I'm hurting so bad. Just like the last couple days, I haven't been able to properly sleep through the night. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel bad or anything, I'm just. It feels like my chest is going to constrict my heart until it implodes. Trying to figure out what's mine to take, and what my options are, is hard. Trying to give space to someone that used to call me Space (because it rhymes with Stace) is hard.
I want to cry. Like. All the time. I've had moments of comfort from friends that see me struggling to exist. But it's never enough. Because I know that I have to do something. Anything. I know that giving space probably means forever, and I'm struggling to come to terms with that. I'm going to be honest, I don't think I ever will. Because I know. The right look. The right message. The right words spoken by the right person, and I'll be right back there. Wagging my tail. Because I still love. I'll always love. And I hope that goes beyond.
But for now. I'm left to my own devices. Trying to pick up pieces that are mere molecules in the air. Trying to super glue it back together. Why am I writing this? Why do I still let myself suffer like this? I'll never know.
