#starktrek

You backed into the edge of a wheelchair that was parked along the wall and banged your elbow, but you waved off Leonard’s concerned posture, “Nah, I’m fine.” You gulped thickly, your voice wavering, “It’s fine, just ignore me...”

“I’m not going to ignore you.  What’s wrong?” His brows furrowed over the intense set to his gaze, but when there was a sudden cry across the clinic, his eyes flicked around the room before settling back on you. 

“It’s nothing, you’re busy.”

“C’mon.” Leonard huffed and suddenly you were being dragged down corridors until you reached his office and he lead you inside. 

When he closed the door he spun on you, not angry, but he seemed annoyed and it made you want to punch him. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He insisted, setting down his PADD and crossing his arms. 

You set the paper bag down on his desk and pulled out the bottle inside, “I got us a bottle of whiskey for tonight, your favourite.”

Leonard’s eyes widened and he stepped forward, taking the bottle from your hands, “This... this is... where did you get it from?”

“This guy on 62nd Street had it.  It may have been illegally imported, but it wasn’t a half-bad price.” You shrugged. 

“You couldn’t have got this just for the end of the semester, what’s the big occasion?” He asked as he started to work on the dark plastic wrapping around the neck of the bottle. 

You toed a the ground, “Well, like I said, we just finished exams, and you’ve worked so hard lately and...” You felt a lump grow in your throat, “You’re leaving next week.”

Leonard lowered the bottle, his fingers still working at the plastic, “Is this about me going to work on the Enterprise?”

Ignoring his question, you glanced at his fingers struggling with the plastic, “Do you need help with that?”

“How do you get this black shit off?” He mumbled, tearing at it harder.

You stepped closer to him, reaching into the pocket of his lab coat and pulling out a pair of scissors, handing them to him.  The sudden close proximity to him was dizzying so you stepped back and wrung your hands in front of you. 

After unwrapping the bottle, he inspected it before setting it down on the desk. 

“Thanks for the whiskey, darlin’, maybe we can share it later-”

“Don’t leave.”

He tilted his head, “What?”

“Sorry, ignore me, I didn’t say anything.” You blurted, your hands shaking so you tucked them into your armpits. 

“No, you did, and I’m not going to ignore you.  If this is about the Enterprise, may I remind you that you’re leaving too?”

“There is no ‘this’, Leonard, I’m fine.” You drew your fingers through the hair at the side of your head, unable to keep them still any longer, “And I am just being transferred one city over, not all the way up into god-damned space!”

“I don’t understand.  You said this was to celebrate.  You said you were happy that I got the job.”

It was impossible to meet his eyes, “I was.  But now?  To see you go?  I really.. I don’t... I’m gonna miss you, is all.” You tried to keep all the words that you wanted to say inside. 

“I’m going to miss you too, but we agreed to message and video chat.” He stepped closer, “And it’s not like I’m going to be gone forever.”

“It might as well be, because you’re going to go up there and make all these new friends and save all these lives and forget about little ol’ me.”

“What are you talking about?  I won’t forget about you.”

“Sure you won’t.” You huffed, trying to hide your impending tears behind your indignance. 

His hands landed on his thighs with a clap, “Why are you being like this?  What do you want me to do?  What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.” You grumbled. 

He sighed, “Help me out here.  I’m not letting you leave until you talk to me.”

“God, Leonard!  Just let it go.  I’m all over the place right now.” You wiped furiously at a tear that snuck down your cheek, “What I need right now is for you to tell me to get my shit together.” You let out a watery laugh. 

“Just tell me what’s bothering you, I can help.” He insisted, and a look of hurt flashed across his features. 

“You don’t have to help everyone, Len.” You snapped, perching on the edge of the desk. 

“What are you trying to say?”

“You try to help everyone but you can’t, you can’t if you’re just going to desert them.” Your fingers curled around the edge of the desk as he stepped closer. 

“What are you trying to say?” He repeated. 

You pushed off from the desk, your arms flailing wildly as you spoke, “You can’t just barge into someone’s life with those big hazel eyes and that god-damned lion heart of yours only to leave.”

