Fandom:Â Soul Eater
Characters: Maka, Soul Eater, Black☆Star, Tsubaki
Relationships:Â Spoilers! :P
Genre:Â Humor, Fluff
Rating:Â K+, no warnings
Words:Â 2,635
Date:Â April 1, 2016 (revised April 15, 2020)
AO3 | DA | FF
It was a fine summer's day in Death City, Nevada. Birds were singing, the sun was laughing, and Scythe Meister Maka Albarn was sitting in her apartment instead of enjoying the nice weather. On a day like today, most students of the Death Weapon Meister Academy would be out and about, playing games or hanging with friends.
But not Maka.
Maka would rather be sitting in the comfort of her home, book in hand and air conditioning roaring.
"Maka," groaned Demon Scythe Soul Eater from the kitchen, "if you're gonna stay inside all day, the least you could do is make some food."
"Make your own food," Maka retorted. "I'm reading."
"You're always reading," said Soul Eater, leaning in the door frame to the living room. "The only thing you ever do is read. Why don't you get up and actually do something with your life?"
"I am doing something with my life," said Maka. "I'm nourishing my brain with literature."
"That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard," Soul scoffed through gritted teeth. "Now go outside."
"No."
"I'm not even asking you to stop reading. I'm just asking you to read outside."
"No," Maka repeated adamantly. "It's too hot. There's AC in here."
"Ugh... You're such a pain."
Soul Eater scratched his chin thoughtfully. Surely, there must have been some way to convince his meister to get up and about. Just a little push, some sort of motivation to do anything other than all this nothing. But what could it be? Then, Soul Eater got an idea. A horrible, awful, downright moronic idea.
"Maka," said Soul Eater, a glint in his eye, "do you know what you need?"
"My own apartment?" Maka replied snottily.
Soul shook his head. "No," he chuckled, grinning a twisted grin. "A boyfriend."
Immediately Maka's head shot up, her eyes bugging out of her face. "What did you just say?"
"You need a boyfriend," Soul Eater repeated, "and I'm going to get you one."
Laughing sarcastically, Maka slammed her book shut and set it on the couch beside her. "Um, no," she said, "that is not happening. I am not getting a boyfriend, much less one that you suggest."
"Aw, that's adorable," Soul Eater snickered. "You think you have a choice."
He then forcefully lifted her over his shoulder and carried her out the door. She screamed the whole way.
That night, Maka found herself in a make-shift restaurant, this being Black Star and Tsubaki's dining room with a sheet draped over the table and some candles set about to solidify the "romantic" atmosphere. She hadn't bothered changing out of her attire from earlier, mostly because Soul Eater still wouldn't let her into their apartment, but also because she didn't care. She was sitting across from Pot Meister Kilik Rung, who was dressed in a messy bow tie over his street clothes. He looked even less comfortable than Maka did. Pot of Fire was playing a peaceful tune on a little violin while Pot of Thunder pretended to take the "happy couple's" order, wearing a fake curly mustache.
"So," asked Maka dully, "how did Kim drag you into this?"
"She threatened to text my grade school photos to the entire academy..." Kilik sighed.
Black Star strutted into the room, carrying two plates and wearing a mustache similar to Thunder's. "Dinner is served," he said in a crude Italian accent before darting back to watch the chaos unfold with the others.
On each plate was a ham sandwich. Literally just a piece of ham between two slices of white bread.
Maka rolled her eyes. "Look, Kilik. I appreciate the effort, but I'm just not interested."
"Oh, good." Kilik sighed with relief. "You said it first."
"Does this mean you're not gonna make out?" Black Star called from the other room.
"This isn't going to work, guys!" said Maka. "Just shut it down already!"
"You heard her," came Tsubaki's voice, which was met with groans of disappointment. The lights came up, and Black Star, Tsubaki, Soul Eater, Kim, Jackie, and Ox Ford stepped into the dining room. Ox looked like he wasn't completely sure what he was doing there.
"Aw, man!" Kim complained. "I was so sure that would work."
"Maybe Maka really is hopeless," Soul Eater lamented.
