#ssm15d16

Her words echoed around his head and, deep inside, he hoped she was right and that she could really help him. The truth was that his nightmares seemed to be returning and, even more than in the past, they were constantly showing him the image of a burning village and of blood and of a satisfied and sadist smirk on his lips. He could see himself enjoying the blazing spectacle as all of those people died right under his feet. He could see himself watching everything from afar and with his arms proudly crossed as if he had been the responsible for all of that. He could see himself watching as she died among all of his friends and all of his new ideals that he had decided to pursue after the war. It was a horrible scene, for sure. A horrible scene that would wake him up screaming in the middle of the night and that would return to haunt him every time he closed those dark eyes of his. He wanted them to stop. He wanted them to leave him alone. And since he couldn’t make them go away by any natural means, Uchiha Sasuke was decided to shut them down by force. He was not going to lose more nights because of his past. He was not going to let them win. He was not going to keep watching as she died every night. He was not going to kill her every night. Not anymore.

When the idea of using the clinic as an excuse for getting the pills crossed his mind, Sasuke was sure it was going to work. He remembered how the girl insisted on taking him to make some tests and bugged him about how he and Naruto had been her biggest inspirations to help the children in need. Sakura didn’t stop trying for months and, after a long time, he finally gave up and decided to join. It was not like he wouldn’t be doing it for himself but, while he was there, he figured that listening to her and putting up some effort on whatever she wanted him to do; wouldn’t be that much of a sacrifice. The Uchiha was really willing to try at that time to see with his own eyes if he wasn’t a lost cause anymore. He was going to help her helping him and, for much of his surprise, the effects of the treatment were quite impressive.

The raven haired boy would be submitted to three sections of figurative tests a week and, every night, right after taking his so wished pills, the pinkette would make sure to make him talk to her for at least 30 minutes before they could actually sleep. During the treatment, the Haruno medic invited herself to move in to his apartment so her emerald eyes could always be watching him during the so problematic time of his night. She was going to sleep next to him and on the same bed so she would know if anything happened. Her intentions were purely professional. However, remaining professional wasn’t a decisions that was totally up to her alone. The one with whom she would share the bed also had a saying and of course Sasuke wouldn’t keep their nights extremely professional. How could he, when his pink haired girlfriend was there and sharing a bed with him and wearing those short summer pajamas? How could he control himself knowing she would be there for the whole night and also in the morning and for the rest of his life? It was impossible for him. It was impossible for him to control himself and it was also impossible for her to resist him forever. He was the love of her life and seeing him being so cute and so passionate was too much for her. Those two certainly didn’t know how to separate their intimacy from work. Still, just because they couldn’t say no to their hormones, it didn’t mean they were ignoring the treatment.

It was not a secret that Sakura’s true intentions were to make her stoic boyfriend open up to her. She didn’t want him to repress his feelings inside his heart and bare all the pain and the regrets of his past all by himself anymore. She wanted him to lean on her and share the good and the bad things that were on his head after the end of every day. She wanted to be a part of his whole life. And she definitely wasn’t afraid of how big this definition could be. The Godaime’s apprentice was ready to face all of his fears and all of his torments. She was ready to stand by his side and hold his hand, not only for the person he had become but also for the person he once was. The person she once fell in love with. That was the person she was going to help. That was the person she wanted by her side. That was the person she would always love. And that person was Uchiha Sasuke. The whole Uchiha Sasuke.

And so, his treatment went on for about two months with nothing but good results. Sasuke was visibly calmer and his mood was almost as high as Naruto’s. The Uchiha would even act nice near the children. Even if he would still take a pill per night, deep inside he could feel like his good dreams were finally returning and, instead of avoiding the nighttime, he longed for it. He longed for his dreams where they would all be there by his side. His parents, his brother, his friends and the love of his life. They would all be there and they would be smiling and he would also be smiling until his dark eyes opened once again to welcome a new day. A new and nostalgic day that, even if his family wouldn’t be there, Sasuke wouldn’t feel lonely. He wouldn’t feel lonely for the first thing he would see every morning was that pink coloration of her hair. She was there by his side on that new day and, even if she was just one girl, Sakura was the one girl who filled his lonely existence. As long as she was by his side, he knew things would be okay. They had to be okay after so much suffering. Unfortunately, not even the pinkette, with that monstrous strength of hers, could break the curse of the Uchiha clan.

It all happened in a night where everything seemed to be perfect. The couple had enjoyed a romantic night all for themselves and, for the first time, the idea of proposing to the Haruno girl came to his mind. It was not like he still had doubts about Sakura being THE one and it was not like they weren’t mature enough to be engaged. Having her around everyday certainly left him anxious for a future by her side. A future where she would have a ring decorating her finger and a beautifully round belly with their baby inside. He could no longer imagine living in a house without her anymore. He could no longer admit living in a house where her voice wouldn’t simply be the one voice welcoming him. He was anxious for the future and, for the first time, his dark eyes stopped looking for his past. They were too busy looking at her own emerald eyes already and at the future they would share. However, a past like his can’t be ignored. A past like his must always be remembered and respected by any means. And, on that single time he forgot to look back, it came back to hit him straight forward. His past returned to teach him a lesson. It returned to haunt the soul of a boy who just wanted to dream and to love.

On that summer night, when the clock was about to hit 3 am, his sleep was interrupted by images he had never even dared to imagine. Images so grotesque and so traumatizing that he would never dare to describe. And most of them involved the one girl he would love and protect for the rest of his life.

