#stustin

boyce - bob/joyce. they were cute idc. she deserves to be happy like that again.

jopper - joyce/jim. this did a lot more for me when it was unconsummated. i still like it but i think the show really wants me to like it in an uncomplicated way when both of these characters are wildly complicated and, realistically, would have a rough relationship. joyce and jim are both worriers, never secure, always sure they're about to lose someone. i'd like to see them how i think they'd really be, always anxious over each other, constantly feeding the other's fears, jealous and codependently bonded. joyce should never tell jim that eleven might be ready. she should lock eleven in a tunnel under jim's cabin hand-in-hand with him.

joyren - joyce/karen. I AM GNAWING ON THE BARS OF MY CAGE RIGHT NOW. ted makes karen so unhappy i know what the fuck was going on during that byers-wheeler household during that timeskip and let me tell you will and mike weren't the pair that were fraternizing. imagine them getting too drunk and then touching and then kissing and then waking up in the same bed. and how self conscious they'd be but the way neither of them would be able to stop thinking about it. the way they'd comfort and understand each other. joyce wanting to tell her the truth about everything but being terrified something would happen to her. and then feeling so guilty when something did. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.

duzie - dustin/suzie. this is highly underrated. i know it was mostly a joke in the show but i like taking it seriously i think its fun. me and the autistic girlfriend i got by being fucking autistic.

henderhop - dustin/eleven. also wildly underrated and i am fully thrilled that it is on the come-up. unlike every other man on the show he would not fucking underestimate her or try to shut her up in a little dog crate to keep her safe. and she would be able to have so much trust in him because he's so authentic and - you guessed it - friends don't lie.

henclair - dustin/lucas. imagine the things these two (the actual real people of the group) would be able to do if they were not surrounded by fakers and snakes. they should beat will to the coming-out punch. henclair's emotional honesty too tough, their childlike wonder too bad. will and mike'll kill them.

hopclair - eleven/lucas. does something for me if it's part of a threesome with max or if it's paired with madwheeler. does little for me on its own, the writers are kind of allergic to developing this pair on their own, especially in the later seasons.

elmax - eleven/max. best max ship and i'm tired of pretending it's not. eleven went so long in this fucking series without a girl around to be a fucking girl with her and max filled that void. maybe there are other parts of girlhood she'd want to explore with max, like... no... i shan't say it. and, anyway, i think both because of eleven's weirdness and autism and shared trauma but also because of eleven's strength, max would feel empowered by their relationship, rather than someone who has to cover up a history of victimhood. they seem like they'd be together forever to me.

elumax - eleven/lucas/max. RISE. RISE. RISE. max has two hands. all the myriad joys of elmax and lumax in one, and the chance to develop some hopclair on the side. no fucking notes.

jancy - jonathan/nancy. if nancy has to end up with a man it might as well be him. he actually sort of understands her and they have aligned lifepaths that might allow them to some day be happy together. i also like that he yearns for her despite the fact that they are actively in a relationship. he knows his place.

lumax - lucas/max. this is the rare largely pure het ship i give a fuck about. i think it's because of the sheer lengths these two would go to each other; they face enough obstacles from the outside world that it doesn't bother me so much that their relationship has fewer internal obstacles than i usually like. lucas sinclair was a poor boy, but he had a gift to give: he could make you see how the world could be, in spite of the way that it is. max mayfield was a young girl, but she'd seen how the world was; when she fell, she fell in spite of herself in love with lucas.

madwheeler - mike/max. jealousy in relationships always does something for me. both of them vying for the attention of lucas and eleven here delights me. they'd get so mutually competitive and toxic on one hand, but on the other, they'd understand each other. mike wants lucas's full friendship the same way max wants el's. max wants lucas's full love the same way mike wants el's. painful but beautiful cycle, ouroboros of envy.

mileven - mike/eleven. i guess. in truth i care very little for mike and very much for eleven and i feel continuing their obligation to each other is holding their personal development back. its like when fandom shippers want their ship so bad they stop giving a fuck about either individual character, except it's the show itself doing it. absolutely delightful in the first two seasons, though.

