reassurance to the older guy, shrugging his worry.

“Are you going home? I can drive you, just let me take this guy in first.” Junghyun kindly offers, but you quickly recide. How can you do that when just in a few hours they are going to fly to Busan? They are seriously too kind.

“I ordered my taxi, it will arrive soon, oppa. No worries!” You brightly smile, not minding the obvious stares of Jungkook on your skin. You thank your lucky stars after the white taxi of your choice gladfully is near enough, and the blinding light of the taxi car lamp finally allows you to breathe. “It’s here!”

“Hyung, please take the details of the taxi, will you?” 

While entering the taxi you hear Jungkook’s subtle request to his brother, yet you pretend to be clueless, since it is better this way. You can’t. You shouldn’t. You don’t want to mess with the things you have now. You are so conflicted you don’t even know what to do with yourself.

“Text me when you get home.” Jungkook rigidly murmurs and you nod with the same manner. The taxi finally moves, and after a few seconds of total silence, you find the tears you have been holding for a while finally free, raining down on your cheeks.

*

Finally ending the fateful night, you arrive in your apartment and cry yourself to sleep. You feel betrayed, you feel dirty, you feel played and used. You do not know what has gotten into you to seriously think you are special to Jungkook, but that’s definitely not the case since he just caught up in the moment and just needed you to wet his dick. After that, you are going to ruin a ten year old friendship just because you can’t keep your feelings in hand like he can’t keep his dick inside his pants. You should’ve seen it coming—but now the damage is done, there is no use of regretting the things you can’t change. Yet ever since that day you can’t even sleep, eat, study, or basically do anything without thinking about him.

Especially since in the morning he left for Busan, he informed you through a message that he will be there for a week, and after that he needs to talk to you. You haven’t even replied, leaving him only on read even if that’s basically what you are thinking about night and day. What is he going to say? Is he going to reject you? Is he going to say how disgusted he is for that night? Is he going to tell you should not be friends anymore? There are countless scenarios playing in your head, and not even one is as what you wish it would be. Just an endless count of rejection and humiliation.

So the night before he is coming back, you are seated coated in your blanket in your apartment, right in front of your TV even though you don’t even know what show is playing. You are just zoning out, racking your brains for reasons that you need to say to Jungkook to avoid meeting him tomorrow. Do you just pretend you are sick? Or can you bail on him? But thinking about Jungkook, waiting alone in a cafe makes you sad and guilty, so you immediately cancel that last option. God, what are you going to do?

Too invested in your thoughts, you do not notice Lia is just in front of you. You finally acknowledge her presence when after she is now waving a plastic of delicious smelling food in front of your face. “Hey, earth to Y/N!” She calls you again, the agitation builds up for the past week of being ignored by her own roommate.

“Honey, seeing you like this makes me sad.” She sighs, resting the plastic on the desk. “I brought offering food, and with this I hope you can finally tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, realizing how annoyed she must be seeing you like this. You have been closed off on her as well, keeping the event from a week ago only for yourself. It just doesn’t feel right talking about it with someone Jungkook admitted he likes… Which suddenly pops an idea inside your brilliant head. God! How can you not think of it before?!

You widely let out an ear-to-ear smile which frankly scares Lia due to the drastic change of mood. But you couldn't care less. You need to do this, to save the remaining pieces of your friendship with Jungkook and give him a helpful hand as well.

“Lia, honey, can you please help me with something?”

*

Jungkook arrives at Gimpo International Airport at 5.40pm, along with his parents and brother. After going back for the wedding of his relatives, every new day he can’t wait to finally be back in Seoul. He is worried as hell about you, since he is aware that he did make a mistake that night—he scares you with his overwhelming feelings, but he promises himself to make things right. He would be crazy to let you go that easily. Jungkook definitely felt something from you that night—there is a glimpse of hope that you somehow like him too, and now he is helplessly hanging on to that rope.

After telling you he needed to see you after he got back, you left him on read for a few days and he had to confess that he was so moody and off during those days, constantly pissing everyone around him. But how can he not? He thought he lost his chance. What if Seokjin took those days to convince you how much better of a man he is than him? What if you had enough of him and dump his ass? Or worse, what if you think you can no longer even be friends? Those thoughts constantly bothered him, but when you message time and place to meet him, he feels comforted. He trusted you—you are much better of a person than what his pessimistic mind forced him to believe.

So when his flight arrives, he directly goes to take the train instead of going with his family’s car, heading to the restaurant you informed. As you informed him about the dinner—7pm reservation, he carefully calculated his ETA. Jungkook is a bit confused due to your choice of place—you don’t really fancy Mexican food, but he pays no heed as what he can only focus is what he is about to say and the gift he thought thoroughly and carefully before, secured on his backpack. Jungkook silently smiles. He is going to make this right.

Exactly an hour arrival, he is now in the area of the restaurant. He quickly hitch a taxi, asking the driver to drive as fast as he can since his plan was to arrive first before you. The hope grows dimmer as seconds pass, especially when his taxi is caught in the middle of a traffic jam. Jungkook groans, there is no hesitation that he will be late. He quickly send you an apology by text, in which you do not even read—adding more anxiety to his already existing one.

After a few minutes which passes like a thousand years, he finally arrives in the said restaurant. He slaps a few bills at the driver, not even waiting for a change as he runs inside, nervously tapping his foot after mentioning your name as a reservation. His heart is beating fast, his palms turn clammy, and he feels jittery all over his body. God, the feeling has already been too long to even remember. But he can’t deny that it indeed feels nice. It feels amazing to care and have real emotions this deeply about someone.

Instead of finding the face he has been thinking of night and days, he finds a completely different woman, sitting nervously on the table. He is too overwhelmed to even speak.

“You—What are you doing here?!”

Jungkook can’t even believe his eyes. It’s Lia, your best friend, sitting on the table right now. All at once, his head spins followed by a sudden nausea bubbling up his throat from the great shock. He has been expecting you—to see your face again waiting for him with a smile, to tell you how much you mean to him, to finally confess and give him a gift he carefully picks out for you—but instead you set him up for dinner with your best friend, without letting either of them know. He feels rejected, a wave of sadness crashing at him that he can only weakly sit down, his legs nearly giving him up. He is now mourning on so-selfless yet so idiotic action you do him.

“God, Y/N asked me for dinner together, and he actually set me up with you? What the fuck?!” Lia flares angrily, taking her phone and fervently dialing up your number. Seeing how ugly it can get, Jungkook takes the phone away, closing the call. “What are you doing?!” She hisses.

“I.. I accidentally lied to her that I like you instead of her when she caught us meeting that morning.” Jungkook whispers, his throat too dry for catching up in the sadness. “And now she is setting us up together.”

“God, it all makes sense now! She actually asked me how I feel about you, and knowing you like her, I put good words. Could it be that she thinks I like you too?” She gasps, but Jungkook is already too numb in the feeling. “God, she is such a moron sometimes!”

“That’s okay. It’s just clear now. I know she does not have any feelings for me, and she might be too afraid to say so. She is probably already with Seokjin now.” Jungkook bitterly whispers, trying to uphold his voice yet it still wound him so fucking bad. Of course that is it. Seokjin is a whole perfect package for a man, not a child with zero emotional capacity like him. He must be drunk to even think about competing with that man.

“No, that's not it..” Lia shakes her head fervently at Jungkook’s helpless posture. “I believe she broke up whatever relationship she had with Seokjin. Don’t tell her you know this from me, but they kinda did it in our apartment hallways a few days ago and I accidentally—well not really accidental but that’s not the point—heard! I thought she was extremely quiet and sad because of that!”

He is confused, he really is, but now he knows the fact, there must be something he has not known yet. “Are you sure?” Jungkook rises up to his seat, strangely motivated. Not that he wants to take advantage of your odd break up with Seokjin for his personal advantage, he just wants to be there for you — like what best friends would do.

“Are you okay if I leave you now?” Jungkook kindly asks, and Lia shoo him away boredly, eyes already skimming on the menu.

“Don’t need no boys helping me eat, but you owe me a lot after this, bro. You get it?” With a nod of confirmation and a short smile, Jungkook quickly heads to the place he knew he would find you.

*

You don’t even know what you are doing, seated in the usual coffee shop you always visit with Jungkook. You have been sitting in the cafe for nearly two hours, munching on the countless foods you order from the menu, yet you can’t hold back the obnoxious, ugly feeling in your chest — especially when the barista is asking where Jungkook is when you ordered your usual. It’s literally on you—you were the one setting up both your best friends who greatly deserve and like each other together, so why is it so painful to face the possibility that they are having a nice date in her favorite Mexican restaurant right now?

Great. Now you are crying. God, you must look hideous, no make up, alone with plates of food in front of you. You can’t even imagine what people must be thinking about you right now, since even you are disgusted with yourself.

“I better go home.” You sigh, ready to pick the bill when a soft bell tingling is heard and you do not know whether you can believe your eyes or not, but it signals Jungkook’s entrance. He is wearing a dark blue sweater you bought him for his birthday a year ago, walking pensively to your table. Just looking at him immediately quickens your heartbeat, too loud you can distinctly hear it rings in your ear. What is happening? Why is he here, not more than an hour in the date? That look—Is he mad at you?

“Y/N, before I am going to be angry at you for setting me up with your best friend, I want to hit pause. Okay?” He calmly speaks, resting his bag on the floor. You look at him with teary eyes, still shocked for only his presence so you hesitantly nod. 

“Are you okay? After Seokjin, I mean. I heard about it.” Jungkook whispers, trying for a slow approach to the said matter. You don’t even know how he knows, yet you don’t really care.  “I’m sorry.”

You finally gather your courage to let out your voice, eyes still training on your lap. “Don’t be. It’s hard, but I’m okay. We just realize it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Do you want a hug?” Jungkook good-naturedly offers like it's the most usual thing to do inside a coffeeshop, and you can’t hold the chuckle which he follows. “We always hug it out whenever we are sad. I don’t know about you, but it always works for me. Your hugs are the best.”

You know he probably does not imply anything, so you nod, because you are desperately in need of your best friend’s hug right now. When everything is hard, it feels nice to have someone who completely understands and is willing to listen, instead of telling you what you need to do. That’s the kind of friendship you have with him, and you are thankful neither of you has given up on each other even with the constant fights.

After a good ten minutes just having each other close in a hug—his arms secured around your shoulder while you lean your head on his annoyingly sturdy chest—you let your best friend go. “God, we must be looking like two moron right now.” You whisper, noticing a few glances are thrown at your table and Jungkook snickers, agreeing with your comment. You snort. “More like because you look like a fucking idol and I look a hobo. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Hey, I just arrived from Busan and I directly come here without even changing.” He pouts and you chuckle, feeling the butterflies vividly knocking on your stomach. He helps you asking for the bill, and when it arrives, he directly gives the waiter his card and you angrily shove him away.

“Jungkook, if you pay for the food you don’t even touch, I swear to god—”

“But it's my turn to pay!” He protests and you roll your eyes.

“It’s not, because you did not even eat a thing.”

He quickly munch on the leftover fries, giving the waiter his card and pushing the confused man away before you can snatch the card back. You hiss, seriously feeling guilty for letting him pay for the whole thing. “God, I am starving! Can I eat this?” He asks, munching on your half eaten pasta without waiting for you. You just stare at him, happily eating your food and you can’t hold down the smile.

“Can I have this coffee too?” He politely asks, pointing at your black coffee and you sigh. 

“Jungkook, once again I tell you, you do not like black coffee. I’ll just order you anything.” You are about to call the waiter again when he holds you back.

“I like everything you like, Y/N. I think this goddamn coffee has grown on me.”

But he is completely bullshitting you—and probably himself because as his lips touch the glass to take a sip, he instinctively grimaces at the strong, bitter taste. Gosh, an idiot and somehow you still call him your best friend.

“Jungkook, do you want me to order you a banana milkshake?” You kindly offer like the coffee thing did just not happen, and he answers with a 1000 watt smile that leaves you strangely speechless.

“My hero.”

After exactly another hour talking about the cousin’s wedding he attended a few days ago, both of you and him exit the coffeeshop. You can’t hide your blush when the barista is secretly teasing you with his goddamn eyebrow, not that Jungkook can notice. God, you wish he doesn’t notice.

“Can we walk to your apartment? Are you okay? it’s a little bit cold.” Jungkook worriedly asks, and you nod as an agreement. He smiles serenely at you, his hand runs to fix your messy hair—courtesy of the wind. His fingers delicately put a strand of lost hair to the back of your ear, and smile with all his bunny teeth on display after being satisfied with the result. God, you wish he would not notice how nervous you are right now.

During the short walk filled with comfortable silence, he reaches your hand, tightly intertwining it with his fingers. All the things he does are not special—you nearly do it every time in your so-called platonic friendship, but everything definitely has changed. But the fuzzy feeling quickly turns into nerves when you sense the inevitable talk is coming, as he points to one of the benches in front of your apartment building.

“I am angry at you.”

You look up to him, expecting anger on his face when you found none, instead a thin smile. “You set me up with your best friend. What were you thinking, Y/N?”

“You said you liked her. And I know you need a push to finally do something about it, that’s why I did it.” You guiltily try to defend yourself. Jungkook sighs, suddenly feeling remorse of what the conversation will turn into.

“But.. I don’t know whether we want to discuss this, but here goes—we kissed that night, Y/N. Does it even mean anything to you?” 

And now it is there. The hurt, the frustration, the anger shown on his beautiful doe eyes. You know it is coming — the inevitable confrontation about that night. But how can he even ask such question to you? Doesn’t he know it nearly keeps you awake every night?

“You were drunk, Jungkook. And horny... I was—we were just caught up in the moment.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “I don’t know about you, but I was not just caught up in the moment.” Jungkook curtly answers, taking a deep breath of courage. He hopes he doesn’t mess up everything and end up chasing you away yet again.

“Can’t you see it, Y/N? I like you. I like you so much for how it seems like a long time ago, but idiot me, somehow I just realize everything now.”

At his answer, your head feels like it is about to explode. But you are too scared, too realistic to even think about the possibility that he may truly mean every word. “You can’t lie to me like that, Jungkook! I am not the girl you can play with like your one night stands. I do not want to be just another number to you.”

“But you're not just another number to me!” He agitatedly hisses, letting his emotions open up on the table. “You think it doesn’t kill me? I think about it nearly everyday. I think about you and Seokjin. I think about you rejecting me. I think about you and our ten years friendship currently on the line. Do you think it has been just a walk in the park for me?”

He takes a deep breath. “I like you, Y/N. I like you so much it kills me for you to close me off that night we kissed. I thought everything was clear—my obvious feelings for you, but just now, you set me up with your best friend. How fucking great!”

The tears welling in your eyes are forcing to come out. “You don’t know how afraid I was, Jungkook. You can’t even imagine how it was for me! I like kissing you—I think I like it a little bit too much—but when you said you wanted to fuck in the car, I felt… I felt disgusted. You were drunk, and I felt like you were just using me for my body, like I’m just another dumb girls who you’ll fuck and never call back. I.. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

The statement you let out just brings a whole new guilt on his chest, and he moves to hold you close. “What were you thinking, Y/N. I would never do that to you…”

“How can I think of that? Are you shitting me right now? Jungkook, you slept with at least three girls a week, and you explicitly told me about fucking these girl nearly everyday before. So you expect me to comply and fuck you in that car, ruining our friendship because you only want to fuck me and wet your dick?!”

“Y/N, I swear it is not that. I like you too much, and I got so jealous of Seokjin—I am sorry that I make you feel that way. But I swear to god, at that time I just wanted to show you how much I like you, and I am sorry if it came out that way.”

You take a deep breath, but even doing it suffocates you. “I just need some time. That’s it. Can we… can we just pretend this never happens?” You sigh tiredly, and at your word, Jungkook feels hit with a ton of brick until he is completely numb. You want to disregard everything that happened?

“I am heading upstairs. You.. you can just head home now.” You whisper, and every word coming out hurts you back like it hurts him, but you need this. You need some time to think about everything. You don’t want to hurt yourself again—just seeing him now hurts so fucking bad already. Jungkook is not emotionally ready for you. He just caught up in the moment of drunkenness, and he doesn’t mean it. You should just stop thinking about it.

You are about to leave to cry your eyes to sleep, when you heard him call from behind.

“Here. I bought this for you. Don’t worry, Y/N.  I’ll leave.”

And you can hear the steps of his boots, walking far and far away until it disappears in the  silence. Now that he is not here, you find the wind is ten times colder, and the pain in your chest multiplies a thousand times. It’s only you now, alone with your thoughts. You brave yourself to turn back, seeing a box of chocolate resting on the bench, which then leaves you a crying mess.

It’s the exact chocolate he gave ten years ago to the girls, the one you ate when you saved him from the humiliation he faced. How could he even get this?

To : Y/N

Thank you for saving me again that day. And the day after. And the day after, until today. I owe you my life :)

With love, your vermillion faced favorite person in the world.

Jeon Jungkook.

*

Another week passes, and Jungkook wakes up with a groan inside of his room he shared with Taehyung. God was he trashed last night. His frat was having another party, and he may or may not steal a few bottles and decided to trash himself whilst playing Overwatch—he can’t even remember when or how. His back is killing him for falling asleep with bent back, his face plastered on the keyboard.

He tries to straighten up, but the dizziness from suddenly standing up washes him away that it takes some time to get used to. His lips are as dry as sahara, yet he found no bottle of water that may relieve the thirst—seriously, Jungkook? Stealing two bottles of vodka but forgot to bring up a bottle of water? God he is a moron sometimes.

He walks out of the room, descending to the downstairs with his head still banging painfully due to the bad hangover. He is about to head directly straight to the kitchen, but his steps are paused when he finds Seokjin currently having his breakfast on the table, with… you.

The first thought that comes to his mind is how different you look—you look pale and tired, the dark eyebags are getting prominent and it does look like you haven’t been sleeping well. The thoughts finally come closing when he realizes how awkward the air has become, you, Seokjin and himself on such close distance. Jungkook can’t bear the bitter thoughts of you, having your usual breakfast with Seokjin. God, he must be a bother—so he quickly enters the kitchen, intends to grab a drink and forces himself out of the picture.

“Jung—Jungkook, can we talk? Outside, I mean. I want to tell you something.”

He looks back, not expecting to find you standing up and walking to him to the kitchen. 

“We can. Do we need Seokjin to join as well?” He bitterly shoves the water inside his throat, not even minding how petty he must have sounded. 

