#supastag

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hannibal (TV), Spacedogs - Fandom Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Nigel (Charlie Countryman)/Adam Raki Characters: Nigel (Charlie Countryman), Adam Raki Additional Tags: First Kiss, Nigel-centric, past homophobia, Short One Shot, Fluff, i think Series: Part 6 of Nigels gifts Summary:

“Thanks, I will.” Taking the folder from Adam, Nigel leaned in, gave him a quick peck on the lips, and rushed out.

It wasn’t until he was in front of his client and licked his lips to start talking that he remembered he had kissed his roommate.

He had kissed Adam.

Oh no.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Nigel asked Adam without looking away from the night sky. Adam was sitting in silence beside him. It was a perfect night for stargazing; though it was cold, the stars shone bright above them.

“Yes,” Adam answered, though he wasn’t paying much attention to the stars. Instead he paid attention to the little details of Nigel’s face illuminated by the moonlight, the way his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at Adam’s answer.

“What is the problem gorgeous? You have been way to silent tonight... hell, Adam, you haven’t said anything in all the time we had been here.” Nigel blurted, realizing the fact that yeah, it was not normal for Adam to not be speaking his ear off in front of such a sight and for so long.

“I...I wanted to ask you Nigel. If you would go out with me?” Adam said nodding to himself at the way the question had been delivered.

“I’m already out with you, Gorgeous,” Nigel answered chuckling. Adam only stared at him, his mind going blank.

Adam had spent the last week practising the question over and over again. He had planned everything, from the location to the tone of voice he was going to use, if the answer was yes, and how he would deal with the rejection if the answer was no, since Harlan had warned him about Nigel possibly rejecting the idea of a homosexual relationship, but Nigel’s unexpected answer had taken him by surprise and the speech he had planned was gone from his mind.

“I meant a date, Nigel.” Adam clarified.

“Sure thing darling. When?”  Something didn’t feel right about Nigel’s answer and Adam couldn’t explain why he felt uneasy about it. The answer had been positive but something was bothering him.

“Nigel, I meant for it to be in a romantic manner. I’m asking you to be my partner.”

“What?!” Nigel’s eyes widened then blinked at him once, twice.

Adam shivered, maybe he had done something wrong. Maybe Harlan was right and Nigel would react badly to it.

“Adam, do you think I would stay up until 3a.m. in the cold, at what feels like two miles up a hill,on a Saturday with just anyone?” Nigel frowned at him with disbelief.

“Oh…” Adam blinked back, confused. “Do you mean…”

“I won’t start a relationship with you Adam.” Nigel interrupted him, and Adam swallowed, feeling a sting in his chest. “Going out in the middle of the night every few days to watch stars, watch Julia fucking Roberts movies on marathon, we have lunch and dinner together every day, we fell asleep on the couch more times than I can count, we go together to get your mac and cheese on regular basis... Adam, I am under the impression that I am already  in a relationship with you.”

Adam’s breath quickened as the meaning of the words sank in, his mind tried to tie the knots.

“But we never...you never asked me, I never asked you before, how? When?”

Nigel looked confused himself.

“I thought it was... obvious, oh fuck, Adam I’m sorry, I thought... it just...happened.”

“But we never... We didn’t...I didn’t know.” Adam said, as he thought back to their routines, they had routines together , they were domestic, most of nights Nigel didn’t even go back to his apartment. Adam looked around him, they were up a hill in the middle of the night, together.

Adam’s thoughts came to a halt as cold hands settled on his cheeks and Nigel’s lips covered his. Before he could return the kiss Nigel pulled away. “I should have done that since I realized.” Nigel said softly caressing his right cheek with his thumb. Adam nodded and pulled him closer into a comfortable embrace.

“I’m so sorry Gorgeous, I assumed that because I knew, then you…”

“It’s okay, Nigel, I do that too.” Adam smiled, too happy at the turn of events to be annoyed at himself for not realizing and at Nigel for not making it clear.

Adam started to think about Nigel sleeping in his bed not the couch that night instead.

A Necessary Death-- Spacedogs

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hannibal (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter Characters: Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, Chiyoh (Hannibal) Additional Tags: Angst, ChiyohIsTheNewBedelia, Gifset Summary:

Written to pair with a gorgeous gifset by Sirenja.

http://sirenja-and-the-stag.tumblr.com/

Thank you so much for replying. Yes, I've seen people saying they think Adam's meltdowns are "too much" so it's helpful to get a different perspective. I love Hugh's performance but also have issues with Beth "fixing" Adam; I think it's meant to be the "learning from love" trope but she is deeply flawed and yet she doesn't seem to learn anything.

