#suck zone

A few weeks ago, we had our kids watch the original movie “Twister” from 1996. A sequel came out this year, and we had thought perhaps we’d go see it in the theater. In the end, we decided not to (reviews were lukewarm, and anyway I think watching the first movie fulfilled our tornado voyeurism just fine).

Anyways. Fast-forward to this week, and strangely I’m feeling like I’m dangerously close to the Suck Zone with something - and I’m writing about it here to keep myself accountable and establish my own safety boundaries, before it’s too late and I get sucked in!

I joined the kids’ elementary school PTA two years ago, when we first enrolled them, and since the start I’ve been an active volunteer, helping out with miscellaneous classroom activities, special school-wide events, and even doing random craft projects at home that support teachers’ planned lessons or classroom work. I’ve always had fun doing these things, but I also recognize that they can sometimes quickly balloon from a simple hour or two of committed volunteer time, to HUGE undertakings where you could easily spend hours or days, working alone and sometimes under duress, to do something that likely isn’t all that important in the grand scheme. Examples:

Volunteering to cheer on kids at Field Day: Easy.

Volunteering at the annual Book Fair: slightly more work, but FUN and I love doing it.

Volunteering to cut out approximately 400 paper circles at home over the course of 4 days so the kids can do a fall project with the teacher: much more work (although, with a Cricut it’s not horrible, but still).

Volunteering as a Room Parent, which means planning, purchasing items, organizing, pre-packing the car in advance, schlepping ALL the things, and setting up EVERYTHING in the blazing sun for EVERYTHING all by yourself with no help: aaaaah girlfriend you are in the SUCK ZONE NOW.

(Tent. Banner. Signs. Bandannas. Food. Beverage. Table. Tablecloths. Chairs. EVERYTHING. In 95 degree Florida weather)

Yeah. So it’s a slippery slope, hehe. And - I’ve decided to dance just a little closer to the boundary this year, bc in spite of my awareness of this slippery slope - I somehow got myself elected to the PTA exec board this year as secretary.

It’s only been 2 weeks of school, and already I can feel the pull and tension of other (WONDERFUL, kind, involved and proactive) board members testing the waters with me, seeing if I’d be willing to head up Initiative X or be the leader of Project Y or take on the responsibilities of Member Z, who has had something come up….. and the old me might be somewhat swayed and steered into taking some of this on, and I’d be crazy resentful and stressed and overwhelmed by it all, but I’d do it.

BUT. I am trying to change, and to say no to things when I know I shouldn’t take it on. I have many reasons for this including but not limited to Vev starting middle school, and wanting to spend quality time with him and help him with homework (which is more/tougher this year), while also helping Dey with homework and other projects. I could (and do) also cite helping my elderly parents with things from time to time. But another reason I should maintain healthy boundaries is….. ME.

I want to develop some other pursuits and interests just for myself, that aren’t about taking care of others and doing everything to make other people’s experiences better. Because, life is full of Suck Zones. Wonderful, affirming, enriching Suck Zones, that, while awesome, also suck you in, and take you away from yourself sometimes. Once upon a time, I was a bright and enthusiastic grad student, then an eager young professor, a scholar and researcher. Then life happened, and I tried to continue those things while being a mom of little kids. Then more life happened, and I kept phoning it in with those things while also caring for elderly and ill parents. Then more life happened, and I clung on, teaching virtually while also hanging in there to help the kids with distance learning. Then, life exploded for awhile, and I became a full-fledged homeschool teacher — and suddenly in the span of a year, my career was out on indefinite pause. And there it remains, and I am okay with that. But even if I don’t go back to university teaching (at least not for awhile), I want to develop some other pursuits of my own, that are MINE, that speak to my creative interests and my own stories to tell.