Sakura was standing right in front of him. Her eyes were dull and cold and there was blood staining her soft pink lips. There were tears streaming down her face and her hair was threatening to fall forward to hide her facial expression. It seemed as if her soul had been removed from her body and all of her joy and all of her emotions had simply disappeared. It seemed as if all of her life had disappeared. Yet, he could feel something warm enveloping his own hand. He could feel a certain beat in between his fingers and he could feel it quickly slowing its pace. It started as a rhythm he knew really well and then, suddenly, he felt it disappearing. He felt it stopping.

As soon as his dark pearls were brave enough to look at where his hand was resting, his shock was immediate. His eyes widened and his throat went dry and his heart was in his mouth. He could not say a single word. As soon as he saw his hand, his whole world feel apart. Such thing could not be happening.

His hand was there, trespassing the left side of her chest and her heart was literally being held by him. Her whole body was stained in blood and her clothes were ripped and her whole self wasn’t expressing any sign of life. Haruno Sakura was dead. He had personally killed her again and, once he returned his attention to her face, he felt all that was left of him being crushed. She was smiling at him. She was smiling and it was certainly the prettiest of the smiles he had ever seen on her lips. Even if there was blood corrupting such pure and unique smile, it was still beautiful. She was still beautiful.

The shock of seeing her dead expression of happiness made the boy abruptly remove his hand from her chest, making her lifeless body fall behind on the cold ground, leaving her shy beating heart on his hands for him to do as he pleased. Until the end, Sasuke would have her heart for himself.

“Sasuke-kun!”

Until the end he would be the one to decide the destine of that organ that no longer could pump blood, yet, was still able to love him.

“Sasuke-kun!”

Until the end he would be the one to make her smile.

“Sasuke-kun!”

Until the end, they would be together. Both of them and the dark figure that was also lying next to her. He would carry their deaths until the end. And the end had, finally, arrived.

When his eyes suddenly opened to release him from that real nightmare, Sasuke abruptly sat up, throwing the covers aside. His body was sweating cold and his lungs were desperately searching for air as if he had been drowning for years. His hands were shaking uncontrollably and his senses were so bewildered that it took him some good two minutes to listen to Sakura’s voice calling for his name and to feel her warm hands holding his chest and preventing him from falling forward. Her hand was warm and it certainly had no traces of blood. He noticed after finally turning to face her that her whole body was clean and there was certainly no hole in her chest. And how glad he was for that.

“Sasuke-kun, say something!”

His eyes scanned her whole expression and he realized how nervous she was. Her lips were parted and her emerald eyes were widened and there were wrinkles deforming the seal of her forehead. The Uchiha concluded that he had probably lost control again and she was the one left worried in the end. Those anxiety crises of his were certainly too violent and not even a competent medic as her knew exactly what to do. Not even she could tame his inner beast. And, for him, such thing was the irrefutable proof that, no matter how things seemed to be getting better, he would never change. He was just a lost cause in the end and, even if she didn’t agree, Sasuke knew he couldn’t keep her close any longer. He could not risk hurting her anymore. He could not let her unprotected against him.

“pills…”

"what?”

“my pills… “ He said, stretching his hand towards the nightstand. “I need them.”

“t-talk to me!”

She said, holding his arms and bringing it to her chest. At that moment he could feel her heart almost exploding inside her chest and, after that terrible nightmare, the boy felt happy to know that her heart was still on its natural place. Inside of her body.

“S-Sakura… Talking won’t help now. I need those pills.”

“No! Remember that you’ve promised me to follow the treatment and now it’s important that you tell me what happened! What did you see in that dream?!”

“…”

The boy bit his lower lip and his tormented eyes didn’t even dare to look at her. Sasuke could never tell her what he had just seen. He just wouldn’t be strong enough to do so. The images of that nightmare were still on his head and, at that moment, he doubted they would ever leave. He doubted that he would ever be free.

“Sasuke-kun…”

“just give me the pills, Sakura.”

“ I don’t-“

“ Fuck!” he freed his arms from her grip. “ You’re a medic! Can’t you understand that this whole talking thing won’t help!? My problems won’t be solved unless I dope myself with those pills! So give them to me now or get the hell out of my way!”

Sakura’s green emeralds widened and she felt the fear taking over her body. For the first time ever since the Forest of Death, the pinkette was afraid of him. She was afraid of that rude version of him that wouldn’t care about anyone in order to achieve his objectives, being it becoming stronger or getting some stupid pills from a nightstand. That was not the Sasuke she knew. And the proof of that was clearly visible in those bloody eyes of his.

“… Are you gonna trap me in a genjutsu again?” She said, allowing her head to succumb to its weight.

“what?”

“your sharingan… They are activated.”

The Uchiha’s heart skipped a beat as soon as he realized what the girl had just said. His bloody heritage was, indeed, activated and the only one that could suffer from it was the pink haired girl that was standing in front of him. She was the only possible aim and, at that moment, he really hated himself. How could he even consider doing something like that to Sakura? How could he lose his control so easily and simply let all of his anger out on her? How could he even aim those cursed eyes at her? Sasuke certainly didn’t know the answers to these questions but, if there was one thing he knew was that he was still a weak boy. A weak boy who couldn’t even control his own impulses and would even hurt the girl he loves in a moment of rage. He was really pathetic, he thought. And, more than ever, he knew that he had to take her away from him. It would be for her own safety.

