#subroutine excerpts

“Un-complicate it, please,” Quorra’s tone was hardly demanding, but Jet also caught the underlying caginess in her voice. She really was Mercury’s sister program.

 “Look, it’s not about Flynn, not really,” Jet sighed. “It’s a good thing we found him. I’m glad my friend has his father back. Flynn coming back–it’s a good thing for everyone.”

 “But…?” Quorra waited for him to continue.

 “I’m just not looking forward to the storm. It’s gonna kick up. When he went missing, it’s like everything just froze up, crashed, without him there,” Jet said. “The world revolved around Flynn, and everyone got sucked into this black hole I’m not sure we ever got out of.”

 Quorra’s brow furrowed. “You were jealous of the attention Flynn being gone received compared to yourself?”

 “No!”

 “You couldn’t have been any older than a small sprite then, at least, by User reckoning,” Quorra started counting backward with her fingers.

 “For your information, I was seven when he went missing, so yeah, I was pretty young,” Jet remarked.

 “So, if you’re not jealous, then what are you?”

 “Afraid, I guess,” He said. “It took a long time to get used to him not being there, y’know? I got comfortable with the misery that came with the disappearance. But I think I was the only one.”

 “How could you be used to misery? Didn’t you want him to come back?”

 “Yes. Yes, more than anything, I want Uncle Flynn to come back with us.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

 “It’s the time. Twenty-one years, you can get used to anything, even misery. You just…” He exhaled, “lose track. I don’t want to keep track again.”

 “So don’t.”

 “It’s not that simple. Losing track, it–” He shrugged. “It helped me cope. Still helps me.”

 “That’s a terrible way to live.” Quorra looked disheartened.

 Jet smiled contemptuously. “But it is a way.”

 “Flynn wasn’t your father.”

“He wasn’t. But, like I said, this really isn’t about Flynn. It’s more like his affect,” He said. When Quorra continued to stare in confusion, he tried another approach. “Look, how did you feel when your ‘mother’ turned on you and the other ISOs? What was the first impression?”

Quorra looked thoughtful when she said, “Heartbreak?”

“Okay,” He said. “Our wildly different situations aside, imagine you’re seven years old, your father tells you your godfather has gone missing, and in seven months your entire life changes. Your ship isn’t there anymore because it’s out to sea looking for a man overboard. Pretty soon that ship doesn’t come back either. Little by little, there’s a growing feeling of inadequacy as your world gets smaller and smaller until nothing is certain anymore.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve lived a splintered life, Quorra. I was born when my parents’ careers were at a high note, and neither of them was expecting me. I was the wrench in the gears, but they took it in stride, y’know. They raised me as best they could, but I’ve always felt displaced. I lived between two homes, and I don’t know how to explain this to you, but they were different sides of the world I live in. It was a constant upheaval. Neither of them wanted to let go of their careers, but I had them both with me.”

“So, you can imagine, when Flynn disappears, my parents are super determined to find him. They move heaven and earth to find him. They do their best to make sure Sam is alright–his grandparents make sure he gets therapy. Me? I rarely see my dad. I can’t go to my mother. My friend can’t deal with me. I have no extended family. My uncle is probably dead. I’m home alone, I sleep alone. I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling, so nothing comes out right.”

“But, your parents, they didn’t mean for that to happen, I’m sure.”

“Sure, they probably didn’t,” He shrugged. “But the damage was done. I felt invisible, like a ghost. If I disappeared into some alternate timeline, would anyone really miss me? No, because Sam is there to take my place.” Jet sighed. “Look, my parents always tell me they tried their best, and I’m old enough to know they did. I know they love me. But, truth be told, I think I was too close to them. So they couldn’t see the issues beyond the surface problems, which was me being angry. I’ve never been able to shake that feeling of inadequacy. Even when my father stepped down from his job and stopped actively looking for my uncle, I could never feel comfortable. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was waiting for the moment where I just fell out of sight, out of mind.”

“Jet…”

“What I’m saying here is that my parents were my world, but I wasn’t really theirs. That was Flynn. That was Sam. I’m the ghost in the machine.”

“But that can change, can’t it? It won’t be the same as last time.”

“No, it won’t, I’m not a kid anymore. By necessity, things are different,” Jet said, wiping his face. “Like I said, I’m glad Sam’s got his father back. Everyone gets what they want because Kevin Flynn comes back.”

“And you?”

“I have to change. This helplessness has informed every single facet of my life since Flynn disappeared,” he said. “And the only way that’ll happen is if I put some distance between myself and the people I love.”