I hope they never take this filter away.. I have grown way too attached 😂

this isn’t the typical swiftie story of thirteen years of devotion, and for that, i’m sorry. i know taylor needed us and i wasn’t there. i’m so glad for her that there were still incredible strong fans that stayed - obviously rep couldn’t have happened without you and you kept taylor standing. i just wanted to share my story in case there’s any new/returning stans out there like me who feel bad that they weren’t always 100% devoted. i regret falling prey to the media and my fake friends. i think sometimes people on here want to show their love and never jeopardize their chance for taylor to want to meet them. but i think taylor would agree it’s important to be honest, own up to your mistakes, say sorry, and do better, so here i am.

i was a massive stan from the first time i heard IOMWIWY on tumblr in 2007. i could never afford concert tickets but i bought every album, learned every lyric, learned guitar so i could play them, blasted fearless in my room every night, etc. but that’s not the point of my story. sometime between the wildest dreams video colonialism controversy and hiddleswift, i bought into the general sentiment that it was cool to hate on her (although i did always think the kimye video proved nothing and i did not jump on the #canceled cyberbullying). i was just starting university and making new friends and they literally liked indie records that were “much cooler” than taylor’s so i went along with it. i didn’t even buy rep when it first came out because i thought it was shady and attention-seeking when i saw kanye’s font on the cover and heard LWYMMD; later when i gave the album a chance, i almost bought tour tickets, but then i saw one of the now-infamous “taylor swift is no longer relatable and her tickets sales prove it” articles and i didn’t do it because i didn’t want to be a loser. 

here’s the thing. taylor proved me wrong. i watched the rep tour on netflix and i realized i had been so, so wrong. i read about everything she did during rep era to take back her narrative and show time and time again that she loved her fans on a personal level. i remembered how happy she and her music made me. i had dropped those “friends” and my entire worldview changed - i had been judging not only taylor but everyone else because they weren’t “cool” instead of recognizing that they were smart, happy, confident, unapologetically different, and loved themselves.

i rejoined tumblr a few months ago so i could see the posts taylor had liked (and i’ve now scrolled through over 6500 of her likes trying to go back in time and learn what i missed), but instead i found this entire amazing fandom that made me so happy. now i have this place where i can (now proudly) fangirl over everything taylor-related and feel like i have friends again. and i can also proudly say that now when i see another strong woman achieving success, instead of feeling the need to tear her down for being “uncool”, i smile and support and share. i get so much joy out of celebrating taylor now instead of feeling shame for it - it turns out embracing the things you like actually makes you happier! who knew?! i loved your elle article, but for me, staying true to myself was the biggest lesson you taught me.