#t-posting

Ohh my gods, it's also about not being believed. It's about not being believed until it's years later and now it affects you, personally, too, buts it's too little too late, because you didn't believe me and the events that transpired because of that fundamentally changed me as a person, and for the worse, and now you're apologizing, but no amount of sorrys in the world can make up for what I went through.

It comes down to why are you so obsessed with someone who hurt you so much, who let you be hurt so much? To doesn't it hurt to love someone and hate them so much at the same time? And why didn't they listen, why didn't they protect you? But it also comes down to you were begging them to let you into their world, and they did, and they regret it, but they can't take back what it did to you, how it changed you. And to you've been replaced.

I have a lot of reading to do. Like who are these nerds?? They didn't come from my side of the family psyche.

It's apparently pretty common, in our... situation, to need a hero, to create or borrow a hero. (I would say it's shocking it hadn't happened already, except that I know us, and we've been so messed up from the start that jumping straight to being the villain first makes sense in our case.) It probably says a lot about us that when we did finally get heros, we ended up with the most broken heros possible, because that's all we could imagine deserving, all we could relate to, all we could imagine ourself capable of being.