“No. No need. I need to talk to you alone.” You beg, internally praying that Jungkook will not make it harder than it already is. All you want to do is say what you needed to say, then run away and bury yourself alive beside the nearest tree. 

Jungkook hums, and follows your hesitant step to the backyard of his frat house. But now that he is seeing you in such close distance, makes him realize that he terribly misses seeing you and talking to you. The week after the confession he let out, he decides to give you the space you deserve—no matter how desperate he is to just send you a message and ask how you’re doing. He can’t even deny that he went to your faculty a few times before, wanting to just see how you are doing even from afar. He knows how cringey and creepy that thought is, but he seriously can’t stand the idea of not having to see your face during those times. Checking up on you is like something he has been doing for ten years now, and he doesn’t intend to stop just because you need your own space.

Now you are standing with him, yet he thoughtfully motion so you can sit on the patio wall. The first touch he gave you since the last encounter, and it successfully turns you ten times nervous than you already are. Will you even be able to say what you need to say when he is right there, looking at you like that?

“Before you say anything, can I ask why are you having breakfast with Seokjin?” He starts, somehow unable to disregard the scene he just witnesses. He doesn’t know why, but he feels somehow sad and anxious that you are spending such an intimate breakfast with him. Sensing that Jungkook is indeed dead serious, and so are you, you decide not to beat around the bush and answer him with the truth.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to see you and he was there, having his breakfast. He was just being polite.” 

“Jungkook, I want to say I am sorry.” You whisper directly and cut to the chase, intending to look him in the eyes but still failing to do so. All because you are nothing but a nervous pile of mess. “I.. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t set you up with Lia just because of my insecurities. I thought I was doing you some good, but that was my fault to overstep it. And I shouldn’t have been angry at the thoughts that you were just playing with me—it’s only in my head and I accused you for it. It’s so unfair for you, I.. I want to apologize.”

Both of you fall into deep and tense silence, waiting for the other to speak up. But falling too uncomfortable with the silence, you decide to open your voice again. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Are you still angry at me?”

“Shouldn’t you apologize for one more thing?” Jungkook calmly asks, basking in your appearance once again like it’s never enough. God, are you even eating well? You hesitantly look up, confused with his words. What does he mean by that?

“The way you expect us to forget everything happened.” He winces soundly just by saying the word he refuses to acknowledge since the moment he heard it. Just thinking about the word you said a few nights back still brings fresh pain inside his chest. “That’s actually what hurts me the most. I don’t really care about the other.” You bit your lower lips. Is it just your hallucination or Jungkook seriously asking that?

Jungkook racks his brain, trying to articulate his thoughts yet failing to do so. Then he gives up, letting his heart do the talking instead. “I like you, Y/N. I don’t want to scare you—but I might even be in love with you. These past few years are so clear now. I like you, I always have feelings for you but it was so clouded with any friendly, somehow platonic feelings I thought I have and I don’t know—what happened with us just awakened me, making me realize  that I don’t want anyone else but me to be the one taking care of you.”

The newfound sincerity in his words astonishes you. Your breath hitches, with his words coming in and out of your mind, yet it still feels unsettled. Does he really mean it? 

“I guess I was just too busy with myself, with my own ways of hiding the pain I felt. But I realize, it was not any parties, or meaningless sex or any other things that makes me happy. I thought it was, but it’s not.” Jungkook takes your chin, pleading for you to look up to him. You are too overwhelmed by emotion, and you are thankful he asked you to sit because if you weren’t, your leg would give you away.

“It’s you. It’s always you.” He proclaims, as clear as the sky upon him. “It’s breakfast with you, talking with you everyday, seeing you be happy and be the one causing it. That’s what makes me happy.”

At such sentiment, the tears swimming in the corner of your eyes finally falls, streaming on the side of your cheek. He quickly pulls you close, his head entangles on your hair and your hands basked on his waist tightly, like you are holding it for dear life.  “Jungkook, I am scared. I don’t want to lose you... What if everything goes wrong and then I lost you forever?”

Jungkook kisses the top of your head. God, he is scared beyond words too. But he loves you too much, he believes in what you both have and is ready to take his chances. “We’ll make it through. I can’t promise you much, but I promise I’ll always look out for our best interests. You won’t lose me. I am your best friend before anything, Y/N.”

You nod, somehow assured by his words. You know it’s going to be hard to believe—even your past self would too, but you trust him with all your heart. Jungkook has been one constant thing in your life, and you trust him and are willing to put everything on the line because frankly, you love him, and he loves you. Maybe it’s time to finally be brave enough to face anything and take that risk. Only because it is him.

Another moment of holding each other close when Jungkook fucking opened his mouth and decided to ruin everything. “So.. Can I kiss you now?” He jokingly whispers and you snort, all sappy moments crumbling down to ashes. An amused chuckle somehow did escape your lips, and he pouts. “Hey, let me kiss you, you pretty girl. Seriously, I kissed you once, and god, that’s all I can think of this past week.”

You roll your eyes, heart beating rapidly fast in your chest. You are going to shrug his face away from you, but the moment you can clearly look up to him, you feel warm and giddy. His face is saying everything, shaded vermillion red while shyly looking down on you. A flashback comes inside your head, reminding you about the eleven year old kid with the same shade of vermillion on his face. He is still the same Jungkook you know—the Jungkook you love and wouldn’t trade for anything in the whole world.

His lips advance closer to yours yet you are the one to close the distance between. To have your lips finally touch against his chapped one, you can feel the same firework lights up, only ten times better now that you finally is truthful to your own feeling. God does it feel amazing to feel it to have him against your lips. Both of you are too content with even such innocent kisses, feeling the smile forming in each of your lips, inevitably bringing up a laughter.

“Fucking finally!”

At the loud roar, you quickly push Jungkook until he falls a few steps back, completely shocked beyond words to hear the shouts behind you—which belongs to Taehyung, somehow with Lia shutting him instantly on the mouth. There are few other frat brothers like Jimin and Namjoon as well, smiling meaningfully in front of the door. You shyly duck your head, god, how long have they been standing there? This is embarrassing!

“Are you going to hit them or should I?” You whisper, walking outside from the back door with Jungkook on your side, escaping the loud shouts and woo from the people standing there. Jungkook chuckles with mirth at your reddened abashed face. Is it a good time for him to say how adorable you are right now, with a burst of red coloring your cheek?

“No worries, I will.” He kisses your supple cheek. “But objectively speaking, I do think Lia has rights for that. She is the one helping me to get you since god-knows-when.” Jungkook smiles endearingly, holding you close around the shoulder when it’s finally just the two of you, brushing a kiss on the top of your head. You chuckle knowingly, and Jungkook stops to see you straight on the eye.

“Aren’t you going to ask me when, why or how? I mean about the chasing you thing with Lia.” He asks seriously, yet apparently can’t get his hands far from you as he reaches for your cheek, softly brushing it delicately with his fingers. You hum, somehow content with his touches. God, you sure like him so much it hurts.

“Baby—you’re cute. But actually it’s Lia who convinces me about you.” You chuckle, and Jungkook scrunch his eyebrows, yet still falling shy at the nickname that sounds entirely different now that you are the one saying it to him. “She told me everything. And that’s actually when I realize that I can trust you. With all my heart.”

Jungkook smiles, heart turning warm from your statement and still, the endearing nickname. “On the light note, you called me your baby. Ugh, can I kiss you again, pumpkin?” He cheekily asks, and your hearts light up at the familiar yet so strange nickname that now it feels different to have him as your lover.

You smirks, holding his palm against your cheek, taking in his disheveled, morning appearance once again. He looks extensively cute with his button nose and reddened cheeks, his disheveled morning hair still super inviting to have your fingers running through it. And it is unfair that somehow he looks his best now, better than anything you have seen him before. High chance it is because for you, the best thing for Jungkook to wear is his smile—especially when it’s because of you.

“Not if you have to ask again every time you don’t.”

He smirks and pulls you by the nape, muttering an answer against your smiling lips. He seriously wouldn’t mind doing this every second of the day.

“Deal.”

========

Finally! nearing 25k, wow this is a lot to write. But it was so much fun and i hope you like it! let me know and lets talk :) kindly check my masterlist !

UPDATE #1 : Drabble posted on masterlist! Do check lovelies! <3

Hence Monday morning, you are hesitating to pack the food you promised Taehyung. You know how awkward it must be, especially after ignoring him all through the weekend—but you know it is inconsistent for you to disregard everything because of your silly feelings. Albeit begrudgingly, you pack the food when suddenly a message arrives.

From : Taehyung

Good morning, sunshine, I hope you are feeling better now! Sorry I cannot pick you up today, need to submit my paper :( Will you attend your 8am? Wanna grab breakfast after? xx

You sigh, glancing dully at the food you already pack for him. 

It’s going to be a long day.

After finishing the 8am class, you walk to his faculty to deliver him the food. You are not sure whether you should stay or leave right after—especially after his last message of wanting to eat together. Regardless, you avidly warn your mind that anything that he does or says, it is all just because he somehow likes you, but only as a friend. You severely need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. 

That’s how you wait on the university park you promised him, fidgeting uncomfortably with the bag of food on your grasp. Not long until suddenly your name is called, you look up and find two men walking to your side. It’s Taehyung, eyes sparkling and a wide smile that instantly dries your throat… and Jimin. You did not expect that. What is Jimin doing here?! You really thought the deal between you two must be kept hidden for anyone.

“Hi, Y/N!” Taehyung cheerfully walks to you, throwing himself for the seat next to your side. “I’m glad to see you again. Ah, is that your grandma's food?” He asks in delight, not noticing the nervous gaze you point for Jimin’s presence.

“Hi, are you Y/N? I think I saw you before.” Jimin kindly introduces himself, like you wouldn’t know the identity of the infamous fratboy. “I’m Jimin.”

“Hi Jimin, yes I am her. Nice to meet you.”

“Well isn’t it great to finally meet the one that has been taking up lots of Taehyung time.” He civilly smiles. “I see you’ve been hanging out together.”

You are waiting for Taehyung to rectify Jimin’s misunderstanding, but it does not come so you abruptly answer. “Yup, kinda.” You nod nervously. “Only as friends, though. No worries.” 

Jimin nods in mirth, noticing Taehyung’s glare at your unnecessary confirmation. “Sweetheart, you don’t really have to say that to him.”

Jimin takes a seat beside you. “So, are you freshmen? What major are you in?”

“Yup, a political science freshman.” You nod and smile, all because you really couldn’t hold it back when Jimin is just that friendly with a wonderful eye smile. “I know, it must sound boring, right? Your guess is correct.”

That’s how your conversation continues, and Jimin is surprisingly well informed about your major. One thing led to another, and came into the conversation is your side job as a column writer in one of the renowned media in the city. It is easy to forget yourself among the story about your passion in writing, and that’s how you are unconscious to Taehyung who is now practically glued right on your side, his frowning face resting on your shoulder while he slightly nuzzles on your nape—probably disliking the fact that you are too focused on his best friend instead of him. Jimin nearly falls to the ground, laughing his ass off at how childish Taehyung looks right now, lips pouting like a duck. You are telling him about the hurdles of releasing your latest article, Taehyung blatantly shoos him away with his blazing eyes. And as he doesn’t really want to get on his best friend's bad side, he concludes not to prolong his unwanted stay. 

“That’s really interesting, Y/N! I am really interested in your writing, gonna check it after this!” Jimin kindly compliments, and you blush bashfully. You were never complimented in person other than your editor before, so you don’t exactly know what to do now with your face now. 

“I think I’m gonna go now. May I know your number? Let’s talk over coffee sometimes!” Jimin devilishly asks while offering his phone, definitely intending to push his best friend’s buttons. You are just about to receive it when Taehyung is quick to slap the man’s hand away.

“I’ll give you the number.” He curtly answers, not a hint of entertainment is shown in his face. “Now leave.”

Sensing Taehyung's hostility towards his own thoughtful best friend, you are quick to glare at him. “Jimin, don’t mind him! You can tag along, let’s grab some food!”

Jimin knows that he will probably never live peacefully if he were to accept the offer, but he just can’t resist that one last kick in. “I’d love to…” and as expected Taehyung instantly mouths him a curse word, and then Jimin sends a polite smile at you. “But I have something urgent. Gotta leave now.”

“That’s too bad!” You pout, looking disheartened. Taehyung rolls his eyes.

Somehow, Jimin still has the guts to send you a wink, and Taehyung literally is this close to kicking his own best friend’s ass. “See you soon, Y/N! I’ll text you—that if Taehyung ever will give me your number.”

“Don’t bet on it.” Taehyung hiss under his breath, still glaring at his best friend giving you a small wave that you gladly reciprocate. Fuckers. He never should’ve brought that flirty ass with him.

“I like your best friend.” You mention out of nowhere, and Taehyung’s ears immediately perk up in distaste. “He seems nice. I can’t believe he actually wants to be your best friend without you bribing him whatsoever.”

“Nice? Wow, that’s the furthest word that can explain Jimin. Don’t believe him, Y/N—he is even worse than me.” Taehyung scornfully mutters, deciding to open the lunch bag to ignore the irritation inside his chest at Jimin’s name rolling off your lips. “He could be the worst and you shouldn’t believe him. He was literally hitting on you! I won’t give your numbers to him.”

“I kinda believe he is not hitting on me, Taehyung. I would know, because he is not treating me like you do.” You sarcastically sneer, helping Taehyung to open a few of the lunchboxes you prepared. “And you can give my number to him! I believe he won’t do anything—besides, I am also interested in a few of his points. Could be a great reference to my article.”

“Hey, how come I just knew you are a writer too?” Taehyung frowns, offering you a bite before he begins to eat. You are flustered with the gesture, but welcome it otherwise. “I thought we told each other everything.”

“Ah, that. It’s no biggies! I started it as an interest since high school, then I tried submitting it to a publication company and passed! I like doing it, and it is a good pay too.” You explain after munching on the bite he offered. “It’s not much, but yeah. It’s from my own hand, so..”

“I would love to get some side jobs too.” Taehyung responds, relentlessly offering you another bite. “I never know what it feels to spend the money you worked so hard in. I think I need to find something that pays.”

You quickly tap him in excitement. “You know what? You should make a fake boyfriend business. You’d be great.” You smile, albeit dimly, it was one of your most effective ways of handling difficulties—you joke about it. “I’d give testimonies too, but will need a few percent of your income, bro. Sorry.”

Taehyung thinly smiles, shaking his head. “Nah. I thought about that, but I think that’d be hard.”

“Why?” Your left eyebrows raised. “I thought you wanted to do it.”

“I think I like it because it is you.” He shyly scratches his nape, unable to meet your eyes. “I don’t really want to do it with anyone else. You are great, Y/N, and you make this so comfortable. I can’t imagine the disappointment of knowing there’s no other fake girlfriend who can be as good as you are to me.

Your head literally spins at his sentence, and all you want to do is shout, pleading for Taehyung to stop messing with your head. You hate the fact that he still has that same, great effect on you after the hurtful thing he said—but how can you say it without making a fool of yourself? How can you say it without letting him know that you are an idiot that fell for a fuckboy like him, bad?

A short silence ensues before Taehyung opens another topic. “You know, Y/N, since I watched lots, I mean lots of rom-com lately, I figure that it’s mostly the same. Do you think lots of women are into that cheesy dinner, movie, or walk on a beach for first dates?”

You roll your eyes, pushing the spoon he offered for you to eat for him instead, as he has been giving you too many portions now. “No, I don’t know. And you know I can’t speak on behalf of ‘lots of women’.”

He nods in understanding, then continues. “I see. What bout you, then? Are you into it?”

You suddenly grin at him in amusement. “So are you asking me that, because you want to know about my preference but start with that lame question directed for all women?”

He shrugs carelessly, lips grinning. “Maybe. Just curious. So, are you into it?”

Otherwise, you still answer. “Yup, I do. I think it’s cool. I used to want to go to the beach for a first date, but then I once watched a drama which the first dates are cooking class!” You smile dreamily. “That must be fun, cooking together. Very useful too.”

He nods, humming. “I think everything would be fun if it’s with you.” Taehyung is clearly mumbling to himself, and you hate yourself for still being able to catch it, yet you keep your lips tight.

Another ten minutes of silence. “So… Friday.” Taehyung clears his throat, trying to mask the nerves in his tone. The mood abruptly shifts at the remembrance of Friday last week. “I’m sorry if I was too forward, Y/N. It is confusing, I know.. but I meant every word.”

Meant every word? He must be joking. You look at him with tranquility, no emotion whatsoever. “No, don’t be sorry. It’s my fault too. I never should have discussed it with fuckboys like you whom I already know will always speak ill of relationship and settling down. It’s my fault.”

He knows you probably didn't mean it, but deep down he feels irritated on how you pronounce every word. Like he is at fault for saying what he truly feels. “Yes, that’s correct. I make it straight and clear with everyone—I am not looking for anything else serious. I don’t want to be tied down by anything and anyone.”

Taehyung is becoming defensive—you can feel it. But the annoyance and emotional distress is too much you are unable to hold another rebuttal. “Then maybe you should stop doing anything that might make people get the wrong idea. What would they think if they see you constantly hanging out with a girl, right?”

“What are you talking about?” He asks in deep confusion.

“Didn’t you hear yourself, Taehyung? Did you even hear the things you say to me?” You ironically had to point everything out. You really were not going to discuss this... “What would your flings think if they hear what you say to me, huh? They’d be disappointed, don’t you think so?”

“What—what are you on about?! I don’t care about what they think. That’s absolutely the last thing I care about. And even if they hear, they would understand we are platonic best friends, they would know.”

The word platonic best friends practically stabs you in the chest, the familiar agonizing feeling is a hundred times worse now that he is the one saying it with his own mouth. “Wow. Platonic best friends.” You whisper, swallowing the sour taste in your mouth, to get it right inside your head. Platonic best friends. It’s what Taehyung thinks of you.

“I don’t recall platonic best friends also entails making out in a car and shoving the tongue in each other’s mouth, but go on.” 

Taehyung looks at you weirdly, like you’ve just grown another head. “It’s just a simple, fun, harmless kiss. Why are you making such a big deal of it?”

Wow, how wrong he is because he doesn't know how bad the so-called platonic kiss was messing your head all through the weekend and forward. You hate how every word coming out of his mouth hurt you again and again and you still too stubborn to let it go. There’s no use, why can’t you just accept the cold, hard truth? “Okay, then. Noted. No harm done.”

Taehyung notices that even though you concluded the conversation, both of you are still too deep in emotion of irritation for each other. He sighs at your cold and distant gesture, looking at you tiredly while massaging his temple.

