This is a reply to this post, so get the full context in the link. Not really a fic, not really a headcanon. Just a really large wall of text. I've not proofreaded it much nor did I want to make it a large time investment, so it's a bit sloppy. It's a bit of a doozy. Long post under the cut
Kiyotaka is in this really weird place within himself because at some point, probably from talking to Naegi about it, as he is just starting to figure out his feelings and suddenly all of the other stuff he does with dudes makes sense. His complete disinterest in girls, wanting to be in the sauna with other guys because they can be themselves in there, his attraction to masculinity in general, and it's all just hitting him horribly. But he just told himself that's just what other guys would do to each other! It's not wrong at all! And Mondo always accepts his advances because they are so close and he doesn't think like that, which is why he never thought much of it in the first place but now he's just totally confused.
I'm sure all of his talks with his father on wanting to succeed got to him a little too, but Kiyotaka probably took what he says a little to the extreme because his father is pretty stern. Which is why he just tries to be absolutely perfect about succeeding and it's why he put so much time and effort into studying and getting the best grades possible, but that was the expense of his social skills. And he knows that getting with a guy is not what his family would want from him and he just has all of these internalized feelings about all this and it probably took some time for him to really tell Mondo about all this as he's just so scared of losing him and being alone again.
What's funny is that Mondo probably found out about Kiyotaka's feeling for Nidai, since he's pretty transparent and easy to read about most things after finally knowing each other for so long. But he mostly just teases him about it and Ishimaru just keeps telling him to stop because it's not funny and that it's totally not like that either. He eventually asks him why he's not mad about it, but Mondo just brushes it off thinking it's just one of those weird crushes that you get over, because having a crush on Nidai sounds pretty dumb (totally not jealous that Nidai is a better man than he is and is scared of losing him).Â
This eventually gets Mondo to think about their relationship and he wonders why Ishimaru has been a bit distant from him lately as he's not touching him as much or is as close to him as before. Like, the guy is always touching him, and telling him how strong and manly he is, and is always following his advice on getting to be more friendly with others, and helping out with his grades, and helping him out with his anger management and his swearing, and he's always making sure he's okay from the gang activity, and... holy jesus on a crackers on a stick it's when it finally knocks him on the head like a brick and is totally thrown for a loop and trying to process this. This was true all along?! How didn't he see this sooner!? When did it happen!? What if it's contagious?! Gently caress it all! He's gonna ignore all the threats he's said to the others too. Yep.
And now it's Kiyotaka who's wondering why Mondo is avoiding him. They both barely see each other now but they just keep making excuses that they are busy with other things, but they eventually find each other in the hallway of the school and just stare at each other, both of them thinking that the time has come to talk about this but not knowing how to even start.
The conversation is real slow and awkward. "How's your day?" "What have you been up to?" "How you feeling?" They eventually bring up what's going to happen now, but it's Mondo who starts to lose himself a bit knowing that it can't go back to how it was before and kinda guilt trips Kiyotaka into feeling bad about it. Kiyotaka is absolutely torn on what he's saying, but Mondo eventually asks him when he started to figure out he felt this way about him. Kiyotaka answers honestly that he's not really sure when it started to feel this way and he might have felt like that from the beginning of their friendship.
This was definitely not the words that Mondo wanted to hear. He's not sure how to feel about this and his anger just rises for the first time in long while. But he eventually sees how heartbroken Kiyotaka is right now and eventually calms himself down and just storms off to brood leaving him there.
Mondo doesn't come to class the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. Kiyotaka hated that the worst outcome happened and the fact that he's gone. He's pretty down about it. Like really, really down. He doesn't really care how, but he wants to see him again, just to tell him everything he couldn't tell him before. Even if he rejects him because he doesn't want to regret that he couldn't tell him.
Eventually at night about a week later, Kiyotaka receives a text message from Chihiro. <<Someone will be coming over to see you in a bit.>> He's honestly a bit confused because he doesn't really have anyone who would want to see him, but eventually he hears a knock on his door. After opening it he didn't expect the person he was hoping to see most to be standing at his doorstep to his dorm. Honestly, he's pretty mad. Like, who seriously does that to someone and puts him all through what he's been through? Just as he was about to tell him what for, a massive weight embraces him and he could do was hug back with tears in his eyes. "I missed you so much," "I'm so sorry," they both kept saying. Kiyotaka realized that Mondo had tears in his eyes too. This was the second time he has seen him like this, the first was when he told him about Daiya.