After finally returning his eyes to its original darkness, the Uchiha finally stood up and went to take the bottle where his sleeping pills could be found. Before opening it, the boy took one last look at the girl who was still kneeled on the bed and still had her head lowered. Sasuke figured that leaving her like that would be the best to be done for the moment. He figured that, if he wanted to push her away again, he would have to break their connection before really doing anything. He would have to hurt her one more time. And doing so was almost unbearable for him.

Sasuke took one last breath before opening the bottle and swallowing more than just enough to knock a horse out. It had been irresponsible and it had been a stupid decision, he knew. But, by doing so, the raven haired boy was expecting to fall unconscious and wake up just after things had settled down and the pinkette had moved on. He would never be able to see her walking away. He would never be able to let her go. So, if he wasn’t really there to see, then he figured things would be better. Things would be less painful. However, the Uchiha had forgotten one simple detail: dealing with pain was Haruno Sakura’s specialty. And she was not going to depend on pills to do so.

“they won’t help you…”

Her voice came out as a dramatic whisper but, unlikely he was expecting, her eyes did not turn to face him. Her eyes remained focused on the same place: her knees. Her knees, where her clenched hands were impatiently resting. It was time for the pinkette to unleash her own beasts.

“ what?”

“ the pills…” She took one deep breath and, soon, her burning emeralds eyes were set on him. Eyes so full of passion and of determination and ferocity that, for a moment, the Uchiha felt his whole body trembling. “ the pills won’t have any effect on you. They never had.”

“uh? What are you saying? These pills are-“

“ fake… I’ve manipulated them since the beginning… basically all that you’ve ingested was just flour and water.“

His eyes widened as they examined the bottle in his hands. Her words couldn’t be true, he knew. It was clear that something had changed ever since he started taking those pills and that stubborn brain of his refused to believe that those changes hadn’t been the consequences of the medication. He refused to believe he had actually spent two months with no torments because of the rest of the treatment. Because of his own power. His girlfriend had to be lying, he thought. But she wasn’t. And those clashing green eyes of hers were the ones telling him so.

“ so, what you’re saying is…-“

“ what I am saying “ She stood up and walked up to him, stopping only when they were both facing each other. “ is that you have done it all by yourself… No help from any drug or any special method. It was all you.”

Her eyes seemed to be condemning him at that moment. They seemed to be forcing the truth inside of him and trying to show him how strong he really was. They were trying to show him that, just by allowing himself to have a normal life, his real strength would show up and the Uchiha would certainly be able to scare his nightmares away. She was trying to prove him that he could do it. That he could get better. However, his definition of better, after what had just happened, did not match the reality his dark eyes were showing him.

“done what, Sakura? Losing control? Being rude to you? Or almost trapping you in a genjutsu again? Honestly, those are the only things that I have actually done by myself.”

“you’re wrong!” Her voice came louder than expected and, as she clenched her teeth, the boy could do nothing but watch. “ these last few months… you were okay. You were cured!”

“And what about now?! Am I still cured?!”

“Today was just an exception! You’ve had a breakdown, just that! Don’t throw all your work away because of one day!”

“just an exception?! Do you even know what could have happened if this ‘breakdown’ had been worse?! Do you know what could have happened to you!? You could have-“

A silence stood in between them as his hand slowly made the bottle crack due to his strength. At that moment, with all of those images still around his head and his heart, there was just no way Sasuke could complete that sentence. There was no way he could say that one last verb without breaking his whole heart. He could not say that word. Not in front of her. Not for her and certainly not about her. However, the girl was not him and, at that exact moment of hesitation, Sakura wasted no time to finish what he had once started.

“… Dead?”

“….”

“ Do you really think you could have… killed me?”

“…”His eyes drifted away from her owns as his answer became more than just clear for her. So that was the main problem, she thought. He was afraid of hurting her and he was afraid of being the responsible for taking her life away. He was afraid of losing another one of the ones that were left and he was afraid of being left alone again. He was afraid of losing control. But she was going to make sure that didn’t happen again.

“Don’t be an idiot, Sasuke. You’re not gonna kill me.”

“How can you be so sure…? How can you be so sure I won’t lose control and burn the whole village down?! How can’t you be afraid of having my chidori trespassing your chest?”

His dark pearls turned melancholic and Sakura knew he was on the verge of exploding. She knew that, if she could only force him a little more, all of his colors would be revealed to her and then- only then- she would be able to know what to do to truly help him. The Haruno girl just needed and explosion. And what a beautiful explosion it was going to be.

Not daring to take her emeralds away from him, the pinkette thought about something that would certainly shake his insides. With one of her hands, she went to search for his own and, after taking the bottle away from it, Sakura placed his palm exactly over her heart. Her determined expression caused the boy to feel all kinds of feelings inside of his body and despair was one of them.

How could she be so idiot?

Holding that weapon of his so close to her heart and making it seem as the most stupid thing in the world.

How could she be so reckless?

Showing him the way and giving him full access to her own heart.

Sakura was certainly a lost cause as well and were at times like that that the boy couldn’t really believe she was a serious medic nin. Yet, also in times like that, Uchiha Sasuke could see how much of herself she would sacrifice for her patients. How much of herself she would risk for him.

Even if the Uchiha tried to pull away, the pinkeet did not let him move his arm. Sakura was decided not to let go of his hand on that time. Not until he heard what she had to say. Not until he told her what she wanted to know. And what she wanted to know was nothing other than the truth that was hidden in the depths of his heart.

“ I can’t be 100% sure of anything, Sasuke… But, whenever I am by your side, I feel like it’s the safest place in the world. I am not afraid of you. I am not afraid of who you once were.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Yes I do!”

