stt x random office enemy guy x beron
You got it, babe. I wrote this in a creative fugue. Not edited /beta'd.
STT THE DEATHLESS
Rated: T for Too Hot to Handle | In case this is not abundantly clear, this is a joke.
Once upon a time, STT was the sexiest human on the planet. All her haters got together and thought they could take her down by sending the fae to kidnap and kill her. Joke’s on them because when Beron stepped through a portal and into her aesthetic apartment, he thought awooga what a catch and brought her to Autumn, where she displaced the lady of autumn (with her consent) and became Autumn court’s Baddest Bitch.
Meanwhile all of STT’s coworkers were frantic because STT was their newbie MVP and with her gone, only two competent people (both women) were left. “We have to get her back” competent Woman #1 exclaimed. “Without her, our game’s scope will increase exponentially and will never be finished!”
“And who will be our sexiest, baddest bitch who makes sure we stop working at normal hours?” Competent Woman #2 asked.
“Fear not,” Random office enemy guy (henceforth known as Work Rhys) said. “I’ll get her back. I need a scapegoat for me to project all my insecurities onto. So, Work Rhys, by the power of being innately in tune with the Scottish countryside, dove into the pond behind the CEO’s manor and ended up in Prythian.
Once there, he sucker punched every faerie that tried to stop him (including Tamlin RIP) and finally made it to Forest House where all the Vanserra bros were surrounding STT and feeding her compliments.
STT is the most beautiful Baddest Bitch
STT is the most delightful Baddest Bitch
STT is the most cunning Baddest Bitch
STT gives the best h-
“Silence!” Work Rhys shouted. “I am here to bring back STT. Without her, we are nothing and the parent company will take away our funding.”
STT however was too beautiful, delightful, and cunning to be fooled and saw through his ruse.
“You don’t want me! You want to take credit for all my work and make me feel incompetent,” She said. “I’ll never return! Beron and our army of redheaded hotties won’t allow it.”
“Beron?” Work Rhys said. “Who is Beron?”
“I’m Beron,” The High Lord said. He stepped out of the shadows where STT had sent him to time out for being mean to the former Lady of Autumn. He pointed to STT. “And this is The Baddest Bitch of Autumn! You cannot take her or we will wage war with the human world!”
This was not as much of a threat as Beron meant it to be because currently in STT’s home world there were some ASSHOLES in POWER who needed to VANISH ASAP. But also faeries don’t have guns and apparently that is a problem despite literally being demi-gods.
“No!” Work Rhys said because what else could a human do? But STT, being so very cunning, had an idea.
“Since you have traveled so far and for so long. And because you have the fucking audacity to ask me to come home, I will let you take me back to the human world if you can finish these lyrics. If you cannot, you are trapped here unless you admit I’m better than you.” And then, STT who mysteriously knew how to sing like a diva in this version of events, sang out,
I'm starvin', darlin', let me put my lips to somethin' Let me wrap my teeth around the world.
(It was almost as good as Hozier)
“Alas!” Work Rhys said, “I do not know the answer to this because ChatGPT normally thinks for me and all my brain cells have died.”
STT cackled and snapped her fingers. “Well then, are you staying or apologizing like a good boy?”
But, Work Rhys, thinking STT could fall for his charms, said. “Before I am trapped here forever because I will never admit you are better than me, I need to tell you… I’m in love with you.”
STT was taken aback. Beron was taken aback. Azriel’s shadows who were spying on the whole thing were taken aback. But Eris, the hottest of the Vanserra brothers was not taken aback because he was too nonchalant for that.
“What?” STT said. “That’s my thirtieth proposal this week! I cannot possibly marry every high lord and high lady and hot son and hot daughter and YOU!”
So she banished Work Rhys into the dungeons where he would be brought out as the court jester for special occasions. Under her reign, The Autumn court prospered. The IC feared her AND wanted to bang her. Tarquin never sent her blood rubies. STT was the baddest bitch! And all was well… except…
One day her haters caught wind that their plan backfired. STT was evil! STT was a wanna-be popular mean girl! How could all the fae in Prythian not see that she was not deserving of their love and affection. They decided to free Koschei, a deathless god, to take her down once and for all.
That night, Koschei arrived in Autumn. STT was in her bed surrounded by all the Vanserra brothers, and Eris’s hounds. (Beron was roleplaying a dog in a cage on the other side of the room).
Koschei clapped his hands together with glee. “I’ll kill her! People like her shouldn’t have any friends at all!” So he dragged her out of bed and carried her high into the sky where he planned on dropping her into the ground below thus killing her. But! STT’s haters were too blinded by their dislike of her to realize that she was beautiful, delightful, and cunning. So when she woke up, she saw that a god had kidnapped her and laughed.
“Were you sent to ruin my life?”
Koschei nodded. “Yeah you’ve pissed some people off.”
“Yeah well a friend to all is a friend to none, you know?” STT said. Koschei thought for a moment, still holding the Baddest Bitch of Autumn in his arms.
“You’re so right, STT” he said. “I was a fool for wasting my time. As an apology, I will make you my successor so I can retire to Bora Bora and drink a bloody mary with my siblings on the beach! Please take care of my birds. Also Vassa has a daytime curfew. If she misses it, give her 20 spanks.”
STT patted him on the head. “You are so kind and generous Koschei, I promise to take care of your birds. But I’m not spanking anyone.”
Koschei found this acceptable, so he kissed her on the cheek and vanished into the aether. STT, however, ascended. She erupted into light, then shadow, then a bunch of bees. And then, she became the The Baddest Deathless Bitch in all of Prythian. She then journeyed to her new home at the lake, threw a party, “invited” Hozier, and turned everyone (excluding Bostonians) into birds. Awooga.
The End.
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