#stop gatekeeping

bbno$ had an interview where he was asked if he’d ever have sex with a dude and he said “I don’t know”, and said he’s kissed his male friends and he’s felt attracted to men but he’s never felt like a proper urge to have sex with a man.

People of course called this queer baiting because of course they fucking did.

But there’s something he said in this interview. That he’s gotten more comfortable with his sexuality, and 10-15 years ago he wouldn’t be comfortable talking like this due to the stigma.

It is only due to new social progress that he’s able to give this answer. That he has the space to not just say he’s straight. I’ve always said that you could not make ‘I kissed a girl’ as a dude, because a guy who made a hit song about kissing guys with a girl waiting at home, he would be pegged as a gay cheater”. And this is the same I think, back then he definitely would have just called himself straight because it’s easier and because of internalized homophobia, and it’s only due to social progress that he’s open to the possibility.

You would think “I have felt really attracted to dudes but have never felt the immediate (read: immediate as opposed to eventual) sexual desire.” would be enough of a confirmation that this person is not strictly straight. Like not “Think they’re attractive” but “Attracted to”. But apparently this is him baiting.

The fact that people are mad that this man finally feels comfortable with his sexuality, and okay being honest about his situation because it means they can’t get a straight answer out of him as to whether or not to call him queer, that’s awful.

📸: @burrowsgem

NO ONE FUCKING CARES IF YOU FOUND IT 26742589423873 YEARS BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DID. NO ONE CARES THAT WHAT YOU LIKE AND/OR KNOW IS LESS POPULAR. YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. And fuck gatekeepers too, yall are selfish as hell

(I’m only using those first two frases in the context when people say that to feel better than someone else btw so no shade if you’ve said it non maliciously 😭😭)

I think we collectively need to take a deep breath and recenter.

Bc it’s meant as an incredibly empowering statement right? (and I get it, I’ve fantasised about having that much confidence when confronted with sex or gender or romance, like a good chunk of aspec or trans ppl I’ve met)

But honestly it can kind of just feel insanely invalidating sometimes, of just how much choice we didn’t have, and how much people can punish us for it.

Just like the gays have always said, none of us chose to have the gender and sexualities that we do. We just are.

The choice was never just ‘yes or no’. just like everyone else it was between slowly killing ourselves trying to uphold the idea of what is normal for everyone else, or fighting on the front lines for the chance to just exist as we are.