#squaz

“No.”  This time a little louder, the hurt in it was evident.

“NO.” Pain laced her voice; tears streamed down her face why would he?

“NO!” She screamed it now, screeching as she bolted upright, how could he?

 A Blind Eye

               Sniffling and the occasional grab of a tissue were the only sounds within the small one bedroom apartment high above the ground, the busy late night city sounds below were barely heard by the girl, then, a shuffle, a creak, and her footsteps leading to the bedroom closet, she grabbed a shoebox from the shelf and went back to her side of the bed to curl up.

               Gentle movements retrieved a specific photo from the box- a couple stared back at her, holding on to each other in a tight embrace, it was snowing in the photo but it looked so warm, she longed to go back in time to that moment, to that blissfully happy moment, but that wouldn’t change anything, the reality of it felt like a slap in the face, they were broken long before that photo was taken, it just wasn’t as obvious, she could ignore it back then. The late nights, the elaborate excuses, the lip stick stains on a neck she held dear in a shade she didn’t own, and the contradicting work hours over what he told her and what his boss would say on the phone.

He didn’t know that after too many tear filled nights she had started calling his boss if he wasn’t home within two hours after his shift, asking when she could expect her lover home only to find that he had left early, he didn’t know she knew that his overly detailed excuses of working overtime or being stuck on a project were all lies, he didn’t know she had started wandering the streets late at night looking for him, or that if she did find him that she would turn a blind eye to the establishments name and force herself to believe it wasn’t him.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, she thought looking at the beautiful jewel surrounded by a silver band, it was new, just last week in fact, he had taken her to a beautiful spot overlooking the city and whispered their childhood promise to be together forever before getting on one knee, just as the sun had started to rise, making the jewel sparkle in its velvet box. He had to love her, right? Why else would he do that?

He didn’t know there was yet another smudge of lip stick on his neck as he looked up at her, still kneeing, waiting for an answer, or that she could tell he was still a bit drunk from his late night adventures, but he had looked sincere, he looked like he loved her, that he actually wanted to stay with her but- what if that was just what she wanted to see? But how could he do that if he didn’t love her?

She felt like crying but couldn’t find the strength, the sun had started to rise and he still wasn’t home, she didn’t care, she had stopped calling his boss, had stopped wandering the streets for him, and stopped waiting for his return, he could walk through their front door but he wouldn’t be home, he hadn’t come home in a long time, at least, not home to her.