“What do you want from me, Y/N?” 

You turn to him and scoff. “What I want from you? Huh, that’s fun.” You fake enthusiasm, looking at him with a sardonic smirk. “I want you to stop crossing that ‘platonic best friend’ border. Stop confusing everyone. Don’t say things platonic best friends would not tell each other. Tell your friends straight that we are not dating. Don’t depend on your ‘platonic best friend’ your whole life like you mean it. And let’s not kiss. Just do everything like what we promised to do—in front of my parents.” You are now this close to bawl your eyes out, the familiar sting is appearing. “Or you know what? We don’t even have to do that anymore.”

Stop confusing everyone? More like stop confusing you. You are the one that needs clarity, but you throw that on him. Seeing the shock coloring his face, the guilt finally kicks in. You don’t mean it like that, you know his mind is assuming the furthest thing from what you actually mean. You are close to apologizing, but you know it’s what you desperately need. It’s better to make him hate you now, so you can try to move on without the ugly, unreciprocated feeling inside your chest.

Taehyung grins, pain written all over his face. “You really do not want to be perceived like that with me, huh.. Do you really care about what anyone thinks about us that much? Let them think what they want to think—I don’t give a fuck.” 

You can’t believe that Taehyung still hasn’t gotten the idea that this all is what you do to protect your heart from the damage caused by his affectionate self. But you tighten your lips, not wanting to correct him and make a fool of yourself. It’s good as it is—let him assume anything he wants. As long as you can finally breathe without hurting again.

“You know what? You got it.” Taehyung suddenly stands up, eyes glistening and face turning red with fury and emotion. It’s the first time you saw him so upset and nearly in tears, and your chest clenched at the thought that you’ve hurt him greatly. “Just do whatever you want, Y/N. I don’t care.”

And then he left you alone, with the lunchboxes of food he barely touched. One realization kicks in, and you could not hold back a wince along with tears raining on your parade. You don’t know it would hurt that much to protect your heart.

It’s really the end, is it?

*

It’s been two weeks since that one last rendezvous that ended with a great fight with Taehyung, and that you haven’t had a single contact with him ever since. Now that you have no other business, you would go to university only for classes, and directly head home after. The finals were starting a week ago, and albeit hard, you are glad it kinda took most of your time and concentration so you don’t have to dwell on the fact that you lost someone so precious—just because you couldn’t hold your exhaustive feeling back. But you couldn’t lie that every night before sleep, you would stare at your ceiling and held back the tears, the betrayed face of Taehyung would always haunt you. Then come along with the concern if he is sleeping well, if he doing well, if he eats well, and if he was just as distraught as you were.

Your parents also had been noticing that their daughter was too silent to be true, but when they tried asking you about it, you just shrugged and confirmed that it’s nothing they should worry about. They thankfully were out of your space after, and you were more than jubilant for their rare understanding. They did not also ask about Taehyung—which was kind of surprising, but you are most absolutely not complaining and did not ask any further.

What successfully made you go through all agonizing two weeks is your strong will for your study, and finals were held since last week. Being so out of character, you start studying right after that spat with Taehyung, just so you can busy yourself and try thinking about him less. Albeit not working as effectively as you thought—you drift away too much to be proud of—but it was a great distraction. Now that it is finished, you are in faze, confused and not knowing what else to do.

That’s how you end up sleeping right after your last final test on Friday morning, and then wake up exactly 7pm to the sound of your phone ringing, signaling a new incoming message. You cannot even deny that you foolishly wished it to be Taehyung messaging you right now, but the thought was quick to be discarded as it turns out to be an unknown number. You sigh in faint disappointment, before reluctantly opening the said message.

From : Unknown Number

Hi, Y/N! It’s Jimin :) hope you still remember me. We are having a frat party to celebrate finals, starting at 9pm. Do come, we’d be glad to see u here! 😚

You re-read the message again and again, until it finally dawns on you. It’s Jimin, Taehyung’s best friend that is now asking you to come to their frat party—which also means he would be there too. And how did Jimin get your number? Did he somehow get it from Taehyung? But you were positive Taehyung already redacted all of your information and traces you were ever in his life, all because what a jerk you have been to him. You are hesitating. Did Jimin know that you are no longer in contact with Taehyung?

The name of your fake boyfriend suddenly reminds you of his smile, his kind words, and the amazing thing he has done for you—and it literally rubs the salt on the fresh wound inside your heart. You miss him terribly, and the thought of seeing him again after two weeks hurts and excites you simultaneously. You know it is literally a bad recipe for disaster—you should just stay back and get some sleep—but how long will you avoid all kinds of socialization because of your heartbreak? It’s no longer about him. You miss your friend, you miss the euphoria of partying, and you miss your freedom when he was just a nobody. You miss having a warm body close to you, pleasuring you in no other way could.

And that’s how you decided to pack your maroon halter dress with a black pumps that accentuate your ass, and say goodbye to your parents and that you’ll stay the night with your friends to celebrate finishing finals.

You are determined. Today, you are going to party so hard you’ll forget Kim Taehyung ever existed.

*

After getting ready to go to Jimin’s frat party in Yuri, your same-major friend’s dorm, you take a look again at yourself in front of the mirror. You quickly shift again the dress to stop at your knees, but it quickly rises again due to the short length. Sighing, you slightly regret to go with this dress you even forgot buying before—it could be the present from your friends, it must be. You also cringe at the amount of cleavage showing from the peek of your dress. Regardless of not being too obvious, but it is still too revealing for your own standard.

“Hey, you look perfect, honey.” Seungyeon smiles in encouragement, noticing the insecurities painted on your face. “This is the day we’ll free our mind from literal hell called finals, and get drunk to our heart's content. Lighten up!”

“Let’s go, I think the party has started.” Yuri mentions, grabbing her purse. You hesitantly walk out, seeing Minho, Yuri’s boyfriend is already waiting in front with his car. You don’t really know why there must be a car when her dorm with Jimin’s dorm is just two hundred metres away, but after walking with these thorny heels, you agree with her choice.

Arriving in front of the loud ass dorm’s door, you heave a deep breath repeatedly, gradually getting nervous ever since you step out of Yuri’s dorm. It’s not really you—you are always confident with these kinds of parties and know it like the back of your hand. What is making you nervous? Even your subconcious know the answer too well—it’s because of a certain Kim Taehyung.

You already calculated every possible scenario of meeting Taehyung again, and the most plausible one is for him to ignore you for the whole night and you decided to trash yourself until you found someone to sleep with tonight, the end. You wince, noticing how you despise the thought. Not that you are against it, but you are not really the one to go after one night stands—you even promised to put yourself away from these fuckboys radar—but the pain inside your chest is overmuch and what you desperately need is a good fuck that you will not remember the pain you caused yourself of Taehyung.

When you enter the dorm, it is already blazing with beats, the sounds of cheers are heard nearly every corner. You try to lock your gaze straight ahead, holding back the desire to explore every corner to see Taehyung and what he is doing. One thing you force inside your mind is that he must be with his girls, and it is useless to even search for him—it’s going to hurt you and nothing else. Tonight, you need to focus on yourself.

“Let’s get some drinks!” Seungyeon shouts in delight with Yuri, while you walk behind them to follow to the kitchen where the alcohol is served. You expertly pour whiskey on your glass, quickly sipping on the liquid and closing your eyes. Albeit cheap alcohol, at least the sensation of it leaves on your tongue is still delightful. 

“Y/N! You’re here!”

You look back, finding Jimin with his usual wide smile walking to you. You rest your drinks, walking up to receive his surprising hug. “I’m glad to finally see you again here!”

“Yup-yup. Me too, Jimin.” You answer with an awkward smile. “Thank you for inviting me. The finals are rough, I’m glad I can finally drink the pain away.”

Jimin giggles, showing his cute moon creases eyes and you can’t help but to sincerely laugh with him. “I’m happy too! Hey, I gotta go. Talk to you later, okay?”

You hum in agreement, and when Jimin has disappeared in the crowd, Seungyeon is quick to hit you in the shoulder, her eyes opening in glint. “Hey! Since where are you close to Jimin?!”

At the question, you are caught off guard. What should you say? That you have a fake boyfriend for the sake of making your parents happy and it is Kim Taehyung? Even saying like that you even have a hard time believing it. “Yup. We just met through a mutual friend.”

Luckily your friend buys your lackluster explanation, especially when Yuri is heard to call both of you “Hey girls! Minho is asking us to join them! Let’s go.” 

Right when you are about to say yes, the corner of your eyes immediately catches someone so familiar, the one you have tried avoiding with all your heart, with a girl glued on his side, chuckling their heart away. It’s Taehyung. 

His right arm is around the girl’s slim waist, while her face is just a whisper away from his earlobe, whispering something that causes the glint of amusement in Taehyung’s face. The image quickly hammers you directly in the chest, and it feels like someone just stabs your heart. Here you are, two agonizing weeks trying and failing miserably just to get him off your head while he is out there living his best life, fucking girls like he never says how special you were to him. But who are you kidding? Are you seriously thinking he means everything? You must be dumber than you thought.

That’s how you quickly change your mind to your friend’s offer. “No, I think I need more drinks. Gonna join you guys later.”

Seungyeon nods in hesitance, realizing of your sudden change in demeanor but does not say a word. “Okay. Join us soon, Y/N.”

You hum, and after they left you alone in the kitchen, you rest both of your palm on the sink, lowering your head to let the tears fall without ruining your makeup. Fuck, now everything is a mess. You seriously thought you were mentally prepared to see Taehyung again back on his fuckboy activities, but how wrong you were. You are still hurt and  the irrefutable fact that you still like him makes your blood boils. You hate being weak for someone who doesn’t deserve your once of care.

“Hey. Are you okay?” 

You suddenly look up, noticing your vision has turned hazy due to the tears welling up in your eyes. You swiftly wipe them with a tissue, and notice that it is Hoseok standing in front of you. You put up a forced smile for reassurance. “I’m fine. Sorry, I know I am being weird at your party.”

“Hey, you’re not the first. I just want to check why a pretty girl such as you is doing alone in the kitchen.” He smiles widely, showing the pearly whites that are so contagious you have to smile as well. “Are you okay?”

You wince. Do you really have to lie for this one? Hoseok is a stranger, so there should be no issue in telling him what really is going on in your mind, right? And you are literally crying, it’s obvious you are not okay. “Not really. I kinda feel the worst right now.”

“What happened? Just broke up with your boyfriend?”

You bit your lips at his statement, because something inside of you just wants to share your feelings and thoughts to someone, albeit a stranger—that’s just how desperate you are. The fact that you have been caging it inside your chest for the whole two weeks really frustrates your whole being. “Not really a breakup, but you can call it like that.”

Hoseok smiles, patting your shoulder and squeezing it encouragingly. “You know what? I think you are a strong girl. I don’t know much about you, but I can tell just that. You’ll get through this. He is probably a jerk who doesn’t know what he’s missing. It’s his loss.”

“Well, it’s hard to say. Since he clearly states that he is not looking for anything but short fun.” You say involuntarily, still not knowing why you have to explain it in detail to someone you just know. “I just think that after a month hanging out, and how he did anything he shouldn’t do for just anyone else, I thought I was kinda special you know?” You wince at your desperate words. God, you must have sounded like a stuck up, delusional helpless bitch.

Hoseok nods in clear understanding. “Wow, that’s a lot to process. Do I know who this guy is? Does he go to this college too?”

You solemnly chuckle, sipping on your drinks. Ironic. “You know him so well. Too well, I think.”

Hoseok eyes glint in amusement. “Wow, I see. So, you wanna drink outside and talk? Might make you feel better.” He kindly offers, and you raise your left eyebrow. It was out of your expectation for him to be treating you with such care. “I know it’s weird and we just know each other. But somehow I just feel like I can’t leave you like this. You can reject it if you’re uncomfortable.”

“Really? You just want to listen to me talk about my annoying love problems, just like that?” You look at him weirdly, and he shrugs. 

“Kinda? I am not really busy, might as well listen to your ‘annoying love problems’. Besides, I’m only letting you know this—there is going to be a surprise in nearly midnight. I wanna lay low to prepare myself for that.” He giggles, pouring him another drink and offering to yours. You nod, directing your glass.

“Really? Not so you can take advantage of a heartbroken girl and get something-something instead?” 

He holds his hand to his chest, faking a shock. “I—I’m not like that!” and then he continues with a cunning grin. “But feel free to, if you want. Who am I, a mere mortal to refuse a kiss from such a pretty girl like you?”

You giggle at his exaggerating words, and follow him to the outside of the frat, walking to take a seat on the wall patio—you remember this, the exact place Jungkook confessed to your best friend. The heartfelt, one-of-a-kind moment that literally leaves you breathless just listening to it. You know you are sincerely happy for them, yet involuntarily you are slightly envious. Will you ever get someone who loves you like that? And now you are stuck liking a fuckboy. Damn.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” Hoseok smiles charmingly, right after both of you are safely seated. You look up to him in questions. “It’s nothing—I just think it would be a crime not to compliment someone this beautiful.”

You sneer at his flirtatious words, but are unable to hold back the smile. “Thank you, Hoseok. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“So, tell me about this jerk. No worry, you can censor the guy if you are uncomfortable.” Hoseok continues, still with his trademark wide smile. You chuckles, then proceed to tell him the story of you and Taehyung with lots of things censored—mostly the things you feel inappropriate to talk to him, especially Taehyung’s secret and stories. And just talking to him makes you realize Hoseok could be the greatest listener ever. He doesn’t rebut, just sit there while attentively listening to your stories while giving his short opinion once in a while. 

The night is relatively warm, but the thing that makes you anxious while talking is how uncomfortably short your dress is, especially while sitting on a freaking patio wall. Hoseok must have noticed your gesture, and voluntarily discards his jacket and settles it on your lap. You mutter your small thank you and smile, before he asking you to continue the story.

“So, somehow by your story, I get that you like this guy who I think likes you, but is allergic to relationships?” Hoseok asks and you quickly shake your head in shame.

“No! It’s not it—but I still don’t know if he likes me or not. I just… I just assume that way.”

“But he told you he is the most comfortable with you and wants to be selfish until you find someone else.” Hoseok snorts, disliking the fact that he has to say that to himself. “I don’t really know this guy, Y/N, but he sounds like a jerk that needs a fact check. How can someone be so in denial?”

You fidget your fingers. “But there is a chance he doesn’t like me—”

“If what you’re saying is true, I don’t think he’s playing. He might even like you, Y/N. He does.” Hoseok firmly states. “I know this guy is insensitive as hell, but maybe he needs that one fact directly on his face? I know that it may not make sense—but you haven’t really confessed, Y/N. You are beating around the bush, and this guy may be dense as hell and need that straight to his face.”

You groan, listening to something that definitely has passed your mind before, but now directly hearing it from someone else is making it real. “Why? Why would I voluntarily hurt myself when I know there is no chance in hell this guy even wants to be in a relationship?”

Hoseok rests his palm on your knees in a soothing manner. “I know it doesn’t make sense—but it’s not for him. It’s for you.” You stare at him back, waiting for him to continue.

“If you don’t confess, you’ll always wonder, Y/N. And based on what you just told me, this feeling you have is quite exhaustive and has a great effect on you which is not really good for your well being. At least, let him close the door on the possibility of being together, and then you’ll know you tried your best? Trust me, I learned it the hard way. You don’t have to repeat my mistake.” He calmly says.

Five minutes spent only with you staring at Hoseok intently that involuntarily makes him blush. “W-what is it? Is there something on my face?” 

“Yup. Handsomeness. You’re very attractive, do you know that, Hoseok?” You ask him seriously, and Hoseok is literally too shocked at your forwardness that he nearly falls off the patio wall. “And you are such a great listener. God—how can someone be so perfect?”

Hoseok quickly grabs on the glass of whiskey you have consumed all through the night, finding it now empty. He hisses. “Y/N, don’t say that. You are drunk, and it’s not you right now speaking.”

“It’s me! I’m not drunk. I don’t get drunk, Hoseok. Ever!” You chuckle delightfully, feeling your body and mind are light. Yes, you may be drunk, but it is not till the point you are losing a grip. You are still well aware of the whole situation, even if it's no longer the same sober, shy you. It’s a ten times braver you now in control, and you are happy this side of you are now in control. 

You suddenly hug Hoseok, resting your face on his shoulder with your front body is now pressed to his side. “Hey, can we kiss?”

“What?!”

You clack your tongue, frowning in disdain. “I hate that I always think about that bastard’s kiss. Can you kiss me now and help me forget about it?”

“Y/N, you are not you right now, stop—” 

Ignoring his warnings, you still proceed to teasingly bite Hoseok’s earlobe, your lips slowly kissing down to his nape trailing down to his collarbone. You don’t know what you are thinking—you must have lost your mind to be this brave. But it really feels good to have Hoseok next to you right now, caring about you with his mindful words and compliments. You miss that feeling of being needed, desperately wishing for every conflict inside your head to just stop.

“Y/N…” 

Your lips then rest on Hoseok’s collarbone and suck on it like there’s no tomorrow, his appreciative moan is now heard like music to your ears. It is easy to detect that he is blown away, already far inside pleasure to stop you. But when your fingers shift to open his button, Hoseok quickly stops your hand going further.

“Y/N, no. Let’s not go there. We can kiss, but no further than that.” Hoseok firmly says, more to himself. You are drunk and vulnerable, and he is not taking an advantage of that, no matter how much he is turned on right now. He is not a monster. 

You nod still with a frown of dislike for Hoseok’s limitation, resting your palm on his face and pushing yourself closer to him if it’s even possible, pressing his lips with your own. But just after your lips are touching his supple ones, a booming voice is heard from the inside of the dorm, and even your drunken mind can identify who it is calling your name with such anger. Fucking Kim Taehyung.

“What?!” You spit back in the same amount of anger, looking back to Taehyung who is now striding towards you and Hoseok. Looking at the scene, Taehyung is easy to detect your smeared red lipstick on Hoseok’s nape, down to his collarbone which he can detect reddening hickey, and Taehyung really feels his blood boil. He shoves Hoseok away from you, completely flabbergasting the unknowing man.

“What the fuck, Taehyung?!”

Taehyung doesn’t even mind the guy’s bewildered question, focusing on you instead. He can vividly smell the strong scent of alcohol radiating from you, and instinctively scrunch his nose. “Y/N, what are you doing, getting drunk and making out with Hoseok at this time of the night?”

