Sun in 4H Synastry
When sun meets the 4H in synastry, these two individuals will have a very emotionally intimate and deeply personal connection. Often, it is asked who feels the connection more, but I don't think that's much of a concern in this synastry, because both people are not only deeply impacted but also deeply changed. In this synastry, the sun person feels more purposeful in this connection, and the house person feels more personally affected. In this post, I will examine how both individuals experience this synastry, covering everything from the good, the murky, and the ugly! Let's jump in, starting with the sun person's perspective.
For The Sun Person
Starting from the very beginning, I typically find that these two people either know each other for a very long time.. like friends-to-lovers, or they somehow grew up together, parents were friends, and then they grew up as friends and fell in love, etc., or it feels like they have known each other for a long time. There is a strong sense of familiarity between them, and I find that the sun person specifically really wants to take care of the house person. They feel very protective over them even if they've just met, or if they've known them for a long time, they could have always felt this way. This is, of course, because the house person pulls out the sun person's vulnerability and indirectly makes them soft, which is why in this specific synastry, the sun person definitely wants to take on more responsibility. Now, depending on what else is going on in the chart, this could also show that the sun person might indirectly or unintentionally assume the house person's burdens and stressors.
I'd say that this is another synastry connection that really isn't casual even from the beginning and it's different because these are the people who like to bring their families together very early on, or family is a point of contention in the connection somehow, which causes serious reactions from the house person. So you get a lot of tension, especially when it comes to outsiders, because I typically find that the Sun comes from a family that could be polar opposite of the house person. Regardless, these two aren't only super serious pretty early on, but they spend A LOT of time together! They could really enjoy being in each other's company; they can enjoy being couch potatoes, or going on a little getaway trip together and escaping the world together. In a way, it is very cute because I feel like, out of all of the synastry, 4H Sun Synastry feels the most comfortable with one another, and feels deeply accepted and seen by each other. So naturally, the same person wants to be around the house person way more than not!
The Sun person might also like directly impact how the house person feels around them. For instance, if the house person is having a hard time, they could feel very appreciated and loved by the sun person very easily. They could essentially get out of the negative mood they were in very quickly. The sun person could also sometimes feel emotionally responsible for the house person for this reason, so it really is like a double-edged sword.
In this dynamic, it is pretty natural and kind of expected for the sun person to generally take on the more ‘masculine’ role. And if they are not masculine or do not identify as such, it's kind of expected for the sun person to be the one to essentially take care of things or handle business or make decisions in the dynamic. This could be because the sun person actually wants to be the one in charge, but it's also be that the house person kind of relies on the sun person to get things done. There could be some codependency, and I have found that it's usually the house person being codependent on the sun person; however, this could be flipped if that applies.
Either way, I do feel like the sun person carries the power in the dynamic, or it could definitely feel that way, and that's because the house person tends to put them on a pedestal. The sun person will recognize that the house person trusts them right away. They will see how the house person puts a lot of faith in them, relies on them, sees them as a protector, etc and the sun person will either love to fulfill that role or could build up resentment over time because sometimes, the sun person feels like they don't have it all together and they need the house person to step up.
The sun person can be very vulnerable to the house person because in a way, they never really let somebody else get as close to them as the house person gets. Overall, the sun wants to take care of the house person because they feel a sense of familiarity, deep love, and even a soul bond with the house person. But I do think it is worth it for the sun person to remember that mutual effort is also important. Sometimes it could feel like the sun attributes more to family dynamics, quality time, comfort, etc., than the house person.
I would be wary of feelings of emotional debt with one another. What I mean by this is the sun person could definitely feel indebted to the house person because maybe the house person was there for them during a really difficult transition in their life or during a major loss. I've seen this dynamic play out where two people stay in a relationship that's not working for longer than they should, because the foundation started in trauma, tragedy, etc, and the two people trauma-bonded together. This couple could be very loyal, but I do think that loyalty has an expiration date if there's a lot of pain and trouble in the relationship.
What I typically find is that the sun person can be burnt out from the connection very quickly but not always know how to express that to the house person because of how long the dynamic has been, where the sun person really doesn't have any burdens to bear, but the house person does. Now obviously this will not apply to everybody with this synastry, but sometimes the Sun person might feel like the house person is reacting poorly to their needs or maybe shocked that they have certain needs because of the dynamic I mentioned. Or sometimes the sun person just doesn't know how to emotionally express themselves due to their own need to show up as the one who has it together, the strong one, the one who “wears the pants” in the dynamic, so to speak. In some ways, resentment could build because the sun person doesn't know how to break that barrier and just tell their partner what they're thinking or feeling.