Leonard extended his fingers before curling them into tight fists, “I don’t know why you’re mad at me.”

A breath desperately escaped you and you pushed away the impending tears in your eyes as you looked up at him. 

“I wish I was mad.” You pushed off the desk to stalk towards the door but he blocked your path with outstretched hands.  

You huffed and started to turn away from him, but something stopped you. The brief look in his eye that you caught.  The confusion and annoyance, but there was something else there as well.  And god help you if it didn’t make your heart swell. 

All of your desire for him built up at that moment and nearly blinded you as you turned sharply to face him, tears perched on your lids.  He looked down at you with worry and concern, one of his arms absently reaching for you.  You looked down at it for a moment before stepping into him, placing a hand on either side of his jaw and crashing your lips to his. 

Leonard's hands quickly found your waist, curling his fingers into the fabric of your uniform, and you sighed into his mouth as you kissed him harder.  But it was when he stroked a hand through your hair that your brain finally snapped back into your skull.  

You pushed away from him, suddenly wanting his hands off you just as desperately as you had wanted them on you.  His features now held a desperate vulnerability, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.  Your mouth opened and closed with unsaid words and un-explainable feelings.

"I'm just too late." You whispered, pushing past him finally and stalking out the door, wondering if this was the last time you would ever see the man you loved. 

-Thanks for reading!  I hope you liked it!-

((OMG this is the shortest thing I’ve written in a while and I’m scrolling up and down and so amused by how short it is haha))

You didn't know what to say to that.  You were used to screaming matches between you and Jim when you fought but not this.  Not this silent tension. It was deafening. 

"Why do you put up with me?" Jim asked weakly, dumping the now-cooked bacon onto a plate, and you noticed his hands were shaking.  

I'm hard to love, hard to love, No, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.

You gulped and stared at him, you had never seen him this vulnerable.  He braced his hands on the counter-top and stared open-mouthed at the floor. 

"Jim, I don't understand..." You began but he cut you off, his eyes not leaving the floor. 

"How I treated you last night.... I know you don't like those kinds of things... I should have never drank that much." Jim hung his head in shame, his voice breaking.  "No you shouldn't have." You replied. 

"I must be hard to love." Jim half-asked and he let out a sigh of laughter. 

"Well you sure don't make it easy." You joked quietly back and finally his eye flicked up to yours.  It nearly destroyed you.  

I'm hard to love, hard to love, You say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good.

"Then why stay with me?  You deserve someone who is a million times better than me." Jim admitted and he sounded like he was going to cry, as he ran a hand down his face.  

"Because I need you." You responded instantly and that froze his gaze to yours. 

I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball Crashing into your heart like I do.

"How could you need a disaster like me?  All I do is hurt you."

You regarded him for a few moments before responding, "Yeah, but you are like.... the sun." Jim snapped his gaze to yours, giving you a questioning look. 

"Like..." You began to explain, "you can cause sunburns and boy can those hurt, but I also need you to live, you know?"

Jim let out of huff of surprised laughter and looked incredulous as his mouth twisting into a small smile, "So... I'm the sun?"

You considered it for a moment before pursing your lips and nodding, "Yep.  The sun."

You're like a Sunday morning, full of grace and full of Jesus I wish that I could be more like you.

Jim chuckled now and the sound was like music to your ears.  

"Well if I’m the sun, you’re the stars." 

"And why's that?" You questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

"Because with you in the sky, the sun knows that it's safe to set, knowing the constellations are there to make the night sky a little more bearable."

You melted at his words, letting them sink in and surround you with their warmth and sincerity as you fell into a warm silence, the cold counter-top still creating distance between you and Jim.

Hard to love, hard to love, Oh, I don't make it easy And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.

"What's the matter, babe?" Jim asked, his face suddenly flooded with concern. 

You hadn't realized you had started to cry until a tear slid off your chin and landed on your forearm.  

"I am still so mad at you." You sniffled, your voice gulpy and weak as you tried to speak around the lump that had formed in your throat.  

