[closed RP] surface deep
@definitely-not-altair: “Empathy is- I’m not quite sure. I’m learning.” He admits. “It’s something I know I’m capable of, but it’s as though it’s turned off by default. I have to think about it to really understand.” He feels uncomfortable admitting to that. Especially to another version of himself, after all. “I give what- well what I assume anyone wants of me. It’s learned behavior, Dragon.” It feels odd calling his other Talon as well, so the design of his blade is the nickname he’ll get. “It’s not easy. It’s a struggle, it’s uncomfortable and awkward but I’ve found in most cases, rewarding. That’s why I’m trying.” He rubs his neck, closing his eyes. “I’m not sure who I am lately. I admit, sometimes it feels wrong to even allow people to want to be around me. Like I’m lying to them, and maybe I am.” A beat. “I suppose you’re me, so we must be similar in that way. Do you hate being touched so much? Or is it trust?”
“...Really? If someone just wants something from you. you give it?” The idea was foreign to Talon, who spent most of his time jealously guarding himself and his own body. Maybe that was why people liked his other self better. He was more generous. He was more willing to comply with what was asked of him. Talon mulled that over, putting it aside for further thought later. He couldn’t help but point out, “If you’re giving people what they want, isn’t that nice of you? Because I can’t do that shit. Not always.” It had taken drugging himself to be able to do anything remotely sexual with Draven and that had ended disastrously enough that Talon was not willing to repeat it. Draven was gone. The soulstealer was gone. Compromising did nothing but make Talon hate himself once it was over for given away so much of himself. “I don’t mind people wanting to be around me. I’m always honest with them about what I can and can’t do. So I figure if they’re sticking around, they know the score.” They knew Talon would never believe their sweet lying words of love, they knew Talon would never desire them physically. But... “I think it is trust. Being touched just feels wrong. Like it’s not supposed to happen unless they’re trying to kill me. But some people -- don’t get that reaction. They’re okay.” But Talon still didn’t want them. The closest he came was wanting to touch them, pet their hair or kiss their throat, and he knew that was chaste compared to the thoughts they had.
