#startedatthebottom

You’re losing yourself.

It happens slowly

You hardly feel it at first and if you do at that point it is mistaken for growth

Little promises that you made to yourself begin to seem less important than the promises that you made to another.

Someone else’s smile makes you forget how brightly you shine on your own.

How strong you already are.

How powerful and perfect your mind is.

Is this what love feels like? You keep asking yourself and everyone you know.

One day you’re a flat stomached, sculpted ass, pierced, golden skinned, green eyed siren in the hills of southern California and the next you’re someone’s step mother. 

One day you’re up at 5 am to chug half a gallon of water, jump rope, meditate, and smoke before you shower and brush your teeth. Driving into LA to meet film makers and comic book editors.

One day you’re up at 7 trying to spend a few more minutes in bed with a man who claims he loves you but will push you away the moment you stop giving him what he wants when he wants it. One day you’re trying to cum while his kids from a past relationship strangle each other outside your bedroom door. 

One day you’re remembering all the pain you’ve endured and wonder what would’ve happened if you went balls deep in CA and didn’t come back to your mom’s state when you were 21.

You hear your mother’s brother say “You were built for this shit” and it hurts at first but he’s right. The struggle is your battle field. You thrive in it.

You’re tired but if anyone could make it, it’s you.

You’ve slept under bridges. You’ve stolen electricity from neighbors to survive. You build a mean fire. You cook like it’s your last day every time. You grew up on goodwill and dollar tree. You can take a cold shower without flinching. You ALWAYS SAY “THANK YOU.” You say “see you later” instead of “goodbye.”

Today you work for a multi-million dollar corporation and drink champagne with your CEO on Fridays. The bridges you’ve slept under as a child are less than an hour away.

Why do you doubt yourself in love but exude excellence without even trying?

You go so hard.

You could have the perfect love you seek. You could have whatever you want, You fucking deserve it. It’s already yours. Stop fucking making excuses. Go hard for your life. For yourself.

I got my first google review today.