“What the fuck do you care?!” You hiss, pushing him away in disgust. You are about to head for Hoseok and leave the angry man. “Stop following me, ‘platonic best friend’. I can do whoever and whatever I want, don’t stop me.”

Taehyung firmly holds you back by the waist while you try to shove him away. Hoseok really is about to help you, but he is quick to understand the fact that the man that has been bothering your mind is indeed his frat brother, Taehyung. That’s the reason he quickly left the scene with no further question asked.

“Y/N, stop doing this, please.” Taehyung begs, and you are literally too weak to fight against his strong effort of stopping you. “I know it’s nothing, you can do anything you want. But, not now. Not like this.”

At his words, you suddenly burst to tears. It’s really hard to see him again right now, exactly when you are doing your best effort to forget him. “I don’t want to see you. I hate you..”

Taehyung winces, but otherwise smiles. “That, we can agree. I hate myself too.”

You scrunch and shake your head, slightly drunkenly. Your finger jabs to his firm chest. “No, don’t hate yourself. I am the one who is supposed to hate you.”

Taehyung looks at you warmly, his eyes drinking your appearance like it’s never enough. Oh, how much he misses seeing you again. You are possibly the best thing that ever happened to him, and you can’t even imagine how struggling he is for the past two weeks. He felt angry, dejected, he tried everything to get you off his head, yet he couldn’t. Nothing feels right. No amount of drinks, or girls could par to the moment when he had you beside him, talking to you animatedly and seeing you be happy. He really tried his hardest to suppress the feeling, because you told it yourself. You want him to stop. You want him away.

“You are an idiot.” You sob, now move and circle your arm around his waist, closing your eyes. Taehyung can feel his heartbeat rapidly rise, your face just inches away from him. “I hate you. You are an idiot. How can you do this to me…”

Exactly ten minutes staying with you and his arm, Taehyung finally concludes after you are now weak, brain soaked in alcohol. “Let’s get you home.” Taehyung whispers, trying to get you to move, which fails miserably because you instantly fall on your knees and scrape your skin. You wince in pain which shoots to your twisted ankle, all because the godforsaken pumps that have been killing your feet ever since you wore it. 

Seeing you crying in pain, he immediately looks down to check on the injured ankle. Noticing that albeit not concerning, you are still unable to walk on your feet especially with those silly heels you are wearing. He instantly scoops you to get on his back. Noticing that your mini dress has ridden right to your upper leg, he effortfully squats to grab a shirt laid on your before, which high possibility belonged to Hoseok due to the distinctive brand. He hiss, then uses it to hide your exposed thigh. 

“Y/N, don’t get drunk again and wear anything like this again. Such hassle.” Taehyung sincerely begs, but you are far too drunk, the amount of alcohol in your blood has completely taken over your consciousness—you become sleepy. “Let’s go.”

Taehyung really doesn’t have any other mind or care other than taking you far away from his frat, so that’s how he decided to piggyback you to his car while carelessly passing inside his frat house which was filled with people animatedly enjoying the party. That’s also exactly how people literally stop whatever they are doing, instead paying all of their attention to the peculiar person piggybacking someone else crossing the room. 

With not much thought, Taehyung carefully rests you on the passenger side of his car, securely putting on the seatbelt while you mumble incoherent things, eyes still fluttering closed. Looking at your serene sleeping face, he is unable to bite back a smile—probably the first sincere smile he had since two weeks ago. He carefully tucks you in, caressing the side of your face carefully not to wake you up, before closing the door. 

He is about to walk to the driver side, right when someone hastily walks out of the frat house and yells at him. Jung Hoseok.

“Hey, where are you taking her?!” Hoseok shouts, and Taehyung annoyedly rolls his eyes and decides to ignore the older man. He takes a seat and about to drive off, but when his eyes detect something unwelcome is still placed inside his car, he quickly grabs the item and throws it to Hoseok.

“Thanks, but it is unnecessary.” Taehyung smirks, flipping the man off before getting ready to drive off. Hoseok huffs in disbelief, walking to grab the pavement, where Taehyung carelessly throws his high branded jacket. 

“Fuck you, Taehyung you ungrateful bastard! This is Balenciaga!”

*

Deciding that it would be greatly improper for him to take you back to your parent’s place drunk, injured and wearing an unconservative dress, Taehyung decides to bring you to his new apartment downtown, near Han River. It was quite a shameful road as well, to be bringing a drunk, injured girl back to his apartment—he has to endure the judgemental looks thrown at him, but he really doesn’t give a shit about those judgemental minds.

He carefully lay you back on his bed. There’s no other furniture here beside his bed, widescreen plasma TV with xbox, a small couch and his closet, since the movers are going to move the rest of the furniture tomorrow. That’s how he has to lay you back on his comfortable, plain white bed with his favorite grey fur blanket—which he admittedly bought after that time of your first encounter of staying the night in your apartment and using your comfortable blanket.

After seeing you are well rested on the bed, Taehyung grabs a medicine box that is placed on the corner of his room, courtesy of his building’s super. He grabs few of the requirements; bandages, cold ice for compress, and few of the ointment Jungkook mentioned before when he was injured during sports. Still in his tight ass jeans, he forces himself to try in tending your injury, all so careful like he is taking care of a newborn baby. Once in a while you would frown, groan when the pain shoots up, but finally the job is done, your ankle is now bandaged and waiting to heal while you are still mumbling, your face buried on the pillow. 

Taehyung looks at you in silence, before a smile reaches his lips. “You baby.” He affectionately scolds, flicking his fingers to your forehead. You whimper, pouting while massaging your forehead. 

“Stop interrupting me. Aaah why is this so tight—” You complain in frustration, suddenly raise up and zipping off your tight dress. 

At your sudden, unpredictable motions, Taehyung is quick to jump outside of the bed, running to his closet to grab a shirt and pants for you to wear, throwing it to you, still not opening his eyes. “Wear this.” He says nervously with his cheeks blazing red.

A few adequate seconds, Taehyung spins, expecting you to be safely secured wearing his plain t-shirt, but instead you are still in your black lacy bra and underwear, now zooming off to dreamland. He hisses still bashful, walking up to you and motioning you to sit up. 

“I’m sleepy, don’t bother me..” You refuse with a pout, but the more seconds pass, the more red Taehyung is. He is trying to focus on the task on hand, scoops you right by a hand on your back, helping you to wear his shirt. You instantly laid back in his bad, probably already zooming off to dreamland.

A few minutes pass, Taehyung spends only by admiring your existence now in front of him, wearing his shirt. He never liked it before—women wear his shirt, especially his favorite celine one you are wearing right now in your sleep—but he seriously thinks you look better with it than he does. How can you be so effortlessly pretty is beyond him. But who is he kidding? You are different, he should’ve known. You literally are the only girl who successfully made him break his platinum rules only in a span of 24 hours—you are just that special.

Realizing that it is improper for him to sleep beside you—supported by the fact that you are drunk and was literally furiously angry with him before, Taehyung decides to use the small couch as his place to sleep tonight; no matter how tired he is throughout the day, especially carrying you nearly all the way to finally rest peacefully. He is about to exit the room, when your fingers clasped on his wrist to hold him back.

“Where are you going?” You whispers, your eyes are gleaming solemnly. It successfully made something stir inside him—regret, hate and pain. “Are you leaving me?”

“No, of course not. I’ll be outside, Y/N. Get some rest.” He responds softly, caressing the side of your face. He cannot understand what he is feeling by seeing how broken you look right now. Why are you this sad? Do you hate him? Are you ashamed of him? He really wants to know yet simultaneously despise finding out if it will only hurt him. 

“Can’t you stay?” You whisper, the tears are already lounging in the corner of your eyes. “I know you don’t like me, Taehyung. You may hate me too—but can you please stay? This once?”

“What are you—why would I hate you, Y/N…” He calmly explains, even if in his head he is in war. How could you think he hated you? He is the furthest from hate for you, that’s for sure. He likes you so much, even after the hurt you caused him when you closed him off and refused him that day. He will always adore you.

“Stay.” You plead. “Stay here.”

And looking at your eyes now desperately pointed at him, how can he refuse? Carefully climbing up his bed, he takes the farthest side of the bed, careful not to make physical contact with you. All because he couldn’t believe himself around you, and how crazy you make him.

Taehyung is trying hard to close his eyes—with his heartbeat still echoes on his ear—but still failing so. He turns to steal a glance at you, and finds that you are not sleeping anymore, instead staring at him. He immediately squirms at the intensity of your gaze.

“You know, you should get some sleep, sweetheart. Your head must be killing you in the morning.” He advises, now braving himself to look back at you. “I hope some food and aspirin can cure it. I’ll buy it first thing in the morning.”

“Do you care about me?”  

At that sudden question, Taehyung is taken aback, but instinctively nods without further thinking. “Of course. I care about you so much. I care about you the most in this whole world.”

“Are you lying?” You innocently ask and Taehyung chuckles in amusement, shaking his head.

“What do you think of Hoseok? Does he care about me?”

Taehyung instinctively hisses, rolling his eyes at the mention of the annoying man’s name out of your lips. “Why would he care about you? He only wants to sleep with you and never call back the next day. You deserve more than that.”

You pout and shake your head. “But when I kissed him he said he doesn't want to sleep with me while I’m drunk. He must be nice, right?”

At that thought, Taehyung feels his throat dry. Yes, Hoseok could be one of the brothers he respected the most. He is kind, hard-working and respectful with everyone. But at the thought of the previous kiss you shared with him, Taehyung is unable to hold back the shock and betrayal—like a ton of bricks falling at his chest. He hates the thought so much he would do anything to erase the image in his head. But how can it explain it to you without sounding like a weirdo? He doesn’t even understand his feelings.

“He is nice..” Wow, he doesn’t even know it would be that hard. “But I think you can do better.”

You sigh, closing your eyes tiredly and Taehyung never felt more like an idiot before. “I don’t think I can do better. I don’t have many options, unlike you. I know it must be easy for you to be wanted by so many girls. I bet you are over the moon.”

Taehyung frowns at your easily detected sarcastic statement. “Not really. I don’t know why everyone thinks like that.”

You look at him with indecipherable expression. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think they make me happy.” Taehyung hesitantly asks, uncertain whether he is able to say what he really wants to say without sounding like an idiot. “They left me in hollowness, I think. I always feel… like the worst person ever after. At one point I even ask what the fuck am I doing with my life..”

At his sincere confession, you reach out to rest your palm on the side of his face. Taehyung instinctively leans to your touch and closes his eyes, savoring the warmth engulfing his being, right from head to toe. He doesn’t know what magic you did to him now that you are able to comfort him without even doing a thing. “You are confused, but nevertheless are doing the best you can. You just need to make better choices from now on. It’s okay..”

You know it doesn’t probably say much, but your sentences literally make him struggle to handle the tears. To hear it from someone that matters the most could be the most rewarding thing he ever received in life. “You are seriously heaven sent. I don’t know what I would do without you.” He whispers calmly, turning his face to peck your palm.

You sigh, lips pouting at him. “Stop confusing me, you bastard.” 

“What—”

“Stop making me feel special if you don’t mean it to be. I have feelings too.” You mutters, now eyes are reddening in tears. “You don’t understand what you have done to me. You confuse me, Taehyung.”

The response is already at his tongue, but he doesn’t know what’s holding him back. Probably the fact that he can’t even say anything coherent to you right now. Or the fact that you have turned your back on him.

That night, Taehyung is left with his own, agonizing thoughts. 

What do you mean by that?

*

The morning has finally arrived, you wake up groaning, feeling the sudden pang on your head due to too much drinking. Your tolerance is usually pretty low, so it’s even a surprise you manage to confidently consume the amount you drank yesterday. You must be that stressed about finals—or Taehyung.

You glance to the front of you, noticing the empty white walls that are greatly unfamiliar with. You shoot your head down, noticing a familiar blanket on your grasp but—what the fuck are you wearing right now? Taehyung’s favorite white overpriced Celine shirt, with no pants worn. You are trying to move, and the pain in your ankle suddenly shoots up and you wince. What the fuck happened last night?

And… whose arm is now safely secured on your waist?

You try looking back slowly, finding the face of the man that literally catch your breath. It’s Taehyung. It’s literally Taehyung, deep in his sleep with his head buried on the pillow, his arms safely tightened around your waist and his chest is glued on your back. Fuck, what did you do last night?! 

Suddenly, the memory comes back like a train wreck. You picked up a maroon tight dress. You walk inside Taehyung’s frat. You cry because you see Taehyung with a girl. Hoseok came and console you. You… you made out with him. Taehyung finds you and gets you home, but then you sprain your ankle due to your pumps. Yet after that, all memories are in pieces you had a hard time putting it together. You wince, cursing your idiocy.

Probably aware of how fidgety you have been inside his arms, Taehyung stirs in his lips, his eyes reluctantly opened to find you are still there. He mumbles, closing his eyes as he buries his face inside your hair. “Good morning.”

You sigh, feeling severely confused at his sudden affectionate gesture. Just last night you were agonizing over whether you wanted to break the two weeks record of not contacting each other, but one day you wake up and are sleeping together—hopefully not in that way. What happened?

“Good morning, Taehyung.” You answer while trying to pronounce it calmly, trying your best not to kick his arm away from you. You really do not want to overthink it. “I need to use your toilet.”

Taehyung nods, but is yet to release the strong grip around you. You clear your throat, cheek turning red. “Your arm, please.”

“Ah, yes. Sorry.” He mutters, instantly distancing his arm. You jump and stride to the toilet with the pants laid on your side as fast as you can with the sprained ankle. Look at your messed up make ups—smudge mascara and eyeliner, uneven foundation, your smeared lipstick! You didn't even wash it yesterday, looking literally like a mess. How can Taehyung be able to see you and not puke?

Two minutes of washing your face and mouthwash due to the reeking smell of alcohol, followed by five minutes of  pep talk in front of the mirror, you walk out to the smell of cooked omelette. The scent immediately gurgles your starving stomach, and you realize you haven’t been eating even before you drank last night. Not a surprise, though, since it is not the first time you being literally a living, forgetful idiot. 

“You cook.” You mutter the oh-so-obvious fact, and Taehyung beams at you, gesturing for you to take a seat.

“I just thought since you or your family has been very kind and offered me free food, I should try to at least repay it. I know it may not be that delicious, but I made soup and omelette. Hope you are hungry.” He smiles and you nod hesitantly, but following his orders regardless of the confusion.

“Taehyung… What happened last night?” You ask slowly when Taehyung is still stirring the pot. “Did… did I do something stupid?”

Taehyung shakes his head. “Well, besides getting drunk, making out with one of frat boys and injuring your ankle? Not much.”

You hiss, knowing that now it literally made sense how dangerous you are while intoxicated. It’s better to avoid those parties—better buy some alcohol and drink alone inside your room. “I know that, but other than that. Did we.. Did we do something? Or did I say something idiot? If I did, you know I probably did not mean it—it’s just a drunken thought.”

“Not really.” He smiles in assurance. “And we did not do anything, of course. You immediately sleep when you get here. Sorry I brought you here without your consent—I was about to take you back to your parents house, but I guess they would be shocked to see you… like this.”

You shudder at the thoughts of your parents catching you drunk and wearing provocative dresses. They’d immediately ground you like you’re still in elementary school. “Thank you—that’s a great choice. I am sorry again, if I was such a hassle yesterday.”

Taehyung hums, and you don’t exactly know what to say next, so you just focus on the grey wall right in front of you. You despise how awkward it has been to be just the two of you with him—as it never really happened before. “So.. is this your apartment?”

Taehyung nods, while pouring the soup to bowls. “Yes. You know I sold my previous apartment, and in return I bought this one.”

You nod, as you remember hearing it before. “It’s nice.”

Taehyung rests the bowl of soup and a plate of omelette and rice on the floor. “Sorry, I haven’t moved my table to this apartment yet. I never eat in my apartment, actually so I did not think it would be necessary to prioritize my dining table to be moved.”

You smile and walk off your seat to sit in front of him on the floor. “It’s okay, this is more than enough. I’m just happy I can finally eat. I was starving, you know.”

Taehyung giggles at your statement. “Yes, you were drunk to your ass. But it’s okay.” He hums. “I like taking care of you.”

You smile with hesitance at his familiar, affectionate words, but decide to disregard the emotion running through your head. You literally owe him so much you will do everything not to ruin or make everything awkward with him again. And to be here with him, you are happy even though you’re hurting. But it’s better this way rather than throw yourself back inside your room, crying miserably and never coming out, like the past two weeks.

“I also want to apologize, Y/N. That day I was so caught up in my own feelings and.. And I disregard your own. I know what I did and say to you is overwhelming, and you have all right to put a limit on it.” Taehyung whispers in deep regret. You gaze at him who is now avoiding your prodding eyes. “I’ll do anything to make you comfortable with me. But please, please don’t push me away.”

In his apology, you find every resolve or defense you have for him is crumbling down. He is still insensitive to your feelings, but you accept it otherwise. Just because you want him back. You’ll try your best, even if it practically kills you to be around him. “I’m fine, Taehyung. Yes, I apologize too. I was not in my best mood as well, and of course I want things to be back as before with you.”

Taehyung grins widely from ear to ear, completely over the moon of your statement. The weight on his shoulder is lifted, and he can finally breathe without torture. “Thank you.”

You nod with the same smile, scooping a spoon for soup and rice inside your mouth. You instinctively hum at the distinct, wonderful taste on your taste buds. “Wow, this is amazing! I didn’t know you could cook!”

Taehyung chuckles, scratching his nape shyly. “Yeah. It’s my grandmother's recipe, I found it in her books after she passed away. Have been using it and I just.. I am glad you like it.”

The warm smile is still formed on your lips, and Taehyung unknowingly pushed his strands out of his forehead. You feel your heart pound faster, the butterfly inside your stomach knocking on your senses. How can someone be gorgeous?With a smile on his face, the red tingling on his cheek, and the way he only looks at you right now. Is it fair for mortals like you to see him like this?

“What.. Is there something in my face?” He asks shyly for noticing your blatant stare, and you blushes hard, realizing that you indeed have been spending some time just admiring his face. God, you are losing your mind.

“I just.. I am glad to see you again.” You whisper truthfully, the urge to speak whatever is in your mind is too heavy to deny. You need to let him know at least that. No matter how your sanity is forbidding you to. Who are you to deny what you feel? You don’t want to hurt him and yourself again by putting up the wall in between. 

“I miss you, Taehyung.”

