#stab turtle

You get mad at something stupid he did so you put yourself in a salt circle and he's begging to be let in because he needs you 😌 (not super suggestive but can be read as that i guess?? I just like pissing him off 🙂‍↕️ kept this pg13 for swearing lol)

Ask & i will deliver 🙂‍↕️ (weeks later, my bad) Warnings: Anti being a little shit, mentions of murder, a little suggestive?

Part 2 of this!

Anti is like a cat, will follow you around the house begging for attention, bothering you and stopping you from what you're trying to get done, then the second your attention is fully on him, yelling at him probably, he's gone. Poofing off in a mist of smoke, the sound of his laughter ringing around the room.

"Anti you know how import this project is, I need to get this done today." You huff trying to shut the door in his face but by the time you've closed and locked it, he's standing in front of you with a smug ass grin on his face.

"Yeah but what about my needs?" He says leaning in like he's going to kiss you.

"I spend every goddamn day with you, let me have five minuets of peace." You huff and push him back lightly.

"Fine, fine." He says and poofs what you hope is somewhere far away so you can get to work. You sit down at your computer and start to get to work when in the middle of you sentence you see 'The mitochondria is the power house of the cell!'

"Anti!!!!!" You groan and delete the sentence.

'I was just reminding you, no need to be rude :( '

"It's rude when it's in the middle of what I was writing!!"

'These numbers are boring! What if we do something fun? I can teach you the proper way to disembowel a man!'

"No??? We're not doing that!!" You save your document then storm upstairs to him room in the attic. He's laying on his bed casually, book in hand that's upside down that he's pretending to read.

"Oh hey I was wondering when you would get here." He says with a shit eating grin.

"What the fuck do you want!!" You cross your arms.

"You look real cute when you're angry." He chuckles before vanishing again to reappear inches from your face. "I just wanted your attention and now that I have it..." He pauses and leans forward to kiss you until you're breathless. Anti gently cradles the back of your head so he can kiss you deeper, close to devouring you when he stops out of nowhere and looks at you with alarm.

"Hey don't you have that paper that's due today?" He fakes concern and you can feel your blood pressure rising.

Anti x reader

Warnings: surprisingly none, Soft!Anti, cursing, mentions of violence.

✨️✨️✨️✨️💚🖤✨️✨️✨️✨️

Anti stood outside the Iplier manor, his anger festering making his glitches worsen. He was at the end of his rope, he had to be if he came here. He hesitated before knocking on the large wooden door. No one responded for a few moments, he started to change his mind, turning to walk away when the door flew open.

“Imposter Jim! What are you doing here?” Both of the Jim’s were standing in the doorway, Anti honestly wasn't sure which one spoke, but of course out of anyone it had to be these fuckers.

“Put the fucking camera down.” He sneered, Camera Jim slightly lowered the camera at the threat. “Where’s Dark?”

“Jim has just seen Emo Jim, the Jim’s can take you to him. Be very Jim!” Reporter Jim gestured to the step he had to go up as Anti deciphered he was trying to tell him to be careful in some fucked up Jim language.

The Jim’s walked in a weird squat walk up the stairs and around the house to what Anti assumed was Dark’s office door. Anti sent a silent thanks to gods he didn't believe in that he didn't see one of the five hundred other Iplier egos.

“This is as far as Jim dares Jim, good luck imposter Jim.” Reporter Jim warned him.

“Why the fuck am I imposter Jim? That was one fucking time. My name is Anti, two fuckin syllables.” Anti rolled his eyes, muttering to himself as the Jim’s left him. He opened the door, not even bothering to knock, strolling into the middle of the room. “What up fuck face.” He bid Dark a greeting who looked up from his paperwork, a little thrown off by seeing the glitch but angry nonetheless.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Dark reshuffled his papers before standing up. “To what do I owe the pleasure of having your rank ass in my presence?”

“I’m not here to put on makeup with you.” Anti’s voice was bitter. “I need your help.”

“You need my help?” Dark’s face broke out into a wide, creepy grin.

“Listen fuck head, I don’t need your help…” Anti trailed off, looking down at his shoes, scuffing the tip of his converse into the hardwood floor. “But I would appreciate it.”

“Well well, what’s in it for me?” Dark was clearly amused by this.

“What do you want?” Anti sighed, not making eye contact with the other entity.

“I want you to ask nicely.” Dark taunted.

“Fuck you. Why can’t I like pay you or something?” Anti said with anger.

“Tick tock, I’m a busy man, do you want help or not?” Dark tapped his watch.

“Can you.” Anti stopped, the tips of his elvish ears on fire. “Please.” He spit the word out like it was poison in his mouth. “Help me.”

