#subconcern

⋆　　 ˚　　 ࿔ i've known you too long, and you're a shitty liar.

❛   i'm not l—!   ❜ will stops himself before he can finish the sentence … because he is lying. he simply doesn't know how to explain that to mike without giving too much away. he's supposed to be moving on, not revisiting his feelings for him at every corner. ❛   honestly, mike. why do you still care? that was ages ago!   ❜ but wouldn't he care if the roles were reversed? if such a blatant lie had come out of mike's mouth, his best friend in the entire world, wouldn't he want an explanation as well? a frustrated sigh abandons his lips as he relents, lowering his walls for a minute. ❛ you're right, okay? that was shitty of me. i shouldn't have lied. i just thought ... i thought the painting would mean more if it came from jane. ❜ there it is, the truth. not completely, but enough to allow some mutual understanding. ❛ i know it's ironic, i know i was upset with her for lying to you and then i did the same thing ... but you wouldn't stop worrying about her. i thought— i thought maybe that would help. i'm sorry. ❜

@subconcern

I  don't  know  Mike  Wheeler  well  but  one  glance  at  him  could  tell  anyone  he  isn't  suitable  for  the  arena.  He  seems  clever  enough  but  to  be  able  to  do  anything  means  surviving  long  enough  to  do  it.  I  feel  sick  to  my  stomach  for  thinking  about  him  like  that  but  I  look  around  the  training  room  and  all  I  see  is  a  lot  of  soon  to  be  dead  bodies.  But  it's  not  any  way  to  be  thinking  about  my  potential  ally.  I  bite  my  lip,  guiltily.  He  might  be  lacking  in  strength  but  together?  Maybe  it  is  possible  to  do  what  he's  saying.

he's leaned over, the side of body against brick for support. there's some couch throw over him, something given in passing by misses byers while they wait. he's watched the cars pull up, people piling out. he noticed no one travels alone anymore. some of the faces he's seen since, others were wrapped up in the 'quakes' and recovery. all try to put pieces now in place, adjust to the mandates forced on their small town. it's what he's heard on the radios, between passing conversations and waves of coherency between medication. yet today it's the first day he feels like he can stomach less of it.

he remembers the grating tones of excitement that echoed off hellfire's walls. between wheeler's and henderson's endless chatter he seemed to know jane well enough before having properly met her. with some exception's.

⋆　　 ˚　　 ࿔ i’ve always hated this place.

the voice echoes against the walls. the church is a faultless replica of the real thing, only somber and devoid of life. the upside down wasn't a place for living beings, something that will knew better than anyone. ❛ yeah? ❜ he prompts, carefully walking alongside the pews. they've chosen the place because will has no memories of it, therefore henry cannot rummage through his memories and attempt to find them. at least that's the theory. (by the time they find out if it's right or wrong, it will be too late to do anything about it). ❛ this is where ... i mean, back when i— this is where they held my funeral, right? ❜ it never gets easier to talk about, no matter how much time has passed. sometimes he wonders what would've happened if his family or friends didn't love him enough to refuse to let him go. he knows exactly how different things would be. ❛ mike. i also meant to say ... thank you. y'know, for staying with me. you really didn't have to. ❜ but he was glad that, out of everyone, it was him. ❛ i just hope that this works. ❜

I shrugged, trying to play it cool, but my cheeks probably gave me away. “Eh, don’t make it sound like I had a choice, man. Someone had to keep you from completely panicking, and, well… apparently that someone is me.” I grinned, feeling that weird mix of pride and embarrassment that always shows up when Mike gives me that look—like he actually thinks I’m competent or something.

“Seriously though,” I added, nudging him lightly with my shoulder, “you’d do the same for me. Or at least, I’d like to think you would. So, I guess we’re even… for now.” I laughed, hoping it sounded casual, even though my stomach was doing those ridiculous little flips it does when people compliment me.

INSTINCT DOES NOT ARRIVE POLITELY. it does not clear its throat, does not ask for permission. it breaks through the ribs, tracks mud across the mind, and sits there. HE KNOWS. knowledge, however, is not absolution. her gaze does not wave. she has learned that bad things happen when you blink at the wrong time. her shoulders are taunt, a girl who has survived monsters and therefore should be immune to boys with dumb apologies but fear does not care for expertise. fear is loyal and stupid. “  yes. screwed up. ..i did not like it. ” the phrase sounds almost academic. observational. she is naming a specimen under glass ⁽ ANGER: NOUN. ⁾ TEXTURE: sharp. EFFECT: chest tight. duration? .. unknown. a shift, inward and not outward. a misalignment of past and present, where the now folds briefly into the before. the days without him stack up in her head, the silences, the radio, the nothing. it is all triggered by mike's decisions that are made without calling first.

“  i thought ” stops, words snag. eyes flick away and back again, as if the sentence might be hiding behind his shoulder. “  i thought you would be gone.. and i would not stop it. you scared me. ” quiet now. contained. images attempt to surface: doors closing, backs turning. THIS TERRRIBLE MATH OF BEFORE / AFTER / GONE. “  i am mad. ” stated plainly, no decorations or apologies.

he notices mike a few meters ahead of him, seemingly lost in his own world. he tries to quiet down the nervousness that arises inside of his stomach once he approaches him. the feelings for him still linger, even if he's trying to let go of them. he knows it won't be painless, not when they've been flourishing inside of him for as long as he can remember. but he's confident they will pass. and maybe someday he'll meet his vickie, and just like robin, he'll laugh at himself for ever thinking that he was in love with mike wheeler. he probably won't ever stop considering him one of the coolest people ever, but he'll see him as a best friend and nothing more. the way it was always supposed to be.

❛   hey,   ❜ will tries to capture his attention, albeit it sounds a little awkward. it will take him time to adjust to this new reality where everyone just ... knows. he notices mike's conflicted expression and assumes it's related to the same reason everyone around them is tense: they're about to head into the biggest battle of their life. mike has also never been in the upside down. this must be a lot to take in. ❛   don't worry. we'll get her back.   ❜ holly, of course. his heart aches at how scared she must be, not unlike himself of those years ago. still, there's not much they can do now but wait. “   it's a good plan.   ” not to mention, the only one they have. he stares at mike from the corner of his eye, pretending to be looking ahead. ❛   what's on your mind?   ❜