DAY 51: Well folks, this is it. I’d like to thank all the followers that had to listen to me gush about my girlfriend for the past two months and still not unfollowing me. Y’all are troopers.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been a great morning. I fucked up. This is instance number 2,842 where I have opened my mouth and ruined someone’s day by making accusatory remarks. This is something I’ve admittedly tried to change, but can’t seem to find the means to do so.

I made someone very near and dear to me cry today - on her last day in Argentina.  Something that I can’t fathom myself for. This isn’t some pity party I’m throwing for me that you’re all invited to, but some much needed self-reflection.

I’ve let jealousy get the best of me these past two months. Jealous that Liv got to have fun in another country without me. I let it all bottle up and then basically made her feel bad for going. What kind of monster am I to ruin someone’s last day like this? I’m sobbing as I’m typing this right because at the moment I can’t even grasp my own existence...She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve me; a  selfish asshole that disagrees with anyone’s agenda that isn’t his. Someone who convinces you that going out and getting drunk all the time is a terrible idea and YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD. A hypocrite, a snob, someone who wants to watch others fail only so they can succeed. A 50-year old Dad trapped in a 22-year old’s body that scolds his girlfriend like a child for making potentially wrongful decisions. This is who I’ve become and I’m not happy about it. I’ve made claims of trying to change, but it’s so so very hard for me for whatever reason. Why do I WANT to make people feel bad for their actions? Who am I to judge them?

We spoke briefly over the messenger. I needed her to speak her peace and I knew that I what I wanted to hear was for her to tell me how fucking terrible I’m being so I can take it to heart.

I want her to read this and know how genuinely sorry I am for all the turmoil I’ve put her through on this day and others. It’s not fair nor right of me to do so. I hate feeling like this. Why can’t I just be fucking supportive like a normal Goddamn human being. I’m not well y’all. I’m ready for her to be home. I’ve never loved like this before and it makes me so nervous that I’ve been the product of its potential end yet again.  Every thought or action I have is a direct result of this relationship and I have continued to fuck it up to no end. If someone has any answers as to why, I’d appreciate it because for some reason I don’t at the moment. I want to change and I want this to work. 

I’m in deep hatred for no one but myself. This is a terrible feeling and I want to go back to square one. I’ve never met someone who is so bright and talented. Who could light up a room with just her smile.  I’ve had dreams of dating girls like this, but now I’m letting it slip away. What’s wrong with me...

Quiero cambiar.

Hey guys! Here’s the full version of the baby i’m sorry mv. I’m still sobbing so be warned! T^T

Part 1: http://youtu.be/TXv0kRKMkdo Part 2: http://youtu.be/27IXZ5b2WGE Part 3: http://youtu.be/MD3CZN31vAQ