Ex-boyfriends tout a comfort that can’t be reckoned with.  Or maybe it’s only that you think it can’t be reckoned with and in reality ALWAYS needs to be challenged.  I recently fell into what I wouldn’t call a one-way trip to the abyss, but maybe a stumble (or fall) over that beautiful tree root growing out of the sidewalk.  You know, you’re walking along, no big deal, confident, cool, collected, HOT, and, HOLY HELL, a fucking tree root that you didn’t see sends you to the cement.  One always  prays to HOPEFULLY escape these happenings, but instead, it's like you watch your life slow-mo materialize in front of a big, fat, reality checking, gawking, audience. 

Yay.

Let’s back up before we replay the night. 

The, oh-so-epic night began with dinner, and tickets to Radiohead.  I KNOW!  RADIOHEAD.  Like, my all time, can’t live without band, and would do anything like hang out with an ex-boyfriend, band, even go out of town to an old town, band.  Yep.  I went there.  I mean I didn’t exactly plan the trip around it, but let me tell you, I fit it in to my plans.  DUH.

One week before, I received a confused, weird, text message saying, “there’s only one caveat.”  My heart dropped, my head spun, and I could only imagine that he was taking his other ex-girlfriend or some fresh, blonde, tarte (I’m also blonde, but whatever) in my stead.  I iPhone-tapped, “Eh, I hate caveats.”  He said, “Our texts crossed and it’s actually a Deftones’ concert.” 

(Scooby Doo sound) “OH!  Ok.  You had me scared.  I mean don’t get me wrong I love the Deftones, but, yeah.”

Deftones it is.  But, really?  REALLY.  I only blabbed about how Radiohead was my all time favorite band, but I ignored the obvious scheme that had played out without me knowing.  

We went, laughed, had a great time watching the idiots mosh around, and he drove me home. 

So what did I get?  What can only be described as an awkward goodbye hug, and him feeling so comfortable that he kissed/licked/violated the inside of my nostril with his tongue (duplicate previous Scooby-Doo sound here). 

Yep, that’s right.  THE INSIDE OF MY NOSTRIL, PEOPLE.  I was so stunned by this unexpected, indescribable action, that I sat up, gathered my stuff, and word-vomited, “Are you so bored and comfortable that you needed to explore the one orifice you hadn’t licked before?”  TMI, I know, but you’re all adults (at least you should be).  He was obviously horrified and squawked, "I don't know?? I panicked!" How did I get here, again, I groaned in my brain?

We laughed, weirdly.  I left.  And, sigh, immediately started day-dreaming about the man of my dreams that I met 3 days before, with the meh girlfriend.  (See prior blog posts).

Two points:

Never settle; and