Taehyung can hold back his toothy smile at your reddening cheeks, his heart soaring at the remarks that have been going through his mind the first time he saw you yesterday. Is it real? Is it a dream? Is it really you, in front of him, saying the things he long to hear the most?

“Me too.” He whispers, holding back the urge to hug you again, to throw his feelings on the table, afraid that it would scare you again. “You can’t possibly understand how much I missed talking to you, hearing your voice again. Let’s don’t do it again, shall we? Let’s not fight.”

You hum in all agreement, then proceed to continue eating. “I don’t even know why you insist on me packing you food. These are delicious. You are a great cook, Tae.” You sincerely compliment. 

Taehyung, still among his deep thoughts gazes at you happily munching on the food he made, and he is conflicted beyond words. Something passed through his mind—the word he has been thinking all night. It’s what you deserve. It’s what he wanted to do. So why is it so hard for him to say the word?

Stop making me feel special if you don’t mean it to be. I have feelings too.

“Let’s go on a date.”

Listening to the word you would never thought to come out of his mouth, you shake your head in disbelief, then sigh. If he is joking, it’s not even remotely funny. “Taehyung, what are you saying…”

Taehyung stares at you in all sincerity, his heart beating so fast he could even hear it echoing in his ear. He is nervous beyond words, palm sweating profusely like he is about to do something dangerous to his life. But it is. He is serious.

“I know you always want to go on a great first date. Let’s do it. With me.”

You look at him in evident doubt, sensing a bit of annoying hope rising in your chest. Is he really serious right now? Kim Taehyung, the fuckboy who is literally allergic to relationships, is asking you out on a date?

“Taehyung, don’t joke with me—” You shifted on your seat, and Taehyung swiftly holds your hand, looking at you in determination.

“I’m not. Let me prove it to you. Go on a date with me.”

That’s how it happened. You are now sitting in front of the mirror in your room that afternoon, getting for your first date with Taehyung. After eating breakfast at his place, he takes you back to your home, promising that he would pick you up in another two hours. You actually think about going straight on a date to just get it over with—your pessimistic mind was literally thinking the date would end in a complete disaster, it’s better to do it fast and quick—but Taehyung refused, wanting everything to be perfect.

“I can just wear your shirt or my red dress if I have to. It’s okay, we can just go now.” You complained when you were still in his apartment, motioning to your very impropriety now—wearing Taehyung’s shirt and pants with smudged makeup. Taehyung clicked his tongue in distaste of your stubbornness.

“No! I know sweetheart, you still look great in that shirt of mine. But I need some time to prepare everything. I want this first date to be perfect.” He reasoned, and you could feel the nerves bubbling in your chest. No. By every effort you and him put in this so-called first date, the more your dim hope will be lit on fire and you knew it could only result in huge disappointment. Even though you were not going to avoid Taehyung anymore, going on this great first date he mentioned is a recipe of disaster and heartbreak. How are you going to keep everything still in its place when it's clear as a day you’ll like him even more—if it’s even possible?

So you decide to go simple. You are wearing a lilac drawstring top, a matching sky blue boyfriend jeans and a pair of t-strap flats that goes with the whole dress theme. You even put on a light makeup, and the whole time you are preparing cannot slow down the rush in your vein, your head turns dizzy at the amount or nerves in your senses. You are never this nervous for a mere date—or even remotely anything.

While you are busy pep talking yourself for the nth time already, your phone rings, signaling Taehyung’s call on your phone. You swipe green to answer. “Hello?”

“Hi, Y/N. I am already outside, and I can see your father tending your garden and he is calling me right now. Come down, yeah? Don’t wanna be late on our first date.” He affectionately whispers, and you can literally imagine the toothy, boxy smile on his lips. You hum as an acknowledgement, closing the call to grab your mini purse and walk down to your parents.

Descending down the stairs, you can see Taehyung in your yard, laughing with your father. Your heart immediately turns warm, your palm turns clammy at the heartwarming sight. You quickly clear your throat, walking to their side. 

“Hi.” You greet him with a shy smile, and when finding you just a few feets away from him, his eyes immediately lightens, a wide smile follows. He instinctively raises his hand for you to grab, and you are hesitant to grab it, but noticing that your father is present as well, you welcome it.

“Hi, Y/N. You look wonderful today.” He compliments, taking your hand closer to his side. Your dad is now smiling at the gesture—and you are unable to conceal the heat blossoming in your cheek. “Are you ready to go?”

“Come home safely, okay? Let me know if you’re back late.” Your father advises with an approving smile, and something literally stirs inside of you at how supportive he is right now with the fact that you are about to go on a date with Taehyung. Your fake boyfriend nods with determination, does a ninety-degree bow to your father and directs you to his car. 

“Where are we going right now?” You ask in evident excitement after seated in his car that successfully sends jitters all over Taehyung’s body. He bit his lower lips and sent you a wink, a smirk formed on his lips. The shyness immediately emerges to your head that you need to hastily turn your face away, feeling the familiar warmth embracing your face.

“Why would I spoil the date to you, hmm? Seems you gotta be patient with this one, sweetheart.”

You shrug your shoulders, heart leaping fast inside your chest while trying to focus on anything but Taehyung and the fact that you are about to have a date with him. But when his fingers suddenly embrace your petite ones and link each finger perfectly with his own, pull and rest it against his thigh,you nearly lose your breath. Is he seriously doing this to you right now?

“Shall we go?” He smiles with a faint hue of red on his cheek, and you respond with a weak nod, trying not to make a fool of yourself even further.

During the road, you can not be more thankful to the fact that Taehyung put on a great effort to make everything comfortable to you. He is literally acting the same, talking animatedly about his frat brothers and the past weeks with Bee Gees song in the background, and the only difference is not even one he lets go of your hand clasped on his. At that time, you hear the loud warning in your head that is pointing about how everything is going to end in a total disaster if you keep opening up to him—But you despise listening to that annoying voice anymore. 

Taehyung is clearly trying his best now, and the fact that he even wanted to have a date with you and prepare everything beforehand is a great progress. Even though you don’t exactly know why or how he is doing all this romantic gesture, you desperately want to try this with him. And even if it fails, you know you won’t regret a thing. Because at least you tried, right?

After twenty minutes on the road, Taehyung finally parks the car and looks up to you in a smile. “Here we are.”

“Where are we?” You query while clasping off your seat belt in amusement at his gesture.

“So I was thinking exactly what we should do for this date. But then I remembered you actually listed all your dream favorite dates, and I just copied it from there. Sorry, I am not really original.” He chuckles shyly while getting off the car, walking to hold your hand again so you won’t fall in your slightly injured ankle. 

“It’s okay.” You giggle and welcome his grasp. “I don’t even remember what I said, actually.”

“Good! Because we are now taking a cooking class.” He informs enthusiastically, and your eyes widen in surprise. “Couple cooking classes, to be exact. Sorry I didn’t register us separately, since I know you injured your ankle so I will be the one at your service!” He chuckles while giving you a salute and you giggle. 

“Are you going to use my ankle as an excuse, now?” You ask in amusement. He mischievously chuckles and pouts.

“Yup, it’s because I want to cook with you. You happy?” But against his expectation of snarky comments, you nod with a shy smile. And it takes massive amount of self-control to stop himself from kissing your supple cheek. He took a deep breath—hopefully nothing can go south with his usual lack of control.

When you are already seated in the class while Taehyung is standing up beside you—due to your slightly aching ankle, he whispers. “I didn’t really tell you this, but we will be making Mexican Food. You will like it.”

You gaze to him strangely—as you really don’t recall telling him you like Mexican Food. “You know I like Mexican Food?”

“Of course. You said that when we first met, that double date with Jungkook.” He explains like it's the most normal thing and it feels like a knock in the stomach to know that he remembered something from that lackluster date a few months ago. How can he remember that small detail? Did he seriously address that as a double date now? You were literally nothing to him but a nuisance, and he used to puke about the idea of it being a double date. 

“You don’t remember?” He asks, raising the left eyebrow.

Your throat dry, but let out a weak reply. “Kind of. Just surprised you would remember that.”

Taehyung rests his chin on top of your head, caressing it softly without sensing your clear rigid changes. “Of course I remember. How can I forget?”

When he says those words you never thought you would hear ever, you never feel more conflicted before. This is dangerous. This is getting to real. You don’t know what would happen if this goes on.

So when the cook who will be teaching you to Mexican Food arrives, you are more than pleased. At least you will have a distraction other than thinking what the fuck Taehyung meant with all he says and does. “Good afternoon, everyone! Today we are going to create Prawn & Chorizo Quesadilla for Appetizer, Chicken & Bean Enchiladas for Main Course and Flan Cake that would be a perfect palate cleanser for dessert. Let’s start!”

That’s how you’ll spend the next two and a half hours cooking with Taehyung, and you do notice how bossy and competitive he can be—does not want to lose to the couple in front of you which is foolish. They literally are not doing anything right, only focus on hugging and kissing. It is a delightful surprise though, as you totally can relate to that nonsense competitiveness he has, so you follow his orders to divide tasks and jobs. So while you are during kneading the pasta for the quesadilla in deep focus, you are startled when Taehyung smears the flour to your face.

“You know, the instructor came to me and said we were too focused on cooking instead of working together as a couple.” He murmurs with an obvious amusement, and you are unable to hold a giggle as well. It’s true though, you haven’t really been communicating for the last thirty minutes other than asking what you should do next or if you are doing this or that right. You and Taehyung also are basically a distance away from each other, a total contrast to the other couples that can’t seem to get their hands off each other.

“I don’t know why they are thinking we should be hugging or kissing in public areas like this. We spend money here to cook, not to make out—we can do that at home.” You defend yourself, still focused on the dough in front of you. Nonchalant to the fact that Taehyung is now staring at you with mirth for your blatant words.

“You are very, very cute. Do you know that?” He purrs all of a sudden, and you look up to him in confusion. You’re cute? That’s very peculiar. “But they do have a point—let’s at least give them what they want. Hmm?”

So at that time, Taehyung swiftly moves to kiss the flour right on your cheek, and you are too shocked to even respond or even move. After a whole ten second, you are able to send Taehyung a glare who is now giggling at your befuddled expression while continuing mixing the sauce for your appetizer and pretending nonchalance. You sigh, moving to proceed to knead the dough again, your brain is literally on fire due to the sudden attack. It is so difficult to think straight now. All because of this jerk, yet you know you are not complaining.

Another fifteen minutes before he speaks up. “Hey. I finished the sauce for quesadilla. Would you like to try?” He asks while offering you a spoon of sauce. You comply by opening up your mouth, letting the sauce enter your mouth and fill it with the unbelievably amazing taste.

“This is amazing!” You squeal in compliments, cannot believe that he created something so delicious and matches with your preference of spicy food. “But this is a bit spicy, are you okay? You don’t like spicy food.”

“You know it! What a nice surprise.” He beams, eyes crinkling cutely. Of course you remember, you have been eating with him and packing him lunch since months ago. You’d be crazy not to remember the first few days, you put an extra chili in his lunch box and he complained to you he got a digestion problem. “Yup, it’s a tad bit too spicy for me, but I’m okay. I want you to like it.”

“Nooo, I am okay with less spicy too! I don’t want you getting a stomach ache in the middle of our date.” You joke and smile comfortingly, but Taehyung still hesitates while looking at the bowl of sauce. “Seriously, Tae. I’m fine. If you’re happy, I am happy too.”

He is now red beet shy, pushing strands of the hair on his forehead which you can now easily identify as him being nervous. “Hey.. That’s supposed to be my line..”

“Sorry, bro. I am claiming it right now.” 

You are mixing the flan cake batter in full concentration, where suddenly a sound of click is heard. You quickly see him giggling whilst looking at his screen, and you snort almost immediately. He must have taken a shot of you while you are in deep focus. “Hey, that’s not nice—let me see that!”

He quickly put his hand up straight, so your petite frame is unable to reach. You pout, trying to use his shoulder as a helper but it is waste in vain. “I would let you see. Only if you give me a kiss.”

You sneer, immediately go back to your seat. “No thanks. I’d rather shot myself.”

“Come on, Y/N! Just a kiss for your date, hmm?” You scrunch your nose in disgust, glaring at him while he innocently throws his gaze around the room. “Please? Pleaseeeee?”

You sigh in surrender, gesturing for him to come closer. He happily strides closer, and you shyly clear your throat, securing your fingers around his jaw. “You’re a jerk.” You hiss bitterly and he chuckles.

But as you inch closer to his left cheek, he quickly turns his face and pecks you in the lips. Completely taken aback to the fact that you just kissed, you instinctively punch him with all your might, right on the chest and send him to a coughing fit. “What the—why did you hit me?!”

“Because you kissed me without my consent!” Even though the surprise is quite nice, you are not really into public display of affection. It’s just not for you. But you know Taehyung had zero rights to be treated like that when he really means well. “I’m sorry, it was just a reflex. I didn’t mean to, sorry.”

Realizing that you literally feel the overwhelming guilt for your reaction to the kiss, Taehyung nods and pat your head in agreement. “It’s okay. It’s my fault too, I should’ve known you better than that. But at least be gentler next time you punch me, hmm? Cause I seriously can see it coming. Soon, even.”

At his clear joke you can finally smile and continue cooking. But then the sound of silent laughter from the couple in the row behind you, a large possibility at the scene that enfolds with the both of you is heard and Taehyung literally is too ashamed to even look up. He literally made a fool of himself to be refused by his own partner among the couple in cooking class. He is indeed a moron.

Noticing just what happened, you feel guilty beyond words and send the couple a glare that makes them literally silent. You huff loudly, and pull Taehyung closer to your side. “Hey.. hey. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He mums, still with a childish pout in his lips. Seeing him right now, you are unable to divert your attention from his supple cheeks which are still too red to be true, and it was too inviting to let you kiss it. So that’s why you let yourself to just do it—you land a kiss on his cheek. Taehyung smiles at your obvious encouragement. 

“Hey, let’s save the kiss for later, hmm?” You whispers, carefully helping him fix the messy strands on his forehead. He reluctantly nods, gazing down at you. He seriously couldn’t care less about the turds laughing at them—he can only focus on the warmth in your eyes, he is just unable to look away. How can you be so lovely?

Another hour and the three dishes are finally completed. You cannot even believe you are able to complete all the dishes, and the visual is outstanding—you sincerely cross your fingers they would taste as good as they look. “I can’t believe we did this! This is amazing Tae.” You squeal, trying to take a shot of the food you cooked with Taehyung as much as possible aesthetic as possible. He beams, focused on you and you only.

“Do you want to take a picture together? We can ask the instructor to take it for us.” He asks and you instantly nod in agreement. “Let’s use my phone.” Taehyung offers the phone from his pocket and you receive it, accidentally turning it on so you can see the background photo he uses as wallpaper. Your breath immediately hasten, your eyebrows raised near your hairline. Can.. can it be? Is your eyes deceiving your right now?

It’s you. It’s literally you. Taehyung’s background is the photo he took of you the night both of you went to McDonalds, you were shoving four McDonalds nuggets into your mouth as a bet with Taehyung of ten bucks, and he took that for you. He said he deleted it—but it was clearly a lie since he is now using it as a wallpaper. 

“Are you okay? Let’s pose, sweetheart, he is waiting.” Taehyung peers at you, noticing the sudden change in your demeanor. Noticing how weird you have been, you clear your throat and try to pose a smile with the food you created. One photo taken, the instructor asks for a change in pose—a more romantic one, as it seems like he is so keen in seeing you act as a couple—then you feel Taehyung’s palm resting on the side of your shoulder, leaning his cheek on the top of your head. At that time, everything feels too overwhelming. What is this? Is this a sign? Does he… Does he finally reciprocate the feelings you have for him? Is he finally ready for something more with you?

As Taehyung receives the phone back and mutters his thanks, he swipes the phone to see the photo taken. You stare at him, all smiley and giggly while swiping the photos. He even shows you one photo—the one he leans to you and says with evident glee, “You look really beautiful here. I like this photo.”

You clearly do not respond in his query, too deep in your own thoughts that Taehyung had to ask. “Are you okay, beautiful? Don’t you like the photos?”

Your throats are dry, but you manage to respond with a nervous smile and fake your enthusiasm. “I’m fine, just—just hungry. Let’s try the food.”

*

After finishing the cooking class, Taehyung is still secretive about the next location you are going to have your date, but you kind of get the idea by the time you are one and a half hour long ride inside his car. Taehyung is taking you further from downtown, and you are quite confident he is taking you to a beach, and it is an hour away from sunset. You try asking about it before, but only given a wink as an answer, which is albeit nice is not helping you out of the dark at all.

“I know we are going to Eurwangni Beach! Since there is no way you’re taking me to an airport which is also near, unless you want to sell my organs. Or are you—”

Taehyung chuckles at your joke and raises his eyebrows, teasing you. “Yup, I’m going to sell your unhealthy, contaminated organs, sweetheart. So treasure this moment with me, it might be the last moment of your life.”

“Unhealthy organs?! The audacity. I bet my organs are more healthy and more expensive than yours.” You scoff, folding your arms on your chest. Taehyung beams and ruffles your hair.

“Be patient, okay? We’re only twenty minutes away.”

Another twenty minutes and you can detect the orange tinge in the sky—the sunset is nearing. Taehyung is vividly looking rushed at the sky as well. “Hey, the sunset is soon! Hop on my back, we are going fast.”

You realize the reason he wants you to hop on is because of your aching ankle. You are positive you can walk, but choose not to argue since he completely looks worried—probably for the possibility of being unable to make it on time. You hop on his back, and he literally runs the second his arms are around your legs. At that, it is difficult to shake off the laughter.

It was fortunate that the place is not too far or you’ll feel guilty. It turns out there is a vacant tent set up on the side of the beach with a carpet set up, two drinks, a bowl of fruit and… two canvas? 

Taehyung rests you on the carpet carefully, and he quickly takes a seat beside you . “Taehyung, what is this?” You ask in confusion, noticing he is taking one black duffle bag set on the side. Taehyung chuckles.

“Ah, yes. So you actually listed a beach date on your dream first date, so I am taking you to one. But then I figure since your ankle is injured and to just eat or just talk would be boring, I’m adding a little twist.” Taehyung cunningly smiles, then proceeds to take painting utensils—a brush, paints and other peculiar painting items your uneducated mind is unfamiliar with. “Let’s paint!”

You chuckles in mirth, Taehyung is setting the utensils between the both of you. “I think the sun is setting, we gotta be fast or we should just paint the night sky. Which one do you prefer?” He asks mindlessly, shuffling through the brushes of sizes as you gaze up to him. Something inside of you flutters at how thoughtful he is to the whole date—the fact that he prepared this much for you somehow makes it really hard to remember that he is unfit for someone you can actually trust your heart with.

