#steph's asks

OMGGG WHERE?! WHEN?! BY WHO?!

Hey! So I wanna start by saying that this isn’t a weird question AT ALL. I’ve also struggled with this a lot in the past, especially when I first realised I was a trans guy, and it’s a valid worry that a lot of people have.

Honestly, I don’t think there’s any reason to feel differently about F/F relationships in media unless you yourself are treating them differently. If you’re behaving towards them in exactly the same way as you did before you came out, then I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I know for me personally (and potentially for a lot of other trans guys), F/F pairings were a big part of my initial coming out process. Before I realised that I was male, I identified as a gay/queer woman for a very long time. Queer female couples helped me accept myself during that time, and they reflected a life that I dreamed of one day having myself - me being male doesn’t negate the impact that that representation had on me, and honestly, even now I still feel the most connected to F/F couples in media.

Obviously you’re not expected to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing, but if you’d still like to write F/F fics in a respectful and nice way, then I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Overcoming the weird feelings can be tough, but you have to remember that we aren’t seeing these couples through the same eyes as cis men; I feel as though (most) trans guys have a deep connection to F/F rep because, well, that was OUR rep before we realised our gender identities. So, like I said, as long as you aren’t fetishising or disrespecting these pairings, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with loving and supporting women who love each other.

(cont.) so I don’t see the point of it. I’ve never really experienced dysphoria I don’t think, but I like the way I look better with a flat chest. I have a smaller chest and buy sports bras that are pretty snug. I just received a sample of transtape I ordered to bind with, but I’ve never properly binded before, and I guess I feel like it’s dumb for me to want to bind my chest? I don’t think it’s something I’ll do all the time, but for more fitting shirts.

I don’t ever plan on changing my pronouns either. I guess my question is, how was your experience with gender? Did you always experience dysphoria, or did it start as a kind of discomfort that you didn’t quite have a word for? I guess I just feel like I’m pretty comfortable with who I am now, but I wonder if something else could feel better. Sorry this rambled so much.And I like, would really love your honest opinion about it. If you think I’m being silly like please tell me.

First of all, you’re definitely not being silly! Figuring out who you are is always important, no matter what the outcome is.

Thing is, you can’t really ‘present’ as non-binary, because it’s an identity, not a form of gender expression. I think the word you’re looking for here is ‘androgynous’, which refers to a look that doesn’t adhere to the idea of ‘gendered’ clothing.

Also, you don’t have to cut your hair or dress a certain way in order to ‘fit’ a label – you do whatever you’re comfortable with, and use whichever label you feel fits you best. If you want to bind, then you go ahead and do that! And it doesn’t matter if you do it every day, or once a week, or once a year – as long as you’re happy and comfortable, that’s what’s important.

My experience with gender was weird, because I’d always felt disconnected from my assigned gender identity but I never had the language with which to talk about it, so I ignored it for years and tried to pretend I was happy being a girl. I did have dysphoria, but like I said, I didn’t have the word for it – I just thought it was typical teenage body hatred or whatever.

Sure! Here are some asks I’ve answered about the same question:

http://queermurphys.tumblr.com/post/159071453221/hi-youve-probably-already-answered-this-but

http://queermurphys.tumblr.com/post/152387839716/bruh-whats-your-workout-plan-like-your-arms-are