“No you don’t! You don’t know what was happening to me back then! You don’t know how I used to act, to think or to feel! You don’t know any-“

“Then tell me.”

“What?”

“tell me everything… Tell me what happened to you back then and tell me about how you used to think or act or feel back then… I want to know… I need to know.”

“need? Why would you even need to know about this part of my past?!”

“because it hurts you and…” she held his hand tighter. “and because I don’t want you to be the only one carrying it around.”

For the first time ever since they had started their discussion, Sasuke realized a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. He saw how empty they were and how guilty they were. He saw her whole self trying her best to help him yet there was nothing she could do. Nothing that would actually make him forget about his memories and about the things that were haunting him inside. There was nothing she could do to get rid of his nightmares for him. Or at least that was what he though.

“what?”

“ I want to know it all so you can forget it… I want to know it all to share the pain with you! I don’t want you to carry it all by yourself anymore, Sasuke-kun! I also want to help in the best way that I can! So… please…” She softened her grip on his hands, adjusting their position so she could finally intertwine their fingers. His were still shaken, she thought. “ please, tell me about what made you scream tonight…”

“ …”

“were you dreaming about me?”

Yes.

“…”

“were you dreaming about trespassing my heart with your chidori?”

Yes.

“…”

“ were you dreaming about avenging your brother.”

Yes. She was correct again and, at that moment, the girl suddenly softened the grip on his hand, setting it free so he could do as he pleased. Sakura knew she no longer needed to hold him back for he wasn’t definitely going to leave her anymore. It was not like he could hide anything anymore. It was not like she already didn’t know the truth. The real truth behind his nightmares.

It was already clear for him that the most disturbing part of his nightmares was the moment when his pink haired girlfriend fell dead on the floor. That was the one part that would traumatize him the most and the one scene that would get forever stuck in his mind for days. That was the most heartbreaking moment of his dreams. Yet, hidden behind those actions and those images, there was also another thing that was making the whole nightmare seem even more real than it already was. It was making him afraid of actually seeing that whole scene happening in the real life and it made him afraid of thinking and remembering about the happy moments with his family. It made him afraid of remembering about his beloved brother. It made him afraid because, deep in his heart, Sasuke could identify, for the smallest that they could be, traces of his wishes for killing. Not for killing the girl specifically but for killing all of those who plotted against his brother and his whole family.

He could feel his avenger side still alive inside of him and he was afraid of being dominated by it. He was afraid of losing control and ending up hurting everyone and destroying every single one of the bonds that he had once again formed. And the image of a dead Sakura in his dreams meant exactly that part of his rupture with the whole village and with all of the people who lived there. Killing her would be the final test for him. Killing her would mean that nothing- precisely nothing- would hold him back when the time came for him to avenge his family. If he could kill her, he would kill just anyone and he didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be that avenger anymore. He didn’t want to waste all of his brother’s efforts. He didn’t want to kill her. Not her.

“Sasuke-kun… Just let me try… tell me-“

“ I don’t want to hurt you…”

“uh?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me…”

“But I won’t-“

“Sakura!” His dark eyes finally locked on her emerald ones and his hand went to rest on her shoulder, griping it tighter so she could see how troubled he was inside. The explosion she had been waiting for was, finally, going to come. “ I don’t want to risk hurting you if I lose control! I don’t want to destroy the whole village! I don’t want.. to feel like this anymore!”

“But, Sasuke-kun, you won’t do any of that! You’ve changed! You’ve given up on that revenge for your brother! You have-“

“I haven’t forgiven him….”

“what?”

Her eyes were shocked and it was not only because of what he was really telling her but, mainly, because of the fact that, for the first time in her life, the Haruno girl could see the one side of him that he had never showed anyone. She could see his real self finally coming out and the tears in his eyes were the proof of that. Sasuke was crying. He was crying right in front of her and he was crying because he simply could not forgive his brother. No matter what, no matter how long it had already been, Uchiha Sasuke could still not forgive his brother for killing their entire family.

“I-I haven’t… I haven’t forgiven him…”

“Sasuke-kun…”

His grip on her shoulder softened and slowly Sakura felt his whole body succumbing to the weight of his head. Sasuke was about to fall but, before his tall body could literally crash on the floor, the pinkette softly welcomed him on hers, leaning his head on her chest as she carefully led both of their bodies to rest on the floor, where all of her strength could be focused on healing his heart instead of supporting his body. At last, she felt like finally being able to do something really meaningful for him.

Both of them were kneeled and, as the boy was still resting his head on her chest, Sakura could clearly see how his face looked like when bathed in tears. His cheeks were red and his teeth were clenched and she could feel his hand sliding down to the hem of her shirt and holding it really tight as if he was afraid of letting go. The pinkette could feel his tears making contact with her own skin and if not for those minimal details, Sakura would never really be able to tell that he was crying. It was just too silent and too discreet and certainly the most delicate tears she had ever seen in her life. Those were lonely tears. Those were hidden tears and, at that time, all she wanted to do was to cry her own tears to make sure his were not alone. She wanted to cry too but, at that moment, she knew she had to be strong. She had to be strong for him and crying wouldn’t help him at all.

