#swan attack

Combeferre rubbed his sore arm absent-mindedly, taking in the unholy stinking mess that was Bahorel's living room, as Bahorel wrangled the last of the hissing half-grown swans into his bedroom. "Dare I ask why you have these wretched things in your apartment?"

Jehan's muffled voice drifted up from somewhere under the dining table. "There is something dreadfully Romantic in taking these magnificent feathered jewels of creation whose purity of colour is rivalled only by the incandescence of their wrath, and raising them to know the gentle hand of man -"

"We were going to train them to attack people on sight."

Combeferre stared at Bahorel in disbelief. "Swans already attack people on sight."

"Yes, but we were going to train them into guard swans!" Bahorel rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

@aflamethatneverdies​ requested “Prouvaire and Bahorel doing something fun.” ... I’m not sure that anything Poetry Smash considers fun is considered such in anybody else’s book.... ;)

(I’m getting a weird case of déjà vu from all this. I don’t know if I’ve already done this, or if somebody’s written this scenario or something, or it’s just something that’s so Jehan/Bahorel that it immediately feels familiar. LOL).

So a friend and I decided that we wanted to go on first camping adventure without adult supervision (we were 16 at the time). But we didn’t want to go too far, so we decided to just camp a night at our normal campsite which is probably only about 10 miles from where we live. But we wanted to spice it up a bit. Since the campsite is based next to a river which doesn’t allow any motor boats, just kayaks and canoes and that kind of thing, we wanted to arrive by kayak. So we asked my dad if we could use the double kayak for a couple of days so we could go camping, and if he could drop us off a few miles from the campsite at a river entry point. But parents being parents he didn’t think that was such a great idea, he instead suggested that he takes us to the campsite and we set up our stuff then he drops us off at that same river point we wanted to be dropped off and we paddle to the campsite, just without all the camping gear. So we agreed, thinking that it would save a fair amount of effort. So that’s what we did.

After setting up the campsite and being dropped off at the our starting point with the double kayak we set off. We thought it was gonna take longer than normal since it was a pretty moody day. There was strong winds, a tad drop of rain, and just all in all gloomy, a typical British easter. But we were excited anyway and we set off. Now there were rumours going around for a few years that there was this swan which practically owned a section of the river this time of year, and it would attack anyone trying to paddle past it. Apparently it had even broken somebody’s arm a few years back, but those were just rumours and we’d completely forgotten about it. But about half way into the paddle we encountered said swan. And it was coming straight for us at a fairly fast swimming speed. Like as fast as we were paddling towards it, except we were trying to go around it nice and calmly not realising this swan was the rumoured swan. But when it got about a meter from our kayak it started squealing at us and picked up its pace a little. And we were like ‘NOPE not gonna let some swan attack us today’ so we turned around and got out on the closest bank that we could actually get out at. Unfortunately that was on the other side of a fence that we couldn’t get past and just re-enter the kayak just past the swan. So I suggested we get back and just paddle fast past this swan, because it was only a swan what the hell is gonna do to us, right? So we did it, we got back on the water and started to paddle fast, we managed to get past the swan and were making a reasonable gap between us. But it was pissed. It squealed louder and then launched itself out of the water and was flying full speed at us. At this point we were screaming like little boys. And for some reason it chose me as its target even though I was at the front of the boat and further away from it, but nonetheless this screaming swan was flying straight at me ready to do god knows what. I somehow managed to duck just at the right time and it flew over my head, so we quickly took this opportunity to turn around and get back on the river bank. This time fortunately on the right side of the fence. Figuring we couldn’t get past it in the water we opted to carry the kayak to the next get in spot. Which unfortunately was about three quarters of a mile away, since the bank was overgrown with thorns and marsh for the rest of the way. And on top of that my mate already had several broken fingers in the process of healing from a recent rugby injury, but since we were so desperate to go camping we did it anyway. So because of this I had to carry this kayak on my own to the next drop in point, since he was moaning about how his fingers hurt and he couldn’t carry them. But we did it, well I did it. And then continued the rest of our kayak journey back to the campsite calmly, other than the fact that every time more swans appeared my mate whimpered like a little girl (I realise I’m making him seem like a right baby in this, but ironically he is a lot bigger and stronger than me, he just doesn’t like swans, and is very dramatic haha). 

The rest of the camping trip went as smooth as it could go though. We messed up cooking dinner (since we weren’t that experienced in the art of cooking) but breakfast was easy enough. We kinda just lived off sandwiches and snacks for like 24hrs. It was good fun. 10/10 would recommend it. We definitely look back on it and laugh now, and are always planning on doing it again, but maybe in a bit bigger scale, but we haven’t. Maybe this summer will be the one. Lets hope we don’t get attacked by something else on a bigger scale this time either.