#stop being dependent

See? This is one of the reasons I didn't want to get attached to having friends. I don't mean to be dramatic and shit, but I kind of-at one point in my life- didn't want friends or best friends, because I get too attached. I start having all these daydreams of things that we can do as friends and best friends and just be sad about it all the fucking time. Yeah I have some close friends but I gotta fucking wake up. I gotta start telling myself that they're not always going to be there when I need them, so I gotta fucking stop depending on them. I have a lot of escapes I use for loads of reasons and friends has got to be crossed off one reason or another. I closed myself down for friends last year, and I'm just gonna start depending on my fictional characters in books. Their stories might be fake, but my different connections with them aren't! Friends are just becoming a distraction for me and mostly the main reason I just want to be alone all the fucking time. I gotta wake up from my escape from this fucking escape. Sorry to the friends I have now, but I really just have to wake up.