In between soaked sobs and regretful tears, the Uchiha then managed to keep going on what Sakura had told him to do. During a single moment of impulse, the boy simply decided to follow her words to see if something would change. He decided to follow her to see if the pain would go away. He decided to keep talking even if everything was just too scary and too unknown at that moment. Never before he had dared to share his curse to anyone and sharing with her was never really something he had planned before. He was going to save her from his past and from all of his damaged parts. He was going to protect her mind from the horrible images of his past. He was going to protect her from himself. However, at that moment, Sasuke couldn’t protect anyone. He wasn’t strong enough. And that was why, on that moment of weakness, she was going to rescue him. She was the one who would save him from the memories and from the guilt that had invaded his life and blamed him for being alive. He was going to trust her and, even if it hurt, he was going to tell her the whole truth.

“ I-I couldn’t forgive him… I know he has done it all to protect the village and to protect me but… Fuck! those were my parents!… My Father… My mother… They were my parents! How can I forgive him for taking them away from me!?”

Sakura said nothing. She was just waiting for everything to be out. She was just waiting for the right time. And, for sure, it was about to arrive.

“ And then… I think of what the elders forced him to do.” He tightened the grip on her shirt and she brought him even closer to her heart. “ I remember and… I just feel like killing them all… I feel like avenging my brother but… but then I see you.”

Her heart clenched and her whole body froze as the raven haired boy slowly lifted his eyes to meet hers and lifted his hand to caress her cheeks. For he was leaning down with his forehead almost resting on hers, the tears that came out from his eyes made all the way from his porcelain skin to her own apple colored cheeks. For the first time, not only she had a privileged view of his tears but she was also crying them for him. She could feel his sorrow in each salty drop that streamed down her face and disappeared in her lips. She could feel them all in the most intimous way and, at that exact moment, the pinkette broke the promise she had made for herself. She could not hold back her own tears anymore. Her eyes also succumbed to the sadness and her own salty and regretful tears started to stream down her face and mix with his own. Their tears were united for the first time. Their feelings were connected more than ever and, at that moment, both of them felt stronger. Both of them felt human. Both of them felt hopeful.

“ I look at you… And I see the most important person in my life… I see the love that I’ve lost… I see everything I was looking for ever since I lost it all… So, tell me, how can I avenge them if, for doing so, I would have to lose you? I would have to lose it all again and I would be left alone… I would be… Alone.”

“Sasuke-kun…”

She brought him closer again and buried his head on her chest. She was hugging him tightly and, after all of the words he had just said, The girl knew that the right time had arrived. She knew it was time for her to do something. It was time for her to save him.

“ y-you don’t have to worry about being alone… I won’t ever leave you, okay?”

“But what if I-“

“This won’t happen! This won’t…”She emptied her lungs in one deep and painful sigh. “I won’t let anything like that happen… I will take all your anger on me so you won’t ever lose control. I will be strong enough to hold it all with you and soon these thoughts will go away… You don’t have to feel guilty for not forgiving your brother… It’s not something easy and you can’t choose the way you feel… But you can choose what to do about it and.. And you won’t hurt anyone… You won’t hurt me… You’re stronger than just an anger breakdown. You’re stronger than all of these thoughts and… And I know you will take the right decisions. You’re a hero, Sasuke-kun. You are my hero and your heart would never be corrupted by your revenge.”

His heart skipped a beat after hearing her words and he felt all of his body getting warmer. So she had done it again… Just like in the forest of Death, the annoying girl with pink hair was able to tame all his worries and all of his monsters and all of his nightmares. She was able to bring the best of him back and, with all of her feelings and all of her tears being simply thrown at him, Haruno Sakura had killed his demons for once and for all.

Sasuke could feel his body getting lighter and all the weight he had carried for years simply flowing away. He could feel his heart being filled with her love and all of his happy memories were also returning. Memories of his family. Memories of his brother. Memories of his friends and, doubtlessly, memories of her that he would forever cherish. That girl had saved his life. That girl had made him happy and, once he realized so, a bright smile came to play on his lips. He was not a lost cause anymore. He was, definitely, cured. And it was all thanks to her.

“… Sakura… I love you…”

“I-I love you too, Sasuke-kun…”

But then he moves, and he realizes his left arm feels strange – or rather, he cannot feel it at all. It's gone. Panic sparks within him, but it dies out in a couple of seconds as all the memories come rushing back. He remembers, at last. He remembers the war, the monsters, his ancestors, his comrades, his death, his rebirth, the power, the red moon, his goal, his ambition...

He remembers Sakura, kneeling beside Kakashi, screaming at his back, confessing that stubborn love of hers, and promising to give him all he wants and needs if he just gives up. He remembers Kakashi, scolding him and supporting her, trying to knock sense into him but failing because, at that point, nobody could have done that with only words. And he remembers Naruto, brave and determined, coming at him with all he has, draining him while draining himself, and then finally – finally – exhausted, next to him, in a pool of their mixed blood, as the sky darkened overhead.

He remembers all he felt. The pain. The gratefulness. The sorrow. The regret. The relief.

And he remembers Sakura again, healing him and Naruto, then crying as she forgives him, then healing him some more, then taking him home, then waiting patiently for him, and then welcoming him back, a bright smile on her blushed face, more beautiful than anything he's ever seen.

Sakura. Sakura. Where is Sakura? Where is he?

“Sasuke-kun?”

She is right next to him, shifting closer and putting a hand on his cheek, and he... he is home, at last, and he is not doomed anymore.

“Are you okay?”

She knows he has nightmares sometimes. She knows there are still wounds inside of him that haven't quite healed yet, no matter how it may seem on the outside. She knows it and she understands it, and despite it all, she is still here; she still wants to be with him.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, turning to his side to face her. In the dark, she's still visible: two green orbs, slightly dull with sleep, like two suns rising at dawn, vanishing the overwhelming blackness of night. “I'm okay.”

