#suhomygod

Yo, broski. So, I know I did something kinda like this for your birthday and I also know I might be getting kind of redundant (sorry) but at the same time I also know that you've been going through a lot of shit lately and it feels like this is all I can really do because while I know about the major things I don't really know all that's been going on (which is fine! As much as I'm willing to listen and as much as I'd love to know everything that's going on in your life I also understand that you have other friends and that some of them are able to understand better or are just easier to talk to and that's totally fine!). But what I do know is that you've been having a lot of mood drops lately (which is understandable) and there really isn't anything I can do. So, I'm doing this, even though it probably won't help much at all. But I have to because you're my best friend and I hate seeing you sad or upset about anything, especially when I can't be there with you. So, yeah. Here we go.

I love you. So fucking much. Like, seriously. You are my best friend and I honest to god think you might be the most important person in my life. You've been there more for me than any other friend ever has. Hell, you've been there for me more than my own FAMILY has. And we have been through so much together, good times and bad, and you were always there. From Cas and Dean being born to Cas getting sick. From being there when my grandparents died to being there when I moved down here. From being there when everything went down with Mary to us sticking together when everything went down with Ciara. And we've had so many good times, too. Almost too many to count. Singing Purple Dog in the bathroom of a bowling alley on prom night during a tornado warning. Eating a 50 piece on Halloween and then getting the shit scared out of us by that fucking raccoon. Staring at the frozen screen for an hour and just commenting on the improbable blood splatter in the Underworld movie. My near death experience (I love how that's literally everyone's favorite moment who was there and saw it. Adam says sometimes he'll just wake up laughing because of it.) There are so many times and I am so thankful for every single one of them, good and bad. Because they make our friendship what it is. They made us close enough that we don't NEED to talk every day to know we're still best friends. They made it so we can go a year without seeing each other and still just fall right back into place.

And we set goals for each other. Like our visits. A lot of the time, just knowing that I'll see you in a few months is one of the only things that keeps me going, it really is. And all the things we still have to do (our Jack and Alex tattoos, our Supernatural roadtrip, going to Vegas as 20's flappers, going to the fUCKING ZOO). To be honest, it is really difficult for me to see a future for myself. It always has been. I honestly can't see myself living long enough to have a future and most of the time I don't WANT to live that long. But setting goals like that help me look forward to something, help me to want to live for something.

I know this is about you so sorry for going on personal tangents but I just really want you to know how much you mean to me and how much you just being here effects my whole life.

Because you are such a good person, even if you don't think that you are. I know that I can trust you not to judge me, that I can trust you when I tell you personal things. That I can trust you to have my back.

And I want you to know that you can trust me to have yours, too. I know I usually try not to get involved, mostly because it usually isn't any of my business, but I am always willing to listen. I am always willing to offer advice or to distract you if that's what you need. And I will always, always have your back. Because I honestly couldn't imagine my life without you at this point and to be honest I really don't want to.

So, regardless of how hard things may get for you, know that there are always good things in life, too. There's always me. And I know that there are countless others who would be there for you, too, no matter what. Because you are so important and you matter so much, you really do. And you are worth so much and I want you to just always remember that. Even during those times when it's impossible to believe. ESPECIALLY during those times when it's impossible to believe. 

And I honestly can't wait until September because I fucking miss you so much. But even if I can't be there physically just know that I am always, always here for you. Love you, broski.

A-Dizzle