#stubtype

I picked up a friend today, slightly yellowed with age and with really baggy clothing and the softest hair and that confident, sassy expression. Who are they?

got these three friends yellowed from cigarettes from a lovely older lady who called them “cute little things” I wonder what their story is????

This Is What Makes Us Clowns. avantgarde stubtype girlband, led by lapsed Tearboy nun Flora L’Arrangement. they’re sweeping the charts as quickly and sloppily as they once swept the floors of their abbey. youthful in appearance, but actually all middle-aged and frightfully jaded. listening to their records is either catastrophically heretical or mandatory, depending on the denomination and musical taste of your local Church of Tears minister.

sewer-dwelling polycule. they take turns jumping out of nobleclowns newly installed novelty toilets and robbing them blind at knifepoint (they usually take the eyes first). they have a running alliance with a certain high end novelty toilet retailer, a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship much like that of the plastic-licking microbes that cover these malodorous muggers. 

hello could u provide some insight about my son?

Gibbon Ribbon. transfigured into a Stubtype by the genteel spirits of the haunted moon called the Laughshack, for being crude. his primary attack is to wrap all of his limbs around the target, crushing them like a grape in the fist of his body; it used to be firing beams from his eyes, but he had to stop after it gave him astigmatism.

a Stubhag of repute, May East. veteran of the eggmines and just cant seem to get rid of the smell that goes with that. longtime site manager of Growth Wing B, Hall 69 (indicating her reputation, as it is considered a great honor to be assigned to any of the Funny Numbers). a no-nonsense type always in a scramble to prevent a scramble, East was the subject of a popular documockumentary chronicling a typical day of eggwork, office drama, grisly mining accidents, even grislier shell-painting controversies over which method of rendering noses is superior (rosy v. mega-rosy), and the Miracle of Birth, for those who were curious about that. some disparage her controversial biomass redistribution policies, for many is the clown who has ordered a cousin and gotten a nephew in the mail, or vice versa, or ecetera. some have pointed to her lax anti-Sickfuck security measures as the reason for the recent record-high lifejuice leakage rates. to these armchair critics East simply says: Come Up And Be Me Sometime

Clowmites? Stubtypes? Who are they?

a harvest of juvenile free-range stubmites. they dig at the roots of trees with their stubs, seeking a hint of sap to soothe their chapped lips. musically-inclined clowns wear them as living brooches, or else dangle them from their instruments for good luck, but they must go to great pains to ensure they only take the young; a mature clownmite of this time can scream loud enough to crack porcelain at twenty clownpaces (which are much longer than regular paces).

Sequoia Gilderbritches, tireless spokesclown of the Funny Little Men’s Union, which represents clowns, jesters, fools, knaves, etc. in their ongoing dispute against God. under her watch, the union has already secured reincarnation rights for anyone who’s ever told a joke. she’s a Wisefool on the side, using her powers to fend off strikebreaker-angels.

Clan McCondiment; all of the former apprentices of the Bastard-lich, Mushy Please. she told each of them that they were her star pupil, good enough to leave her real phylactery with, not one of the many fake ones they all knew she had lying around. each of them is sworn never to open their bequeathed soul jar until her ghost comes back from its dark deeds. they are devoted because they failed their Wisefool entrance exams and this is the best gig they could hope for.