#stleos

             Br Cory C.

so, I completed and turned in my application this morning, and I also got to have a super duper amazing meeting with the Abbot, which went very well... But, that wasn't the highlight of my day, though it was pretty awesome! No, the highlight for today was the communal penance service we had here today, while the Blessed Sacrament was exposed, it was something of beauty to be sure especially because it was such an amazing feeling to go to confession, it feels great normally, but today, it felt different it was like enhanced, exponentially! I've never quite had such a life giving confession before it felt as if all the weight on my shoulders was lifted and my soul was set free. Anyways, my application has been completed and turned in, met with Abbot, and confessed, if that's not a productive day idk what is! Pax et bonum :)

As I sat and worked on my application today I couldn't help but wonder how different my life would've been had I found St Leos sooner, and how different it will be now that I've found it. I also ponder on how good God is, this has been an amazing retreat, and has definitely been a grace filled experience. I think now that I've discovered more about myself in my year as a monk at my previous monastery it made the discernment even easier here, and it helps that I know how to truly discern and pray. I'm looking forward to this new adventure in the journey I call life, but I'm also nervous, I've never lived this far from my family in my entire life. Pray for me! Pax!

  Very rarely am I one to jump to conclusions or make rushed decisions, but, this decision felt so right it’s hard not to jump on the opportunity. Having said that, it’s time to make my big announcement, I’ve decided to make application to St Leos Abbey here in Florida. It’s so very different from my last Abbey, and yet there’s the beautiful familiarity of Benedictine life, I still have a great love and respect for the Carmelites, but being here has shown me how much I both miss and am called to this way of life. And so, I requested to make application, I’m actually typing this as I take a break from filling the application out. I have a great sense of both peace and joy about this decision and knowing it’s Gods will makes it a ton easier. Please continue to pray for me on this new phase of my journey and please be aware of my prayers for all of you. Pax et bonum!

  I find myself deeply intrigued by water, though I can’t swim (long story!), I’m attracted to it, and always find comfort near it… I say this because there’s a lake here and as I was sitting next to it on the little pier they have, I asked God something simple “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening” and I had an Elijah on Mt Horeb moment, I heard God in the silent stillness. I asked this of God to confirm that it wasn’t just me feeling a certain way about a decision I’ve made but that it’s Him who wants it of me and is literally showing me the answer. This time I chose to listen and to not do things on my own, I’ve been pussy footing around quite a bit about revealing this mysterious decision, I think it’s for the best since I haven’t yet fully made it known to those who need to know… There was another gentleman here on retreat who on my way back  from the lake stopped me and wanted to talk, so I sat next to him and I felt as if I was totally at peace, inexplicably so, I know now God used that little chat to solidify my vocation and my decision. Later on in the evening I decided to take a walk with one of the Novices and we ended up sitting down in the town pub for a beer and then ended up talking together back @ the Abbey until almost 1am, it was a beautiful time of fellowship and friendship. I’m so deeply privileged to have this time here and to have the clarity that comes with that time, and to have been able to make the decision I’ve made. God bless each and every one of you!

Day 4-- Unquenchable Light  Today was one of those days that just leaves you questioning everything you know and believe about yourself… Yesterday I felt totally alone and desolate, but, today, I feel as if the light has returned and all the joy has been injected back into my life. Being back in the monastic milieu has made me realize both how much I miss monasticism and yet how much I don’t miss my old community. The light is so bright I can’t see so I don’t fully know or recognize what’s going on, but I think I made a wrong or rushed judgment vocationally and I’m being given an opportunity to have life again. Hanging out with the novices of this community has been a great blessing and I feel that these are relationships that will last quite a while, one of them Br. “B” has gone out of his way to make me feel welcome and to answer any of my questions, as well as to encourage me in my search and in my journey. The other day when I ended my post I asked “Is this part of the journey over” I think I have my answer and it’s not the one I expected nor wanted, yet I’m content and realize God is at work in all this. Please, pray for me!

Day 3-- Sunday   Today was just an ordinary, bland, run of the mill day, and yet I feel desolate, and exhausted. I’m starting to realize something is brewing deep within my soul and that I may be missing all the sign posts in the road pointing me somewhere where God wants me and what He really wants of me… I have certain gifts and talents and I feel like I may be wasting them by not acting on certain opportunities… Pray, pray, and then pray some more… There is no salvation without suffering and sacrifice.