#suicideboy

This Korean manhwa webcomic is a must-read. If you’re like me, ever having found yourself with no one to pick you up, the characters within this story are sure to lighten your spirits.

Imagery isn’t afraid to get dark at times, themes of self-harm and trauma are commonplace, and there’s a strikingly “real” feeling throughout so many of the comic’s storylines. That doesn’t change the fact, though, that whenever I decide to come back and re-read I’ll always come out feeling much better about everything.

Lee Hoon’s story has become an inspiration for me: one that’s driven by hope, perseverance, and, most importantly, friendship.

Lee Hoon

Hooni was extremely nervous around you. A complete wreck. I mean, look at you! You’re so pretty and friendly and always have such a bright aura around you. He felt like he’d dirty it with his miserable gloominess. So imagine his shock when you asked him out after school. It was, in fact, too much for him to handle, so he promptly fainted on the spot. You panicked and searched his phone for a relative or friend and found Soorim’s number at the top of the (very small) list.

Hooni wakes up on his dusty old mattress. It was a dream, after all. He rubs his eyes and looks up to see you and Soorim chitchatting next to him. Soorim notices he’s awake and a relieved smile flushes his face. “You got (Y/N) really worried. Way to treat your girlfriend, huh?” Both you and Hooni blush at the same time and you sheepishly wave your hand in denial. “Oh no, please don’t misunderstand. I did ask Hoon out, but I didn’t receive an answer yet.” The blonde boy looks at you with a confused tilt of the head before glancing back at his pale friend. “Didn’t you say you have a massive crush on (Y/N)? Ah, that’s probably why you fainted then.” He lets out a loud laugh. Hooni clenches his teeth, mortified. Good Lord, this brainless idiot! Not only did he bring (Y/N) to this dirty, greasy apartment, but he also has no filter when talking. He can’t live with this embarrassment. He’ll wait until you both leave and bring out the noose. Being dead is the only way out of this. (He was too scared to do it and ended up browsing the internet instead)

You’ve always noticed Hooni’s bandages and had your suspicions, but didn’t know how to approach him about it. One day you ask Soorim to take you home (Hooni anxiously begins to wonder if you’re already tired of him) just so you can ask if he knows about his friend’s…condition. The blonde ponders your words a little before confessing that it’s quite obvious after all this time, but he’d rather just quietly support Hooni and hope that one day it will get better. You nod in agreement and exhale in relief, grateful to know that he was not alone before meeting you. Now it’s your turn to spoil your disheartened boyfriend. You love taking Hooni out to nice restaurants and frequently gift him things he shows interest in. You like to pretend you didn’t pay much attention when Hooni tells you about an item he hopes to afford one day, only to surprise him later with it. “H-how did you know I wanted this?” “You did? I had no idea! Just thought it’d be nice”, you respond with a warm smile.

It doesn’t take long for Hooni to come out of his shell. He somehow landed a beautiful, girly and loving partner and almost instantly his bullies stopped harassing him (he doesn’t know you threatened them in the hallway, you can be quite scary if angered). Here you are, sitting in his lap and feeding him snacks. His eyes wander to the partially cracked mirror in the bedroom and he stops to stare at his reflection. A smug, cheeky grin appears on his face. Maybe he’d been popular and handsome this whole time and he just didn’t know it. What other traits had evaded his knowledge due to his lack of confidence? The potential is limitless. He begins to daydream, picturing himself in a sparkling, expensive suit, swiftly opening the door to a luxurious car. “Hooni! I can’t believe you bought us all these things. When did you get so successful?” You ask, amazed. “Anything for my lady”, the dark haired boy exclaims, guiding you in. Maybe life won’t be so bad after all if he has you with him.

Jeong Soorim

Soorim is very popular and often has to turn down girls that confess to him. He’s not really interested in dating and would rather just spend time with his friends instead. And that’s how he happened to meet you. He was utterly speechless when he knocked on Hooni’s door and a cute girl opened it instead. For a flash moment he almost wondered if Hooni ran away and a new renter took his place. The gloomy boy, however, poked his head from behind the girl and cheerfully encouraged him to come in. “I was just playing cards with (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Soorim, the one I told you about.”

He hesitantly sat down and listened to the story of how they met. He had to leave aside the fantasy lies that Hooni peppered in to avoid embarrassment. The gist of it was that his bullies had once again cornered him during lunch, only this time you made your way through and did your best to persuade them away. You’re one of the popular and pretty students, so the boys just fidgeted with some excuse and walked away. Soorim glanced at you and thanked you for taking care of Hooni. He could feel a nagging throb of the heart that he didn’t really recognize. It was only after going back home and mentioning you to Harim that she pointed out the obvious: “I never heard you talk this enthusiastically about a girl before. Are you sure you don’t have a crush on her or something? Oh, I know!” The older sister clapped her hands in anticipation. “Ask her out so we can go on double dates, you and (Y/N) and me with Hooni!”

Soorim did end up asking you out. He can’t deny that you’re very good looking, but what really won him over is your kind heart. He likes spoiling you and holding your hand in public to let everyone know you belong to him. Hooni was a little jealous at first, worrying that you would now go on to be a power couple, outgoing and popular, and leave his pitiful self behind. Both of you, however, make sure to hang out with him frequently and invite him out. In fact, Hooni feels a little bit like a child between his protective parents. Sometimes he imagines Soorim and (Y/N) as a middle aged, married couple, still looking out for him and treating him to pork cutlet. He mentions his little dream to Soorim and he chuckles lightly. “I wouldn’t mind growing old with (Y/N), that’s for sure.”

