#system.prattle

our understanding of our system has always been just surface level. there’s been a few overall revelations here and there… and those have been after times of extreme stress . it’s just recently that I’m beginning to understand how we might be working

our “layers” as it is now…:

main layer . Our Headspace as we knew it, she ship, the garden, the cargo bay, the beach, the rooms, and front proper… there’s further sub areas but this is the main ones

the Ship consists of “front proper”, cargo bay, the office, and the rooms (left and right, and Hotel as it’s just extra rooms)

the Garden consists of the garden itself, the koi pond (to lead to the subway and underground), the hedge maze, the cottage (which on its own contains the labs), the Tree, the beach (leading to the beach house and the cave), and the forest (with the observatory and the castle.. amongst other things we haven’t found yet.)

and the last place is the cathedral, including the church library and likely other rooms.

then is The River… to cross it is treacherous and difficult . but if you do, you end up in

(Layer 2) Thoughtspace, containing the Toybox. this is where our more ethereal and unsure parts focus themselves. and where things happen; on the stage, processing thoughts through play and direction, even though it’s messy and does not have a set system as is.

and it seemed for several months that this was how it was going to be … discovery/formation of the Toybox itself was a big change.

but we seem to have another Layer, it feels like an editorial space. a space where things aren’t clearly defined yet, and yet I exist here outside of our previous experience. I am Aware of the rest of our system musings and the existence of other alters in place but I do not feel connected to them. I feel separate as a person to the fusion I should be, but they also feel individual alone. And there are others on my level, similar to me in makeup and thought process, but not Me. it feels like discovering new alters for the first time again… but it’s not? It isn’t the first time, it hasn’t been the first time for a decade. This is just as confusing and upsetting as it was previous. different support system, different processing, different traumas… it all seems to be coalescing into something we couldn’t even make up as fiction if we tried. I and We and Me all are on the same level of feeling. I feel like Avi AND Vriska AND Azure. But a lot of our thoughts have not been theirs *or* mine, leading me to believe something else or someONE else is lurking and has not made themselves known yet. Time will tell, we will learn, it will be revealed… et cetera. the need for feeling dramatic and waxing poetic about our thoughts is just exacerbated by the things we’ve had to experience recently. We don’t process well, we never have, and it just takes time and a spiral into ourselves (a dip into madness? the psychosis is quite apparent) to understand what we will eventually come to know ourselves as.

I have a feeling this experience will occur again and again and will feel real and terrifying and confusing each individual time we go through it