Lastly, I just want to reinforce this idea that if there is not an equal balance, or at the very least, if the sun person feels like the house person is not emotionally nourishing them the same way or providing for them the same way, things can turn toxic really quickly. The trouble with this synastry is that the same sense of familiarity that attracted these two people tends to be very similar to family structures or maybe even toxic family structures that both people are familiar with from their own childhoods. So, for instance, if the Sun person is very used to a toxic household where people are fighting and screaming at each other and have general discourse more than love, then these two people can certainly mirror that energy in their own relationship or perhaps the Sun person does this subconsciously. It's because even if it's toxic, it provides a sense of comfort and predictability. Both people should really be careful staying in a situation like this for that reason, but definitely the sun because the Sun is searching to complete something in their life regarding their family and their lineage, and they project that onto the house person. And as a side note, obviously this is very toxic, but I've had clients who have literally claimed to be with their twin flame who have had so many horrible experiences together and have done horrible things to each other that have shared this overlay. It's just a simple observation that I've noticed in my studies. Does not necessarily mean that this is how this will always play out.
For the house person
The house person immediately feels an attraction towards the sun person because they feel familiar to them in a way that they often can't explain, or the sun person reminds them of the kind of person that they would like to have a deeply intimate connection with. The house person could even experience deja vu or feel like they've known the sun person before but can't place their finger on how! Nonetheless, for the house person, they often feel very emotionally exposed around the Sun person.
The sun person can definitely see past the public mask that the house person puts on, and they sort of slowly break down their hard exterior and get to the root of everything that the house person is trying to keep together or bury. Out of the two I definitely feel like the house person has a harder grip on their thoughts and feelings surrounding family, home life, childhood, their relationship with their mother, issues with their father, etc. The house person definitely tries to come off as the one who might have been extremely afflicted by these things in life, but ultimately doesn't let that affect how they are representing themselves out into the world.
The house person tends to receive a lot of attention from the Sun person and this attention is typically pretty new for them, so it does feel very exciting and promising, but over time it could definitely feel a little invasive. This is because the house person will feel like the Sun is essentially trying to push them or influence them into a certain direction. Imagine someone insistently barges into your home, rearranges your furniture, takes all of your photos off the walls or replaces them with other things, and rearranges the feng shui of the entire place. It can totally be daunting for the house person when the sun person pretty much not only provides them with emotional support, but then also tries to pick apart or change up their routine and their domestic lifestyle. Now this isn't always a bad thing; I find that often the sun person is doing these things to help better the house person's perspective on life or situations. But sometimes, it comes off as very overbearing and something that the house person is not always ready for.
Nonetheless, the house person feels very emotionally safe with the sun person and maybe even younger or more alive when they are together. This is because the sun really brings them a level of comfort that's not only familiar but also gives them the feeling that it's okay to take breaks and have a little fun. This synastry can definitely be fun because both people could literally find ways to have a good time by doing nothing and all. Oftentimes, this couple definitely enjoys being couch potatoes and watching/binging their favorite Netflix shows. But this feeling of comfort is very new for the house person, so again there will be a level of wanting more of that emotional security but also a level of fear because they're being so emotionally vulnerable with the sun person.
I feel like in this specific synastry, both parties really want the same thing but are sort of going about it in opposite ways. I would be wary of projection, as it seems like both people can project their desires of intimacy, family life, and wholeness onto each other, but in ways that feel insecure, not reassuring, or not positive. So, for example, the house person might crave the sun person's energy and might want them around and might want to get more serious with them, but when there are spats and issues, the house person could definitely emotionally withdraw and become very cold with the sun person. Suddenly, all of those desires of closeness go out the window because there's an issue.
For the Sun person, I feel like they could definitely overperform, or I guess do too much to maintain this image of strength and authority and ultimately to keep the peace in the relationship even if they feel like things are rocky or aren't necessarily fair. If anything, it seems like the sun person wants to be vulnerable, maybe wants to have a little emotional leg room to have a moment to be the one in need or in crisis. However, the issue was that the sun person could also be very prideful and come off like they don't need the house person. They would rather assume responsibility or feel they are strong enough to carry the weight of the relationship, rather than just approaching the house person out their concerns.
The Bad
Now, we must talk about the inevitable. The bad. Now I don't want to fear-monger, and I feel like I always have to preface that, but it's important to know that there's not a single synastry pairing that doesn't have toxic aspects, just like there's not one that could be totally healthy and perfect. There's a lot of gray area in life, including our relationships, so let's talk about how this synastry can actually be pretty detrimental to both people. The first thing that I think is what's most obvious is that these two can have a really hard time with projecting, specifically projecting failure and disappointment on one another. It really doesn't matter who is doing this because both people tend to do this at some point in the relationship. But, if one person feels unhappy with how things are going or it feels like they're giving more than they are receiving, they can become very passive-aggressive and project these negative feelings instead of just expressing them healthily. This could be through making passive-aggressive comments about not sharing the responsibility around the home, making sarcastic jokes about something that you once loved about the person, just generally creating tension in the space, etc. On a minuscule level, these two people definitely have an issue with pettiness and passive aggression rather than full-on aggression and anger.
