#suopen

“I don’t get it.”

Scott had parked himself in the TV in the student lounge. Unemployment had been, difficult. He’d worn his eyes out watching TeamX Danger Room footage, dotted every i and crossed every t on whatever notes and paperwork Emma hadn’t already done. He’d trained, run, tidied, and now,.. Now what.

Scott squinted at the screen, trying to understand. “Why is she mad now? Why are they all so mad all the time?”

He had done it. Such a fucking cuntcickle. He had fucked up. He fucked up so bad. Why did he think to trust Emma frost. Why did he think to trust anyone? He hurt so many people. And now he was paying for it. He didn’t want to do it. He was saing that out loud. Or at least trying to. The sobs didn’t let him talk much. He was still in pain. He refused to to the medbay. He was still bleeding.

He got Bruce ivolved, had him be hurt. He hurt everyone in that god forsaken battle. He couldn’t stop sobbing. Why couldn’t he stop. Why in god’s name couldn’t he stop.  That;’s when the footsteps approached. God damn it. He was probably gonna be berated. “I didn’t wanna do it.” He got out. “They forced me. I swear!” He’s crying harder now. 

Like a bitch. 

 “There are... things, crawling in my head.” Mumbling. Such an idiot. “They, they won’t go away.” Shouldn’t have left the room. “I can hear them.” He shouldn’t have gone to the library. “Whispering.” Shouldn’t have crawled in the corner. “No. No not whispering. Not today.” He shouldn’t be talking right now Shouldn’t even be breathing. But he had to get out Too little noise. Let him hear more clearly. The whispers that were now screams in his head. So quiet. Why did they have to scream. 

“They’re so loud. So loud I can’t hear anything. Is this hell? It feels like hell. Pain. Make it stop.” His brain hurt. Pure acid was dripping on it. He was on fire. Not physically. He wasn’t that lucky. “Please, God make it stop. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to. I never meant to hurt her. It was him. It’s always been him. He did it all God. Punish him, please just stop this.” He was scratching at the top of his head. Trying to pull his scalp out Trying to reach into his brain and take the worms in it out. They wouldn’t stop crawling. God it hurt. Why did it have to hurt. 

But nothing hurt more than seeing him. He was bad now. Last time he saw himself -no, not him. That creature. The Goblin king. Whoever crowned him deserved hell and back- was when he did that thing to Peter. To Gwen. He saw Goblin. He was coming closer. The fear in Harry’s eyes had never been greater. He couldn’t breath. It was too close ti him. So close and yet he couldn’t scream, couldn’t say anything. 

Fire. It was all around the library. No. No not the library. No. Anywhere but here. The clock tower. Or dear lord it was the clock tower. He didn’t wanna look up. No. He wasn’t going to. He wouldn’t have if he had a choice. He saw it. Dear lord no he saw it. He saw Goblin fighting Peter. He saw it all. He saw the fall. He saw the head hit the ground. He heard the snap. He saw Gwen lay motionless in air. Saw her face stay the same shocked expression.