#suspected avoidant

I'm here, I'm destructive, and I'm not going back. We're going full force.

I already lost my mother, lost the home, lost staying in grade school, aborted 2 kids, lost my mind, lost respect from the tough folks. I won't lose this job. I will stay here as long as needed, stay in this shared home with complete strangers in an are I'm not native to, for the sake of control.

I sit here, thinking about buying a w33d v@pe, whether I should do it at all, is this the suspected mental illness at play. It is. It's my Dad. I know he looks at my bank account. He still thinks he can help me. But he can't. I do enough to keep myself in check. I've worked 1 year straight with no vacations, something I can't say for the rest of my coworkers. (Then again I haven't spoke to everyone so there's gotta be those who haven't taken vacation, paid or not). I had the chance for that car for $1500 and I blew it. I freaked out because I wanted to have my own place and stay secluded and stay car/licenseless and I blew it.

Hyper independence Anyone else out there who have the opportunity to stay at a relative’s place for money saving purposes, but due to trauma linked to them, refused, or tried to at one point but your trauma nerves and reactions got the best out of you and fear going back