“I’m okay with everything.” You mumble to him, resting your palm above his own. “But can I ask one thing?” Taehyung easily hums in agreement.

“I want to paint with you. In one canvas.” You shyly look up to him, finding it a bit challenging to speak your mind. “I know I’m not that good, but I really want to paint with you, and talk to you… I am afraid we are going to be too busy with our own paintings, like the cooking class—and I just want to talk with you, actually.”

Taehyung’s eyes are wide as saucers. Are you seriously saying that to him right now? That what you want is to talk to him, and be with him? He seriously considers his hearing is betraying him right now. “I.. of course. That’s a great idea—let’s-let’s do it. So should we paint one for sunset, one for night sky?”

You nod, and Taehyung offers you one brush with a smile. “Let’s do this!”

That’s how you spend the next hour, accompanied by the sound of waves crashing the land, the sun setting beautifully while you and Taehyung are trying to capture the wonderful scenery in front of both of you. The time spent is wonderful, Taehyung telling you about how he finds the wonder of painting. Few years ago, due to the turmoil of his family, he fell into depression and had to go to a psychiatrist. He despised going there at first, but then after a few sessions he finally got a tad bit better and his therapist advised him to paint to help him express the emotions he felt. 

“Yup, and after that I spent lots of my free time painting. My previous apartment was filled with my paintings, actually.” He admits with a tinge of shyness coloring his cheek, while his fingers expertly create waves in your shared painting. 

“You are amazing with this. I really think you are very talented, Tae. I mean, look at this!” You complained while pointing at your horrendous supposed-to-be dolphin emerging out of water, compared to his beautifully painted one. “Mine looks like a rotten carrot coming out of a wave and yours are literally exotic dolphins found in the Baltics. God, you are making my pride to shame.”

Taehyung wholeheartedly laughs at your silly comparison. “No! Yours look great too for a newbie, sweetie. No artist is built on the first paint, right?”

“So you do think my dolphin is ugly!” You menacingly elbow him in the waist he had to chuckle.

“I’m just taking the word from your own mouth!” He giggles and you sigh exasperatedly, looking at your deranged dolphin slash carrot. “And I told you, baby. You need to use the smaller brush for detailed paintings.”

“I swear I’ll do better in the night sky painting.” You mutter in heavy, unnecessary determination, moving to grab a grape from the bowl of fruit and consume them. “This is amazing. Do you want some?” Taehyung hums, still in deep concentration to salvage the painting you might or might not have ruined, probably due to your lackluster sense of art. 

“You know, Tae, I never thought you’d go this far for this date.” You silently address, unable to hold back the impressed expression painted in your face. “My expectation was just a nice lunch and dinner, or even a movie. I never would’ve guessed you’d go through my dream date and actually execute it. I mean—I am very happy now but.. I am just.. I would be happy too with a dinner.”

“I’m just.. I don’t want to bother you, or burden you with my own—”

Listening to your words, Taehyung pauses working on his painting and is quick to hold your hand against his own. “Hey, hey.. I’m more than happy for this date. And it’s not a burden at all.” He whispers, playing with your fingers. “Can’t you see, Y/N? I am very happy. I am happier than I’ve been recently. You know I’m happier with you, always.”

You stare at him, tears are lounging in the corner of your eyes and he continues. “Yes—I know the night would have been perfect if you did not punch me when we were in the cooking class,” You chuckle against the tears. “but that’s okay too. Cause now I get to know you better. So don’t cry, hmm?”

Taehyung takes your hand and kisses the back of your palm. “Don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry, you know it.”

“It’s a cry of happiness.”

Taehyung smiles, moving his thumbs to swipe the remnants of tears on both sides of your cheek. “That is great, but I would prefer a smile or laughter in happiness. Since I want to smile and laugh along with you.”

“You know you are such a ball of cheese today, huh?” You say with amusement and he shrugs with a wink, proceeding to continue the painting.

Another ten minutes and he is finally putting the last touch on his painting. Taehyung squeal in glee, shifting the stands for you to get a better look. “It’s done! It’s finally done.” 

“It’s beautiful.” You whisper, looking at the wonderful painting of orange sunset on the sea with dolphins jumping, beautifully painted. But you do realize that some of the mistakes and terribly drawn details you made has not been fixed—especially the dolphin one. “Hey, why did not you fix this carrot? It could’ve been perfect.”

Taehyung shakes his head, looking up to the painting in a longing smile. “Nah. It doesn’t have to be perfect. As long as it’s both you and I together who paints it, it’s already the best painting for me.”

You intensely gaze to him and he replies with the same, indecipherable emotion. He continues. “I’m sorry. I know this day has been too much, but I am glad—”

Looking at those beautiful large eyes of his, letting go of the sanity and following what your heart really wants to do is as easy as blinking an eye. You swiftly cut him with your mouth pressed against him vivaciously, longing to taste his lips again. And not even a second wasted, Taehyung eagerly responds to the kiss, motioning your leg to move and sit on his lap. His luscious lips never taste better, as you run your fingers through his silk hairs, your body pressed to him without even a distance. His tongue is swift in lapping your lips for entrance, and you comply with vivid excitement. 

“Baby.. You taste wonderful.” He moans beautifully—exactly music in your ears. Another minute drunk on each other’s taste, you release him with reddening cheeks, grateful to finally take a breath you’ve been longing a long time now. You rest your forehead on his, breathing each other scent in. Your heartbeat is now too fast to be true, with his eyes peering to you affectionately, and you just knew. You had to say it—now or never.

Taehyung tucks a strand of hair on your face behind your ear, noticing the conflict in your face. Are you regretting the kiss? “Baby, what’s wrong? You seem—”

“Taehyung, I like you.”

Hearing your word, Taehyung gazes at you with a wide smile—but you know he is certainly missing your point. “I like you too, Y/N. You know it.”

“No—I like you more than that.” You whisper in a rush, since you really need to say this or you’ll stop and regret it forever. “I like you too much, and I like you not in that friendly way—it’s more than that. I can even say I love you. I love the way you do everything, Taehyung. I love how you take care of me, I love how you love yourself, I love how selfless and passionate you are about everything, I love how polite and kind you are, I love everything about you.”

You love him. You love Taehyung—there’s no denying it. All of what you said is true—you did not even plan a word to say, and you most absolutely did not plan to confess and put everything on the line tonight, or even ever. But you know it had to be done. The feelings you have for him are too overwhelming, and it kills you nearly everyday to have him close everyday but has to hold your feelings back. You know by logic it doesn’t make any sense, Taehyung said he will never tie himself in a relationship, but your heart tells you that you might be an exception. Or you wish you are his exception.

Every second that passes with silence kills you, as you can see by second it is indeed a huge mistake to let your feelings out to him. Taehyung is terrified—you can clearly see it in his eyes. Your heart leaps in your chest, the echo is too much on your ear. You feel nauseous, the first time you ever let yourself follow your heart and confess it goes berserk. 

“Y/N, I like you too. But please tell me you are not looking for anything serious with me.” 

The pain is too evident you can hardly breathe. This is as clear and as painful as any rejection can be.

This is it, this is your chance. Just say yes, say that you are saying that because you appreciate the kindness he does and joke about how self-centered he is to think that you are seriously looking for something serious with a fuckboy.

You clear your throat, even with the dizziness embraces your head. No, you are not backing down again and be the same coward who is too scared of rejection. “No. I am looking for something serious. I like you, Tae. I want.. I want to have a serious relationship. With you.”

Taehyung instinctively groans, and you can feel a strong knock on your guts when a lucid disgust is formed on his face at the mention of a serious relationship. You cringe.

“Y/N, you know I don’t do relationships. Why would you expect that with me? I told you that before, I am not and will never want a relationship.”

Like the words are not harsh enough to you, he immediately takes a step back to put a safe distance between the both of you like you are a disease. The tears are already falling down your cheek. You feel like an idiot, you feel humiliated, you feel fooled, and frankly you are disgusted at yourself and him. You are not special. You are thinking too far. Who are you to think that he likes you? Who are you to think you can change his mind about relationships? 

But your heart tells you that something is indeed not right. Everything he does to you—you know you are not hallucinating about it. Taehyung likes you, like what you expect him to be.

You look at him menacingly, the sadness turns into anger risen inside your chest. You are frustrated at his evident denial. “Why are you so afraid of letting me in, Taehyung? Why don’t you give us a chance? I know you, Taehyung—I know you are scared about the feelings we have for each other. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can do this together—just give us a chance.”

Taehyung looks at you passively. “I. don’t. do. relationships. How many times should I tell it for you to understand, Y/N? I told you that a thousand times, I made it clear. How can you not get it?!”

“How can I not get it? It’s funny because what you said and what you did is 180 degrees different!” You stared at him in resentment and anger. “You told me you don’t want a relationship, but you kissed me, you held me, said you liked me, care about me in this whole damn world, act like a boyfriend to me even when my parents are not around, told me to not meet Hoseok, abandon your one night stand for me, slept beside me and took care of me, you put your phone wallpaper of my photo—what am I supposed to get, Taehyung?! That I am just your platonic best friend?!”

Your burst of rage immediately silenced him, but you are not done. You had enough of the emotional torture he put you in. “I told you. I told you to make it clear. If we are just a platonic best friend, you need to stop confusing me. And now you do all these dream dates shit, and not expect me to like you even more? Why are you playing with my heart just because you can’t figure your own?!”

“Y/N…” Seeing your broken attempts, Taehyung instinctively reaches out to you, but you quickly withdraw your hand away from him in repugnance. His heart fell at your clear avoidance.

You wipe your tears to the back of your sleeve, not wanting to waste another of your precious tears for another fuckboy who cannot even appreciate you and what you both had. “I am done with this, Taehyung. I am better off without you. I know you got an issue yourself, I am sorry, but I can not be the one to sacrifice my sanity because you just cannot solve it yourself.”

You stand up, and fortunately the ache in your ankle is getting much much better—or probably hidden by the booming pain in your chest. “I am getting a taxi.”

He instantly stands up, trying to stop your movement. “Y/N, you are hurt, let me at least take you home..” Taehyung whispers and offers his hand, but you menacingly laugh at him while picking up your belongings.

“I don’t need your pity ride.” You spit, eyes harsh. “Why would I spend another two hours sitting in a car with you again? You think I’m crazy? You should be thankful, now you can go on with your life the way it used to be. You’re happy, right? Go on with your one-night-stands again, Tae. Go back to your hollow life with those girls you’ll fuck and never call back. You prefer that, right?”

Taehyung is still silenced at your disquieting words, and you force a smirk even though inside you are completely numb. Like a mantra, you keep repeating how it’s better this way. It’s better to close all possibilities that you will ever be with him. So then your foolish heart can finally learn—you were thinking so highly of yourself. There is no use in wishing you can actually change someone, it will never happen. 

You are crying till your tears run out, clenching on your chest. Is love supposed to hurt like this?

*

Taehyung wakes up with looming pain on his head, staring up at the Metallica poster on the ceiling. And how weird can it be that he instantly is reminded of the moment he first woke up next to you that morning in your apartment, the first time he broke two of his Platinum Rules for such a fierce, sassy girl that immediately set him straight and comfortably joked with him. He could never forget every detail, every joke, everything about you that night till morning.

It’s been exactly three months since the night of your first date together, which was also the night you confessed that you liked him and wanted to have a committed relationship with him, but he threw you away without any second thoughts just because he was scared. And since then, you can’t even understand how much he regrets everything that happened between the two of you, treating you like what you both had does not matter all because he was—or maybe still is a coward.

And he is too ashamed to admit that he had taken it too hard that first few weeks since that night, he literally cried every night. He felt alone, he felt miserable, he felt like an idiot, and frankly, he missed you so much. Not a day went by without him punishing himself for throwing away something that matters the most, something so beautiful only because he cannot trust himself and becoming too comfortable with the unfair relationship you both had. 

And Taehyung tried calling you, but as expected you had his number blocked. Because he is a coward, he still doesn’t have the courage to meet you in person and tell you what happened, because literally he can’t see anything good will happen out of that. You could still be miserable, and he’d kill himself if you are struggling because of him. You could be happy, and he’d be happy too at first , but then the loneliness of seeing you well and happy with out him would keep him awake at night and drive him crazy. So he held back, changed his numbers and swore he won’t disturb you again.

“Man, you’re okay?”

Taehyung turns to find Jimin seated on Jungkook’s single bed, looking up to him in evident worry. “Why are you here—where’s Jungkook? And what do you mean okay?”

Jimin clears his throat, a bit uncomfortable to address the elephant in the room. “Jungkook is leaving for a date with his girlfriend. Nothing, it’s just—you’ve been sleeping since 2pm yesterday, and you just woke up now, and it’s already 10am. You nearly sleep for a full day. Is everything okay?”

Taehyung sighs, moving to sit up and feel the blood rushing uncomfortably in his head. He carefully massages his temples. “Have been better, but I’m fine. A bit bothered by the jackass partying downstairs last night too, but all good.” 

Jimin hums. “So are you seeing your psychiatrist today?” He asks, offering a bottle of water which Taehyung receives and mutters his thanks. Ever since literally having a mental breakdown two weeks after that first date, Jimin asks Taehyung to go back to seeing his psychiatrist. Even though they were on a college break, it was still unhealthy for him to mop around his apartment and spend night and day drinking alcohol and crying while looking at his painting; especially the sunset on sea one. Jimin did not really know why it was the one he spent most of time staring at—especially with the clear lower quality of the painting, but he did not ask. Taehyung must have his personal reasons.

At first, Taehyung hates the idea of going back to have a session, but Jimin introduces him to an acquaintance who was one of the best psychiatrists in Korea. After much persuasion and realizing how miserable he felt and had been for the past few weeks, he agreed for a session. It turned out better than expected, and it somehow builds something within him—a motivation to be better. He wants to be a better person, to finally breathe without having to hurt, to be able to trust himself again. After two and a half months spent in intense treatment with his psychiatrist, he finally got much better since before.

Ten minutes spent in silence, before Jimin carefully opens a conversation again. “Taehyung, you can meet her, you know. You are getting better, and I think it’s good that you are, but you know you need to see her again.”

Taehyung sighs in complete distress, lowering his head. “I know. I want to, more than anything. I want to meet her again, to tell her everything that happened, but there’s no use for that anymore, Jimin. She did not want to see me again, she made it very clear. She also met someone else, someone better. She deserves it, to be happy. I don’t want to burden her with me again.”

And more reason why he really thinks every possibility is closed on seeing you again is due to the fact that you have met someone new. He heard it from lots of people—and even Jimin, that you have a new boyfriend with the name of Doojoon, a humble boy that works in a bookstore near Han River. He is said to be very kind and polite, and Taehyung did not really want to hear any further explanation. He did not realize that it would hurt this much to see you find someone else. He was trying to be happy for it—your happiness matters the most, he understands it better than anyone, but he is still heartbroken. 

He loves you, but it is not enough to let you go.

“I know. But just consider it—hmm? It doesn’t have to be that grand proporsal you do to get back together. Just ask how she’s doing and everything. She is someone special, Tae. You know it.” 

Taehyung hates how right Jimin is, since he is also advised by his psychiatrist to try solving the things with you as it will haunt him as unfinished until he finally finishes it—but he can’t. He is a coward. He knows he'll be unable to see you right in the eye and not grovel at your feet, beg you to come back, tell you that he is sorry and tell you about everything he wished was different. He still loves you, not even a day goes by without thinking about you and even though he is getting better in a mental sense, the fact that he might never feel what you both had with each other again still wounds him everyday.

Jimin taps his knees and stands up. “You got a lot to think about, buddy. It’s jus a suggestion, don’t think about it too much. Gonna leave you alone for this one. Good luck, okay? Tell me if you need anything.”

Taehyung thinly smiles, softly tapping his best friend’s thigh as an appreciation. “Thanks, Jimin. I owe you a lot.”

“I know. Then stop worrying me and just go meet her, okay?”

Jimin finally leaves the scene, but Taehyung is still too deep in his own thoughts that he nearly misses the loud ring of his phone. He mindlessly answers without looking at the caller. At the sudden caller’s panicked words, his eyes widens, heart skips a beat due to the great shock. Running to grab his shirt, it doesn’t even take a second for him to shout before clicking it off.

“What?! Okay, I am on my way.”

*

Taehyung runs in the hallway of the hospital like a crazy person, that a nurse had to stop him on his track. “Someone I know is in emergency, nurse. Where can I find her?!”

The nurse immediately senses the rush in his tone and leads him to the nurse behind the front desk. “Sir, how can I help you?”

“Nurse, please tell me where the child is in? She had a seizure, and she’s just in. Yoon Yuna. Please tell me where she is!”

“Sir, may I know your relation to the patient?”

Taehyung is too panicked to even comprehend. “I am her guardian. Please let me meet her.”

After a few other protocols, the nurse quickly leads him to the children's side in hospital, and in which he can see Mina crying outside a door. Taehyung quickly runs, and touches her by the arm. “Hey, what happened to Yuna..”

Mina is still crying hard, as she stumbles on the words she is about to say. “I-i don’t know. She was okay yesterday, but last night she got a really high fever and this morning she had a seizure. I was so scared, I don’t know what to do so I run her to the hospital, but her father is still on the way. He said he’ll be able to arrive by tomorrow, and I don’t know who to call beside you, Taehyung. I’m sorry if I bother you.”

Taehyung moves to rest her arm around her shoulder, pulling him close. He knew how hard it must be for her to go through the experience alone—he doesn’t want her to be miserable. “It’s okay. I’m glad you called. And no worry, I know she’ll be okay. She is a strong girl, she’ll be healthy in no time.”

Mina nods in his arm, still in tears. Taehyung heaves a breath, shutting his eyes, sincerely begging for Yuna’s recovery as fast as possible. Just imagining such a lively and vivacious girl to be sick has already torn his heart. He misses her so much, and he is not even sure he can face her being sick without crying.

Another half an hour spent in silence, suddenly the doctor comes out of Yuna’s room. Both Taehyung and Mina quickly rush to her side. “Doctor, how is Yuna? Is she okay?”

The doctor smiles in reassurance. “She’s fine. You have given her a correct first aid. She just needs to sleep for a few hours, stay for one or two nights for monitoring, and she’ll be good as usual. Let’s leave her alone for now, okay?”

