#story01

Do you miss Gravity Falls? Wonder what all your favorite characters are up to now that the show is over? Wonder no longer! The Gravity Falls Hanukwanzmas Special is here to give you a glimpse into the everyday lives of the Pines family five years after they saved the world from a crazy triangle dude.

But...wait... something about this holiday special seems a bit...  w̨͉̟͇̻̰̗ͅe͏̠̝̣̭̫̲̟i̖̲͎̲̕r͇̯̭̼̤͉d̢͉͔̩?̧

NEGATIVITY... BILl cipher deserved whats coming to him HAPPY BILL IS DEAD DAY go punch a dorito to celebrate--

what did i ever do to anybody huh nothing!!!

im just a triangle trying to save you from the delusions society gave u

gravity’s a lie

so is t eh sk y...

so what if i tried to destroy the multiverse!!!  im just here on this website trying to have a good time like anybody else...

ive literally... never donea nything wrong.... ever in my whole life....

I KNOW YA DO, KID… AND I KNOW I’VE GOT SOME DEVOTED FANS OUT THERE! BUT SOMETIMES IT’S STILL HARD ON THE OL’ SELF-ESTEEM WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE MULTIVERSE IS OUT TO GET YOU!

AM I NOT HUMAN? IF YOU PRICK ME DO I NOT BLEED?

WELL OKAY THE ANSWER TO BOTH OF THOSE QUESTIONS IS TECHNICALLY “NO”, BUT IT’S A METAPHORICAL QUESTION NOT LITERAL! 

I KNOW I ACT ALL TOUGH AND MACHO DAY IN AND DAY OUT, PLUS I’VE GOT A REAL INTIMIDATING PRESENCE… BUT I’VE STILL GOT FEELINGS! JUST BECAUSE A GUY’S GOT GOD-LIKE POWERS AND INFINITE KNOWLEDGE DOESN’T MEAN HE CAN’T HAVE A SENSITIVE SIDE!

OH WELL…

SO, WHAT ELSE DID I GET IN MY INBOX RECENTLY…?

WHY, MR. ENIGMA…  

YOU MAY BE WONDERING, but Bill, Valentines Day is already over! Why are you even talking about it anymore?

BECAUSE IF I KNOW HUMAN BEINGS, THEN YOU’VE ALL SCREWED UP VALENTINES DAY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, AND NOW YOU’RE SCRAMBLING AROUND TRYING TO FIX YOUR MESSES!

MAYBE YOU FORGOT TO BUY A PRESENT FOR YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! MAYBE YOU DIDN’T WEAR THE RIGHT SCENTS TO ENTICE THEM! MAYBE YOU TRIED TO COOK A ROMANTIC DINNER FOR TWO BUT ENDED UP OPENING A PORTAL TO THE NIGHTMARE REALM!

OR MAYBE YOU WERE LATE FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT, LIKE YOUR WEDDING OR UPLOADING A VIDEO TO THE INTERNET! I MEAN THESE THINGS HAPPEN BUT YEAH, HOW DO YOU FIX IT ONCE YOU’VE BROKEN IT HUH?

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID, I’M HERE TO HELP!!! COME ASK ME YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT ROMANCE, SEX AND LOVE, AND I’LL BE PROVIDING ABSOLUTELY FREE ADVICE FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY!

THIS IS A LIMITED TIME OFFER SO DON’T DELAY! OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY TO TAKE YOUR MESSAGES! SENDING A QUESTION DOES NOT GUARANTEE A RESPONSE!

CRAP, REALLY? 

...YEAH I GUESS HE’S RIGHT THERE WHERE I LEFT HIM...

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK, LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS OR BRING HIM BACK?

PROS OF NEW KRYPTOS:

SILENT

NEVER PLAYS HIS MUSIC ON THE STEREO

CAN’T DISAPPOINT ANYONE

DOESN’T FORWARD CHAIN EMAILS TO ME

WE COULD TURN HIS OLD ROOM INTO A GUEST TORTURE CHAMBER!

CONS:

SMELLS WORSE

CAN’T OPEN THE DOOR THAT’S BEEN WELDED SHUT BY HIS CHARRED REMAINS (BUT WHAT DO WE EVEN KEEP IN THERE? IS IT IMPORTANT?)

CAN’T PLAY PRANKS ON HIM

NEVER CRIES

CONVERTING HIS ROOM TO A GUEST TORTURE CHAMBER WOULD MEAN UPDATING THINGS AND RENOVATION CAN BE SO STRESSFUL!