#squallina

That scene is one of the huge mysteries of FFVIII, isn’t it? So many unanswered questions. How did Seifer, Fujin and Raijin get to FH? Why the hell is Seifer fishing? And that expression, when he sees Garden flying over them, passing him by...why does he smile? He just lost everything. What on earth could he be happy about?

My personal opinion on this scene hasn’t changed much. Whether we’re talking ‘my’ Seifer, or some other variety...I see pride in that smile. And you can assign ‘empathy’ to that, or not, it works either way. Pride in Squall (and, depending on the context, Rinoa as well), for what they endured. There’s no indication that he was ever told whether or not Squall & co survived their encounter with Ultimecia, so absent that information, I think his pride is reflective; look at all Squall overcame, just so he could accomplish his goal. So Garden could fly, and be a force in the world. I’m not sure Seifer is especially nostalgic for Garden itself, depending on how you see him, he might be, but I don’t think the smile is about that. I think it’s about...how to word this...

I’ve spoken before about how Seifer and Squall mutually use each other. Seifer is a monolith, a mountain Squall can constantly throw himself against in the name of self-improvement. And I think Seifer knows this, at least on a subconscious level. He knows that if he were not there, Squall may would not, his mind, have become the fighter he is. Seifer feels a sense of connection--even my “psychopath” Seifer--with the idea that he unlocked Squall’s potential. Built him up. For the better part of Seifer’s life, Squall was sort of his “project.” Maybe it was secondary to his own ambitions, but it was inseparable from them, as well. So, even though Seifer himself failed in his immediate ambitions...this other thing he was a part of, that was important to him/his personal epic, did not fail. Squall did not fail, and for Seifer, no matter how you cut it, that was a victory. And a reason to keep going, for that matter...because Seifer isn’t done, yet. As long as what he’s wrought has at least in some way succeeded, he can move forward.

And Seifer himself, still alive; just one more step closer to your dream, right? Failures along the way mean nothing, especially when accompanied by success. Those castles in the sky--hi Ashbear I’mma steal your metaphor for a sec--are still within his reach and you bet your ass he’s still going to pursue them. 

Oh geez, haha. Well…again, this is another thing that could go a lot of different ways, depending on a hundred variables. I can tell you my personal headcanon but it’s not necessarily that I think that’s the only way it could go–I don’t think it is–but it’s the one I ended up liking best when I was exploring all those possibilities. 

First, my Squall…doesn’t really like Laguna that much. Not even that he thinks he’s a bad person, or anything. But he’s embarrassing. And, in Squall’s head, a screwup, of massive proportions, who failed his way to the presidency and now lives in comfort and gets to be reunited with Ellone while Raine is six feet under and a bunch of other people have had to go out of their way to save his sorry ass times and again for him to enjoy the life he now lives. 

But for all that, it really wouldn’t be so bad, just so long as Squall never has to have anything to do with him, personally. 

My Squall, perhaps unfortunately for himself, was smart enough to figure it out on his own, although he did so post-game. He was in the middle of finalizing his report about the entire experience of what we think of as game time, when he realized he was missing a detail he’d be asked about if he didn’t include it: Raine’s last name. So he does his research and manages to find it (he didn’t know if she’d taken Laguna’s name or not, and he wasn’t about to ask). What he found, however, was dated; not her married name, but her maiden name. I personally like the idea that Leonhart was originally hers. 

All the pieces fall in place. Everything about everything suddenly makes sense, and Squall hates what he now knows must be true. Laguna’s lucky he was nowhere nearby at the time. 

To reiterate, it’s not that Squall thinks Laguna is a bad person. He just thinks he’s a bad everything else. Bad soldier. Bad friend. Bad romantic interest. Bad climber. Bad boyfriend. Bad uncle…and non-existent father. 

He’s a screwup from start to finish. He’s a fool who exists on charisma and everyone else’s charity. A klutz. A moron. He’s literally everything Squall aspires never to be. And now he’s related to him. It’s a living nightmare. In Squall’s head. 

