the aches of growing up and growing apart
synopsis: high school graduation has finally come around and you need to let some things go before you move on to the next stage of your life, including your best friend. but the question you haven’t dared to ask yet is, will he let you?
tags: Karasu Tabito x fem!reader, sfw, hurt/comfort, slightly insecure reader, best friends-to-lovers word count: 1.9k authors notes: ummm so this was supposed to be a drabble........... ADGFHSGSJSFG I DONT KNOW WHAT TOOK OVER ME THE INSPIRATION JUST KEPT COMING LOL. just a heads up but this is incredibly self-indulgent and very selfship coded but it can be read generally as well. this is also the first fic that i really wrote for myself and didn't plot at all lmao. i had a lot of fun though and i hope anyone who reads this enjoys it as much as i did!!!
The summer breeze caresses your cheeks like a longing goodbye. The smell of barbecue lingers in the air as the rest of the student body celebrates below. You watch them all from the railing, eyes unfocused, but your ears bottling up every sound you could catch.
The rooftop door creeks open and you hang your head with a sigh — but your lips still twitch up.
“Ya know if ya wanted some space, ya coulda just told me instead of hiding away every time I tried to wave you over,” Karasu says as he comes up behind you and leans forward, eyes on the strung up lights, but you know he's feeling the air for your thoughts.
(you clutch them a just little closer)
You hum and take a swig of your soda, the bubbles scraping the sides of your throat as they go down.
The two of you let the silence blanket, one intent on saying nothing at all and the other trying to grasp at anything to say.
Karasu turns to look at you and watches the way the darkening sky paints your face with shadows. Knowing the way your brow furrows and lips purse by memory even without the light.
He chews on his lips, turning over the words like marbles in his head. He opens his mouth, but before he can say anything—
“You know what’d be crazy?” You blurt out
“I'm all ears,” he says, watching your lips wrap around the bottle for another sip.
“What if we ran away together. Just you and me.” You breathe into the chilly air, forcing yourself to look at the purple sky and not the blue eyes taking you apart to your right.
“Where do ya wanna go?”
(an olive branch)
“Somewhere warm. But not like, summer warm. Somewhere with a lot of trees too. Maybe a couple of convenience stores down the road.”
(you reach for it)
The silence lapses again — this time with the swelling of words unsaid and kept tucked between teeth.
He bites first.
“Ya been avoiding me for weeks,” he says as he turns around and moves to lean his back against the cold metal.
You exhale and finally turn to look at him. White collared shirt untucked and tie loose, sleeves rolled up and forearms resting against the bars, he's already staring back at you, gaze steady.
He’s filled out the uniform well you muse, remembering how you teased him about it back in your first year. Clumsy and unsure but grinning, excited for what lay ahead. When you two were still on equal footing and running side by side.
(not anymore—at some point, he’d started soaring on ahead. and left you panting on the ground, watching him get farther and farther away)
You think you hate your best friend a little
(for soaring to where you couldn’t reach him — for leaving you behind)
“Yeah well, we’ve both been busy. I’ve been packing for university and you’ve been training for the literal world cup,” you can't help but let a little scoff slip out and you cringe, knowing you sound bitter (knowing he won’t understand why).
He wrinkles his nose, the same way he did when you told him which university you’d picked.
-
“But that's so far from here. Couldn’t ya’ve picked a closer one?” He’d said back then.
“Just felt like starting fresh,” you’d shrugged, your heart snagging over the way he sounded upset; like he wanted to keep you close.
“Besides,” you’d moved to slump beside him on the bed, shoulders brushing. “You can still visit me whenever,” you’d grinned in reassurance, feeling the snag dig deeper as he had pretended to huff.
-
He feels irked with the way you look so disinterested, and yet your voice still betrays you; he latches on.
“And what, that mean ya can’t walk home with me after practice anymore? Or eat with me durin lunch? Or text me back without leaving me on delivered for hours?” He snapped, immediately feeling his stomach drop when you flinched, but he didn't apologize.
It frustrated him, the way you didn’t say anything and turned back to the laughter in the courtyard. When had the two of you started talking to each other in riddles or saying nothing at all?
(why hadn’t he noticed sooner?)
He's startled out of his thoughts when you start speaking again.
“Just…… didn’t wanna burden you when you’re supposed to be focused on the future,” you mutter, glancing at him and immediately skittering away from the way he watched you. Like you held something he so desperately wanted.
(like he always did, though you had yet to notice until now)
“What burden are ya talkin about?” He asks, racking his brain to think of anything that would make you feel that way.
A bolt of anger shoots through you and you snap. “You’re going places Tabi. You’re gonna be this big hotshot football player traveling all over the world after we graduate. You don't need anything holding you back,” you retort, feeling the thorns prick at the corner of your eyes.
