#sweateriiisms

he didn’t want to her the explanation. her frightened reaction was just enough of an answer. it was always the same story. jonas couldn’t believe that stuff anymore. ´ it’s not you, it’s me ´. but after so many rejections, after being tossed away, ignored, stepped on, his heart was bleeding and his mind screaming at him for being such an idiot he actually spoke his mind. showed his needy nature. he was used to this dance by now, he knew every step of it, but that didn’t mean that it hurt any less than the first time.

falling together, burying his face in his hands and bending over on the chair until his forehead hit his knees,  there were those thoughts  tormenting him again.  she was  way out of  his league. he had known that all along. he was weird, unattractive, lame and she had seen all those parts of him. he just couldn’t help getting his hopes up. he couldn’t help falling before anyone had  the chance to  catch him. he loved to lecture,  but had  not once proven he could learn from any of his mistakes.

        du är ett misslyckande . . . 

and suddenly, a strained laugh escaped him. it was joyless, but he pretended it sounded just the way he wanted it to. he picked himself up, straightening his back and clearing his throat. one hand was still covering his mouth, and there were tears in his eyes. he didn’t want his stupidity to make things weird between them. he couldn’t fall on his own feet like that. he could ruin a wonder friendship, making misses like that.

“ a-haha, why so serious, princess? i just . . . i meant like, maybe you could teach me what i should do more of. or less of. don’t go that far, i mean, wow, i haven’t even asked you out on a real date yet. let’s not drop any bombs today~ i’m fine, see? “

seeing her smile like that was true bliss. and hearing that someone as  sweet as  herself actually  thought he was adorable, it was truly humorous. “ well, i’m a sensitive man, how could i not?  but if anyone else asks, it’s a journal, okay? “ he chuckled. wall, if a journal could be full of water paintings too, that could pass. and at once she leaned close,  the teacher’s eyes went half-closed, most certain  just teasing  was to be  followed.  the kiss to the ends of his lips were surprising enough. it caused a tickling itch to him and his own twitched as well, even when smiling as wide as ever from how fun she seemed to have. when she kissed the other side, his eyes closed, simply enjoying the gentle,  affectionate sensation.  one he missed on a regular basis. but then, there was the tender touch. warm, soft, like a r e a l kiss. and it was a real kiss.

eyes immediately shot open, not in horror, but simply in surprise. his own cheeks and ears heated up before he had the chance to control it, and he stared into her eyes as if searching for something. what it was, he didn’t even know himself. curling his lips inward, he bit down on the lower one, almost as if trying to savor the leftover tingle of the contact, any taste it might have left.