#starlit scripts

I want you to know that I miss you— not because you became like the wind when I was grasping for reasons to live, nor because of the countless oceans that inevitably stop me from sinking my soul into the warmth of your arms, nor the silence that tunes out all the words that we would have told each other had the world been a bit less bustling and a bit more tranquil. I miss you, not because I feel like you’ve already run out of love to give but because I know with all certainty that love is an ornament to every aspect of your being and I’ve long since used it to luster my smile with more joy whether you were within arms’ reach or hours among the clouds away from where I was. I miss you, even in moments where I’d see you laugh from across the room because of inside jokes that only we would understand or I’d put my head on your shoulder as we wandered the depths of our hearts and swam in our sea of tears together— even if we lit up the whole neighborhood with our silly loud songs until the wee hours of the night or have conversations fueled by coffee and emotion deep in the heart of the dark, I would still wake up the next day feeling like it was nothing but a dream and I would find myself wanting to go back to sleep just so I could be with you once more only for the sunlight streaming through my windows to remind me that everything was indeed a slice of my reality and I was just a bit too much in disbelief to accept that the bliss engulfing such times could actually be mine to look back on should I ever need a rope to pull me up each time I drown in the gloom pooling in my mind. The world sometimes paints the portrait of missing someone with heavy strokes of sadness and grief but I make mine with all the colors of your smile and thoughts that fervently hope for the sun in our yesterdays to rise on all our tomorrows. You can say that it’s funny; perhaps even absurd to yearn so much for you when you have always been there but I guess it can’t be helped more so when each passing second that adorns our moments together unfailingly presents a chance for my heart to gravitate towards you and bask in the light that emanates from its every piece of gold. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder but I find myself growing in fondness of you even inside rooms that shelter both our souls— truly, there’s no such thing as too much time when you’re in the presence of the right person and the clocks in the world will cease to exist if they dare to keep track of all the hours that I desire to spend with you. In a world where the cries of goodbyes are competing fiercely with the pleasant sound of everyday hellos, you add a spark of forever to my smile— you make me feel an infinity of happiness in the finitude that makes up this lifetime and for that, I’ll always miss you— for that, I’ll always love you.

If I could, I would rearrange the stars in the night and put the one with my name next to the moon for I would do anything to chase the light that mirrors the sun in my serene afternoons

And you are my light; my hope in the dark so I can’t say I fully understand this distance— for I’d love nothing more than to ignite this spark and give you all my love in every instance.

9/365

Dear friend, I’m either falling into the abyss of my mind or banking on the memories I have spent with you but your eyes seem to hold bliss of a certain kind that shelters many different shades of blue. I can hear your laughter harmonize with the crowd but it comes off as a vintage record on rewind— vicarious odes turned up to a volume so loud it drowns out the sad songs playing from deep inside. You said you got your pillows as your getaway and I’ve heard that way too many times before but the storms still drag on through the day even when the sun is peeking through your door. I can only get a grasp of what I have been told so there is surely more than meets the eye but I know you’re not meant to be in the cold; watch sunflowers freeze until they die. You may feel like you have reached the end and you have run out of sceneries to admire but the road is just broken and not bent, and you have enough fuel to start a fire. The silence does not mean your downfall and the empty hours can still bring forth light you cannot go wrong with heeding love’s call and letting your heart shine in the night. There’s so much to unravel in the present so keep all your tomorrows in its place bask in the now and cherish every second; your soul belongs to spring and summer days. And if your dreams bid goodbye upon the sunrise— smile, for you have seen another chapter unfold. Dear friend, remembering this would be wise: You are golden, even without a hand to hold.

8/365

When I say I was enchanted to meet you, I did not mean that we were clad in ball gowns and frock coats during our first encounter—there were no sparkling wings to admire, nor were there ethereal lights that illuminated the room where we found ourselves in. You and I were both too rooted in faith and truth to believe that fairytales exist, so we were not pulled into that instance by treasure boxes or some sort of preternatural force. In reality, it was just us—two strangers standing a measure of distance away from each other, oblivious to the conversation that they would be having some time later. There was nothing magical nor extraordinary about it—and yet, the feeling that I got upon knowing what your name was I still carry to this day. No word could phrase out in accurate detail how it was like to meet you; all I knew was that it had me writing about love as if I had known it perfectly all my life.

