#stillwaves

She falls asleep so fast it would be ridicolous if it weren't so adorable! And then she holds on to my hand and sometimes she strokes her thumb along mine. I am so blessed.

I was never the small girl that already starts to plan her wedding, think of dress and colors for bridesmaids. Even tho I've always been a girly girl, wedding planning was never in my thoughts. Maybe even back then I couldn't see it in my future for me, and when I grew into a teenager I just fully put the idea of it in that far-away-in-time hidden drawer. Until I met you, and fell in love with you, and started jokingly talking about it with you. And yesterday standing with people I didn't know celebrating the love of two people I barely know, when "Oh Happy day.." started echoing in the small church and the bride walked in on her father arm. In that moment I turned to look at you and in my head I could see us, our families and our dads walking us in the church, I could see our friends coming togheter and a beautiful place to celebrate. I wish my small self could've know that she could've started with the planning, but oh how much fun and excitement is gonna be to start from scratch with you sometime in our future togheter.

My perfect place right now it's a place in time. It's somewhen, more than somewhere. It's a normal day, when we unexpectedly have a free morning. It's just having breakfast in our kitchen while planning the next days, and then deciding to go to swim. It's a relaxed lunch in a café, sitting outside in the spring sun while chatting randomly and then starting to plan our next holidays. It's then having different plans for the afternoon and kissing you goodbye then telling you that I'm gonna pick up dinner on my way back home later. It's finishing our day like we started it, togheter. It's knowing that it'll be the same tomorrow, and the day after that, and the one after again and so on.

Yesterday was the most surprisingly exausting day since so long I can’t even remember. I guess it was the day everything I did in the past months crashed down on me. I have no past memory of  me crying that violently, for more than two hours, without being able to stop. And she was there with me, trying everything she could to make me stop, and then just holding me. In my head there was nothing else but a 5 years old me screaming “I don’t want to go back there”. Any reasonable reason why that made no sense couldn’t get past that. Today I still am not my full grown up self, I managed to leave but only taking with me her flat’s keys, to keep and hold, knowing that if I ever wanna run I can. We’re only 40 min of train, and less than a week from seeing each other but I’m still gonna miss her, I miss home, and I’m living with people that don’t share even a quarter of my view about the world, a family or a kid education. But I’m on this train that passes by small towns, with small houses and all I can think about is the day in the future when we’ll have that, and this will be one of the steps that took us there.