--

she gives the innkeeper one last bow, a humble smile on her lips and a look of pure, sincere gratitude in her eyes. the innkeeper and his wife raise a hand in farewell, both giving a deep nod and smiling right back at her.

sakura turns around and looks up at sasuke-kun. he stands near the door, his back just grazing the yellow painted wood. she’s changed the bindings and the gauze covering the left side of his face and he looks livelier than he had in the past few days. at least he’s more tanner than the clammy pale he’d been.

“okay,” she says, standing next to him. “i’m ready.”

sasuke-kun turns his head enough to look at her with his good eye. he doesn’t respond but he pulls away from the wall and begins to lead them both away.

--

he’s just as she remembers him -- fast.

he’s at least five paces in front of her, his cloak dancing behind him like a cape, his hair messy and his steps silent. sakura has always considered herself to have a good speed when it came to her running; she kept up with sai and kakashi-sensei. naruto was always a different case, considering just how much stamina he had.

but sasuke-kun... she presses her lips together and speeds up until she’s right behind him.

“where are we going?”

he tilts his head to look at her, moves from the right to the left so he’s able to see her with his right eye. “what?”

she pumps more chakra to her feet so she’s running next to him. “where are we going?”

“we’re moving north,” he says, turns to look straight ahead. he says nothing more.

sakura settles into trying to keep up with him.

--

the silence when they sit around the campfire is unbearable. it’s not like before, where his rage and her ache mixed in all the wrong ways. it’s not like when he was so angry he didn’t even talk or acknowledge her.

it’s just there. this silence. thick and heavy. sakura squirms as she waits for their meal to roast, tries to stare at the shades of the sky as the sun begins to set. but it’s not enough.

she sighs and shifts, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear and avoiding looking at sasuke-kun. but the last part is hard because sasuke-kun’s presence demands attention, even if he dislikes it. so she looks at him from under her lashes, the way his legs are spread, knees bent and forearms resting over them. his head is dipped low so his forelocks shadow his face but sakura thinks he’s plotting, meditating even.

she presses her lips together and thinks back to what time it’d been since she last cleaned his face and changed his bindings. the eyes are so sensitive, if it were up to her, she’d change them every three hours. but that’s just her. the fact is that sasuke-kun is traveling and sweating means she should really change them...

“hey,” she begins, lifting her head up so she can look at him properly. “maybe i should change your bindings before we eat.”

“why?”

he doesn’t look up at her.

“we’ve been traveling for hours. sweat and exposure have soiled the bindings and i don’t want to risk your socket getting messed up.”

when he doesn’t answer, sakura stands and moves closer to him, estimating how away from the fire she is before crouching down in front of him. sasuke-kun moves his legs to give her space and its so like him to do simple things like that and have them look... nice. is that the right word?

sakura doesn’t try to finish the thought. she rests a hand on his knee as she digs into her pouch, taking out all her necessary tools. she then looks back up at him, feeling around behind his left ear where she’d tied the ends of the binding to keep them together. she loosens the knot and carefully begins to take the bindings off, her full attention on her work.

but he’s watching her; she can feel the heaviness of his stare on her. it’s what’s making her just a tiny bit nervous and she tries to distract herself by rolling the soiled bindings into a ball and setting it aside. 

“hm,” she hums, “i should have considered water.” she grabs her canteen and presses her lips together. “shoot...”

she’s just about to stand up and tell him she’ll find a stream when he hands her his. it’s much fuller than hers, sakura notes as she takes it from him. she opens the top and lets water run just enough to dampen half of the gauze she’s going to use. setting the canteen in between sasuke-kun’s legs, she moves close enough to him so she can properly work.

it doesn’t really cross her mind just how close she really is. not until sasuke-kun’s breath is hot on her cheek and his attention is all on her. it makes sakura work a bit slower; her touch is gentle and delicate. almost nonexistent as she cleans all around his eye. she feels tears sting the back of her eyes when she has to hold his eyelid down to clean over it. what must it feel like? before, there’d been his eye in between his socket and his eyelid. now, it just sinks further in and in.

“how long did you train to be a medic-nin?” he asks, his voice low.

“two years,” she tells him, leaning just a bit back so she can observe her work. “since you left.”

“hm,” he grunts, following her movements as she grabs the rest of the gauze and folds it before pressing it against his eye. “so you finally concentrated on your training.”

“i always concentrated on my training,” she replies back, fighting back a smile. “are we forgetting who climbed the tree first?”

“tch.”

she works in silence afterwards and when she finishes, when she returns to her log right across from sasuke-kun and eats her meal, it’s also in silence. but it’s not thick and heavy like before. it’s peaceful. mutual. it’s okay.

--

this does not change how they work, though.

sasuke-kun is always quiet and he very rarely lets her in on what he’s thinking. they still haven’t reached a village and sakura is sure that, once they do, he’ll split them both up to ask around. but what should she even ask?

have you seen uchiha itachi?

the thought of the name makes her inexplicably angry. she’s defensive and protective of those she cares about and that man... uchiha itachi... he ruined sasuke-kun’s life. and for what?

she spares him a glance. for what exactly?

--

“why did he take it?” she asks one night. it’s five in the morning and she’s sitting against the trunk of the tree he’s perched on to keep watch. “your eye. why did he take it?”

“because he’s a deranged--” he stops and sucks in air but he does not continue.

sakura doesn’t ask again, figures he’d never tell her his brother’s true intentions. what’s wrong with itachi, she wonders. he murdered his entire family off a whim and he kept sasuke-kun alive off a whim. but why? what does he want?