Jeong Sana

Sana is a little bit annoyed at you for interfering with his lonely manhwa protagonist. How did Hooni even manage to get two popular students glued to him? He has no interest in using you for his new comic, anyways. Walking around and flashing your girly act to everyone you meet. Hmph! You’d be the boring, stereotypical main character that’s nice to everyone and has no other redeeming traits.

That is, of course, until he accidentally drops his shoulder bag and the rough sketch pages cascade out onto the floor. Before he can react, you’re already kneeling down and helping him gather the scattered paper. “Wait a moment… did you draw this?” He gulps and gives you a half-nod, awaiting to be scolded. “Whoa, this is really great! Are you a professional or something?” His eyes glisten and look up at you. Did you just praise him?

Sana is addicted to praise and affirmation. It was enough for you to acknowledge his skill and he’s already melted into a puddle at your feet. Maybe you weren’t that bad, after all. Have you always been this pretty? He feels like he’s looking at a completely different person. You notice the change in his behavior and are just glad he’s started to accept you.

Once you start dating, Sana becomes very clingy and needy. He always had to fend for himself and is the one keeping his family afloat, so he loves the feeling of being cared for. For once in his life, he’s the one being spoiled. He feels special and appreciated and couldn’t be more grateful for you. Mindeok couldn’t believe it when he was greeted with a bright, smiling Sana. “Having fun with your games~?” He almost called the non-emergency line to ask if his little brother might have gotten some sort of concussion until you shyly followed the young boy and introduced yourself as his girlfriend.

Of course, he won’t just constantly rely on you without giving anything back. Sana earns a lot of disposable income due to his popularity with publishers. More than consumable gifts, he enjoys saving for nice, expensive trips with you. This way he can get away from his slob brother and enjoy spending quality time with his darling.

Jeong Mindeok

You work at the publishing office and often see the blond young boy coming by to drop his latest comic chapters. You can’t help but follow him from your window as he departs and notice he’s always by himself. Does he have busy parents? Lives alone? You begin to think about it more than you’d like to admit. The next time he’s here you ask if he’d be interested in one of your bento lunches and he eagerly accepts. “Oh my, I’m glad you like it. Do you not eat homemade dishes that often?” You cautiously inquire. “Mostly takeaways. My slob brother survives on instant noodles” he mumbles between bites.

The last statement made you too curious, so you offer to prepare something in the boy’s kitchen so they can have a proper meal for once. And that’s how you first met Mindeok. He was taken aback when he saw that Sana brought home someone his age. Isn’t he a little too young to date a?!- Ah. You work for the publisher. That’s a more reasonable explanation. You invite him to join you as you cut the vegetables and ask idle details about his life. Sana is rather unhappy that you’re giving his leech brother so much attention, but Mindeok is thrilled to be treated like an adult. Especially when the conversation partner is someone as pretty as you. After you leave, he can’t get you off his mind.

Sana is baffled upon hearing that you two started dating. What you see in that man is beyond his comprehension, but he hopes you might motivate him at least a little bit towards some sort of independence. Mindeok is even more determined to make it as a pro gamer. You are kind, loving, beautiful, and you have your life put together. He doesn’t want to drag you down in any way. Just wait, he’ll make it big and then he’ll spoil you with the lavish lifestyle you deserve. Until then can you pay for his order, too? He…uh…he forgot his wallet again.

Kim Jaehoon

Jaehoon met you in cram school, where you asked him if he wants to be your study partner. He quickly learned that you’re smart, perhaps even smarter than him, though he would never admit to it. To his utter dismay, while walking towards the station with you, he bumped into Soorim and Hooni and was forced to introduce these menaces to you. He tried to quickly usher you away, so you wouldn’t become any more involved with potential distractions. “I didn’t think Jaehoon would have friends besides us”, Soorim noted with a smirk. “(Y/N), right? We were actually going for karaoke right now, why not join us? You’re done with cram school, aren’t you?” Jaehoon instantly retorted in anger that you’re a top student and have no time for nonsense, but you just laughed and grabbed him by the elbow. Why not have a little fun?

Fantastic. Now you’ve joined the pack. He’s not very pleased about it and would prefer if you could just focus on studying, but you and your damn caring nature just can’t say no. He should’ve known when he saw you spending half of your time helping other students with their homework instead of doing yours. You’re weak against these diversions. What irritates him even more is that, despite all of it, you still get better grades.

Unlike his rivalry with Soorim, Jaehoon doesn’t really feel much jealousy. Sure, it does frustrate him that you’re a better student, but that’s more of a motivation for him to try harder next time. He doesn’t dislike you. Quite the opposite. He’s grown fond of your little acts of service. He’s always been the reliable one of the group. And now you show up with an extra bottle of water (“keep your brain hydrated!”), a cutesy, decorated lunch for both and some notes that you took specifically for him. Sometimes before bed he’ll look over your scribbled pages and flashcards. The little heart doodles on the margins, the pink highlighter… rather puerile and childish, but the fact that you carefully compiled them for him makes him blush with giddy delight.