I've also seen this play out where unhealed people come together, sort of looking for healing and putting all of that pressure on the other person, even if they aren't responsible for causing the pain in the first place. This is definitely projecting mommy issues or daddy issues onto your partner and hoping that they will somehow fix them? Both people are guilty of this at some point in the relationship if things aren't going great. But that could build a lot of pressure between both people; both people might feel like they have to perform in order to not be like their partner's parental figure, which is really odd of an expectation, but that's just what happens. If you have mommy or daddy issues, it's obviously always important to work on them if you ever want to have a healthy relationship. But mommy/daddy issues are like a fly to a Venus flytrap. I'm not saying that you can't have a successful relationship if you do struggle with these things, but I do feel that you will have a more likely possibility of taking those hurt feelings out on somebody innocent and genuinely trying to be there for you.
Now, of course, there's also the other side of things, where you do just end up being with somebody who is abusive, or like the authority or parental figure in your life that hurt you in some way. You could end up with a partner who is emotionally neglectful or distant or avoidant, and that reminds you of your father or your mother; you see what I'm saying. The issue, if it wasn't obvious enough, is that you can get stuck into a cycle with these people. Because you've built foundations with them (even on Rocky ground) you might prefer to stay in that situation, rather than seeing what else is out there, because you feel like the time you put into the relationship outweighs the desire for something different. Don't get stuck in a toxic relationship just because you've invested a lot of emotional time and energy into it. In a very harsh manifestation and not the likely one, I do see people even staying in unhappy marriages for decades for this reason. Family, like I mentioned, is a major theme here, but it's not always a good thing. Sometimes people stay in situations they should in for the sake of family. I also just think that an unbalanced level of give and take can cause a lot of resentment within these two people, and it could cause them to project those dissatisfactory feelings instead of just the two of them talking them out and figuring things out together. This is definitely like a pride / ego thing, but it creates a lot of unnecessary tension.
The Good
In a positive manifestation, these two almost always have a family together. Obviously, it's not going to be a perfect pattern, but it is a common one. If you don't have children with them, you might have lots of pets together, or you could flip homes together, etc. I feel that the home, domestic life/living, and family life will play a very major role for this relationship. In the best way, this couple can create the kind of life that the two of them never had, with one another. I've seen this in several charts of two people who have had childhood trauma that have come together and healed, and live a seemingly healthy life together. This synastry is definitely very healing when it is good, and both people love and respect each other and feel like they know each other better than anyone else in the world. Like I mentioned, the fun is kind of endless. They could read them an encyclopedia together and still have fun. They share inside jokes, they spend time cooking together, playing games, joking around, watching movies, etc. They are very like-minded as a couple, and this is the kind of couple that definitely sets goals for the future, goals for the family, etc. I have noticed that family might be either very important or a big point of contention, but in a good and healthy connection with this synastry, the couple comes together and decides what is best for the relationship over what is best for the family ultimately. On that subject, the two people teach each other a lot about boundaries and about growth and change. One person might have had very poor boundaries with their family at the beginning of the relationship, and the other person helps them establish those boundaries. Emotional maturity is very big with this kind of synastry, so if two people aren't very emotionally mature when they get together, they will definitely get to that point at some stage in their relationship.
What I personally love about this synastry is that it creates the kind of bond that doesn't require a lot of excitement, and I'm not saying that the relationship isn't exciting, but these two people don't require dramatics to enjoy each other. They don't require chaos or toxicity or anything like that just to feel like the connection is alive. I've noticed in very healthy relationships with this synastry, two people don't like fighting, actually. If there are arguments, they work towards solutions, or they give each other space so that it doesn't escalate. I feel like this is a great pairing for two people who are very good communicators.
These people also just feel very emotionally safe with each other and able to be vulnerable with one another, which could be hard to find. They could have also seen each other at their lowest and loved each other regardless. These two people are very devoted to one another even in the ugliest of times. And I do feel that this is why loyalty is so important for the two people because they were there for each other through thick and thin. When things are good, they just feel like there's less pressure to perform and be somebody that they're not. They truly see each other as home to one another, which is very special. They are comfortable with bringing each other around their families or combining families; they work in sync to create the family life they both have always wanted. They work in tandem to tackle life's tragedies and heal all the emotional wounds that they've been holding on to for a long time. This could be such a beautiful relationship, especially while aspected and was good and honest intentions from both people because the goal is always to build with one another. I don't think that they ever lose sight of that, especially when things are good.