It goes without saying that I found you beautiful, although I feel like that in itself isn’t enough to describe the marvel that you are. You were more than that lovely song that I heard at the grocery store a few days ago, or the movie that had everybody talking for a while—you were not a mere few seconds in time. You were beautiful in the most profound and long-lasting sense, like a timeless piece of art in a museum that was meant to stay throughout history. You were beautiful past beyond all that the naked eye could capture, and every part of you seemed to relay a cliffhanging story because it had me dreaming about you on the nights that followed. I had met a lot of people in this lifetime, but no one of them had tugged at my heartstrings quite as much as you did—only you could spark so much sensation of joy just by flashing a hint of your dazzling smile.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I feel like I will still find myself missing you even in spaces that hold us in close proximity—I guess there really is no such thing as too much time when you’re with the right person. Perhaps it’s a bit absurd to feel this way toward someone who has barely scratched the surface of your life, but there was just something about you that hit home in more ways than one. You made me feel as though I could tear down all my walls without the urge of building them all up again out of fear that my vulnerability would just get trampled on by reckless impressions—with you, I felt like it was worth it to muster up the courage to speak, and it seemed to be the only thing that felt right to do.

When I say I was enchanted to meet you, I did not mean that you were too good to be true—you were indescribably beautiful, but you were just within arms’ reach, and seeing your smile made me realize that things could not get any more real than this. I could inch closer so I could hold your hand in mine, but I knew it was all too soon for that so I opted to just fix my feet on where they were. In the meantime, it was more than enough for me to know that out of the countless time periods in which I could live, I get to breathe at the same time and in the same place as you.

I was enchanted to meet you—I was beyond myself with elation and delight to discover that someone as precious and soul-stirring as you actually existed. I don’t know where life will lead us after that fleeting encounter, but there’s a part of me that is desperately hoping that you will still be the same person the next time we meet—one whose love is still held protectively by your heart, with nobody from the sidelines waiting for you to give it away. But whether that happens or not, I want you to know that I will always deem it an honor that you got to have a place in my life, even for just a short while.

And I hope, in one way or another, you feel the same way too.

spilled (7/365)

I meant to keep this love in a bottle; throw it into the stillness of the sea but the waves brought it back to the shore and landed near your footprints on the sand. You grazed its surface gently before pulling out the cork and I could only watch from afar as you got the rolled-up paper from inside it— the very one on which my heart had translated  your eyes into breathtaking sunrises and your smiles into calming strolls on a moonlit night. Time seemed to have walked into winter  in those seconds when you took my heart off my sleeve so you could hold it in the palm of your hand; I was only supposed to say your name in whispers, not bellow it into the vastness of the universe because the world gave you love in thorns and not rose petals and I would never want you to cover up your wounds with flowered bandages when they were still begging to be accepted for what they were. I was perfectly fine with knowing that there was a point in this journey   that we were looking at the same sky at the same time but the sea must have become tired of capturing all my reflections of bliss every time I caught sight of you that he decided to just bring every word that I spoke behind closed doors to where you were. And it terrified me, for lack of a better word, to know that you finally knew just how much you meant to me but I saw you read the letters in the same way that you admire a plain white wall; you put the paper back inside the bottle and carried on with feeling the wind in your skin and it should have given me a measure of relief that you did not give it much thought but from afar, I was standing with a weight on my shoulders that I could not make sense of— and maybe, just maybe, I was even more terrified to realize that my heart could possibly be thrown into the void of all the other ones that you had to break because you first needed to heal your own— something that I have always tried to understand ever since. So into the vastness of the universe, I will just whisper the hurt that comes with knowing that we will just be another page in your book but I want you to know that this pain is quite like the tears that we shed as children when we scraped our knees— all too natural; purely inevitable but not enough to paralyze us from getting back up and walking again. I can’t flip over to the narratives of tomorrow when I’m still within the tales of today but whether I get to hold your hand or not at the end of it all, I will never forget how your eyes held so much of the morning sun or the way your smile brings me peace in the same way that the moon guides a wandering soul on a dark night. I will never, even for one second, forget just how immensely beautiful you are despite all the storms that you’ve had to endure just to get a hint of the light that you have now. I meant to keep this love in a bottle, but I’ll let the waves carry it over to you over and over again; past beyond all the moments of hesitation and the sleepless nights and the chances of heartbreak, so that you will always be reminded that you are deeply and truly loved for all that you are and for all that it’s worth.

