#sun xiang

And then of all the players, the staff, hell, even sneaky fans who sometimes find their way backstage, Ye Xiu walks in on Sun Xiang leaning over the sink, crying. And Ye Xiu, the bastard he is, doesn't have the decency to walk away and pretend he didn't see. He rubs salt in Sun Xiang's wounds, and really, he'd always been the reason for Sun Xiang's problems.

"Sobbing like this after losing a match.... Young kids these days lack resilience."

Sun Xiang raises his head and glares. Ye Xiu smirks. Damn him.

"Get out," Sun Xiang hisses as he turns to look away. He can't tolerate that bastard mocking him.

"Oh? Is that so." SunXiang doesn't look up, but he hears footsteps walking towards him. Sun Xiang feels like a rabid dog, he wants to bite YeXiu's head off.

"You know-" he whips his head around, his still wet eyes, he hates YeXiu for being such a despicable being who is kicking SunXiang when he's down. Ye Xiu is leaning against the sink beside him, smiling at him. At least SunXiang sees that YeXiu halts, and he stops saying whatever he was about to say. There is a small moment of victory, but Ye Xiu was charging to strike back harder. (You look too cute glaring like this Dont look at me like that you look too cute.) "Don't look at me like that," he starts, he's looking straight through SunXiang, saying the next words. "You think it's my fault that you lost. You're blaming me for all your failures." He advances, he's building up for the final blow. "When will you learn to improve yourself?"

Sun Xiang feels small and childish standing in the bathroom with YeXiu who's caught him, a mess, after crying because his dream is shattered and his effort were for nothing. YeXiu is looking down at him like he's a toddler and it doesn't help. SunXiang resolves himself to stare at the dirty floor until YeXiu leaves.

He doesn't speak, so YeXiu continues. (Perhaps knowing he's right, because SunXiang doesn't retort.)

"You should not have charged in like that into the enemy, knowing that your team cannot keep up with your movement. A battle master with.. has un.. movement speed, yet you charge right on and leaves your teammates behind fully knowing that, instead of adjusting your tempo ti make a coordinated attack. That's a huge mistake, as a player, but even more as a team leader. Also,-"

Blood rushes to SunXiang's head as he stares at the floor, his ears are flooded with the rush of his own pulse.

"I did everything I could!" Sun Xiang interrupts. He's yelling at the dirty spot on the pale bathroom floor. He sucks in a breath. "I practised so damn hard every day, I always put my most into the drills, I stayed behind to practice pressing the right buttons to stay in my best shape, I mastered new combinations to surprise the enemies, I even made myself watch vods to notice the details of our enemies and the playstyle of the opponent team even though it's not my strong point, I tried to motivate the others even when nobody listens to me, I tried everything- everything I could and could not - even when I knew that everyone in the team thinks I'm a complete idiot, and even when I made a fool of myself trying, I still tried my best!"

He's crying again. Damn it.

Damn Ye Xiu for making him cry.

“You’ve beaten me in every way possible now. Are you happy? Knowing that even having the account card you left behind I’ll never fill your shoes, and I’m not cut out for leader position I took from you, I can’t lead my team to victory like you did and whatever I try in Glory I’ll always be in your shadow.”

Sun Xiang feels utterly defeated and it’s the first time he admits so. “What more do you want?”

He’ll never beat YeXiu. He hates YeXiu for being better than him, he hates himself for not being better. The truth hurts too much.

SunXiang tries to quench down the sobs, but he knows that his shaking shoulders are giving him away. His hands are white from clenching on the cold porcelain sink. He feels YeXiu's warm hand on his. And he hears YeXiu tsk.

"Sun Xiang," he calls. Sun Xiang looks up despite his resolve to only stare at that dirty spot on the laminated floor. His face is pale, his eyes are red, his mouth is slightly open and he's heaving through his mouth. Too late, he notices that YeXiu is too close to him, and that there is a something in YeXiu's eyes he cannot decipher, and that YeXiu is leaning in on him.

YeXiu's lips are soft on his

***

“I’ll never fill your shoes,” YeXiu is laughing again. “That was really cute.”

Sun Xiang scoffs. He confessed in a moment of weakness. Trust YeXiu to exploit that.