“in my clan--” she freezes, forgets how to breathe. sasuke-kun’s voice is soft and quiet, hypnotizing, like a lullaby. “--one must sacrifice and kill their most precious person to get the mangekyo sharingan. my brother... already has it. but it puts strain in the eye. makes you blinder the more you use it.”

a cursed clan.

everyone always calls the uchiha that.

“by taking the eyes of another uchiha--one that you are close to; a sibling--you’ll achieve the eternal mangekyo sharingan. that way, the user won’t have to suffer the side effects anymore.”

he does not say anything else after that, but he doesn’t really have to. sakura’s head pulses as she takes in everything he’s just said and clearly understands what he’s meant to tell her.

itachi took his eye in his attempt to gain the eternal mangekyo sharingan.

she bites her lower lip and stares at the ground. “what... when you fight him... what will you do, in the end? after it...”

“go to sleep, sakura.”

--

she sits on a barstool, entertaining a cup of water and listening to the various conversations going on all at once. there’s a man telling his group of friends about the woman he had sex with the night before. another, speaks of his newborn. to her left, a woman--a kunoichi--vaguely talks about the difficulties she went through on her mission.

but no one talks about uchiha itachi.

“what’s a pretty girl doing here, anyway?” she looks up and stares at the bartender. older, with graying hair and liver spots. he studies her but it isn’t with desire; just an older man wondering about such a young girl.

sometimes sakura forgets she’s sixteen.

“traveling,” she comments evasively. “i’m heading west.”

“oh? what awaits you in the west?”

“stuff and things,” she replies. “i’m looking for a crow that chases red clouds.”

the man throws his head back and laughs. it’s raspy and loud and it falls short when he begins to cough. he shakes his head and looks back at her, his eyes filled with amusement. “yes, well. those types of crows do fly west from time to time.”

“so i’ve heard.”

“as have i.”

sakura tilts her head and looks down at her cup. “maybe you should tell me what you’ve heard.”

“hmmm,” he hums, studies her again. “what business do you have with a crow chasing red clouds?”

she narrows her eyes and leans forward. “that is my business.”

“so it is,” he agrees. he moves and set the glass he’d been polishing down. he picks up another and then moves close to her again. “last i heard, about four nights ago, is that this crow of yours is heading for iwa.”

sakura takes a sip of her water and gives a curt nod. she waits a moment, inspects how little she’s drank of her beverage and then she slips out.

--

“if i don’t do it,” he breathes, his voice so soft she wouldn’t be able to hear it if she wasn’t standing so close, “if i just... move on... those voices... they’ll eat me alive.”

she pauses from wrapping the bindings around his eye and stares at him. his eye is close, long lashes shadowing his cheekbones. he looks so tired when he’s like this. when he’s got his eye closed and his lips barely move as he speaks.

sakura wonders if he feels lighter at letting it all out. he speaks brokenly, never finishing a sentence but rather letting her fill in the missing pieces. she suspects he does it because he teeters on whether telling her or not telling her.

but sasuke-kun must feel so lonely, huh? he’s so set on pushing everyone away, when no one is no longer there... it doesn’t bring satisfaction, does it?

“will they grow quiet when you do it?” she asks, her voice a whisper that cracks halfway through her sentence. “will they be satisfied?”

“yes.” 

--

sasuke-kun asks about her hitai-ate when they grow closer to the land of earth. sakura subconsciously runs her fingers through her hair. she looks around the forest, counts the mushrooms that scatter around, like decoration.

“i figured,” she says, turning back to him, her eyes locking with his. “i figured i didn’t need it anymore.”

--

But Naruto—bright, cheery Naruto—doesn’t mind this awkward rebuilding.

He, in fact, upon their seventh week back, declares it is an occasion to be celebrated, and decides to throw a party. Sakura gets a three minute invitation from one of his shadow clones as she’s working in the hospital. The clone runs away with a “see you later tonight, Sakura-chan!”, and she picks up the forms she dropped, shaking her head.

So she comes to Naruto’s apartment later that night, with some mochi she picked up last minute. The lights are all on, and clearly there are already people chattering and dancing and laughing.

Sakura drags a hand down her face, before walking into Naruto and Sasuke’s apartment with a smile on her face. She greets the throngs of people—Ino, Sai, Chouji, Tenten—before finding Naruto himself, grabbing a drink in the kitchen.  

“Sakura-chan!” he calls when he sees her.

She smiles, and places the mochi down on the counter. “Here’s my party offering.”

Naruto weaves through people, just to get to his counter, and claps a hand on her shoulder.  "Glad you could make it! Was the hospital good today?“

“Yup!” she says, unwrapping the mochi. “I didn’t have to heal any of you two idiots after you nearly killed each other, like usual, so it was good.”

Naruto scratches at the back of his head, laughing nervously.

Sakura spots a cake on the counter then, and raises her eyebrows.

Welcome back, Bastard!!!! it reads in messy script.

Naruto sees her line of vision.  "Oh, well,“ he says. "I kind of thought of it last minute too: a party not just for us all, and for Team 7, but also to welcome the bastard back!”

Sakura furrows her brows. “Well, you know how he hates parties. Where is he?”

“Well,” Naruto replies nervously, and Sakura already knows this is cause for trouble. “Seeing as the bastard’s been living with me, right, because there are like no apartments left, and he got kind of pissed because I did this thing last minute—even though it’s for him!—he, um—”

“He’s where, Naruto?” Tsunade made them promise to keep a close eye on Sasuke, and Sakura’s going to clobber Naruto if he just let Sasuke walk outside angry.