"I know." Jim dropped his gaze again, "I know I would be furious if our positions were swapped.  Actually, if I were you, I wouldn't even be here, I would have dumped my sorry ass a long time ago."  That made you snort in laughter despite the rivulets of tears running down your face.  

I'm hard to love, hard to love And you say that you need me, I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good, You love me, good.

"And I would have moved on and married a rich Starfleet official named Steve who has lots of money and a stable job..." Jim rambled, trying to cheer you up but you held up a hand to stop him. 

You began to tremble violently and Jim watched in helplessness for a moment before rounding the counter and making his way over to you.  He wrapped his arms around you tightly and you pressed your face into his chest, sobbing into his skin.  He tucked his head next to yours, his lips hovering close to your ears so you could feel his breath on your neck.  One of his hands was on the back of your head, the other was pressed between your shoulder blades.  Jim softly whispered apologies into your ear as an attempt to soothe you and you leaned into him heavily.    

When you felt yourself gain control you pulled back from Jim and he moved to sit on the stool next to yours, close enough that his hand could still rest on your elbow and your knees brushed against each other. 

Girl, you've given me a million second chances

"I'm so sorry, Y/N." Jim apologized, tracing circles into the flesh of your elbow and using his other hand to wipe tears and stray strands of hair out of your face.  

You sat there, feeling a lot better after you had cried, and wiped at the tears that plastered your face. Letting a deep breath out you looked up at Jim and gave him a weak smile. 

"What can I ever do to make it up to you?" Jim asked, dropping both his hands to rest on your knees.  

"I'm sure we can figure something out." You teased and smirked up at him, moving your hand to rest it on top of his.  

He thumbed the skin on your knees, "So you're giving me another chance?" Jim gulped and looked down, "I hardly deserve it.  I'm just an idiot in charge of a ship who keeps messing up."

"You're just figuring that out now?  Bones has been saying that for years." You teased, hoping to make him smile. 

When he didn't, you brought one of your hands up up to stroke the side of his head, running your fingers through the short hair just above his ear.  

"Tell me why.  Why do you keep taking me back?" He asked, suddenly serious. 

And I don't ever wanna take you for granted, I'm just a man, I'm just a man

"You're my sun.  I need you." You responded simply. 

And that was the truth, you realized as you regarded him, wondering how you got so lucky as to be with Jim.  Sure, it hurt like hell sometimes, but when it was good, it was the happiest you had ever been.  He looked up at you now, his blue eyes sparkling, and the corners of his mouth tipping up. 

I'm hard to love, hard to love And you say that you need me,

"I love you, Y/N.  Sometimes I can't even comprehend how lucky I am to have you." Jim now pulled at your waist so you moved to stand in front of him, his thighs on either side of yours, his hands on your hips, yours on his shoulders. 

"Funny," You smiled and smoothed both your hands through his hair and pulling his face closer to yours, "I was thinking the same thing."

You brought your lips to his gently, just a brush of skin, as if a feather had landed there.  Abruptly he tugged you to him and his mouth fell onto yours, your lips parting and deepening the kiss.  It was passionate and leisurely, and you could feel his apology and emotion in every move of his lips on yours.  You smiled against his mouth and pressed your chest flush to his seconds before his hands scooped under your knees and pulled you to balance on his lap.  You almost slid off the first time and you broke the kiss, laughing along with Jim.  He scooted you back up on his lap and finally you stayed put, your hips pressing into his.  

You smiled up at him, stroking the hair at the back of his neck, your other hand wrapped around his back to keep yourself against him.  

"You want some breakfast?" He asked, ending his sentence with a quick kiss. 

"Mhmmm... All this talking made me hungry." You responded and let out a little gasp when he suddenly stood, now carrying you, your legs wrapped around his torso. 

His forehead pressed against yours, his eye suddenly looking very mischievous, "Then lets stop talking."

As he took off walking in the direction of the bedroom with you in his arms, you couldn’t help but smile.  

You knew that he was probably going to hurt you and make you mad again, but you decided that in order to love the sun, you had to get a little burnt.

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good, You love me, good.