#sub4domme

not CNC like I want it and pretend I dont. CNC like I don't want it, I don't pretend I don't want it, and I let her do it anyway. CNC like I start struggling and she tells me she likes it that way. CNC like she kisses my cheeks when I start crying. CNC like she doesn't want me to want it because she likes the noise and the pain and the way the full-bodied rejection clouds both our minds. CNC like we both know in this moment I hate what she's doing to me, but we also both know I have a safe word and I'm not using it. CNC like my cunt tastes sweeter when it's taken, not given.

i just want to let go. I want to surrender to her completely. No brat shit like I'd usually do, no pretenses. I want to hand control of my body to her. She wants to tie my ankles to the bedframe so my legs are spread and use my cunt for hours? That's her decision, not mine. She wants to use my ass? My mouth? Pull my hair? They're all hers. She wants to experiment with different kinds of impact toys, to see what noises she can get me to make? Yes Miss, whatever you want. She wants me to cry? She can make me cry. I'm not here to say no to her. I'm here to relieve her. I'm here to be a fucktoy. I'm here to meet her needs. That's all I want.

Why isn't there a Grindr for lesbians. And no I do not mean apps like Her or whatever that are just normal dating apps. I mean where is Scissr where I can log on and find an incredibly toxic woman whose location is given to me in metres who wants to have a lot of sex and not a lot of conversation at any moment. And neither of us really have each others best interests at heart so maybe it hurts a little bit (or a lot bit) and it's fine. And she is mean to me. And simultaneously doesn't care about my pleasure and gives me several orgasms (she likes the noises I make when I'm overstimulated). And we kiss. Please I'm literally ovulating.

thinking about dubcon. thinking about begging you not to touch me, begging for it to stop, then when you don't and you get me all needy and desperate, begging you to make me come. being devastated when the answer is no. understanding that it's because it was never about my pleasure. coming anyway. thinking about it a lot actually

wow i want to fucking ki- [remembers that continually making light of suicide reinforces the neural pathways that lead to suicidal thoughts and reframing intense emotions in a new way can help you to cope better with the feelings] have dangerous lesbian sex

maybe if I had concerning sex it would fill the crippling void of loneliness and I'd feel better.