At thirty minutes past the tenth hour of the night, he rose from his bed and opened his windows. 

It was becoming a part of his evening routine—to temporarily put aside all thoughts of rest just so he could admire the breathtaking scenery that the night holds. There was something about that grand canvas of deep blue and silver that never ceased to amaze him; it brought him a sense of excitement and joy that was beyond his ability to define. He didn’t know when, where, or how it started, but all he knew was that the moon was his most trusted confidant and the stars had always been a witness to all the stories that only he could tell behind closed doors. The night was his safe haven, and never once did it fail to give him a sweet feeling of home. 

He was used to the moon being in the company of a few stars, but in that moment, only two characters were present in the tale of the night: the moon, and a lone light shining some distance away from it—planet Venus, he eventually realized. It was an unexpected sight, but he had no difficulty in embracing it since he had always been fond of finding beauty even in the simplest of things. There was something so extraordinary about the ordinary, and the night at that particular hour was no exception. It was beautiful—simple, but mesmerizingly beautiful. 

“Like her,” a voice at the back of his mind suddenly echoed—much to his surprise. He blinked a few times in an attempt to compose himself, but his heart hit rewind faster than a bolt of lightning that he had no choice but to mentally walk down the lane of memories that he thought he had long since forgotten. What started out to be a harmless period of relaxation suddenly became an opportunity to be reunited with the past, and he did not know how much longer of it he could take.

The first time they met, it was a bit crowded and bustling—and yet he felt as if she was the only person in the room the second he saw her face break into a smile. It was the very one that had him smiling in his sleep that night, and the one that he had yearned to see in the days after that. And when they introduced themselves to each other, he knew he was going to keep her name in his vocabulary for quite a while. 

She seemed like a maiden of modesty and lace, so when he saw her laugh while playing a game of cards with a few friends, he had to stop himself from getting lost in the joyful sound. It was then that he realized that she was willing to tear down her walls when she was in comfortable company, and a part of him wanted to think that she might actually be at ease with showing more of herself to him because he was among those whom she was playing with at the time. 

She had a soul that was full of warmth, but she had always been careful about getting too close to people—it felt as if she had parts of herself that needed to be taken care of, so that sent him the message that she was, for some reason, afraid to love. That is why despite days when the voices around them were screaming that they should inch closer to each other; in the seconds where he could have the chance to close the gap between her fingers with his, he opted to stay where he was and look from afar. No matter how badly he wanted what they had to mean so much more, he tried his hardest to make himself believe that knowing that he was existing at the same time as her was more than enough.

For years, that was what he did—he drew a line between his heart and her fears, careful not to let his yearning disregard all the unspoken scars that she needed to heal from. In silence and from a distance, he loved her—but that did not stop him from making her happiness a dream that he resolved to reach every chance he could get. Within the boundaries that he had willingly set, he did his best to make her feel his presence without making her feel that she had to give him something in return. 