I don’t know if I can get Spacedogs ‘right’ in my fic but at the very least, I know more than I did about Aspergers. Thank you for helping me learn.

You’re absolutely welcome! I’m always happy to help, especially when it’s a topic I have personal experience with. <3

I’m not sure where these people are getting the “too much” from, though, to be honest. I was reading reviews and kept thinking, “Huh, that sounds like me.” Granted, I have been told that I’m too much myself, so maybe they’re onto something, after all. It looks over-the-top, I suppose, because I’ve been told that, too. And maybe the neurotypical writers meant it to be over-the-top. Who knows? All I know is that from what I’ve read, his experience under extreme duress is also my experience.

Is it unusual? Probably. But I’ve been present at my own meltdowns, and while they are highly embarrassing, they are definitely very real. So I hope that maybe we, as a community, can set aside the “too much” argument now?

(I would love to retire the “learning from love” trope, too. That’s how we get disgusting, ableist disasters like Me Before You.)

First, some full disclosure:

my diagnosis has come from two professionals–my therapist and psychiatrist–but has not been written in my chart/made official for fear that it could prohibit me from physically transitioning should I decide to do so (I’m trans)

I was only diagnosed last August given my lifetime of symptoms and seeking treatment for my son for warning signs of ASD

I love the Spacedogs ship, and was very excited to try and find room to squeeze watching Adam into my schedule. As I often do, I decided to read as much as I could about it before viewing it, and I’m very glad I did, as there are some issues with the film.

It always bothers me when the narrative of the film turns to using a neurotypical character (Beth) to “fix” a neuroatypical character (Adam). She coaches him into navigating social situations, and by the end of the film, he seems to be doing well on his own. This is highly unrealistic. I spent a lifetime teaching myself how to talk to people, how to force myself to look someone in the eyes, joining social groups that were focused on self-presentation. I still have trouble. There’s no way Adam could have picked up on it this fast; a neurotypical cannot work magic on a neuroatypical. It’s ableist, disingenuous, and insulting to insinuate that it can happen that way.

As for his relationship with Beth, that is also fairly unrealistic. While I grow attached to people very quickly, I find it difficult to divulge personal information for fear of saying something inappropriate, which often keeps me from developing deep friendships with people who don’t have an understanding of my personality and background already. Regarding romantic relationships, I’m aromantic, which adds a whole other layer of difficulty, because I can’t distinguish platonic feelings from romantic ones. I express physical and emotional affection for friends and partners on the same level, but I have to have known them for a long time or made a strong connection with them. So yes, it’s possible that Adam could have forged that bond with Beth right off the bat, but highly unlikely.

I have problems comprehending context in conversation, but Adam’s is very exaggerated. I know when I’m being lied to. If someone says they need a hug, I understand that they are expecting me to offer one. When a person asks me if I would like to see something that is important to them, I know that I am supposed to say yes, because that is what is polite and expected. Again, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time socially-conditioning myself, so this may not be the typical experience of a person with Asperger’s or who lives on the spectrum. But for someone who has the level of independence that Adam does, it would be safe to say that he would know these things, as well.

There are some people who would call Adam’s meltdowns unrealistic, but I have very similar ones. Rocking, crying, hyperventilating, repetition of phrases, stimming, hitting myself in the head–depending on the level of upset, any of these are probable. It’s left me open to abuse in many of my relationships; physical, emotional, and gaslighting. So unlike some other reviews, I think these can be experienced by autistics regardless of their point on the spectrum.

Again, please remember that my experience is not everyone’s. We all have our unique quirks and challenges. I dislike having the back of my neck touched; for my son, it helps calm him down. He needs constant physical stimuli, especially when sleeping; I need space, especially when sleeping. He wants to touch me all the time; I sit there with my skin crawling. We both dislike crowds and loud noises; we’re both obsessed with electronics. It’s not an all or nothing; just like neurotypicals, we’re not all the same.

“Nigel…”

“Yes?”

“I want to kiss you, but I don’t know if you want to kiss me too.”

“There’s nothing I’d like more, Adam…”

Spacedogs 12/12 [tweet here]

—

"Actually, we're taking our dinner to go."

"We can do that...?"

"Adam, I told you. Anything you want, darling."