#swconfess

“All right, last one of these. Won’t say I’ll miss it, if we’re being honest,” Thomas said as he adjusted the lav mic on his shirt. “You’re all great, but I am tired of my thoughts being broadcast for the world to see.”

“We’ll try not to be offended by that. You’re one of the original Ship-mates. How does it feel to be going home?”

“Honestly? It feels incredible. I’m ready. I’ve been ready ever since I was able to go home and see my family. I want to get back to work. I want to see my family again. Most importantly, I want to start my life with Celeste.”

“You and Celeste are great together. We all ship it, if you will. But you almost didn’t end up with her. You could have left here with Xavier once upon a time.”

Thomas nodded. “I know, and I think in another life Xavier and I could have been good together. But everything has turned out better than I ever expected. Xavier and Raj are great together. I can see how happy they make each other. I think everyone who is paired up now work well. And Celeste is the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. She makes me smile until my face hurts, and she makes me want to be the best version of myself. It’s no secret that my first marriage was toxic. That won’t be the case between the two of us.”

“So, you have plans to propose to her?”

“I already have the ring, and yes,” he said and left it at that. “I know how disappointed you all will be that it won’t be captured on camera. And our wedding won’t be televised like Tony and Seb’s was. That’s never something I wanted anyway,” he shrugged.

“What comes next after that?”

“Life, I suppose,” Thomas laughed. “Everything. I hope a family, one day. I would love to have kids with her. But things can never be as fast with us as they were with Chris and Juni. But I’m so happy for them. Every time they talk about the baby or each other, their faces light up. 

“Last questions. What was the worst part of being on Ship-Wrecked, and what advice do you have for next season’s contestants?”

“I’m pretty sure everyone is going to say the lack of proper food was the hardest part. We are all much skinnier than we started, and everyone was fit to begin with. Yeah, we got normal food toward the end, but months without it sucked. I hope you don’t do that to the next group. Maybe they could also get full food privileges after they win access to the bungalows. And maybe give out more of those opportunities next time, too,” Thomas suggested. “I hope the next Ship-Mates enjoy this place as much as possible. Make a ton of friends and let your heart be open to love. You never know what kind of joy it can bring you.”

“Great stuff, Thomas. Thank you. Don’t block our number. We will probably be in touch in the near future.”

“We’ve seen you make out with Aldrich before. Cameras everywhere. You haven’t exactly been hiding it well.”

“Well, can you blame me? He’s the hottest man I’ve seen in my life, and he’s somehow attracted to me despite my word vomit the first time I talked to him,” he shook his head. “He called my rambling cute. Did you put that in the show?” he wondered.

“You know you’re not supposed to ask that kind of stuff.”

“I know, I know. But you have to give the viewers at home some reason to think I’m not a complete dork. I know I am, but maybe you can do a little editing magic to make me seem more suave and charming than I really am,” he grinned.

“You’re purposely avoiding talking about the kiss. Spill. What was going through your mind when you asked Aldrich to be your boyfriend?”

Riley looked between the producer and the camera. “I was thinking that I fancy him more than I’ve ever fancied another man. It’s not just his looks, but his personality. He’s not a prick despite knowing he’s fit as fuck. And we had already kissed, so I already knew he liked me back. It wasn’t a difficult ask. I guess the only reason he might have said no is if he doesn’t want commitment. He wouldn’t be the first person on this island to lead someone on.” The comment was very pointed. “Before you ask, I said everything I want to say about Khamani to his face.” 

“We almost thought you were going to hit him.”

Astrid knew that when she had signed up for a dating show that there was a chance of whoever she fell for would fall for someone else. She even knew that there was a chance that she would see whoever it was kissing someone else. Astrid had thought she had been prepared for it. 

But she had been wrong. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” the producer asked as they walked into the confessionals booth. Truthfully Astrid had come in thinking that nobody would be in there and give her a chance to cry by herself. But part of her knew that they would find her there, after all, they were always being watched. 

“I like Xavier, I really like Xavier and just seeing him kissing someone else it just....it hurts,” she choked out, sobs punctuating her words as she sunk into herself with her tears. Astrid wasn’t sure how long she cried, bunched into herself as the producer and camera watched. 

“Like, I started trying to figure out how we might work outside the island. With him having to travel for work, and maybe me going with him to New York sometimes. And just having him there to make me feel better whenever I had a rough day at work. I just....I could start to visualize it, and I probably got too ahead of myself and now......” the sobs broke out of her harder this time. 

Her father had warned her that she probably wouldn’t develop anything that was real when she was here, and here she was where her feelings were probably stronger than she had even realized. Only truly realizing how deeply she felt for him. Astrid knew that she needed to talk to him, see where his head was at. 

“And like I can’t even be mad because I like Xavier and Celeste and it just looked real and they looked happy and they’d probably be good together,” she sniffled, curling herself into a ball again. “I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.” 