A heavy feeling sunk from deep within him as he remembered the last time he saw her: she was still clad in modesty and lace, but this time around, she had roses in her hand. She walked across the room in her floor-length white dress, and her smile was still as beautiful as the first time he saw her. Nothing much had changed, including him—for in the moment that she had finally broken free from her fears and accepted love for what it truly was, he was still in silence and standing from afar. Just when he thought that the timing couldn’t be any more perfect to tell her that he had always been firm about making her happy forever, she decided to keep herself safe in the arms of a man that he could only dream was him. And because she was in a crowd of excited people who wanted to wish her well, she could only look over her shoulder and give him a smile that expressed all the gratitude that she had for all the times that he had been there for her. She locked eyes with him and mouthed a “thank you”—also in silence, and from afar.  

He might have waited too much or acted too late, but whatever the case was, he could only blame himself at the end of the day. She deserved to be happy, and it was his choice, although unconsciously, to stay inside his room and let her go without a fight. 

It was now thirty minutes past the eleventh hour, and the moon was still up in the sky with Venus. As he gazed at the sight before him, he wondered why they were so far away from each other. He was sure that science had a say in the matter, but he just could not help but feel like it would be much lovelier if the two luminaries could bridge the gap between them and shine together—just like how he and she would have been perfect if only time had been more patient and he had been more sensitive to its movement. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he accepted the sad reality that life won’t always go in the direction that he wants to—that not all the pieces that make up this lifetime are a right fit for one another, regardless of how beautiful that thought may seem to be.

He heaved a sigh as he wiped every drop of regret falling down his cheeks. “There will always be a distance between Venus and the moon,” he uttered weakly to the wind. 

He gave the sky one last glance before closing his windows and finally calling it a night. 

// Ijug x Tala

4/365

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she basked in the countless strokes of oranges and yellows splashed across the skies in an artistic fashion. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she remarked. “Sunsets will never fail to take my breath away.”

He nodded, his eyes mirroring the same joy lighting up her face. “Yeah, they’re a sight to behold indeed.”

“If only we could always have an opportunity to witness something this beautiful.”

“You do have that though.” He tore his gaze away from the scenery to focus on her. “In fact, you get to have that opportunity every day.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “What makes you say that?”

He smiled at her bewildered expression. “Because you’re here,” he said. “Because you get to live every waking day as yourself—someone whose heart and soul hold so much room for kindness and love. I don’t know how you manage to pull that off so effortlessly, but I’m always grateful for it.”

She felt the warmth of a blush slowly creeping over her face when she heard his explanation. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Sorry,” he said with a sheepish smile. “Perhaps it’s because we’ve been spending more time together than usual that’s why I’ve been oozing with inspiration lately.”

She gave him one more careful look before heeding the sunset’s call for attention once again. “You think too highly of me,” she replied, her voice coming off a bit quiet in an attempt to calm her loudly beating heart. “I’m flattered, but I don’t think I’m any of those things at all.”

“That’s because you’re not,” he agreed, making her look at him once more to find clarification for his seemingly contradicting statement. He chuckled at her confusion and carried on. “You’re not any of those things because they can only describe a portion of the person that you are,” he said. “Sunsets are calming, but they can never rival the way you soothe others with just a simple smile. The morning sun might back out when it sees the sparkle in your eyes when you do something that you love, and the moon could shine for as much as it wants to in the night sky but it could never hold a candle to the way you assure people that they deserve to see the light despite all the darkness that they’ve had to go through in this lifetime.”

Her beating heart suddenly seemed to crash to a stop. She could feel the waterworks coming, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment so she did the first thing that she thought could save her from crying: she inched closer and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. “I have to find a way to pacify this poetic side of yours,” she said, her voice trembling a little due to the threat of tears.

He chuckled as he returned the gesture of affection. “This is not just the poetry speaking,” he corrected. “This is also the irrevocable truth.”  He then pulled out of the embrace to look her in the eye. “You are incomparably beautiful,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing to ever exist in the universe. “And I am beyond elated to know that I don’t have to rush and chase afternoons anymore to see the beauty of the sunset, because so much of it is already in you. And I know it’s not an overnight task, but I hope and pray that in time, you will be able to see what I see too.”

A tear finally escaped her eyes, but she didn’t have the heart to care about it anymore. “Thank you,” she said.

She could never look at sunsets the same way ever again.