wheelclair - mike/lucas. i like the idea of this as the day one sandbox love ship over byler. mike and lucas just seem much more aligned in terms of personality, with that sort of shared love-loyalty extreme that pushes them both everywhere. to me they're very, like, knight and his king, but they both think they're the knight in this situation.

stancy - steve/nancy. for the vast most part i fucking hate this. picturing them in a loveless marriage excites me but that's more of a situation than a ship. picturing them in a loving marriage bores me shitless.

harringrove - steve/billy. i will never stop throwing tomatoes. if you think this is hot then don't let me tell you how to jerk off, just don't then try to tell me it's good writing.

steddie - steve/eddie. i thought i could not hate anything more than harringrove and then this fucking existed. overrated man and overrated man coming together to create pure overrated tungle slop. if this were erased from the internet tomorrow i would never notice, and if i did notice, i would immediately host a fucking gala about it.

stonathan - steve/jonathan. by far the most reasonable of the steve + teen ships. i don't think it's very realistic or anything but the idea of them competing for nancy's love so hard they start having sex dreams about each other is pretty compelling. make it a threesome and then we're really in business.

stobin - steve/robin. not for the canon world because too many fictional lesbians get crushed. but really i find both of these characters annoying and pairing them would help. at least then they'd be contained and make some sense in context. in another universe robin was bi and fucked nancy a few times before she and steve settled down.

stustin - steve/dustin. no one ships this but me and i'm doing anything to change that. i was once ashamed of liking this because of the age gap and then i grew the fuck up. oh they'd fight like an old married couple. dustin had such a crush when he was younger and then talked a guilty steve into letting him act on the crush. steve loves him to death but still harbors resentment because of aforementioned guilt and being talked into things. plus whenever people find out steve would get endlessly shit on which would make him mad - essentially "scott pilgrim's dating a high schooler!" and it entertains dustin to no end. he loves being steve's controversially young boyfriend.

stoncy - steve/jonathan/nancy. a classic case of the answer to the love triangle being polyamory. in this case it elicits a kind of "is he bothering you queen" reaction in me about steve bothering jancy, but i also think that's kind of the point. it would give jonathan and steve something to do while nancy is busy having gay affairs. i mean being the breadwinner of the house. so that's nice.

byerson - will/dustin. reasonable as a pair-the-spares thing if you're doing some cool things with mike, lucas, max, and eleven. this relationship may perhaps fix them but i don't care enough to cement an opinion on that issue.

byler - will/mike. on potentially the thinnest ice of all time. i sort of think will deserves better, and not because mike is doing anything straight-up awful, but just because lifelong attachment and love aren't the same. at it's best when it's represented as lifelong attachment, sort of a jennifer/needy situation. would be better if there weren't so many bandwagons sharing their opinions about it.

murrlexei - murray/alexei. i genuinely don't think about this but if i did think about it i'd think positive thoughts.

bancy - barb/nancy. the most canon nancyslash ship to me. they were in fucking love. they were in fucking love. byler wants what this has. she looked for her dude she fucking looked for her.

rockie - robin/vickie. i tolerate this because canon gays are cool. my real opinion is that this fucking sucks. i think gay characters should either be given a real second gay character to be around and fall in love with or they should end the series riding into the single self-accepting gay sunset. creating a gay character but then showing a simultaneous unwillingness to either give them gay plotlines that aren't about romance or to give them a serious, well-developed gay romance is pure cowardice to me. give robin a real girlfriend i can be invested in and not just a plot device or give robin death.

ronance - robin/nancy. they silenced robin's interesting romance and they silenced lesbian nancy. this is what it would take for me to give a shit about robin at this point and it would fucking workkkkkk. oh the idea of jonathan and steve doing all this bullshit and running all around and being so nervous whereas robin just smiles and gossips with her and listens to what she says. because nancy doesn't need bullshit. she just needs someone to take her seriously. and robin would fucking try. lord she'd be bad at it but she'd try.

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My bonus:

for the Dusteve fandom's viewing pleasure, who requested this scene without the audio covering it up lol (this is the best I could do)

Steve, spraying him with a spray bottle: No mad scientist shit.

Dustin: But-

Steve: No. I promised your mom I wouldn't let you become a super villain. She was worried.