Both Taehyung and Mina sigh in relief, deeply bow to the doctor. After she leaves, they can finally breathe. “Oh God, I was so scared.” Mina sighs, palm resting on her chest. “I really thought—”

Taehyung quickly taps her on the shoulder, stopping her worried words. “It’s okay, don’t dwell on that. What’s important is that she is okay now, just needs some rest.”

Mina nods with a thin, tired smile and Taehyung can totally relate to what she feels. Hearing Yuna is having a seizure could be the last thing he would ever want to hear, and he drove as fast as he could. After hearing she is fine, Taehyung could feel the heavy weight on his shoulder was lifted as well.

Suddenly among the nearly awkward silence, a sound of grumble is heard collectively, the source of sound coming from both your stomachs. It fortunately crashes the tense between the two of you, both laughing silently. “I am so hungry. Do you want to grab a meal in the lobby?”

Taehyung shakes his head, and stands up. “It’s okay, you should watch Yuna. I am going to bring you food, wait here.”

“No, we can’t eat here. Look.” She points at the clear sign.  “We can eat for fifteen minutes, I think it should be fine as we cannot enter the room as well. Let’s grab some food, I want to go to the restroom after that too.”

So that’s how both Taehyung and Mina are walking down to the hospital cafeteria, with the lingering awkwardness. He safely secures his hand on his pocket, looking at all the hospital posters stuck on the wall, trying not to drown in the tense air right before she opens a conversation.

“How are you?” Mina asks with a sincere smile. “Is anything good happening? You strangely look better than I saw you before. Tell me.”

Taehyung answers, after clearing his throat. Is it obvious? “Not really, no. But I finally got the help I need I guess? I think got better.. mentally. Something happened, and it… it might or might not made me realize I was getting worse..? If that’s possible.” 

Even with only a vague question, Mina still manages to open him up after all these times. It’s nearly magical how she is able to do it—even Jimin, his psychiatrist and his other friends are having a hard time to get him to confess what’s bothering his mind. “I just.. I met someone. I thought seeing this someone made me feel better—and I really did—but something was... not right? Because I guess I was becoming too dependent on her for my happiness—it was unhealthy. For me and for her.”

Mina nods, gesturing Taehyung to continue. “I like this girl. I don’t know—I might even love her. You know me, Mina. I wasn’t the greatest person, I could even be the worst. I don’t believe in relationships, I even spit on them. All because I am traumatized, because I believed I would never have someone who truly loves me. I thought it was nonsense—like it was only a far dream.” Taehyung whispers, eyes empty to nothingness.

“And then I met her, I felt like something changed. This girl must be different, and I… I saw so much of me in her. She’s not perfect, she is scarred, and she made me want to protect and care for her, like I want to do anything to make her happy, and that made me happy too. I like her and it’s too obvious even anyone can see, but I was unfair to her. I treat her like a lover, but I refused to put a label on it, while she was looking for something real.”

“And when she confessed her feelings… I let her go. Exactly three months ago.” Taehyung whispers weakly, the hurt is becoming too real to absorb. “Idiot me, I let her go. It was hard, but now I know it’s for the best. I am not ready for her, I couldn’t let her deal with this broken piece of me. And now she is now moving on to someone better. Good for her.”

Mina looks at him in surprise. “Wow.”

Taehyung smiles, rubbing the bridge of his nose to quickly wipe the tears. No, he doesn’t want to cry—but now with Mina here, everything is too much, like everything is coming back at him weighs like a ton of brick to his consciousness. 

“I am very proud of you.” Mina whispers, eyes glistening with tears. “You have been very, very brave about this. You know nothing good coming out of rushing things, Taehyung. She might be ready at that time, but you clearly understand you still were not. And to be brave enough to get that help and work hard to finally be better.. It’s just—so, so so amazing.”

Both of them finally arrived at the cafeteria. “And I don’t think you should regret a thing. You could’ve been with her, forcing yourself in something you did not even understand and ruined a once in a lifetime bond with her just because you were not ready. What I mean is—everything will rightfully fall to its own place, at the right time. You know? There’s no rush. If she meant to be, she’ll be.” Mina smiles encouragingly, patting him in the back.

“Have you talked to her again? After that last time?”

Taehyung forlornly shakes his head. “I know there’s a lot of opportunity… but I am too scared to face her again. I am afraid I would mess all of it again, you know? It’s like, one last chance I have with her, and I really want to make it right. But I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

Mina nods in understanding, offering him a bottle of drink taken from the fridge. “Well, I most definitely cannot answer that. The answer is only for you to know.”

“And how can I know? These things inside my head keep on thinking what if I mess everything up. I.. I can’t stop it.” He sighs exasperatedly, desperately looking to Mina for an answer he knows she can’t give. Mina winks at him teasingly, munching happily on a bread on her grasp.

“Well, maybe you should start thinking about what if you do everything right. Then you’d know.”

*

It was Saturday, exactly 6pm and you are already lounging in your bed, face painted with exhaustion. You did nothing remotely important today, but you don’t exactly know why you are drained to the max. It could probably be the fact that your mother is already telling you to finally get out of the house after the longest time, and your friends are blowing up your phone asking to meet them for a party but you refuse and insist on staying home. The last time you went to a party was being trashed at that frat party three months ago, exactly at that time you broke every kind of relation with Taehyung.

You sigh when realizing that your mind really has nothing better to think other than Taehyung, how long it has been since the last time you saw him, and how much you have been missing him. The whole three months is a train of torture, a period in which you do all everything in your power to avoid thinking about him too much and eventually calling him. And after a month you actually did, one drunken night you were staying with Seungyeon and called him, but it was unable to be connected. High possibility he already blocked you, but who are you to judge? If you were him you’d do that in a heartbeat too.

“This man is horrible.” You groan in disgust while watching terrible american reality TV, 90 Days Fiance. After the whole three months, you have been focusing on watching trashy movies and reality shows, only to busy yourself with the fact that you are avoiding your real issue that your right mind has been telling you the nth time now.

Everyone said that for a million times, that you are doing the right thing for standing up to Taehyung. That he doesn’t deserve you. That the pain too shall pass. But how long will it take to prove them right? Because you have been waiting for three months, and by days you felt more and more miserable. Frankly, you miss him. You miss Kim Taehyung. You miss talking to him again, you miss seeing his face, you miss hearing his voice, you miss sitting in Han River with him again. And even though knowing what you did that evening was the right thing to do, why can’t your heart try to understand and just let it go? Why do you have to like him too much like a fool?

The idiot pairs on your screen are fighting, but you decide to turn them off as it is too disturbing to your distracted mind. You move to lay on your bed, staring at the ceiling in silence in deep sigh.

Is he okay? Is he doing well?

Does he feel miserable? Does he feel the way you do?

Does he miss you like you miss him?

All these questions somehow, even after three months are still able to tear you up like it’s just yesterday. You hate this suffocating feeling in your chest that you are unable to let go. It is always there, since the moment you left three months ago, and never left ever since.

You know he loved you, but he was just not ready.

The tears fall one by one after the statement runs through your head. Yes, it is true. You knew Taehyung needed sometimes to fix himself, but you were shoving your feelings like it was the only thing that mattered. How selfish could you be, when all he did was take care of you, even better than he took care of himself? You are a fool to let him go, just like that.

Suddenly, a knock on your door is heard. You agonizingly and swiftly sweep the tears away at the back sleeve of your sweater—and it turns out to be your father behind the door. “Y/N, someone is at the door, sending this package. He said you need to open it and meet him after, so come down okay?”

You hum, opening the crack of your door, careful not to let him know you have been crying or there will be follow up interrogation. “Do you know who it is, pa?” 

He shrugs. “No, but he looks nice. Got a nice car too.”

You roll your eyes, pulling to receive the package. It is a rectangle, large package with blue wrapping and silver ribbon. Your eyebrows raised in uncertainty, your fingers carefully scrap it open to see what’s inside.

It’s a blank canvas, and the exact same canvas. Your heartbeat immediately fastens, as your fingers run through the smooth expanse of the surface, with a letter stuck on top of it. You are swift to open the letter with overwhelming nerves —the reminder that someone is waiting for you outside is not helping as well.

I know I am three months late, but can we finish this piece?

And I miss you.

With love, Kim Taehyung.

Not even a hint of hesitation and care, you run out of the room to your porch, looking at a red car parked in front of your house. It’s Jimin. It’s really Jimin.

“Hey. You ready?” Jimin asks with a wide smile. You nod.

You never felt more ready in your life.

Fifteen minutes spent in silence, and you are familiar with the road you are driving on. It’s Han River, exactly a place you meet Taehyung again that night. And when you can detect his car parked in his usual spot, your breath immediately hastens. It is really him. You are about to talk to someone you miss so much, spending too many time thinking about—he is literally just a distance away.

When the car finally comes to a stop, Jimin gives you a comforting smile. “Good luck.”

You nod, reciprocate his smile. “Thanks.”

Walking out, you can slowly make out the silhouette of Taehyung, sitting on the bench, looking out to the sky. You take a deep breath, braving yourself. Here he is. Just go for it. And please don’t cry—You warn yourself, trying to muster your most sincere smile and hope it will not crack, no matter how much you long to just by seeing him again for the first time in three months and tell him how hard it has been for him. You hold the blank canvas in your grasp, hesitantly walking to him.

“Hi.” You breathe, and Taehyung immediately shoots his gaze to you, the familiar boxy smile formed on his lips.

“Hi. Please sit down.”

By the time you are seated behind him, you are certain it is not long until you will cry. You don’t know what to say to him, since all you wanted to do is to hug him and never let go. You want to let him know that being far from him one of the hardest thing you ever endured, and you miss him terribly that it stings inside your heart. Yet nothing comes out, because you are a coward. 

“S-should we paint?” He asks in a rush, taking the brush out of the same duffle bag you identify from months ago. “I know it’s not really close to the sky on the beach the last time, but this is good too. I just don’t want you too far from your home and—”

“Are you afraid that I will run away like I did last time and had to take a taxi, two hours just to head back?” You ask in an indecipherable emotion painted across your face. Taehyung looks up, nerve painted on his face. Is he making the wrong choice to invite you now? Are you still furious at him? Only if he knew.

“Don’t worry. That won’t happen again, Tae.”

Taehyung let out the breath he has been holding. “You scared me.”

“I don’t know why you would care so much about me.” You bit your lips, holding the tears back, not wanting to let him see how fragile you are right now. “I would hate me if I were you..”

You know Taehyung intended to hug you, but he braced himself and settled on a pat on your head instead. Sensing his hesitation, it feels like a knock to your gut. It is as clear as a day he is limiting himself with you now. “Hey, don’t say it like that. You know I would never hate you. It’s beyond my power, I think.”

“Should we start painting?” He asks with a comforting smile after noting your deep silence, and you nod hesitantly, unsure how to keep on pretending everything is alright when all you want to do is to cry on his arm. “I know the lighting is not really good here, so I actually bring a portable lamp. Hope this helps.”

He turns on a lamp hanging on in front of your head. The lamp was adequate to let you see the blank canvas on the canvas stand, along with the blue paint he prepared. He offers you one brush, and that’s how you spend the next ten minute, in silence doing the bare minimum as it is mostly him doing all the painting. 

“How have you been? This past three months, I mean.” Taehyung suddenly asks, breaking the uncomfortable tense so thick he can cut it and shove it down his throat and hopefully choke on it forever. “Are you doing fine?”

That questions leaves you in agonizing contemplation. What should you say? Can you drop it on him? Tell him that you are miserable, and hurt, and you miss him so bad you lock yourself in your home most of the times you are free, looking at the ceiling or checking on the photo you took of him or with him? Tell him that you have been mostly regretting the times you force your feelings to him? Another humiliation is not really what you want to have right now. 

“I’m fine, I think.” is all you are muster to say. What a fucking liar, you curse yourself in distress. You want to answer as honest as possible, but how can you answer the truth without crying? And the last time you tell him what you exactly felt, both of you broke up without even any relationship to begin with. Is it so wrong of you to think you might ruin everything? “What about you? The past three month?”

“I’m getting better.” He steals a glance at you, before resuming to pain the calming river on his canvas. “After that night, I was not really in a good place, actually. I was miserable, I felt alone, and yup. I lock myself inside my apartments the first two weeks, drinking days and nights until Jimin asks me to visit a psychiatrist. I was offended and hesitant at first, even deep within I know I need it. A help.”

You stare at his side face, still proceed in painting. You can’t believe how composed he can be. “Before, I’m not really the type to be that positive, but then I felt strangely motivated. Is that weird?” He asks shyly, scratching his nape. You instantly respond by shaking your head. “It was like… For the first time, I kind of have this hope? That I want myself to be better. And I got better too. Much, much better. I even contacted and talked to my mom and dad again, probably after such a long time now. They were surprised to say the least.”

You smile at him, eyes glistening with tears. “That’s amazing news, Taehyung. I am very, very happy for you. And proud too.”

Taehyung rests his brush on the stand and stares at you that nearly makes you lose your breath. “I know you are wondering why I ask you to come here. And even though I just want to see you again, it's mostly to say what I am three months too late to say.”

“I know I’m not the best person, Y/N. I could be the worst person to date. I was a fuckboy that took lightly of people’s feelings, and I only cared about my own. I even had these silly rules about dealing with girls, it’s called the platinum rules and.. and I just realize this was sort of my defense? The defense I had to protect myself from truly liking someone.”

“And regardless of being a trash rule that just made me the worst person to ever exist, it also took me to you. It made me realize you are not just anyone—you are not just a number, just a one night stand. You are more than that, and you proved it in just a day. You show me all these qualities I never thought you would have, and you made me comfortable. Too comfortable, I think. It was something I hoped to never change, but it was selfish of me.”

“In a way, I see myself in you, Y/N. Like you make me want to take care of you, always. And then days go by and I felt like I was too attached with you, but still intact with the fear that I have about relationships. I ignore that important issue about my trauma, as what we have has made me too happy and I believed the illusion I was doing alright. But I wasn’t.”

You don’t even realize you have been holding your breath for too long now. “Taehyung…”

“Even though I wish some things might be different, I had to thank you and whatever happened that night. Even with the pain intact, you made me realize that I needed help. I couldn’t throw my insecurities and trauma on you, Y/N. I could’ve ruined everything we had. I can finally, finally think of the silver lining out of you slapping the truth on my face.” He chuckles nervously while scratching his nape, and you are unable to take your eyes off him. How can he be this calm, telling the most important turmoil happening in his life?

“And I’m happy you are happy right now. You can’t believe how… how happy I was to find that you moved on and… and—ah. No, I’m just happy for you.” 

There is something he is hiding about, and your eyebrows raise in concern. “Happy for me because of what?”

“What’s the use of it now, Y/N?” He asks weakly, his lips forming to a thin straight line. He practiced this a million times, but how is he still unable to fake it? He ruffles his hair in frustration for himself. “There’s no use in that, Y/N. I love it that you are happy. That’s all.”

“That’s clearly not all, Taehyung. What do you take me for? I know we haven’t been speaking in the past three months, but I still know you. Tell me.” You persuade in visible concern, scooting closer to look him right in his eyes, successfully making it harder for him to think straight.

“Y/N, I don’t want to say it. Please. Nothing will change, and I don’t want it to. I promised not to.”

You stare at him, nearly begging. “Please. Please let me know.”

He huffs, realizing you are too persistent to even comply with his request of letting it go. And who is he to say no? “Okay. But please don’t hate me after this—I… I don’t want what happened to us in the past three months to happen again.” You instinctively nod, as you yourself w will anything in your power to never let it happen again.

“I know these words are three months too late, but I like you, Y/N. I like you. And not in that friendly way—it’s more than that—I can even say I love you. I love the way you do everything, Y/N. I love how you take care of me, I love how you love yourself, I love how selfless and passionate you are about everything, I love how polite and kind you are, I love everything about you.” It is indeed something you have been longing to hear, but you do notice something settles strangely inside your mind. You gaze up to him in questions, as those words are strangely familiar—you’d know as you have been repeating it over and over in the past three months inside your head. 

“I know you might remember—but it’s exactly what you said to me three months ago. It dawns on me, Y/N. I like all your qualities like you like mine. We are truly alike, in a totally different way. It should have been easy to understand my feelings for you.” His voice are too weak now, nothing beyond this is the words he prepared beforehand. He just goes with what his heart tells him to say.

“I am not regretting those three months. But if I may answer it again now, I want to say I love you. I really do. I don’t know why or when or how—it could be all of the moments we spent together. I love you for everything you are and are not. I love you without further thoughts. You made it so easy to love you, I am in the dark as well.”

He was beet red, and you are still unable to decipher. Sensing your evident shock, Taehyung sighs in distress and panic. He is definitely ruining all this for you. God, he really wasn’t going to scare you away. “I wasn’t going to say this, Y/N. I know you found someone else—”

“What? Found someone else? Who?” You ask in deep confusion. A boyfriend? What? It’s such a bizarre experience to be told you are dating someone else from the one person you like so much, right after he confessed.

Taehyung is now severely confused, eyes scrunched dubiously. “I.. I heard it. From people, and even Jimin. Doojoon? The boy from the bookstore. I was told you are dating him.”

Then it dawns on you, and you literally had to laugh at that one. The change of your expressions successfully makes Taehyung feel like a moron. “Doojoon? Ha—I’ll never get used to that name.”

You smile at him warmly, softly taking his palm closely to yours with the unbelievable burst of happiness inside your chest. Taehyung likes you. He seriously loves you, and confesses to you like what you expect him to. Is this even real?

You take a breathe, a warm smile formed on your lips. “Doojoon is not my boyfriend. He is actually... Jisung.”

“Jisung?!” Taehyung is already shouting, but you quickly shush him. 

“Yes. Actually a few months ago, Jisung called me and asked me to meet him—no worry, we are not heading back to that neighborhood. We are meeting in a cafe near my house. I was scared at first, but then he explained everything. His sister got sick pretty severely, and his parents asked him to come back home. They reconciled, and he ran away from his gang. Fortunately his gang never knew about the identity of his parents, but to avoid any attention he decided to change his name when meeting new people. He actually apologized to me that time for what he has done to me before. He even wanted to pay me back—but I just think it was not necessary. I prefer all the money to go to his family first.”

Your forefingers traces on his large palms, not looking straight to his eyes. “After that we got around pretty often. He told me about his family, his sisters, yup. And I met a few friends when I was meeting him, and since I was already populat as ‘Taehyung’s ex-girlfriend’ at that time, the fake news must have spread.”