"Or maybe I just don't want a boyfriend!"
Kilik glanced around awkwardly. "So, uh... can we go, or...?"
"Rome wasn't built in a day," said Jackie, "and love can't be made in one."
"There has to be some other way!" said Black Star determinedly. "Maybe we can sign her up for a dating website or something."
"My cousin met her husband on a dating website," said Ox Ford.
"That might work, actually..." said Soul Eater.
Tsubaki cast a nervous glance to Maka, whose body was tensing and teeth were grinding.
"We might have to get creative with the profile, though."
"Maybe we could say that she's foreign. How good is her Russian accent?"
"Does she have any talents other than reading?"
"I'm gay!"
A string on Fire's violin sprung. The room instantly fell silent.
"What did you say?" Soul Eater questioned.
"I'm gay," Maka repeated, now standing, her chair knocked over. "I like girls, okay?" She tidied her outfit, face flushed, before continuing, "I didn't want to tell you because I figured you'd make fun of me, since you're always looking for new material." Black Star scratched behind his ear. "But you didn't give me much of a choice there... and I guess you had to find out eventually."
For a few seconds, nobody said anything. Kim and Jackie exchanged glances, and Kilik sat obediently for fear of what was coming next.
"Seriously...?" Black Star eventually spoke.
Maka scowled back at him. "What?"
Black Star chuckled, catching Maka off guard. "You thought we would make fun of you for that?" He burst out laughing, on the verge of hysterics. "You're kidding! Why would we make fun of you because you're gay? That's just mean!" He elbowed Tsubaki in the ribs, and she squeaked. "Tsubaki's gay, too!"
"You didn't need to tell everyone that..." Tsubaki whimpered, covering her face.
"Yeah, half of my friends are lesbians!" Kim added. "That's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Though I can't say I blame you," said Ox Ford, "for thinking Soul Eater and Black Star would use that as another excuse to harass you."
Maka's expression softened. "I... didn't think you would all be so supportive."
"Why wouldn't we be?" said Jackie.
"It doesn't make you any different from the rest of us," said Kilik.
Fire and Thunder each gave a thumbs-up of approval.
Soul Eater approached Maka, and she eyed him skeptically. "I wish you would have told me sooner," said the weapon.
"Why's that?" asked the meister.
Soul Eater flashed a toothy grin. "Because then I could have advertised you for a girlfriend instead."
Maka roared her frustrations, swatted at the howling Soul Eater and started towards the door.
"Oh, come on!" Soul Eater cried. "We make fun of you and you get mad, we don't make fun of you and you still get mad, what do you want from us?!"
Maka grumbled when she realized the door was locked, and Tsubaki walked to stand beside her. As she slid the key into the lock, she whispered, "If you want, I could take you out to lunch tomorrow. To make up for... all of this."
Maka ran her fingers through her hair, cheeks slightly pink. "Uh, yeah," she replied. "I'd like that."
Soul Eater and Black Star looked to each other curiously.
----------------------------------------
It was another fine day in Death City, Nevada. Flowers were blooming, the sun was snoring, and Scythe Meister Maka Albarn, as usual, had her nose stuck in a book. However, this time she had her nose stuck in a book outside on a park bench.
As the boys played basketball on the court before them, Tsubaki sat down beside Maka. "What are you reading?" she inquired.
"Oh, it's just a book that my papa got me," the meister replied. "It's called Boyfriend, and it's about this passive girl who has a really sweet boyfriend, but realizes she doesn't feel the same way about him and doesn't know how to turn him down. In this chapter she goes to her best friend..." As Maka went on, Tsubaki smiled and nodded, listening intently to the summary.
On the court, Soul Eater and Black Star paused their game to observe their partners. "Well, it didn't go according to plan," said Black Star, "but you got her to come outside, right?"
"Yeah." Soul Eater nodded. He watched Maka further explain her reading, sitting close to Tsubaki and smiling brightly. "She seems happy. That's what's important." He turned back to Black Star, and with a smirk, he added, "But I'm never letting her forget that I was totally right about her needing to get out more."
THE END
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