You quickly turn back to the music drifting up from the party, trying to focus on anything other than whatever face he might be making right now. “And I'm….. just going to be here. Figuring out university and work…… and everything else.”
(by yourself)
His heart starts to feel sore, but he stays quiet, patiently waiting for you to collect your words.
“It's….. I’m not really gonna be adding anything to your new life anymore,” you finish, the hollow feeling in your chest that you’d been pushing down for weeks finally out of your body and into the air.
(you won’t need me anymore is what you really meant to say)
A beat passes before he lets out a snort. And then a laugh and you whip your head to glare at him properly (watching the way his lips pull back just far enough to reveal teeth and the way his mole jumps up higher on his face).
“And what made ya think ya could decide that all on ya own? That ya weren’t gonna be a part of it?” He says it so simply, like he didn’t just blow into your ears words that you’d been longing to hear. Mouth settling into the teasing tilt you knew all too well.
He was closer now, and you turned your head away again, teeth clenched and irritated at the stupid look on his face. Like now he had you all figured out.
You thought you’d gotten good at tucking away those bits of yourself. The bits where you longed for something that could never be yours. Had folded them up like old photos and placed them in albums meant to be looked at years later with bitter fondness.
But this was Karasu, who knew you better than anyone else did. Always had after that first look you’d shared at the back of the class and stifled giggles at the teacher's funny socks tugged over the hems.
“.......you’re being annoying Tabi,” you say as the irritation melts away and you chuck your soda in the trashcan across the rooftop; his laugh always tended to do that to you, one way or another (infuriatingly enough).
“And you’re talking to me again,” he says grinning at the way your mouth twisted into a sulk. He catches your gaze with a tilt of his head and the sudden softness you see in his eyes surprises you. Makes you with him stay this time.
“What’re you so scared of,” he whispers after making sure he has you, elbow brushing against your arm.
And oh that's dangerous you think, glancing down at his lips.
Really dangerous; you swallow and stare up at him.
“Just gonna miss you is all,” your voice coming out thick (you hate it).
“I ain’t going anywhere though,” he says, watching the way your lashes flutter while staring at him; his heart running in his chest.
(he likes the way he can see the stars dancing in your eyes)
(prettier than the ones cluttering the sky, he thinks)
“But you are.” And this time your voice cracks. You curse the way your emotions were scattering open tonight when you’d done such a good job of packing them away.
Something changes on his face and you don't think your heart can take it, not now. Not before the two of you go from this to strangers who maybe smile at each other from across the aisle and say nothing more before silently passing by.
(You don’t think you could ever handle giving him that kind of smile)
His hands twitch and he wants so badly to pull you into his chest, to stamp out whatever ridiculous thoughts were clouding your head. But he keeps them where they are, tense with want—with need.
His nose brushes against yours and you suck in a breath, chest tight and face flushing. When did he get so close?
You want to ask him what he's doing, to warn him to stop, but you can't seem to make your lips move—maybe you don’t want him to.
“Mmmm, but I’m not. and if I was, you’d be coming with me.” He grins and you want to smack him.
(you want to kiss him)
“Yeah? And what makes you so sure of that?” You whisper into the space, or lack thereof, between your lips.
“Because. I know ya,” he stops drifting away in your eyes and looks at you, all of you. And you want to stay here forever. Stay here, where he looks at you like that (he has, always).
“And……. because I’m asking ya now.”
He waits, wants so badly to move but he doesn’t, not until you give him your answer.
“Yes,” you say, lips parting, and that’s all he needs before he crashes his lips against yours.
Your hands clutch his shirt in your fists and his hands finally grasp your waist, bringing your body to him. His lips are soft (from the chapstick he always stole from you) and he tastes like vanilla cake.
You break away for air and stare at him; eyes sparkling and he has to try his hardest not to dive into you again, your breaths coming out in puffs.
The fireworks go off and cheers rise up to the roof as everyone watches the colors paint the sky. You tuck yourself into his arms like the spot’s always been yours and he holds you close like that's what his arms were made to do as you admire the flashing sparks.
“You know you’re stuck with me now right?” You tell him cheekily, smile so wide your cheeks ache. He chuckles and his eyes crinkle as he leans down to rest his forehead against yours, blissful. “It’s the other way ‘round doll. Ya ain’t getting rid of me till the end of time,” he says smugly, eyes bright.
You snort before you feel his smirk ghost over your lips for another kiss, your heart soaring higher than you ever thought possible, now beating side by side with his, no matter what the future held.
any and all likes/reblogs/replies are appreciated!!! <3