Mondo apologizes profusely after they both calmed down. Kiyotaka questions where he's been all this time and why he came back. Mondo explains that he just wanted to escape it all for a bit and needed to clear his mind about what just happened and that didn't mean to go as far as he did. While traveling he eventually met this cute girl and about how much they both hit it off (Kiyotaka was totally jealous and did not like where this was going). He told him that while he could have pursued her, he couldn't just leave things with him like he did. She eventually gave him the courage to go back to face and admit what he did and how he couldn't think about losing him.
"Wait, what do you mean? Where are you going with this?"
"This is where i'm going with this" and he just kisses him. At that moment all of their worries just melt away, as if nothing else mattered.
As soon as the high from the kiss wore off Ishimaru just nearly doubled over to the floor. "Why did you do that?! Where does this leave us?! What about the girl you met?! Are you two-timing her?! Why--" And Mondo just cuts him off "Hey can you calm down already?! You're fucking making this harder for me than it already is!" as he blurts out.
As soon as Kiyotaka calmed down a bit he noticed that Mondo wasn't looking much better either.
"Look, I care so much about ya' and we had such a great thing goin' between us. I just wanted to tell ya' that I really don't want to lose it... to lose you. You've done so much for me, shit, more than my parents, better than Daiya ever could, that I couldn't shake this feeling -- what I always thought was this stupid fucking feeling -- that if there was anybody in the world out there I wanna spend the rest of my life with, it couldn't be anybody else but you."
"Mondo I..." Now that the other boy finally let out his feeling, it was getting increasingly harder to keep himself together. But he had to let it out, more than anything.
"I care so much about you. At first, I didn't know why. Your strength, your dedication, even your body, it was always something I admired! But you were always so caring, so thoughtful to me, more than anybody else. You always stood up for me, you put up with me, you were always willing to hear what I had to say through all the mundane trivialities of life, even through all my nagging, you were always someone I could count on to be there. You gave me comfort, you gave me something I've always wanted that nobody was willing to give -- a friend. And I was wiling to put up with that! But I now know that I've wanted something more. Something I could share with. Something I... can't even describe! Please, I-I want to get to know you for the rest of my life as well!" And they both gave each another warm embrace, not caring about anything else but the other person in the room, where they eventually laid in bed for a bit after a long tiring confession.
"Good night, brother" Kiyotaka mumbled a bit as he tried not to completely drift off to sleep. They eventually headed for the door, where they both were willing to part ways for the night.
"Hey, should we still keep calling each other that?" Mondo questioned as he stood by the doorway.
"I don't see why not. You said so yourself that our relationship was something that was important for the both of us." Kiyotaka chimed in.
"I don't know. Now it just sounds kinda weird." Mondo replied, less than enthused.
"But our relationship as brothers was very important to us. I don't see why it has to change now that we're... uh... we are, what are we now?"
"Well I guess so. And we are, uh, well, you see," Mondo couldn't help himself but blushing at this point, and knowing that Kiyotaka was seeing him like this he did the only thing he could think of "We'll cross that bridge when we reach it." After saying his parting words, Mondo just ran out to the hallway and straight to his room where he slammed the door shut behind him.
Kiyotaka frantically followed and ran up and started knocking and speaking softly on his door, as to not wake up the other students. "Hey, Mondo!" That was quite unacceptable behavior, we were still in the middle of a conversation! Mondo, open up this instant!"
As he did so, Mondo only had one thing to say. "Let's just say we're together and that's it, yeah?" After holding the smaller male and planting a quick kiss, he closed the door once again.
Kiyotaka just stood there dumbfounded and a bit embarrassed about what happened after getting caught off guard like that. "I well, yes, I suppose 'together' is a nice term."
As Kiyotaka lied in his bed, all he could think that everything was finally going well for him, as he drifted to sleep knowing that Mondo was finally back.