“Of course I can.” Dark laughed a deep rumble that seemed to be everywhere in the room. “What does whittle Anti need so badly that he had to come to big bad Dark for help?”

“How do I…” Anti looked down at the floor and muttered something.

“What did you say? Speak up.” Dark thought he misheard him… it sounded like he said…

“How do I impress a girl?” Anti said louder. “Fucking hell, Trust me youre the last person I wanted to come to, but despite your makeup and your shitty personality, you seem to have luck with people. On like...dates.”

“Oh my… you're serious aren't you?” Dark went to laugh at him again but stopped when he noticed the glitch looked like he was on the verge of angry crying.

“Feeling human emotions isn’t usual for me, and I figured since you're like me you'd know what this feeling is. She’s just so… fuck…” Anti sighed and rubbed at his eyes with the edge of his hoodie sleeve.

“You’ve come to the right place.” Dark leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms. “So what does she like?”

“She reads all those romance books, probably wants a knight in shining armor to sweep her off her feet, someone to kiss her in the rain, ya know, shit like that, stuff I have not a fucking clue about.” Anti threw his hands up.

“You simpleton, you’ve just said the answer.” Dark huffed, but Anti still looked clueless. “Flowers, roses specifically, candles for mood lighting, you could maybe try to be a little less brash, tell her with your words how you feel... oh and chocolates.” Dark offered.

“What are you insinuating with the brash comment?” Anti’s anger flared up causing him to glitch slightly.

“Nothing, nothing.” Dark waved him off with a chuckle. “Is there anything else you need or is that sufficient?”

“That’ll do. Thanks Dark, maybe you’re not half bad for a drama queen.” Anti said before he glitched out of the room, not giving Dark a chance to respond.

“Did you get that?” Dark asked once Anti was gone.

“The Jim’s got it all, do not worry emo Jim!”

“Very good.”

----

Anti wasn’t sure how many roses to get so he had cleared out an entire section of them, watching with joy as people came up looking for flowers and found none. He clipped a couple and put them in a vase, taking the pedals off others and scattering them around his room. He placed the chocolates on his dresser next to a couple of candles he had found around the house, lighting them with slightly shaking hands. Why was he so nervous? It was just a dumb human emotion, so what if they didn’t even return his ‘feelings’.

Oh.

What if they didn’t return his feelings…

He started spiraling, his heart hammered against his ribs and he took a deep breath before there was a knock at his door.

“Anti?” Your voice rang out from the staircase and his heart rate went even faster.

“What?” He shot back, accidentally making his voice sound annoyed.

“What the fuck do you mean what? You texted me to come up here at 8?” You sounded mildly upset, not good. Oh that's not good.

He kicked some stray clothes under his bed and gave himself one more check in the mirror before walking over and opening the door.

“Hi.” He said softly, taking in your outfit, nothing fancy, just your usual pj pants and a band t-shirt.

“You okay? You’ve been acting weird all day.” You raised an eyebrow at him. He had texted you to meet him at a park, then changed it to a restaurant, then finally settled on you coming over to the Septic house to hang out in his room.

“I-I…” He quickly pulled you in and closed the door behind you. As he took a step back from you, he suddenly understood what Dark meant about him being brash. He had to find his words. “I did this for you.” He gestured to the rest of the room.

You took it in, eyes going wide at the sight of the usually messy room that was clean for once and covered in rose petals. You started to tear up.

“Why are you crying? Is it too much? Dark told me…”

“You went to Dark?” You turned to him with a laugh, eyes still welled up with tears.

“I didn't want to but I wanted to...impress you.” The tips of his ears were so warm they had to be on fire by now.

“Anti I’m impressed that you actually cleaned your room, the rest is overkill.” You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug.

"I need you to listen to me." He placed both his hands on your shoulder and his heterochromiac eyes locking with yours. He looked so serious, usually he was a little asshole prankster and you braced yourself for what would come next.

"I-I like you. Like I like you in like a romantic way... I think? I've never felt this way about anyone before so I'm not sure, but when I see you I get all flustered and i like want to spend all my time with you and I get jealous when you hang out with the other egos and its okay if you don't feel the same way I just needed to... say this I guess?" Anti word vomits into the air that is now thick with tension.

You laugh.

Much to his dismay, you laugh in his face. Not just a normal laugh, you are throwing your head back and laughing. Anti can feel the anger growing under his skin, it creeps up his spine and wraps its self around his heart. He's devastated.

"You're so dumb." You finally manage to choke out. Another blow to his system. He thinks about glitching away, he thinks about going back to Dark and beating the shit out of him for leading him astray.