And the expectations. Now he knows what it was that Laguna had said he wanted to tell him about, back on the Ragnarok. And he doesn’t ever want to hear it. He doesn’t want anyone to ever link the two of them, in any way. And he sure as hell doesn’t want Laguna claiming any sort of credit for Squall’s accomplishments. He’s afraid that people will start looking for similarities between them just because they’re blood related, and the very thought makes him feel ill. 

Because, he’s not a screwup. He didn’t leave anyone to go gallivanting around the world pretending to be a journalist. He didn’t shrug off his family to be president. He hasn’t abandoned anyone. And in his mind, Laguna has. Over, and over. 

He doesn’t want to make amends, or give Laguna some sort of second chance (there was never a first) with him. He doesn’t want to find out what he was missing, because as far as he’s concerned, he wasn’t missing anything at all. He had Ellone, and Matron. That’s all he knew, and that’s fine. He couldn’t miss Laguna or Raine because he never had them to begin with. And he’s sure as hell not planning on starting, now. 

So, he sits on the knowledge, and stews in it. Tells no one (though Rinoa does pry it out of him in private, which leads to a an interesting discussion on how she empathizes with not wanting to be anything like your dad, but, well, that’s another story). Hopes no one else says anything, no one else figures it out. And meanwhile, wonders why–why didn’t Ellone tell me?

The first meetup he does have with Laguna afterward is pretty cold. Everything to the point. Get in, say what you wanna say, get out. But…eventually, they have to discuss it, and when they do, it’s not too pretty. A lot of I’m-Not-Mad-I-Just-Don’t-Care sentiments from Squall. And oh, by the way–don’t you dare tell anyone, ever, about it. You don’t get to fix this, because I’m not broken. Thank you and goodnight. 

He leaves Laguna all but cowering in a corner. But for what it’s worth, Laguna does what he’s asked, and never breathes a word of it in any public sense. Even the friends who followed him in that Great Ultimecia Adventure don’t learn of it for months. 

And it’s best, anyway, if Squall and Laguna’s names are never confused; after all, it would be a PR nightmare if the world learned that one of the most influential SeeDs in Garden is…the President of Esthar’s son. Talk about corruption accusations. No, thanks. 

It takes time–somewhere around a decade–of uncomfortable visits with Laguna and other interactions, before Squall finally calms enough to acknowledge Laguna as his progenitor, if not his father. Part of that was just growing up some, and part of it was the fact that Ellone genuinely, truly loves Laguna, and wants more than anything for the three of them to be a family. It’s a hard discussion to have with her…that he can’t share her dream. It’s hers…not his. And that’s a painful thing to realize, when you’re talking about the long-lost sister who was your Everything. Shouldn’t he want what she wants, shouldn’t he be willing to suffer in her name? It takes a lot of soul-searching to arrive at his final answer: Suffering in her name wouldn’t actually give Ellone the reunion she wanted. If it wasn’t genuine, she’d be able to tell. So, he had to let her down, and it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done: This is your dream and I don’t want it. It’s your past, and I don’t belong there. 

He belongs in the present, her grown brother who still, after all this time separated, remembers her and cares about her. There’s an entire lifetime ahead of them, and that’s where he wants to be, as her family. Not in the past, pretending to live out things that never happened. It’s a sort of turning point, for the both of them, and allows them to reclaim a lot more of the familial closeness they’d thought they’d lost to time. His opinion of Laguna has warmed somewhat by this point…he still thinks the guy’s a screwup, but at least he’s a well-meaning one, rather than someone who just doesn’t care. He’s still not fond of being associated with Laguna or compared to him, but he’s able to talk to him, at least, without leaving the room in a huff. 

I certainly think he resembles Raine more than Laguna, but he does seem to have Laguna’s jawline and shoulders. I’m not sure how much thought the developers put into it, though…typically, one blue-eyed parent and one green-eyed parent doesn’t result in a blue-eyed child. It *can,* if the green-eyed parent has some blue-eyed genes in their background (that’s my excuse for Laguna), but more often you’ll wind up with green or even hazel. Eye colors are weird. 

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