Do you know, I could break beneath the weight
Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you?
That I'd walk so far just to take
The injury of finally knowing you
(Alicia's POV of the Kiss Cam scene from Limelight)
In the space between Kissed and Unkissed, he’s just Bobby. It’s hard to remember what’s so scary about this whole thing when she's straightening his lapel and he’s threading his fingers through her hair, gentle despite the break in his nose and the cut on his lip, despite the distance she’s tried to hide inside. Maybe because of it.Â
He touches her like they’re in private. It’s at odds with the way she’s playing it, very amped up for the crowd and the Kiss Cam. She exaggerates it now, smiling the way she does when she’s flirting in a movie, and she sees the moment it clicks for him. Bobby’s mouth turns playful. He glances at the crowd, sending them a heartbreaker’s smile. When he looks back at her his eyes have gone all serious again. He’s following her lead, but he meant what he’d said earlier. He still wants this with her.Â
Alicia has pushed him away and pushed away and he’s let her, and now she’s batting her eyelashes and pulling him closer for the audience, off balance herself, but his hands on her waist are steady.Â
It’s terrifying, this trust he has in her. Whatever this unshakable belief is, that she’s made the right call by coming back for him and that he’ll prove it to her. She wonders what it’d be like to be that sure of someone else.Â
His lips are soft at her earlobe. A thrill zings through her as he whispers, “Are you sure?”
His closeness. His cologne. Alicia is already halfway wrapped up in him.Â
“No tongue,” she whispers back. He’s already leaning down when she kisses him.Â
Bobby Zimmermann is a good kisser. This is a kiss she could get lost inside, one that’d swallow her up if she let it. It’s in the way he teases at first, asking her to chase him. It’s in the way he cradles her face, asking her to realize it’s him, to see that this isn’t a costar or club hookup she’s kissing. She tastes a promise on his tongue. This kiss could mean something, he’s telling her. He wants it to.Â
They’re having a baby. Her baby’s father wants this with her. The whole arena is watching him kiss her.Â
Her heart’s beating really fast. Everything is a little too — real.Â
She pulls him closer on instinct and he follows and he smashes his nose against her cheek and doubles over so quickly she just blinks, startled. Bobby Zimmermann prods his nose gingerly, swearing up a storm. He looks at her apologetically.Â
Alicia recovers first. There’s a crowd to woo and she’s always been good at that, always quick to push her feelings aside and be what they want to see. Right now they want to see a supermodel and the hunky NHL star she just kissed, broken nose and all, so she gives it to them. It’s not hard pretending it was a hot kiss. It’s easy to laugh a little about Bobby’s nose, a slapstick sequence the crowd’s eating up.Â
“You okay?” she asks. A camera swoops in, and she laughs and blows a kiss at the lens.Â
“Yeah,” Bobby says. The look on his face takes her breath, an obvious expression caught in his brown eyes. “Just got carried away.”
Alicia pulls her actress persona around her stitch by stitch. “I’m sorry about your nose.”
She means it as a way to create distance. That kiss left her feeling a little tumbled, a little raw, too accessible. It’s safe tucked away behind Alicia Fenway, Actress.Â
Bobby’s still just Bobby though, like an exposed nerve. His feelings linger on the surface. They always do. But this time, instead of making her nervous, curiosity blooms in her chest. For the second time tonight she wonders if Bobby really means what he says.Â
“It’s alright,” he says, and now he’s smiling a little. “It was worth it, to kiss you again.”
She blushes. She finds she doesn’t mind if he sees.Â
“Alicia,” he says a beat later, after the whistle blows and the game resumes. “You’ve got a little…”
He gestures at her mouth, her chin, and it must’ve been a bigger kiss than she thought if her lipstick smudged that much. She wipes at her face and he shakes his head and she does it again but it’s not better, not better says Bobby’s shaking head.Â
“Can you,” she starts, raising his hand to her face before she can overthink it.Â
Bobby straightens. That obvious expression lights up in his eyes again, and as he smooths the lipstick from her chin, she wonders if he knows. Bobby Zimmermann’s in love with her.Â
“There you go,” he says finally. His thumb slips off her chin slowly, like he doesn’t want to stop touching her.Â
She’ll play it safe for both their sake. He’d walk a thousand miles for her, she can see it now; she’ll keep herself slightly apart so he’ll never have to. She’d told him before the kiss that she doesn’t know what she wants. She’ll keep herself standing, not leaning, so he won’t have to carry the pain of knowing her. This can work.Â
For a moment Alicia thinks about what it’d be like to be loved by him the way he wants to love her. But it’d be too much, too all-encompassing, so she ducks behind her facade and hopes it won’t break his heart too much the day he finally wakes up.
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potentially bad news upfront, it's a german brand. but you can see in the listing how their pages are structured plus the additional special types of pages that I find very useful. they also have a lot empty pages for Notes or To Do Lists that I use for other things like writing down opening times I need frequently and listing the books I'm reading this year. and I do have important addresses and phone numbers in there too. and it has little pockets in the front and back for any kind of scrap liek business cards
and since it's structured with the calendar page on the left to put appointments in and an empty page on the right, I use the right side like a mini diary where every evening before going to bed I write down at least one nice thing that happened that day so I go to sleep with good things on my mind and can look back on a week/month/year of good things if I'm tempted to forget
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it's perfectly back pocket sized which is where I usually keep it, and I always keep a little completely blank and unlined notebook that I tug under the elastic too
bonus fun fact, I have this teeny tiny multitool pen for the calendar's pen holder that holds on pretty firmly and is perfectly small so sitting on the calendar with the pen in my back pocket isn't an issue
