April 17th technically isn’t a significant date for me (it became one because I picked it randomly for something in a story a long time ago) but April 21st is my birthday so I’m just throwing it out here now that if Sam and Dean’s story somehow ends on my birthday in-universe (I know it’ll be May 18th irl) my joking about the writers channeling my life will end and I’m gonna have to start questioning things.

just warning y'all now, that will be the last straw.

Part of the reason I decided to go to a convention in the first place was seeing @squirrel-face‘s wonderful photo op back in April that made me want to cry because it’s just so sweet and I realized I also wanted a picture with Sam.

As anyone familiar with my mental health cocktail of autism and anxiety might have predicted, I was very overwhelmed by there being tons of noise, tons of people, and tons of New Things at the convention. I’m honestly a little surprised I did not at any point start hand-flapping or otherwise stimming (I’ve only hand-flapped twice in my entire life but that’s enough to worry) which is good because I was not in a mental place to be proudly autistic. I was in a mental place of “I hope I actually fucking remember my interaction[s] with him” because I like blacked out the memory last time I met anyone cool.

Now, I’d been agonizing over what to wear to the convention because choice 1. a nice top because I want to look good in my photo but there was also choice 2. my Crazy Chicken Lady shirt because I wanted the most “me” photo possible. I ended up wearing my chicken lady t-shirt to the convention and also the meet and greet where I did in fact interact with him, and bringing a nice purple top in case I wanted to change for the photo op but later on when I was having a drink I spilled a drop on my shirt so I was like “welp, definitely wearing the nice top for the photo op now.”

So I get in line for my photo op and I have my arms crossed while I’m in line and I did not even try to look directly at his beautiful face because I can barely make eye contact with my own family lol so I’m sure he could gauge my shyness levels. He asked how I was and I did not give an answer because ahhhhh and then he said he liked my top

which is literally the best thing he could have possibly said because

1. I had been agonizing over that

2. he probably recognized me from the meet and greet and noticed I’d changed

3. maybe he accidentally looked down my shirt and he said the first thing heterosexual men say when they can see your bra which would honestly just be really flattering if that was the case lmao

I was too anxious to say anything but “can I have a picture with Sam?” and I was also too anxious to get into any position that made sense other than smiling at the camera and later on when I found my photo op I’m like “...what?”

because my first thought was an imaginary meme of

expectations: [squirrel-face’s photo op]

reality: [my photo op]

but then I decided although it wasn’t what I expected I liked it, also I didn’t care because his decision to say he liked my top was like the fucking highlight of my month.

I showed it to my sister the next day and before I did I’m like “it requires an explanation” but when she saw it she’s like “HE’S PROTECTING YOU!!!”

and wow, autism moment, because I just could not read his face without someone else telling me that, but she was absolutely right.

So now I like my photo op where Sam Winchester is protecting me from the world even though I am doing the photo equivalent of Sam’s awkward arm swinging in The French Mistake.