Purgatory can only be found by monstrous souls; the most powerful monster is the child of an angel and a demon. It could act like a bridge between worlds. Cas, who's still angelically programmed when it comes to nephilim, convinces himself that he could tolerate his child's death. After all, one death vs. the death of the world--easy choice, right?

So Crowley and Cas have sex. It doesn't take immediately, but by the time Dean prays to Cas, he's glowing with pregnancy. "Dean and I do share a more profound bond," but something's growing inside of him. Something from another man.

Waging war in heaven is stressful. Sex is a relief. A pressure valve. It means nothing.

Having your needs ignored is harmful. So he goes to Crowley for--for.

So Crowley treats him nicely. They're allies; he has to. It means nothing.

(Then, using the power of Andrew Dabb's culturally-Mormon upbringing, Cas starts to feel his child while it's still in his grace. And suddenly he's not sure about the logistics of the plan. What if it doesn't work?

And everywhere he looks, he sees the trap.)

Oh, man, 1995 P&P does a great job of translating the language of the books into images and showing why certain things were culturally important. Watching it changed how I read the book for the better. Adds a lot of nuance.

@firefly124 replied to your post “We all have different ways to cope after...”

I can't imagine reading Regency English if English isn't your first language. Plenty of native speakers have trouble with it!

yeah, high school me could technically read it but not in a way that would make it enjoyable at all lol. i’ll get back to it at some point in my life :)