"Anti." You sigh and take his face in your hands, he wants to rip himself out of your grasp but he lets you hold him. Before he has another thought he feels something soft against his lips.

"Oh she's kissing me????" His brain short circuits and he's acting without thinking when he pulls you closer to him and is kissing you back. His anger dissipates as fast as it appeared and his heart soars. Anti's hands come up to gently grab your face, he wants to be closer to you, like you're a light in a dark ocean, his lungs are burning but he doesn't care he wants to stay like this forever.

"I've been in love with you for so long you idiot." You pull away just enough to mutter against his lips.

"With me??" Anti is dumbfounded for like the twentieth time today.

"I tried to hard to make it obvious, reading romance books in front of you, forcing you to watch sappy movies with me, Christ we even listened to a full Hozier album while laying on the floor together??" You pulled back to look at him, a little bit astounded.

"I just thought you liked doing those things!" He put his hands up in defense.

"Oh Anti." You laughed again and this time he loved the sound, he wanted to remember it forever, set it as his ringtone so he could hear it all the time, okay maybe that was a little much.

"You're thinking too hard, I can see steam coming out of your ears." You tease him, pinching the end of his long ears.

"Can I kiss you again?" He asks, ignoring the heat in his cheeks from your comment.

"I'd be offended if you didn't." You smiled at him and pulled him back in for another kiss.

Yeah he's an idiot but he's your idiot now.

00:00 December 1st: Best Friend! Jackie + (slight) Anti x Male! Reader

Warnings: Cursing, knife mentioned but not used, hanging mentioned but not done.

(This is 100% Crack. Im sick and this has been sitting in my archives for a while so its not edited well! ✨️)

"Goodnight Jamie! Happy birthday again!" You shut the door behind you and take off running as quietly as you could up the next flight of stairs. Once you reached the top you gently closed the door and locked all ten locks. At the time of installing them they seemed totally pointless and really stupid but now, now you understand. The clock above the door read 11:58, you had just made it.

"Are you sure he isn't gonna find us here?" You moved from the door to the other side of Anti's bed where he was glitching slightly, knife in hand.

"I don't know." The entity responded, fear in his voice. Anti wasn't afraid of Jackie, that would be stupid, Jackie could absolutely rock his shit but wouldn't since they became friends. Anti's fear came from getting roped into holiday decorating where Jackie became a whole other beast.

The giant grandfather clock all the way downstairs chimed midnight and then it started. You threaded your fingers in Anti’s and prepared for the worst.

"Anti if we don't make it out of here alive I want you to know…" You started and he stopped you, placing a kiss to your forehead.

"It's okay, we will make it out." He gripped his knife a little tighter but didn't dare to move. The music started subtle at first and both of you flinched when it began. It grew louder and louder until there was a knock on the door.

"Anti? Are you in there? I wanted to know if you could help me decorate?" Jackie's voice rang out in the room, the sound of Maria Careys 'All i want for Christmas is you' sounding loud and clear from his pocket.

Anti clenched and unclenched the knife. He didn't want to hurt Jackie but if that's what it had to come to…

You waited what felt like ages but it was only moments before he knocked again.

"Have you seen y/n? Jameson told me he left in a hurry, is he okay?" The concern in his voice made your heart crack. You wanted to stand up and go to him but the risk was too high.

"Anti please, you're my best friend and I like doing stuff with you and this is very important to me. Christmas is right around the corner." His voice was soft above the music.

"GODDAMNIT. DID YOU REALLY PULL THE BEST FRIEND CARD!?" Anti put his knife down and let go of your hand before storming over to the door.

"Anti no you fucker. We were in this together." You cried and peered over at him. "Dont give in to him its not worth it. Its only November first and I know you guys are mostly Irish but like you shouldn't fucking decorate until after Thanksgiving." You tried to keep your voice low so Jackie couldn't hear you over the music but you were unfortunately louder than a microwave at 3am.

"Y/n is that you? I picked out some special decorations for you too! I got this really cool spiderman one I’m really excited to show you!" He giggled.

"God fucking damnit, move Anti." You stood up and walked over to the door as Anti put his hands up in defeat. Trying to resist the absolute ray of sunshine that is Jackieboy man was absolutely impossible and you accepted your fate. Dying like ants, you opened the door and Jackie stood there, mug of hot chocolate in hand, already decked out in a Christmas sweater and matching hat as Jingle bell rock started from the phone in his pocket.

"Let's begin shall we." His eyes twinkled with a devious smile as you and Anti followed him down the steps and into Christmas hell.

"I'm gonna hang myself with the tinsel." Anti sighs softly enough that only you catch it, causing you to giggle.