A new burst of sobs came out of her, and the next thing she knew Louis had pulled her into a hug. “Hey you got this,” he whispered in Astrid’s ear, giving her the encouragement that she didn’t know that she needed, “Just keep being yourself. If people can’t see how special you are, that’s your problem.”

Chad stood there, a smile on his face as he looked at the footballer. “Okay so just go ahead, say whatever’s on your mind then.”

“You kinda put us in a really rough situation you know? Like it’s weird. It kinda feels like a whole lot of folks are out here getting all these deep connections and shit, and with all this tension and stuff and then like... there are some of us who are just kinda floating. Spinning our wheels and stuff. It’s kinda really tough you know. Like don’t get me wrong, the vibing, the friends, the chilling, that’s all fun. But like... I’m just floating here. Waiting to connect with someone like that. And I’m just here.” 

“Maybe put yourself out there a bit more?”

“I’m just being me, right? If I put myself out there, get super in depth with this like false persona of who I am, and people react to it, but that ain’t me, you know? My mama is just a lady, my dad is just a dude, sure they were high profile in their time, but they’re just people. And I’m just a person. I’m not like... hyper outgoing like some people.”

“And so what are you thinking?”

“Not really sure. I’ve been here since day one. And I’ve got a a bunch of really good friends. But I ain’t connected with anyone in that way you know. Lowkey feels like if I ain’t out there dropping defenders like the NASDAQ, people ain’t interested. Which is fine, fuck it. I do my job all the time. Might be best to go back and do it.”

“So are people getting in your head?”

“Nah, tell me I was awful and that shit would not faze me. Tell me how I suck again, yeah my memory will get real hazy.”

“Was that just a...”

“Seriously, like... Imma be fine I’m sure. But it’s just kinda weird always feeling like I’m gonna be the last one waiting out here. Seems like most people have had at least one connection so far. And I’ve just like... been here. Guess it’s just a winter summer camp.”

“Are you thinking of leaving?”

“So, eventful first few days, Mr. LeBeau?”

Rodrigue’s eyes darted up towards the producer. A heavy sigh escaped the man before he turned back towards the camera. Another deep breath. Maybe he wouldn’t even talk.

“I do not understand why that question set him off.”

“How do you know I wasn’t asking about the person you were flirting with immediately upon showing up?” Chad, or Luis, or Manuel or whatever asked, a small smirk dancing behind the camera.

“Because this is a business where drama sells. You were asking about both. If I had started by talking about Juni, I would be painted as someone without a care for what happened with Raj. Now you will paint me as someone who just was attempting to seduce and discard the first person I met on the island. It’s okay, I understand you want to have a villain.” The CEO responded, still not smiling in his reaction to the statement. “So what is the next question you have?”

“Why’d you just ask him out of nowhere like that?”

“I have always thought being direct was better than beating around until something is forced out of someone. I do not want to be manipulative in that way. I assumed, since it was brought up publicly already, that it would make it easier that I just asked. I wanted his side of the story, as the host is not always the most reliable storyteller. I would expect the same if he was to ask about the cars we had to recall or the failed launch of a product. I just would answer and explain. Maybe I do not understand the way these people’s emotions and social cues work.”

“Are you going to apologize?”

“If he wants me to, I can apologize for the misunderstanding. I do not think he wants me to though. I think he too wants a villain to oppose. Are we finished?”

“Yeah I think we got enough.”

“Merci. If anyone needs me, I’m going for a ro-day.”

“So I stole your pen.” Xavier pretended to tighten a necktie. “And notebook. And I did the whole pros and cons for Celeste, Thomas, and Astrid and there ain’t no cons man. There ain’t no cons. I want my money back. 

“Can we go back to where you stole my pen?” The producer tapped the front of shirt, confirming that his pen was definitely gone. “And notebook?” 

“Just a page. This is important. What if I end up marrying one of them? What if we go back to San Fran and they hate me? What if I missed something? No red flags, Chad! None! They’re all wonderful. Am I gonna be a Zhang? Am I going to be an author’s wifey and give her massages after every book signing? Am I going to be a hockey player groupie?” 

“I thought you were already one of those, that’s who you guys met?” 

“Touché ya freaking jerk.” Xavier clicked the pen and wrote down, do not trust this guy. He is fugly and a producer and vowed to glue a photo of Chad there. 

“Okay, so no red flags is a good thing. Do you feel strong feelings for any of them?” 

“Define strong.” 

“Like butterflies?” 

“This isn’t 6th grade, mate. I don’t get butterflies. I get literal anxiety over this sheet.” And there it was. Xavier hadn’t felt this way since he was a teenager. This was...confusion. Holy hell. “Okay, so I like them all. Let’s see what happens but until then, I’m locking myself up don’t introduce me to anymore cute boys or gals or any thing of the sort and I’ll be able to focus on the task at hand. No more cute people, Chad! none!” He kept the notebook close to his chest and stood up. 

“And I’m keeping the notebook.”