“On the rooftop,” Naruto says. “I can still sense his chakra. And he’d probably set fire my ass if I went up there, so I was kind of hoping you’d come and…”

“I’ll talk to him,” Sakura says. “And I’ll take watch. You owe me.”

“Hey,” Naruto protests. “I live with the guy. I watch him all the time.”

“Yeah,” she says. “And sometimes you end up in the hospital three times a week.”

“Er—”

“You owe me,” Sakura says. “So I’m going to go make sure he’s okay.”

“You’re the best, Sakura-chan,” Naruto says, bowing his head a little.

She laughs at his humility, and pats his cheek. “I know.”

Sakura stuffs some mochi in her jacket pocket, and walks outside. She uses the railing of Naruto’s balcony as footing, and swings herself up to the roof. It takes a little bit of time for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, but she sees a shadow, then the outline of a body.

“It’s me,” she calls out as she walks closer, just in case.

Sasuke sits, watching the city.

“Sakura,” he says, eyes trained on the streets below.

“Yes,” she says. She clears her throat, and reaches into her pockets. “Do you want some mochi.”

“No.”

They watch the civic workers begin turning the street lamps on, and Sakura tries for a different angle.

“Naruto can be an idiot at times—”

“‘At times’”?

“All the time,” she concedes. “But,” she says, light, “his intentions are pure.”

“I know.”

She treads carefully. “Then—”

“I, just.” She can see the bob of his Adam’s apple in the shadows. “—I don’t deserve this,” he bites out.

She sucks in a breath.

“We’re celebrating for you,” she says. She takes a seat next to him, drawing her knees up to her chest. “Because we want to.”

“Tch.”

“Aw, come on,” Sakura says, voice gentle. “We’re glad you’re back, Sasuke-kun.”

He doesn’t answer, and Sakura lets the night settle into her bones. It’s a kind of wonder; below her, Konoha bustles with its life. If she cranes her neck to the left, she can see Ichiraku and shops and reconstruction. And if she looks above, the stars map out the sky.

They stay in silence, until Sasuke realizes she won’t leave, and she won’t speak.

“Why,” he asks. The word is quiet, and small. It lingers.

Why do you care for me.

Then she sees his shoulders stiffen, sees his hands clench. Sasuke, who has always been terrible with vulnerability, injects acid into his tone. “Why should I believe—”

“Because we care about you. Because we love you,” she says, before he can say something that he’ll regret. Because I love you, she wants to say.

But she does not, because there is still a war and nearly four years between them. These things take time, after all, and this is the course she has chosen.

This is the love she has chosen.

He keeps his silence again, and Sakura feels a push inside her, to push him. Because if he can’t see that he is loved—if he deserves it is a matter he himself needs to grapple with—then he can’t see anything.

“Naruto,” she says, voice shaking. “Naruto, who put everything into saving you. Naruto, who saved the world through saving you, in a way.”

He watches his sandals.

Sakura feels something akin to anger build.

“Kakashi-sensei,” she continues, “is in the process of pardoning you with Tsunade-sama. Kakashi-sensei spent weeks with you, solely training you for the chuunin exams. And he sees a part of himself in you.”

Sasuke, she thinks, has made an art of keeping a poker face. But he turns his face slightly away from her, so at least she knows she’s made an impact.

She’s breathing heavily, she realizes. Sakura, who knows this is not the time nor place to begin shouting at Sasuke, takes seven breaths in and out.

“And you?” he asks after her seventh exhale. Again his words are small, quiet. Lingering.

“Me,” she repeats. Sakura shakes her head, and looks up. “Well, you know about me.”

Sometimes I think I would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked me to.

“Sasuke-kun,” she says, placing a hand over her eyes. “I know things are difficult for you. But, you—you don’t have to bear everything alone, okay?”

She hears a rustling on the tiles, and she knows he’s probably turned away.  

Sakura keeps her hand over her eyes, and wonders what things would be like if they were different; if he had stayed, if his family hadn’t been murdered, if she had chosen someone else, if she hadn’t approached Tsunade at 13 with iron in her veins.

Sasuke stands, suddenly. She peeks at him through her fingers, and sees the crest on his back.

“My family,” he murmurs, one sleeve blowing with the breeze, “will be dead for twelve years tomorrow.”

His voice is laden with grief.  

She drops the hand from her eyes, and stands up, spine rigid. Her eyes are wide.

“Sasuke-kun,” she whispers, and he refuses to turn back around.

There has been a time like this before—too many, really—when his back faced her, when he wouldn’t listen.

But the rush from one particular memory is so lucid, so bright, that what else can she do?

She walks over, and gingerly (more careful than last time) wraps her arms around his back.

He stiffens and turns around, on instinct. He looks at her, and Sakura doesn’t care what he sees. She holds his gaze, and if a few tears leak, then so be it.

They watch each other, and Sakura sees the tiniest furrow in his brows. A tiny part of his lip, sucked in, where he bites at it.

Then—

he turns, fully.

His face is on her shoulder, as fast as one of his flash steps, and she feels his arm resting in the dip of her waist.

He is in her arms.

This is all she has wanted for the longest time. But she doesn’t think; only places a hand over his hair.

“You’re okay,” she says. I’m sorry, she doesn’t say, because Sasuke is the last person who wants pity. But she feels the sorrow stick in her throat, ebbing in her chest.

“Thank you,” he says, so softly she almost doesn’t hear it.

She nods.