Taehyung listens to you attentively, but as word goes by he is unable to bite back the toothy smile blooming on his lips. God, he never knew anything could make him happy as what you just said. “You know what? I will go and kick Jimin’s ass for telling me such fake news. He doesn’t even validate—how dare. You know it has been making me crazy for the longest time, and—”

“Crazy? Why?” You teasingly ask, and Taehyung immediately pulls you close by the arm. He rests his forehead on yours, breathing your scent. God, you can’t even imagine how much he misses this. Just to be with you, holding you close.

“You know why, you idiot. Do I need to say again? Heroically and cheesily?”

You nod. “Of course. And can you at least make it original? I think I’ll copyright my confession from now on.” You jokingly scoff, and Taehyung moves to kiss your cheek. Something literally burst inside his head—amusement, excitement, happiness to be able to finally hug you and kiss you again after holding for the longest time.

“What if I break it?” He asks with a mischievous smirk. You shrug, your fingers brushing his jaw that he need to follow every movement you made.

“I don’t know—I might have to kiss you.” You innocently smile as Taehyung giggles in amusement. Oh, how he misses talking and flirting with you again like this.

“You know what? I think I’ll say that every second of the day, girlfriend.”

You are unable to hold a loud laugh at the affectionate nickname. Who would’ve thought Taehyung would dare to say that ever? 

“Wow. You really know how to set the mood right.” You mutters, arms secured around his neck.

Taehyung finally moves to enclose his lips on yours, starting the kiss slow but still as pleasant and wonderful as ever. He knows he has all night and further on to have you close, but one thing is on his mind that he is too desperate to say to you now. “Hey, I know I can’t promise anything much, that I’ll make you always happy or any other bogus I know I can’t keep, I’m still trying. But one thing I can promise you that I’ll try my best to keep everything we have now, and in the future. I love you, Y/N.” 

This bond you have, he knows how special it is. He doesn’t not know if he’ll find anyone else that makes him feel the way you do—and he never intends to. But he really needs you on board, to help him in anyway possible. To support him throughout every hurdles or conflicts. And apparently, it is indeed everything you want from him.

You hum, crashing your lips back to him and hum in clear delight. “Seriously, that’s all I want. I know relationships can be scary, Tae—with all your previous experience. I am scared too that I’ll hurt us—but I love you too much I’d risk everything. I promise you I’ll try my best to keep everything we have now and beyond.” You whisper as a promise, swiping your thumb against his apparent cheekbone.

Taehyung pecks your lips once again. “That’s wonderful. But can you repeat that I love you one? Because I don’t think I heard it enough—”

You giggle, continuing to feel him against your lips once more. It never felt so perfect to be with Taehyung as right now, and you wish this moment can last forever. You know it might be difficult, but you are eager to see and fight for what you have with him, and where the relationships both of you will lead to. All because you love him, and he loves you too.

“I love you too, boyfriend.”

*

“What the fuck? Is this how you’re paying me back for that night, Taehyung?!” Jungkook asks furiously in the restroom of the exact restaurant Taehyung first met you nearly half a year ago.

Taehyung snickers, looking at the panicked face of his best friend, Jungkook when he sees he is not the only one in the table. Jungkook should have guessed, though. Since when Taehyung ever wanted to eat in McDonalds alone with him? He thought Taehyung was just being nice, taking him for an all-boys hangouts after getting himself a new girlfriend.

Taehyung is wearing a nice blue navy button up shirt with sleeves rolled to his mid-arm and matching cotton dark grey cotton pants and a sleek pantofel. While he? Jungkook literally just came out of practice, still wearing his sweaty ass ‘legalize it’ shirt he mistakenly brought as a change shirt, ripped jeans that show more of his thighs than he is proud of, and old, discolored vans. Meanwhile out on the table, both of the girlfriends are wearing semi formal dresses. He literally look so disoriented among the formal looking folks that he is this close to leaving if his girlfriend is not holding him back.

“You are a fucking jerk!” Jungkook spit in detectable hatred, and Taehyung shrugs menacingly as an answer.

“We are just going to have a nice double date dinner together, bro. As couples.” Taehyung sarcastically smiles and Jungkook rolls his eyes. This older man is seriously a child in disguise, and it could be a miracle how you are willing to sacrifice your sanity and decide to date his annoying ass.

“I fucking hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. But we are taking too much time in the toilet for two men and people there gonna think we are fucking. Let’s go.” Taehyung mindlessly put an arm on Jungkook’s shoulder, walking back to the desk in which you and Jungkook’s girlfriend are chatting lively. Jungkook takes a deep breath, then launches an elbow kick square to Taehyung’s rib that throws him to coughing fit to get his arms off him.

“I swear when we are done, I’ll punch you in your fucking annoying handsome face.”

Taehyung launches a flirty wink along with a chuckle. “I don’t mind you hitting on me, but my girlfriend is just right here.”

Sensing Jungkook’s distress, his girlfriend immediately welcomes him. “Baby, don’t be mad. Taehyung is clearly joking, and it is funny.” She persuades, softly pecking his cheek and albeit begrudgingly, Jungkook is unable to resist his girlfriend’s persuasion and decide to comply. Only because his girlfriend asks so.

“But I’m not letting this go, Kim Taehyung. I’ll get my revenge.” Jungkook hisses with a menacing smirk, but Taehyung easily answers by flipping him off, before humming in delight to welcome the newly arrived food.

And that’s how you spend another two hours chatting and joking with each other, and enjoying the glare and obvious attention thrown at Jungkook’s face he had to duck his head lower every time. But Taehyung clearly has not had enough, since at the end of the dinner he quickly stands up and motions you to follow the gesture as well.

“Ah, Sir Jungkook. This has been a pleasant dinner. Thank you for the treat.” He salutes, walking out with you by his side as an escape, disregarding the fact that Jungkook literally shouts his curse in the middle of a busy restaurant behind you. Yes, Taehyung is that petty and of course he’ll do anything to make Jungkook pay for what he did.

“You know, I feel bad for Jungkook.” You giggle in amusement after sitting inside Cecil. “That date literally brought us together. We literally owe him a lot, you know.”

Taehyung smiles and winks at you. “That’s why after he’s pissed beyond words at me and ready to punch me after being thrown out of this restaurant, he’ll come back to the dorm to find a new computer upgrade device he has been going on and on and on recently. It’s a foolproof plan, right?”

You nod and giggle in appreciation at his thoughtful plan, shifting your dress while waiting for the car to drive off but it is somehow taking too long. You look up to him, instinctively smile at the gaze he is transfixing in you.

“I don’t say this much, but you are very beautiful and I’m thanking my lucky star to have you as my lover.” He mutters sincerely, his fingers enclosing in each space between yours. You swiftly move to kiss him softly, right palm secured on his shoulder. Albeit short and being done literally everyday, Taehyung is still unable to wrap his head around it, as it still sends flutters to him from head to toe.

“You know you say that everyday, but go off king.” You reply with a wink, and Taehyung pinches your cheek affectionately.

“Should we go now?” He asks in excitement, releasing the break on his car. You squeal in excitement, clapping your hand in the same manner.

“Japan, here we go!”

=============================

This literally is the longest fics I have ever written it’s literally 50k words / 100 pages in docs and oof- i really go off with this one lol and thank you, it has been a very pleasant ride! As you know, there might be a following drabble in Taehyung & y/n time in japan too, so if any of yall interested, please let me know!

I could’ve made this shorter but I do think its better to develop Taehyung’s character first before he settles in the relationship☺It was a story as well, I hope anyone can take something out of it as well lol

Walking down to the church, you count every step along with your raucous heartbeat. This is it. You are marrying the love of your life. In a few minutes, you will be sworn to marriage with someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

And truth to be told, you can’t be more terrified.

They said it’s normal. To have that prewed jitters, to be nervous, to be spooked and all they said before.

But it’s different. Not when he is here.

You look to your mother, as she squeezes your hand on her grasp with a comforting smile. “Let’s get you married, sweetie.”

Then the doors are opened. Everyone is looking back in your direction, every eye is staring at you. The focus. The beautiful blushing bride.

And for a second, you let the illusion invade your mind. Yes, you are indeed beautiful. Yes, you are marrying the love of your life now. Yes, you are happy.

Yes, you won’t regret it.

And even among all those prodding eyes, your sight falls to a pair of familiar doe eyes, looking at you with a thin smile. Then at once, it feels like the air is squeezed out of your body, and your chest constricts in pain.

It hurts.

And at once, the remembrance of what happened a few years ago rewinds on your head like a broken old tape.

“Why are you doing this to me?!”

“What are you saying—”

“You lied to me, Y/N. You lied to me! You’re with him right now, aren’t you?!”

“I am not with him. I’m at home, alone.”

“Why should I fucking trust you?! Tell me, you still love him, aren’t you?!”

You tried. You tried everything you could. You endured the pain of long distance with Jungkook, since his father had fallen sick and needed him near. And you understood it better than anyone—the helplessness when you really had no choice but to surrender at what happened. So when Jungkook had to leave the next week after that eventful christmas party, you decided to let go of your fear and try building something with him. Because you loved him, and you trusted him more than anything and anyone.

But apparently, you learned the hard way that trust is built on mutual respect—since it was not the same for Jungkook.

After Junsu—your teammate that has been caught in a fraud alleged case resigned, there was some shuffling conducted and Taehyung was reassigned back as a manager in your team. And you couldn’t lie, it was good to have Taehyung near again. He was the soulmate, the best friend for life, everything you wished him to be. And probably, the bond you had with him was what made Jungkook change into someone you didn’t know anymore. He turns into someone insecure, doubtful, and yet the worst thing was he became distrustful to you.

And at the beginning, you could understand what he felt. Yet as it progressed day by day, you understood that maybe you were right. You couldn’t water a dead flower. And the flower you planted with him was dead the day he doubted everything—including your love and loyalty.

After you broke up, you took some time to yourself. It would be a definite lie that it did not hurt you even a bit, because you were frustrated beyond words. There were times you even regret things, yet when the memory of Jungkook shouting in the call for you to ensure you were not with Taehyung, it stopped your every movement. You loved him, so you let him go. There was no way it could end happily—both of you are wearing each other off.

Then Taehyung came. As a stricly best friend. And as easy as one two three, you fell for him harder this time. Deeper and deeper by days.

So when your steps are closing to Jungkook’s side of the crowd, you let out a few sighs and hold your head high. You don’t want to look back at him—at your past, or you’ll cry. Or you’ll start rethinking everything again. You’ll ruin everything again. And that’s the last thing you want to.

Then, your eyes fell at the man standing at the altar, gazing at you softly with the beautiful, boxy smile that lights your whole world. He was standing beside his best men, Seokjin, Yoongi and Jimin, meanwhile on the other side is Namjoon and Hoseok as your bridesmaid—and you seriously couldn’t think of a better people standing on those altar.

Seeing Taehyung smiling at you that charmingly, you wouldn't believe that it’s him you’re finally marrying—but you’re more than ecstatic that you are. Taehyung is literally another you, a soulmate, a part of you that you could never let go. He is the one that is relentlessly standing by your side. Taking care of you, prioritizing you in the way no one could—and that’s all what you wanted from him.

And what happened an hour ago is the turning point. You made numerous mistakes, yet marrying him is not even on the curve. It’s the best thing that will ever happen to you.

Sitting in front of the mirror, you stared at the bland reflection staring back at you. You can’t even picture how horrifying it must be to be her right now, wearing a breath-taking wedding dress yet is not met with a smile, even a bit.

‘Jungkook is outside.’ An anonymous voice whispers inside your head. Yet you quickly shut your eyes and shook your head—desperate to have the words erased.

“Jungkook is outside.”

The voice is real.

You turn in shock, finding a lone Taehyung standing at the door. He is already wearing the black suit with distinctive boutonnière, oak brown hair styled beautifully that shows his beautiful forehead. He looks dashing, yet the smile he wears is almost sad—and it kills you to be the one causing it to him.

“What?”

“It’s him, Y/N. He’s outside.” Taehyung whispers, voice croaked. “He’s outside if.. If you want to—”

“To what?” You stared at Taehyung with a distant tone, yet he avoided your eyes.

“Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Tell me. I want what?”

Taehyung is no longer timid, his eyes are staring at yours, the sadness is immeasurable. You can sense frustration and deep emotion radiating off him, and it saddened you to have him feel this way. But you got no other way.

“I’m giving you the last chance.” Taehyung whispers, the vehemence is overwhelming. “The last chance to change your mind. I’ll kindly accept everything you want to do. I will hate you—of course I will, but I won’t hold you back. I don’t want you to regret me—to regret us.”

You are still silent, gaze immobile. “I want you to go down this road with me wholeheartedly, Y/N. I want you to love me, and only me. I want to be your one, for life. So if there’s even a small, selfish want inside you to be with him, let me know. And I’ll try accepting it.”

Your breaths are slowing, you took a step closer to him. A tear has already escaped his eyes—and it is the second time you saw it after the break up years ago. Yet the only thing inside your head is to make it go away.

“I’m sorry.”

Taehyung’s legs are close to giving in, the thought of you running away and leaving him behind—before you capture him inside your hold. “I’m sorry if you had to feel this way. I’m sorry that I closed my eyes and made you feel insecure about my past.”

“But I swear to you, Taehyung. I love you. I will keep on loving you until forever. What we had—I won’t trade it for anything.” You whisper softly, eyes gazing at him in reassurance. “That chapter, it was over. It was beautiful, yet I let go. I’m looking forward to my future with you now, so don’t give up on me yet. Or ever. Can you promise me that?”

And at that point, the both of you are already crying. Taehyung holds you close, then moves his hand to capture you by the nape and pulls you closer to his lips. It is a slow, innocent kiss, yet it is literally the most tasteful kiss you ever shared with him. A wonderful feeling just to have him close, and to finally end everything inside of you that remotely expected something else. You already closed everything. Every little thing.

“You know, it was supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.” Taehyung jokes, as he kisses you again, his fingers fixing your hair. You roll your eyes.

“It is. Probably because the groom just couldn’t get his hand off the bride and ruin the makeup and the beautiful dress.” You irk playfully, and Taehyung giggles. He looks glowing now, perfectly happy like you expect him to. And you wouldn’t trade this feeling and his happiness for anything—you wish you could remember this everyday.

“You know what could be perfect? For me to fuck you in this dress.” Taehyung whispers in your ear, and you instantly punch him in the chest which sends him to a coughing fit until he falls a few steps back.

“Baby, can we save this hulk power of yours for the wedding night instead of hurting your groom on the wedding day?”

“You wish. If you keep on doing this, I swear I’ll get you erected like never before and leave you hanging, just like that.” You threaten, and Taehyung quickly retreats in obvious fear. You giggle at him.

Another seconds just staring at each other, Taehyung clears his throat and walks himself to the door. You are unable to take your eyes off him, the warmth seeping inside of your chest.

“See you on the altar?”

“See you on the altar.”

*

Jungkook stares at his drink.

Yet he couldn’t stop thinking about your beautiful smile.

Jungkook turns to the people dancing on the dance floor.

Yet he couldn’t stop thinking about how breathtaking you looked.

Jungkook stares at the couples kissing on the booth.

Yet he couldn’t stop thinking about how radiant you looked kissing your groom at the altar.

Why can’t it be him? Why can’t it be him kissing you on that altar? Why can’t he be the one making you happy?

He was certain. He was certain that it’s you. It’s only you that can make him feel complete. You are his one. You are the only chance.

Yet you’re now with someone else. Which is now completely his fault.

“Dude, you’re okay?” Yoongi peers at the younger man in concern as Jungkook swiftly pushes the liquid down the throat. “Jungkook. Answer me.”

Jungkook coldly stares at him, pushing him away in annoyance. “Of course I’m not fucking okay, Yoongi. Someone I love is married. What do you expect me to? Give a toast at their wedding? Dancing along with the Conga line? Lying to the bride saying I’m happy for you when I’m clearly not?!”

Jungkook is aggrieved beyond words, Yoongi can clearly see it. But there is no other way for him then to accept that fact—you are married with someone else that is not him.

“I should have fought more for her. I should have understood. I should have been more lenient.” Jungkook weakly whispers more to himself, grimacing at the taste after another shot went down his throat. “But you know what is ironic?”

Yoongi waits silently until Jungkook continues. “That it probably didn’t matter whether I fought for her or not—she is meant to be with Taehyung.” The pain is unbearable now, his palms are clenching his constricting chest. The physical pain is evident now for him.

“I hate this terribly, Yoongi. I hate the fact that I should be hating her—I should be. But when I was at her door before the wedding, and I heard what they were talking about, I couldn’t bear to…”

“What were you doing at her door?”

Another shot before he continues between sobs. “I wanted to see her again, I was desperate and I missed her, but he was there, and I listened. He gave her a chance to be with me again. Taehyung did it, yet she refused.”

“He gave him the chance, but she said no. Even if I stubbornly charge into her and ask her to leave with me, here is no way her heart could be mine like it was before. Everything has changed, and I need to accept it.”

Ten minutes of silence before Jungkook continues. “But you know what the most pathetic thing? The two second she hesitated—that’s what consoled me. The two seconds she was thinking about running away with me, that kept me going on.” Yoongi stares at Jungkook in disbelief. “That kept me from denying that what I had with her is that discernible. That made me think—that what we had probably meant that much to her too. Even if I could only hope it to be true.”

“You know it’s true.” Yoongi mutters slowly while still staring at Jungkook. Yoongi shifts his saddened stare trained to the bar before blinking his eyes, letting the tears fall on it’s own. Jungkook’s feelings—Yoongi might understand it better than anyone else. “She loved you, Jungkook.”

“Loved.” The grieving grin formed on his lips. Like the word couldn’t wound him more.

“I hope you can find someone else, Jungkook.” Yoongi continues, the sadness in his chest is too overwhelming now. The words are already at his tongue, but how can he say it when Jungkook’s clearly struggling with his own?

“I hope you can find someone to appreciate you, and will go through everything with you, and will love you better than anyone ever has.”

Like I can.

“Yeah, like if.” Jungkook snorts. Love again? This one is painful enough he probably had enough of love. It was not meant to be his, he was sure of it. “Fuck love. I had enough. You, me, drinking, okay?” Jungkook smiles as he pour another drink to the older man’s glass.

Yoongi shifts down, biting his lips.

It’s okay, Jungkook. I’ll wait. Patiently.

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LOL I DON’T KNOW WHY WRITING PLOT TWIST ALWAYS INTEREST ME hahaha i wrote this all in one sitting so i hope its interesting haha