Why do people think “disobedience” is a sign of a lack of respect, when it comes to children? Do you obey all the commands of those you respect, without question? And if you do, is that respect? Or is it something closer to fear? And so if disobedience has nothing to do with “respect” and rather more to do with context… How does trying to increase someone’s respect level actually increase obedience? Well it doesn’t…. Especially with children… It’s not that children are not more likely to comply with the requests of those they respect. It’s that “respect” (obedience) is often expected (not earned), by adults and it’s also seen through an adult lens. The way you gain respect is by treating someone with respect. That means empathizing and having compassion for them when they do choose not to comply. Having respect for your child means giving them the space to have their voice heard and matter. But when we look at “respect” as equivalent to blind obedience, of course we will feel offended when our child disobeys us. They aren’t disrespectful…. That’s not disrespect. But we were taught it is… We were taught that disobedience is disrespect. Guess what happens next? We become emotionally triggered! We recall all those feelings of fear when our parents demanded respect and we explode! Without realizing that we are actually using fear to elicit compliance and then calling it respect… we can NEVER overcome the internal struggle that happens that leads us to that breaking point. J. Milburn @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #childism #stopchildism #freekids #respectchildren #childled https://www.instagram.com/p/CVTWBaJrmJE/?utm_medium=tumblr
